A Family Feud
Chapter Three
Story Written by Freedom Fighter


"Wait a minute... are you threatening me?" asked Vanessa.

"Well, it's more of a warning," replied Dr. Doofenshmirtz. "After all, if you're going to try and stop me, then you're no longer family. You're my nemesis!"

The evil scientist started walking towards his daughter, and in response she slowly backed away.

"Your nemesis? But what about..."

"Perry? Oh, he's small potatoes compared to someone like you! An actual human! Someone my size!"

"This isn't like you!" pleaded Vanessa. "I'm your daughter! You'd never try to hurt me, much less use a disintegration ray on me!"

"That was the old me! The new me... well, the new me can't take any chances!"

Heinz aimed the ray gun at Vanessa's head and fired. Noticing she was near the shopping bags she had brought in, she quickly reached in and pulled something out without looking. And just in time, as she put it in front of her head to block the ray.

The object was a gallon-sized tub of vanilla-flavored ice cream, which disintegrated, frozen goodness and all.

"Hey!" shouted Heinz. "That was supposed to be for my victory party! Now I'm really mad!"

Vanessa turned and made a run for it.

"Stand still so I can kill you!"

Dr. D fired at his daughter, and missed again, this time hitting an open crate... the one that the uranium rods had been delivered in.

"What did I say... I said STAND STILL!"

His rage continued to grow as he pulled the trigger once more. This shot was a lot closer than the last two, having been fired just as Vanessa tried to dive out of the way. The beam flew barely inches above her right leg, which at the time was in mid-air. It ended up flying to the balcony, where it hit a potted plant.

"Oof!" grunted Vanessa as her body hit the ground, stomach first.

Hitting the floor a little harder than expected, she winced in pain as she rolled over onto her back. She was gasping for air as she heard her father's footsteps draw ever closer.

"You can't do this!" Vanessa shouted, panic and fear settling in as opposed to any thoughts of trying to hide. "It's me... Vanessa! I'm your only child!"

She saw a smile on her father's face as he came into view.

"Wait a minute..."

Vanessa's eyes quickly shot to her left. Perry the Platypus! He could save her from her impending death!

Unfortunately, her hopes were dashed as he saw the secret agent still tied up, even as the mammal was desperately trying to break free to help.

That only left her with her original course of action... begging for her life.

"Dad... don't!"

She put her hands behind her and pushed herself off of the ground so that she was sitting slightly upright. If she had any intentions of trying to get back up on her feet, her father stopped her by straddling his legs over hers. He then pointed his ray gun at her head.

"It looks like I'm about to become childless!" Dr. D exclaimed, a remorseless sneer creeping across his face.

The eviler-than-normal villain began to pull the trigger, but halted when he heard a knock at the laboratory's front door.

"Who dares knock on my door?" bellowed the evil doctor.

He turned towards the door, and Vanessa instinctively saw this as her last chance to escape. She spread her legs out in a sweeping motion, fast enough to knock her father off of his feet. Dr. Doofenshmirtz fell backwards and onto the ground, his legs sticking up in the air.

With all the strength she could muster, Vanessa used her arms to scoot herself backwards a few feet, then to push herself up off of the ground and to a standing position. Once upright, she saw that the impact with the floor had caused her father to release his grip on his ray gun. It had slid three or four feet away from his right hand.

As Dr. Doofenshmirtz was trying to figure out what had just happened, Vanessa ran over, picked up the ray gun, and started running towards the door.

"C-c-come back here!" she heard her father yell behind her.

Bolting through the laboratory, she got back to her dad's work desk, where she gasped in surprise upon seeing a familiar face.

It was Ferb, who had noticed the small plastic bag of candy and was about to examine it.

"Ferb!"

Ferb turned his head to the sound of a voice his brain could only process as heavenly. And he saw the girl whom the voice belonged to running towards him...

Then grabbing him by the hand, and pulling him behind some nearby boxes.

"Ferb!" she shouted, in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

Ferb replied by pulling out the funnel that had fallen out of Vanessa's bag in the parking lot.

"You followed me all the way here just to return this?"

Ferb nodded.

"I appreciate it, but I'm not sure I approve the part about you following... oh, never mind!"

Vanessa could discuss this with him later. She was more concerned about him having just put his life in danger.

"Look, you have to get out of here! It's not safe for you here!"

Ferb stared blankly at Vanessa, not understanding her demand to leave at all.

"I can't really explain it," Vanessa stated, though she actually was trying to, "but my dad's suddenly gone crazy! Evil crazy! And now he's going to kill me... literally!

That grabbed Ferb's attention. Vanessa saw him raise his left hand up to his chin, signaling that he was begin to think of a plan to save her. But she quickly grabbed his hand and pulled it down.

"Don't even think of being a hero! I don't want him killing you too!"

Vanessa then lifted her left arm to show the disintegration ray to him.

"Then again, I do have this thing. But what good will this do? I can't shoot him! He may have gone crazy, but he's still my dad!"

She sighed, at a loss at what to do now.

"What made him this way anyway?" she asked out loud. "He's never, ever been this hostile towards me..."

At that moment, Vanessa snapped her fingers as the realization hit her.

"The candy!"

The two of them peered over the boxes and towards the desk, where the little plastic bag continued to sit. And inside the clear bag, at the top of the pile of candy, was a lone pea-sized red gumball.

"Could it be... that there's some sort of candy out there that turns people evil when it's eaten? If that's true... then who would sell something like that?"

Ferb opened his mouth, about to explain that the candy Vanessa's dad had been eating hadn't been sold to him, but that it actually had been made by him and Phineas, and then thanks to a freak accident, somehow inexplicably for reasons he doesn't know, ended up in his candy bag.

But then Dr. Doofenshmirtz appeared before them, laughing evilly as he knocked some boxes aside to reveal their hiding place.

"Ha! I found you, Vanessa!"

He then noticed Ferb kneeling next to her for the first time.

"Say... isn't he a little too young to be hanging around with you?"

Vanessa was about to reply, but Ferb beat her to it.

"No, no I'm not."

The mad scientist didn't completely believe him, but he blew it off as he had more important matters to deal with. Such as the object behind his back, which he revealed to the two of them.

"Behold! My newest invention... the Crowbar-Inator!"

Yep, the object was... a simple crowbar.

"Hey, hey, wait a minute!" Doofenshmirtz suddenly made an objection to himself. "This is just an ordinary crowbar! I didn't even know I had one of these! Why am I holding it in the first place?"

Vanessa was now the one confused, as her dad now seemed to be speaking in his normal, lackadaisical tone of voice.

"Vanessa, when did you get back? Oh, and... who's your friend? Say... isn't he a little too young..."

"Dad!" Vanessa jumped up. "You're back to normal!"

"Normal? What are you talking about? I'M EVIL!"

"What? Dad, what's going on?"

"I don't know. I DO... I'M EVIL, AND I'M ABOUT TO KILL MY DAUGHTER! Who's inside me? Why would you think that way, she's my daughter! SHE TRIED TO STOP MY PLAN!"

Vanessa and Ferb watched as the good and evil sides of her father were out in full display, fighting for control.

"You mean the plan to melt all of the sugar in the tri-state area? THE PLAN TO USE A DISINTEGRATOR TO... TO... WELL, I HADN'T THOUGHT THAT FAR AHEAD YET, BUT SOMETHING... EVIL! How am I supposed to take over the tri-state area if you disintegrate it all, you nincompoop! ARGH! I MUST REGAIN CONTROL!"

"Control?" Vanessa thought out loud as her attention turned back towards the bag of candy. "The candy!"

Heinz dropped the crowbar and headed straight for the bag of candy.

"Dad, no!"

Vanessa cried out for him to stop, but Ferb had a more effective idea. He snatched the ray gun from her hands and aimed it at the bag. He pulled the trigger, and a beam shot out. Heinz saw it coming and jumped into the air, diving for the baggie. His outstretched arms extended out to grab it. But it wasn't enough.

The beam hit the bag, disintegrating it and its contents instantly.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed.

"Wow!" Vanessa exclaimed as she leaned over and gave Ferb a hug. "That was a great shot!"

She then got up and ran over to check on her father, who was now face down on the floor. Ferb grinned as he twirled the ray gun on his finger as if he were a cowboy, and then holstered it into his pocket.

"Dad, are you okay?"

Vanessa helped her father up, who was rubbing his aching forehead.

"What was all of that about?" he asked. "What just happened?"

"It's a long story."

"Ugh... tell me later. My head hurts. I'm gonna go lie down."

She watched as her dad slowly walked off, apparently not sure what had just transpired. Relieved that her dad was back to his old self, she turned around to thank Ferb once again.

There was only one problem... he was already gone.

"Ferb? Ferb, where'd you go?"

As Vanessa scanned the room for him, her father managed to make his way towards the center of the laboratory, where his confusion became more rampant when a suddenly free Perry the Platypus was casually trotting back to his hoverjet.

"Perry the Platypus? You're here too? Ow... when did you get here?"

Perry looked back, gave Doofenshmirtz a hand salute, and then hopped into his vehicle.

"Wait a minute!" Dr. D suddenly mistakenly concluded. "Did you already foil my evil scheme without me knowing it?"

Perry chirped his answer, then took off, flying back home. As his vehicle flew off into the distance, Doofenshmirtz ran onto the balcony, shaking his fist with anger.

"You're not even gonna tell me? You're making me figure it out myself? CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"


Half an hour later, Phineas and the others ran up to Ferb upon him finally returning home.

"There you are, Ferb!" Phineas shouted. "What took you so long?"

He then also noticed his stepbrother was empty-handed.

"And where's all the stuff?"

Ferb pulled out the Disintegrator from his pocket and aimed it at their invention-of-the-day. He squeezed the trigger, firing a blast that eradicated the device in the blink of an eye. The gang then watched as he placed the ray gun on the grass, produced a small sledgehammer, and smashed it into tiny bits before their eyes.

"Something tells me he found where the evil gumballs landed," concluded Isabella.

Phineas shuddered. "Man... if they can do that to someone like you, imagine what it would do to someone truly villainous."

Ferb winked at him, knowing his stepbrother had no idea how true his statement was.

"Looks like this is one rare invention for the scrap heap," admitted Phineas.

"I guess that's how it goes," Baljeet shrugged his shoulders before turning towards Buford. "Same time tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

The End


Author's Notes:
And with that, we've reached the end of my first 'Phineas and Ferb' story. If you liked it, please leave a review! If you didn't... leave a review anyway... I love constructive criticism!

I wonder... did any of you catch the reference to the theme song? Or to 'Kim Possible,' via Baljeet's objection? If your a fan, I know you certainly did!

I hope it wasn't too far-fetched to have the gumballs fly all the way from the boys' backyard to Doofenshmirtz's plastic bag of candy. The show can have silly moments like this, so I believe I'm allowed to get away with it here.

One of the toughest things about writing this story was trying to make sure as many of the staples of the show were present. You know, Candace trying to bust her brothers, Agent P's mission briefing, etc. But as much as it filled space to move the story along, it also kept it from really expanding to my original vision.

The truth is, I actually wanted to have a battle akin to what Perry and Dr. Doofenshmirtz do on a regular basis... although not as full-on intense... with Vanessa in Perry's place. Sadly, it didn't write out that way, as I wanted to show off Vanessa's mad skills, like she had when she was running through the storage room in "Vanessassary Roughness."

Oh well... I'll plan better for it the next time...