A/N Thanks for the reviews! So I edited out most of the mistakes, then I added some more Les Miserables No-No's. Tell me what you guys think :)
I will not give Eponìne a lovely flower bouquet and tell her it's from Marius.
I will not make a rhyming song about Fantine and Pantene. So what if she has gorgeous hair?
I will not give Eponìne a pair of Marius' underwear. Just because I think it could end badly.
I will not shave Javert's mutton chops while he is sleeping. I will not callJavert "Mutton Chops" while he is around.
I will not take Garvoche to see My Fair Lady.
I will not put Grantaire's liquor in Jean's coffee.
I will not polish Bousett's head to use as a mirror.
I will not moan over how delicious my bread is while Jean is around.
I will not floss my teeth while Fantine is around.
I will not release black cats or throw shattered mirrors at Bousett. He already has bad enough luck.
I will not sexually molest Marius, though God knows I want to.
I will not pull the bench away when Cosette sits down.
I will not steal Enjolras' vest and auction it off on ebay.
I will not tell Prouvaire that by 2010, half the world's marriages end in divorce.
I will not tell Eponìne that her part has been cut from the 1998 and 1978 movie.
I will not steal Marius' ring and wear it on a chain. I will not ask Enjolras to form a fellowship to defeat an evil force and destroy the ring. (Hey, can't you see the Amis being a great fellowship? They'd defeat Sauron in no time!)
I will not tell Cosette that Marius is having multiple affairs behind her back.
I will not heist Enjolras' red flag to wear as a toga.
I will not swear by the stars when I'm upset. Nor will I commit suicide.
I will not give the Amis obscene nicknames.
I will not put duct-tape on the seats of the chairs at the cafe.
I will not ask Cosette to do the "Running Man" every time she says "Marius" or "Papa."
I will not make fan memorabilia featuring the Amis naked. Hot damn, just imagine it.
I will not pretend to be a revolutionist's ghost after the barricade falls.
I will not steal the Bishop's remaining worldly goods.
I will not offer the Thénardiers any marriage counseling.
I will not poke Jean while he's sleeping then shout, "It's me, Javert!" when he wakes up.
I will not replace Cosette's modest dresses with thongs and tube tops.
I will not teach Eponìne how to sing "Love Drug" or "You Belong With Me."
I will not kick people off the top of the barricade shouting, "This. Is. SPARTA!"
I will not tell Marius that Cosette died while he was gone...Just imagine the look on his face!
I will not give Enjolras the use of a microphone.
I will not let Grantaire do a keg stand.
I will not dance on the cafe tables while singing "TiK ToK"
Following that train of thought, I will not walk into the cafe saying, "The party don't start 'till I walk in!"
I will not use my revolutionist belt as a headband or lasso.
I will not tell Fantine to sing Aretha Franklin's "Respect" when Javert confronts her.
I will not introduce Coureyfec to facebook or online dating.
I will not give Jean silver candlesticks and tell him to hide them as quick as he can.
I will not tell Javert that Jean has always had a crush on him
I will not introduce Les Amis to the Jonas Brothers.
I will not tell Enjolras that Grantaire is the star of many slash fics involving him in FF.
I will not tell the Amis what "slash" stories are.
I will not tell the Amis what FF is.
I will not use the cafe to host a revolutionary rave party. (Whoot-whoot, break out the glow sticks!)
I will not use the barricade as an excuse to stay home from work or school.
I will not shout "Curse you, aqua scum!" when telling policemen that I'm a revolutionist.
I will not copy everything Enjolras does just to annoy him.
I will not let Grantaire make me his drinking buddy.
I will not tell Marius that Cosette is a lesbian.
I will not tell Eponìne that Marius only likes boys. I will not tell Eponìne that she's lucky that she looks like a boy.
I will not call Fantine "Goldie Locks."
I will not pretend I've been shot to get Marius to snuggle me.
I will not encourage Javert to a GPS when hunting ex-convicts.
I will not tell Marius that "I see dead people."
I will not tell Combferre that his name makes me want to comb his hair.
I will not instruct Grantaire to say; "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn," every time Enjolras talks about revolution.
I will not braid Javert's hair.
I will not shout "France!" in moments of great passion. Nor will I shout "Enjolras!" or "Marius!"
I will not use any of the Amis names as swear words.
I will not tickle Javert to see if he can smile.
I will not hum the "Who Am I" melody every time I feel confusion or unease.
I will not dye Enjolras' hair black to match his red vest. (Red and Black, get it? Hehehe)
I will not challenge Jean to arm wrestle.
I will not ask M. Thénardier to be my mortician after I die.
I will not call Enjolras "Enjy" to his face.
I will not tell Joly about germs.
I not will make a docudrama about the barricade.
I will not call Cosette "Ursula" nor will I leave handkerchiefs with "U's" lying around.
I will not sing "Drink With Me" every time someone offers me a beverage.
I will not ask Marius to see his scars.
I will not ask Gavorche to set me up with an Amis.
I will not make the Amis go on "The Bachelor."
I will not ask Jean to show me his tattoo. "24601!"
I will not ask Combeferre to teach me about philosophy.
I will not play Spoons with Grantaire when he's drunk. So I'll never play Spoons with Grantaire.
I will not spell "Joly" with five L's just to spite him.
I will not take a Speech and Debate class with Enjolras.
I will not Jean that Cosette eloped with Marius.
I will not teach Marius about "sex-education." Awkward!
I will not sing Phantom songs, particularly the Final Lair, while roaming through the sewers with Thénardier.
I will not offer burnt sacrifices to my Les Miserables shrine on October 8th.
I will not squeal, "It's JavEERRTTT!" in a really high-pitched tone.
I will not create "Pink Ladies" jackets for Fantine and her other three friends. Nor will I create "T-Bird" jackets for their schmucky lovers.
I will not wear only red or black clothing around the Amis.
I will not ask Javert to pass out candy to little kids on Halloween. He'd probably just arrest them.
I will not tell Toussaint that Jean had secretly been obsessed with her for years.
I will not give Cosette binoculars so she can see past her little grate in the fence.
I will not allow Eponìne to watch Marius take bathes.
Likewise, I will not allow Grantaire to spy on Enjolras during bath-time.
I will not introduce the game "Risk" to the Amis.
I will not tell Gavroche to watch Moulin Rouge. Don't get it? Just think about it.
I will not stalk Marius then say I've been shot when he finds out that I've been watching him.
I will not ask Madame Thénardier to ever baby-sit my future children.
I will not play with beautiful dolls in front of little-Cosette.
I will not smack any of the characters upside the head and say, "Shoulda had a V8!"
I will not reenact the barricade scene with a home-made pillow and sheet fort on June 6th.