A Family Feud
Chapter One
Story Written by Freedom Fighter

Onto my first ever "Phineas and Ferb" story... yeah! I just love Vanessa, so I've been waiting quite awhile to finally write this little gem. In this short three-part mini-series, Vanessa finds herself in a life-or-death struggle with her father after he becomes ruthlessly evil! Forget busting her dad... she just wants to get out of Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc. alive!

Vanessa could use some help... but from whom? And who's responsible for turning her dad extremely evil?

A 'Doof vs. Doof' week event, inspired by the events of one of my favorite episodes, 'Vanessassary Roughness.'

Disclaimer: The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

"Stand still so I can kill you!" yelled Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz was up to another one of his schemes, having created a hand-held ray gun whose beam would disintegrate anything it hit in an instant. At the moment, he was firing it at his nemesis, trying to eliminate his foe once and for all.

But he missed, instead hitting a crate that was destroyed in the blink of an eye.

"What did I say... I said STAND STILL!"

He was getting angrier and angrier as he pulled the trigger again. His adversary jumped out of the way in the nick of time, the beam passing just over the right leg and onto the balcony, where it hit a potted plant... which also was gone in an instant.

Dr. D smiled as he heard the one who had come to foil his scheme start to groan and beg to be spared. But as he approached his enemy, he passed by Agent P, who was tied up with a metal chain that he was struggling mightily to break free from.

But if that was Agent P... who was Doofenshmirtz about to eliminate?

"Dad... don't!"

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, the evil doctor's daughter, was on the floor, having found herself there after diving to avoid being hit by the previous shot. She was partially sitting up, with her arms reaching behind her and to the ground so that her body, from the waist up, made roughly a 30-degree angle with the floor.

But now her evil father was standing in front of her, his feet straddling her legs as he stood above her and pointed his ray gun at his only offspring's head.

"It looks like I'm about to become childless!" Dr. D exclaimed, a remorseless sneer creeping across his face.

The eviler-than-normal villain began to pull the trigger...

Four hours ago...

"C'mon, Dad! Where are you?"

Vanessa was standing on her front doorstep, tapping her foot with impatience repeatedly as she waited for her Dad to pick her up. All of a sudden, her cell phone began to ring. She pulled it out of her pocket and answered it.


"Hi, Vanessa!" greeted Dr. Doofenshmirtz. "Sorry I forgot to pick you up, but I'm in the middle of concocting my newest evil scheme and I completely lost track of time! That, and I can't leave because apparently I'm in trouble after the building got evacuated when my delivery of uranium rods arrived this morning!"

Vanessa then heard mumbling from an unknown voice on the other side. After a few seconds, she heard her dad respond.

"Yes, I have a permit to build and operate a nuclear-powered generator! And why do you care... you're bald!"

Vanessa sighed. "So I guess I'm taking the bus downtown, huh?"

"Ooh, ooh... could you pick up a few things for me on the way?"

"Again? What makes you think..."

"You're holding pen and paper already, aren't you?"

Sure enough, Vanessa had a pen in her left hand and a notepad in her right.


Meanwhile, it was already afternoon in the backyard of the Flynn-Fletcher house, and Phineas and Ferb still hadn't decided what to spend this particular summer day doing. They were sitting under their tree, racking their brains for ideas.

"We've done SO much this summer," Phineas stated aloud. "What else is there to do?"

Phineas turned to his stepbrother, who was holding up a hardcover book that had a picture of a dodo bird on the front.

"Nah... we're not desperate enough to find one of those yet."

Suddenly, the two boys' brainstorming session was heard by the sound of someone screaming in fear. Seconds later, Baljeet ran into the yard, screaming his head off. Right behind him was Buford, who was chasing him with his right index finger sticking upwards and dripping with the bully's own saliva.

"C'mon!" Buford shouted at Baljeet. "Take your wet willy like a man!"

"I am not a man!" Baljeet cried out in response. "I am a BOY!"

Phineas and Ferb observed as Buford chased Baljeet all over the yard. After watching for a minute or so, an exhausted Baljeet gave up, falling to the ground in front of the stepbrothers. Buford came to a stop next to Baljeet and stuck his wet finger into the Indian boy's left ear.

"Aah, AAHHH!" Baljeet screamed.

Three seconds later, it was over. Buford pulled his finger out and then wiped it clean with his shirt.

"I've always wondered," Phineas thought out loud, "is there a reason you bully Baljeet all the time?"

"I dunno," Buford shrugged his shoulders. "It's my job, I guess?"

"Just like it's my job to be bullied," Baljeet added, surprisingly accepting of the arrangement.

"Maybe you do it because..." Phineas suggested to Buford, "you're evil?"

"Evil? A bad guy, yes... but me? Evil?"

"I wonder if there's a way to turn him from evil to good... or, at the very least, make him feel that he doesn't have to be a bully."

A light bulb then brightened up in Phineas' head.

"Ferb! I FINALLY know what we're going to do today! We should build a helmet that measures all of the good and evil inside of you, then extracts all the evil, leaving only the good behind!"

But Baljeet had an objection.

"That sounds like something you would find at a supervillain convention!"

"I suppose you have a point," Phineas agreed. "Still, I think our idea is sound. We just need a different approach. Ferb?"

Phineas looked at Ferb, who had pencil and paper ready, obviously to make a shopping list of needed parts.

An hour later, Phineas' alternate plan had come to fruition, as he and Ferb had constructed a... gumball making machine?

"Let's start 'er up!" Phineas shouted.

Ferb pushed a big green button on the side of the machine, and it started up, shaking furiously as it went to work. The four boys stepped back and let the machine do its thing. After 30 seconds, an audible ding could be heard, followed immediately by the machine shutting off by itself.

Shortly thereafter, half a dozen blue gumballs rolled out of the contraption and into a little steel candy dish.

"Voila!" Phineas said with a smile. "It's done!"

"Hey Phineas!"

The boys turned to see Isabella walk into the yard.

"Whatcha doin'?" she asked.

"We just made candy that can turn an evil person into a good person!"

"Really? That's what this thing is?"

The five kids turned the other way... to see a miffed Candace standing there, with her hands on her hips. Candace walked passed the boys and over to the machine, where she grabbed all six gumballs with one hand.

"There's something wrong with this picture... do these things explode in your mouth?"

"Well, actually..."

Not paying attention to her last sentence, Candace promptly put all six gumballs in her mouth at once and started chewing. But only for a few seconds, as they quickly dissolved in her mouth.

"What the... these aren't even decent gumballs! They're supposed to become sticky when you chew, like gum! You can't even build something worth busting you for?"

Suddenly on cue, Candace's anger changed to sunshiny delight.

"Phineas and Ferb, this is the best thing you've ever built! I'm going to tell mom and dad just so they can bask in the glow of your genius invention!"

Candace then ran back inside the house to get her cell phone.

"I guess it works," Phineas concluded, scratching his head. "But I'm confused... Candace isn't evil. Least, not the last time I checked. Must be a few kinks to work out in the ingredient formula."

"Phineas..." Isabella cut off his train of thought. "What are these?"

The boys walked over to the other side of the machine and found a second steel candy dish in which six more gumballs were now resting in. But these gumballs were red, and were the size of peas. Curious, Isabella took one and put it in her mouth. Because of its small size, she swallowed it instantly.

"You'd think we'd notice this in the blueprint," observed Phineas.

"Maybe these are gumballs that turn good people evil," suggested Baljeet. "After all, good and evil are supposed to be perfectly balanced in the world."

The boys all looked at Isabella, waiting to see if she'd do anything bad. She blinked her eyes a few times... but nothing happened.

"I guess I don't have an evil bone in my body," Isabella concluded.

"Although that's most likely true," Phineas said, the cogs in his brain began to turn, "we really do need to adjust our recipe."

The boys turned about and walked away, with Phineas leading the way to the garage. Once their backs were turned, Isabella looked at the machine in front of her and frowned.

"Why does he spend all his time making these machines?" she asked herself out loud. "He should be spending his time making me happy!"

With her left leg, Isabella casually kicked the machine once.

It then promptly blew up.

The explosion was big enough that the five remaining red gumballs flew high and far into the sky, towards downtown. But it was also small enough that, when the boys ran back to see if Isabella was okay, she was only covered in black soot and her hair had become frizzy.

"Isabella!" Phineas called out. "Are you..."

"Good news is that the evil gumballs work," deadpanned Isabella, "because this machine blew up when I kicked it. Bad news is... the machine blew up."

Isabella wasn't completely right... though the frame of the machine had broken into four big pieces that were scattered along the lawn, most of the inner mechanisms were still in place, albeit chipped or broken in some way.

"Okay," Phineas slowly agreed, not sure how to take the news. "I guess the question is... where are the rest of the evil gumballs?"

Downtown, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was arguing with a police officer who was questioning him, even as the other residents and workers of his office building were being allowed to go back inside.

"I keep telling you, I filed all of the appropriate paperwork and got all of the proper security clearances! What part of that do you not understand?"

"Fine," the officer relented, "but we'll be keeping an eye on you."

As the police officer walked away, Doofenshmirtz reached into his lab coat pocket and pulled out a small, unzipped plastic bag that had an assortment of spherical candies in it. He wasn't looking directly at it when he first pulled it out, as he continued to glare into the policeman's back. While that was happening, five pea-sized red gumballs fell from the sky and landed right into the bag.

"Law enforcement these days," the mad scientist grumbled as he headed back towards the building.

Without looking, he picked a piece of candy out of his bag at random and plopped it into his mouth. It happened to be one of the small gumballs, which he swallowed before he barely got the chance to taste it on his tongue.

"What the... well that was a waste of sugar!"

Suddenly, a strange feeling raced through Doofenshmirtz's skin. An evil feeling. Smiling snidely, he saw a young man motioning for an old woman with a cane to go through the revolving doors in front of him.

Without even thinking, Doofenshmirtz rushed for the doors, running through the old woman and knocking her down before bolting into the building.

To be continued...