A/N So here you go, your first glimpse into the mind of Bella courtesy of Team Smugward for Fandom Gives Back. I hope you enjoy!
Taste BPOV Chapter 1
Is true love worth dying for? Novel after novel would have one believe that to be entirely true, that the power of love survives death and lovers are reunited in an afterlife too breathtaking for words. Romeo could not conceive of life without his Juliet, so he ended his own before she could awaken and take her place at his side forever. She, in turn, finds him dead at his own hand and then kills herself, also not wanting to live on without her beloved.
Does this story speak to the youth of today? It doesn't seem so. We're more jaded for one thing and our eyes are open to the possibility that Mr. Right may not be anything more than Mr. Right Now and that there's always another opportunity right around the corner. True love…I'm of the opinion that it doesn't even exist anymore, if it ever did. It's an antiquated notion perpetuated by writers and poets to make us all strive for the unattainable perfection. Romantic love isn't worth dying over, unless it's to avoid the pain of an inevitable break up down the road, having one's heart crushed beneath a sharp boot heel.
Jeez, Bella, bitter much? I sighed and brushed my hair out of my eyes, frowning down at the passages I'd just written for my Feminist Lit class. I toyed with crossing it out and starting over but I knew that my professor would probably like them if nothing else. Ms. Leah Clearwater spoke of men with a kind of fiery hate that made me think she was more than a little familiar with the concept of heartbreak. I'd leave it as is and probably get an A because of it.
I felt an inch between my shoulder blades as if someone was watching me. I turned and saw the familiar hair of Jacob Black as he ducked behind one of the library stacks. Damn. I really hoped he wasn't going to ask me out again. I felt like a terrible person each time I turned him down but I just didn't find him attractive and I wasn't at school to meet a man anyway. I wanted to get my Literature degree, then a Masters in Education and then I'd look into becoming a professor in my own right. A man-hating bitch of a professor like Ms. Clearwater? You really need to get out more, Bella. Getting laid might do you a world of good.
I tried to ignore the nagging voice in my head when my phone started vibrating on the table. Oh crap, it was from Alice. Bella, where are you? You were supposed to meet us at O'Roarke's an hour ago! I winced when I saw the time and scooped up my notebook and textbooks and dumped them in my bag. I fired off a quick text message to Alice that I was on the way. At least I had an excuse if Jacob approached.
I heard him calling but pretended not to hear him as I made my way out of the library and headed north to the bar that Alice and Rose frequented. I was only going to stay for an hour or so before I went home and crawled into bed. Pretty pathetic plans for a Friday night, living it up at the library and then ditching your friends to go to sleep. You're a real party animal, Bella.
Okay, so I had no life but so what? I didn't want to hook up with a different guy every weekend like Rosalie did or moon after one who didn't even know I was alive like Alice. My days of allowing myself to be led around by a man had ended the day he fucked me over. Occasionally I got lonely and wished I had a guy to spend time with so I turned to men in books and television; they were safe options who couldn't hurt me and only brought me pleasure. I didn't need Romeo, I needed Dean Winchester or Angel or Matt Seracen and they were available with the click of a few buttons.
I pushed my way through the heavy oak doors of O'Roarke's and surveyed the crowd, rolling my eyes when I caught sight of Lauren and Jessica putting on a show for any male that cared to look. Really, why even bother putting on clothes at all? I glanced to the right and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Rosalie's blond hair. She was sitting next to some guy, of course. He was in the shadows and I couldn't see much of him but he looked tall and kind of pale. I walked through the crowd and when I got near their table, Alice, with her uncanny ability to know things, hopped up from the table and wrapped me in one of her bone crushing hugs, nearly tackling me to the floor. How such a tiny girl could squeeze the life out of me I hadn't a clue.
"Bella! It's about time!"
I laughed and tried to untangle myself from her arms. "I'm sorry, I got to reading and lost track of time…"
Rose cut me off with a snort. "What else is new? You do that every day!"
I felt like I'd been slapped in the face but I could hardly deny her words. "I'm sorry, Rose; I left as soon as I got your text!" She was always giving me crap about studying and taking no interest in guys.
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Come over here and meet our new friend, Edward." Her voice was a purr of satisfaction and I knew she'd found yet another willing victim. I turned to look at Rose's male du jour and felt my heart start pounding as I took in the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen. I felt my face heat as my boring brown eyes met his beautiful green ones. His face looked like it had been carved by Michelangelo himself, chiseled and perfect, high cheekbones, a jaw that could cut glass, a messy cap of hair that seemed to be a mix of brown, red and blond. My fingers twitched with the need to reach out and touch him, to make sure he was real and not some hallucination my tired mind had cooked up.
He stood and pulled out a chair for me, so apparently he was real. Though he sure didn't seem it…when was the last time a man had offered me a seat? "Hello, Bella, it's nice to meet you." His voice was soft and impossibly sexy; his words flowed over my skin like caressing hands. He was in a black leather jacket and black jeans and his body was as attractive as the rest of him, long and lean.
I took the seat he offered, brushing past him and reveling in that slight brush of his jacket across my arm. "Hello, Edward," I responded quietly, unsure what I was supposed to say or do with a man this beautiful. Then again, he was clearly with Rose so why was I responding to him? He'd never be interested in someone plain like me when Rose was all but undressing next to him.
He sat back down across from me and I felt his eyes moving over me. More blood rushed into my cheeks at his perusal and I looked between him and Rose, reminding myself that it was her that he would be taking home later tonight. Rose and Alice chattered about classes and I interjected now and then just to show I was listening and not just sneaking glances at the gorgeous man across from me. His eyes seemed to be on me every time I looked at him and I felt my face get hotter and hotter, along with other parts of me better left unacknowledged. I hadn't felt sexually frustrated in a long time but here I was in a crowded bar at a table with my friends and one look from Edward had me clenching my thighs together. Thank God I was wearing jeans.
"So, Bella, your friends tell me you're quite the student. What are you studying?"
Dear God, he was talking to me. Of course, he was asking me about school, not to marry him and bear his children. I blushed even harder at that thought. "Literature." I wished I had something witty to say but even getting that out felt like climbing Mt. Everest for me. Why must he be so beautiful? Why must he be Rose's? She kept shifting closer to his side, leaning toward him, putting her breasts on display, as if she needed those trappings to get a man.
"Oh." He didn't sound very impressed. "So do you often study on Friday nights?" There it was. He thought I was a big loser because I'd spent my evening in the library. Well, he wasn't wrong.
I looked down at the table. "I have a big paper due on Monday." And that paper was already done; I was working on the next one. He didn't need to know that though, that was only more fodder for him to laugh at me.
Alice knew me all too well and leaned over to whisper in my ear. "He didn't mean anything by it, Bella."
I shook my head and lowered my voice to a whisper, not wanting Edward to hear me. "He just basically called me a loser who has nothing better to do than study on the weekend." Thankfully he seemed to be wrapped up in his conversation with Rose so he didn't listen as Alice tried to tell me that he most certainly did not, he was just being friendly. Guys that looked like him weren't friendly with girls like me; they were friendly with beautiful girls like my two friends.
I pushed my hair away from my face and heard Edward take a sharp breath. What was that about? He pushed away from the table and I turned to look at him fully again. "Sorry, I need to get another drink, does anybody need anything?" I shook my head, I was leaving anyway. Clearly he didn't want to be around me and I really didn't want to sit across from him any longer and wait for him and Rose to take off so he could kiss her with those full, beautiful lips. Usually it didn't bother me to be around one of Rose's hookups but I'd never been so instantly attracted to one of them either.
"I'm gonna head home now," I told Alice, standing up and picking up my bag.
"You just got here, Bella," she whined.
I smiled and shook my head. "I've got a lot to do tomorrow and need to get up early, plus I have a headache. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" By in the morning, I meant afternoon because Alice wouldn't be up until one or two. She nodded reluctantly and Rose just waved and kept her focus on the bar where Edward was getting another beer. I let my eyes find him one last time before I made my way out of the bar and into the pleasant night air. It was cool but not too cold and I was comfortable in my flannel shirt and jeans.
I walked home slowly, trying to clear my head which seemed to be focused on that beautiful boy in the bar. Since when did I obsess over a complete stranger that didn't remotely have any interest in me? It was completely ridiculous and I was irritated at myself for wishing he had noticed me, for wishing that I looked like Rose or Alice and could captivate someone like that.
I heard footsteps approaching me quickly from behind and tightened my grip on my backpack. A hand reached out and touched my shoulder and I shrieked and whirled and struck out with my bag.
"Bella! Oof!" My bag hit him in the midsection and I stared in horror at Edward. What in the hell was he doing here?
"Edward? What are you doing here? Why are you following me?" Where were Rose and Alice? Maybe I'd left something and he was just bringing it to me, like a gentleman. He didn't look like one though, he looked dark and dangerous and almost deadly in the half light. He was truly stunning and exciting.
"I wanted to make sure you got home safely, Bella. What kind of man would I be if I let one of you girls walk home alone and you were hurt? I could never live with myself." The words were right, the tone was right, but it sounded extremely rehearsed. Why did he give a damn about whether I got home alright? It was Rose he was after, not me.
"Shouldn't you be with Rose? I kind of thought the two of you would be going home together." I tried, and failed, to keep sadness from seeping into my tone. Hopefully he didn't notice.
"Oh, Rose is a cool girl but she's not really my type."
Was he serious? I snorted in disbelief. "Rose is everybody's type." Not one straight male that I had ever met didn't want Rose, from teenagers to grandfathers.
"Why, Bella, are you calling your best friend a slut?"
How dare he? I glared at him and pushed him and he fell back a few inches, blinking at me in surprise. "How dare you talk about my friend like that? Rose is a great person; she's not a slut at all! I meant that every guy likes Rose, she's gorgeous."
He smirked at me. "I know what you meant, Bella, and I was just kidding. Yes, Rose is beautiful and a very cool girl. I'm glad I met her, I'm just not interested in her."
That just was not possible. Rose got what Rose wanted and I could tell she wanted Edward. "Why not, are you gay?" That was the only reasonable explanation…plus so many gay men were incredibly hot, it made sense that he would be, since he was the hottest of them all.
"No, I'm not gay. I just go for a different type of girl."
Okay, I'd play along with whatever this bullshit he was spewing was. "What type is that?"
He smiled and I felt my heart clench at the sight of it. Jesus, he just got better looking. How was that possible? "I like quiet, smart girls with long brown hair and beautiful brown eyes." Oh, so he was just fucking with me. I got it now. Maybe Rose asked him to toy with me. She could be cruel when she wanted to be.
I turned and started walking away from him, not about to play whatever game this was. "Um, Bella? Where are you going?"
"I thought I made that quite clear. I'm going home." I didn't turn to face him as I spoke; looking at him any longer knowing that he was just messing with my head would only hurt me worse than I already was.
"Fuck, Bella, I just came out and told you I like you and you're going to walk away from me?" That did it. I turned back around and stomped over to him, putting my hands on my hips and glaring at him, the heat suffusing my face again. Damn me and my stupid blush.
"Don't make fun of me, Edward!" I couldn't stand it, not from him. Why did the prettiest people have to be the ugliest on the inside?
"How am I making fun of you?" he asked, staring at me as if he couldn't comprehend what I was saying. He was a fine actor, maybe he should be starring on Broadway. Hell, for all I knew he already was.
"Guys like you do not like girls like me." Could I be any clearer?
"What do you mean by guys like me?"
As if he didn't know. Fine, I'd tell him. I stomped my foot in outrage that I was even having this conversation. "Beautiful guys, Edward. Pretty, drop dead gorgeous men. I am plain and boring. You are extraordinary. Our kinds don't mix. Stop whatever game you're playing and leave me the hell alone!" I was yelling, losing my cool, completely pissed off and hurt that he'd come after me to make me feel like more of a fool than I did already for being attracted to someone I could never have.
He ran his hand through his hair and watched me with interest, like he was studying me for an experiment. Maybe that was it. I was on one of those hidden camera shows. Let's make the stupid girl believe that the gorgeous guy is into her. Laugh along, America! "Bella, first of all, you are not plain or boring. You are extremely beautiful." I snorted and he held up his hand before I could yell at him again. "Please, don't interrupt. It's obvious that you don't see yourself very clearly. Do you know what I was wishing for before you showed up at the bar tonight?"
What kind of ridiculous question was that? "A threesome with Alice and Rose?" I asked sarcastically. He was a man after all.
"No, snarky one." I giggled at his comment; my father often called me that. "I was wishing that for once I could meet a girl that had more on her mind than getting laid. I've spent far too much time around people that…well, that are not good people, Bella. And all I wanted to do was find someone good and kind and sweet to spend some time with, to get to know."
If only his words were true. I felt myself wanting to respond to them but I knew better. "Since when do guys that look like you want to meet a nice girl?"
"Since when do nice girls like you stereotype guys like me into one big group of likeminded lemmings?" I opened and closed my mouth as I tried to think of a response to that. Was I really being unfair and unreasonable? "No smart comeback to that one?"
I scowled at him and shrugged. "Alright, you have a point. Still, what makes you so sure I'm a nice girl?" I could be bad, if I wanted to be.
"I don't know that, for sure, but I'd like to find out." He sounded sincere and though I still had misgivings, I nodded. "Maybe, instead of going home, we could go out and get a cup of coffee and talk for a bit?"
He really wanted to talk to me? This wasn't some kind of joke? Maybe karma was finally smiling down on me. I stared at him, trying to see into his mind, wishing I could know what his true motivation was; wanting to believe that he wanted no more than he said; to get to know me. "Alright." What was the worst that could happen? He could laugh at me for being fool enough to think that he wanted to be with me and I could wallow in rejection. I was used to that and it would make me stronger in the end, just like the last time had.
"Do you mind if we stop by my house first?" That made me more nervous. There were worse things that could happen than rejection, after all. My father had drilled that into my head many times. He gestured down at his clothes. "I spilled beer on myself at the bar and was heading home to change when I saw you. If you're uncomfortable, I understand, I could just meet you somewhere?" His story made sense and now that he mentioned it I could smell the beer on him. The fact that he was willing to meet me made up my mind for me.
I took a deep breath. "Alright, we'll go to your place so you can change first." He smiled and led the way to his house, just a block over. I walked along with him in silence, still not quite believing that I was spending time alone with this glorious man.
He stopped at a lovely brownstone and led the way inside, putting his hand on the small of my back as we walked into the living room. I felt like every nerve ending in my body was transfixed by his touch. He pointed to a big green sofa. "You can turn on the TV if you want. I'll be right back down." He ran up the stairs and I wandered over to his stereo, looking at the vast CD collection in awe. He had music from the 30's on up, from big band to Eminem. It was an astounding collection and I smiled when I saw Green Day in his collection. They'd been my favorite band in high school.
He came back into the room and I turned to him. "Edward, this is amazing. I've never seen so many CDs." At least not outside of a music store.
"I love music; it's kind of a passion of mine." I wondered what his other passions were and decided I was probably better off not knowing.
"Do you play any instruments?" His smile turned almost predatory and I blinked. I looked at him again and he looked perfectly normal. My imagination was going wild; perhaps I was delusional and he was all a dream. That would explain a lot.
"Come on, I'll show you." He held his hand out to me and I hesitated a second before crossing the room and taking it. His hand was extremely cold but it also felt right holding mine. Like my hand belonged in his. And that was just ridiculous and yet another sign that I was imagining this whole thing. Oh well, might as well enjoy it before I woke up in my own bed, cold and alone.
He led me down the hall into a room that he must use only for music. There was a black baby grand piano and several stands holding various colorful guitars and a bass guitar. I took my hand from his and ran it over the gorgeous piano, not a drop of dust to be found on it. "Edward, this is beautiful. Will you…" I trailed off, not sure if I should ask him to play for me. What if it ended the dream?
"Will I play for you?" he finished for me. I nodded, unable to speak, loving that he was in tune with me enough to know what I wanted. "Of course. Anything in particular you'd like to hear?"
Like I could begin to narrow it down? He could play for me for hours and I'd be perfectly content just being in his presence. "Just play me your favorite."
He smiled and flexed his fingers as he placed them on the keys. "If I do that, you need to sit next to me on the bench and tell me all about you." That would be a short conversation but if it's what he wanted…I slid on the bench next to him as he began playing some beautiful melody that I didn't recognize.
"I'm from a tiny town in Washington called Forks and my parents divorced when I was two. I went to live with my mom and we moved a lot of places so I really didn't have a lot of friends growing up." I heard the melancholy in my own words and tried to shake myself out of it. I didn't need to drive him away with my whining. "I went to live with my father my junior year of high school when my mom got remarried. She wanted to spend more time with her husband and I was getting in the way." He started to play a louder song, striking the keys with more force than the last. That was weird.
"I liked living with my father though. Forks is this tiny town and it rains all the time. There's not a lot to do there and he liked to drag me fishing with him early in the morning. I hated fishing but it was fun spending time with him. He's the Chief of Police so kept some odd hours but it worked for us." He smiled for some reason and launched into a cheerier tune. That was an odd reaction, usually when people heard my father was a cop they put their guard up; Edward didn't seem remotely concerned though.
"I came to NYU to study Literature and get my Master's degree so I can teach someday. I met Alice on the first day of school, she was my roommate and she just kind of took over. She immediately tried to throw away all my clothes but I wouldn't let her. She was completely charming though and instead of getting mad I just started laughing and she joined in. We've been friends ever since. She introduced me to Rose and though she intimidated me at first, she's very sarcastic and clever and cutting and we just get along. Her brother is a nice guy and we spend time with him now and then. Alice is totally in love with him but he doesn't even notice." I felt bad for my friend, now more than ever as I sat next to this god of a man playing music that wasn't even a tenth as beautiful as he himself was. I knew what it was to want something unattainable now. I watched his fingers move over the keys and wondered what they would feel like moving over my body. Keep dreaming Bella, maybe you'll get there.
I felt him nudge my shoulder and I turned to look at him. "Something on your mind?" I licked my lips, my thoughts still on his talented fingers. I shook my head and felt my cheeks get red as I feared what I'd been thinking of was written all over my face. My father always said I was guileless. He stopped playing and turned to face me, tilting my chin up with his pointer finger. I reveled in even that small part of him touching my skin. "Bella, may I kiss you?"
Could he really want to? I couldn't have said no even if I wanted to as I looked into those piercing forest green eyes and whispered, "Yes." My heart was beating frantically as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, reaching around and cupping the back of my head gently as he pulled me closer to him. His lips, oh God, his lips, were better than I could imagine. If this was a dream, it was the best I'd ever had. His tongue moved against my lips and I opened my mouth instinctively. His tongue was cool on mine and yet sent heat through my body. I tentatively moved my tongue against his, not really knowing what I was doing but it felt right and good.
He ran his fingers through my hair, sending shivers up and down my spine and making me moan against his lips. He pulled me around so that I was straddling him on the piano bench. I could feel his hardness pressing against me and it felt so incredibly good that I rubbed against him. He tore his lips away from mine and kissed along my neck. God the way that felt! I didn't have words for how good it was. He tugged my shirt and exposed my shoulder, tracing his lips all down it, sending jolts of desire through my body. I'd never wanted anyone like this and it felt like he wanted me just as badly. I ran my hands through his hair as he licked and sucked on my collar bone and I shivered and moaned again. My heart was racing and I was sure he could hear it as he smiled against my skin.
He pulled away and faced me, his hands on my hips, mine still buried in that lovely mane of hair. "Bella, I think we should stop and go get coffee now." Of course. He didn't want me; he didn't want that with me. He'd just gotten carried away and now he was trying to rectify things and cut me off without hurting me.
I buried my head in his shoulder, not able to face him as I asked, "Don't you want me?"
He laughed and pulled me back so that I had to look into his beautiful eyes. "Of course I want you, silly girl. I just didn't want you to think that I was pushing you to give me more than you were ready for." I blushed again, thrilled with his words and the sincerity in his eyes.
"You know that I'm a virgin." He nodded and I felt embarrassment fill me but I had to go on. "And that makes you not want to be with me? Because I might not be good?" I wanted to be with him, I wanted to give him something I'd held on to for a very long time because he was beautiful and special and somehow he wanted me. It might just be for tonight but it would be worth it. It had to be.
"No, Bella! No! I want very much to make love to you. I just want to be sure it's what you want." Make love…my heartbeat picked up at those words. Could he ever love me? That was just ridiculous. He wanted me and I wanted him. It could be enough, more than I ever thought I'd have with him anyway.
"Edward, I want you to make love with me." I was scared as hell saying it, but I was sure he wasn't going to reject me now and that made me brave.
"Then I will make love to you, Bella. You'll be my first." Hurt went through me at the words. Why would he lie to me now, about something like that?
"Please, Edward, you don't have to pretend for me, I know you're not a virgin." Please, don't lie about it; I can't be with you if you do.
He caressed my cheek and I felt bolts of electricity shoot through me at his touch. I wanted this man more than I'd ever wanted anything in my entire life. "No, I'm not a virgin but I have never made love to a woman before. I've fucked plenty of girls in my time but none of them mattered. You do. It goes against my instincts and frankly I'm a little nervous but I want very much to make love to you." His words, his tone and his eyes all told me he was speaking the absolute truth and I leaned forward and kissed him softly. He kept kissing me as he stood and carried me upstairs. He was so strong, my weight didn't even seem to phase him as he walked effortlessly, not even shifting me and I shivered in pleasure as I marveled at his strength. He sat me on the bed and kept right on kissing me and I felt like I was going to melt, my bones turning to liquid from just his lips on mine.
He pulled away and looked at me for a minute, I felt like I was naked already and he was seeing inside me to my very soul. How did he do that? "Are you sure?" he asked, reaching for me and trailing his fingers down my bare arms, my flannel was nowhere to be found. When had he removed it? I felt goosebumps rise everywhere his fingers touched. His eyes held mine as he reached down to remove my shirt. I was wearing a boring white bra underneath but he looked at me as if I was in the sexiest lingerie that Victoria's Secret had to offer. How could he possibly want me? I didn't understand it.
He ran his fingers along the edge of my bra, tracing the cups as I shivered beneath his fingers. His hands were cool but I wasn't shivering from his temperature, it was from need. I wanted his hands on me and though I loved that he was going slow, a part of me burned to have him just take me. He reached behind me and unclasped my bra, slipping it off my shoulders and letting out a breath as he took me in. I resisted the urge to cover myself as he reached out and cupped them both in the palm of his hands. God, that felt incredible. Everything he did, every look, every touch, was better than the last.
He lay me down and took my right breast into his mouth, sucking on my nipple. I felt it harden as his cool lips moved over me. "You're so beautiful." Here, in this moment, I could believe it. He made me feel that way, even if I knew it wasn't true. I buried my hands in his hair, holding him to my chest as he brought his hand up and squeezed the breast that he wasn't sucking. His other hand moved down my stomach, tracing erotic circles over my skin, causing me to shiver and moan.
His hand reached the button of my jeans and he flipped it open effortlessly, lowering the zipper and tugging my jeans off. I lifted my hips to help him, now completely bare except for my white panties. He pulled his shirt off and I gasped at the sight of him. Hard planes and angles, perfect abs…he was even more beautiful unclothed, impossible though it may seem.
He lowered himself on top of me and I felt his cool skin on mine. He was hard and muscular and so absolutely amazing, it was as if he was a statue come to life, he was even cold like one. But God he felt good, rubbing his penis over me, his jeans not masking his excitement. I wanted him, desperately. He kissed me passionately, leaving me breathless and completely turned on.
"Edward, make love to me, now," I demanded, my voice barely a whisper but I knew he heard me. He reached down and slid my panties off my legs, leaving me completely naked. I should have been nervous that a man was seeing all of me but I wasn't. I just wanted him. He sat up and looked at me, his eyes moving over me as if he was committing me to memory. I shivered as he watched me, watching him just as intently. If this was real, I wanted to remember every moment of it. And if it was a dream, well, I still wanted to remember it all. Nothing could top this.
He reached out and touched my waist, his fingers creeping toward my thighs. Nobody had ever touched me there before but I yearned for him to do it. He bent and kissed my hip bone, his eyes intent on mine as his tongue traced over my hip and thigh before dipping between my legs. Holy shit! I moaned and spread my legs wider, not caring if it looked like I was easy. He began to lick me in earnest, his tongue moving over me and sending jolts of pleasure through my body. My thighs clenched around him and my fingers yanked at his hair as I let the sensations swamp me. "Baby, not quite so tight." Oh shit. I loosened my thighs and he smiled up at me. "Do you like that, Bella? I must say, I love how you taste." His words made me even wetter and he went to work with his tongue again, flicking it back and forth over me before he bit gently. I felt like I was on fire and lights exploded around me as I came apart, shouting his name over and over as his tongue continued to move. I was wrong before, there was nothing better than this.
Edward pulled away and yanked off his jeans. He wasn't wearing any underwear and I felt nerves return when I saw the size of him. It was intimidating but it was also beautiful and I wanted it more than anything. "Are you ready for me baby?" he asked with a grin.
I was but…"Don't we, should you…what about a condom?" I didn't need to be that stupid girl that got pregnant by the first guy that took an interest in her. Not that I didn't want to have his baby someday, maybe.
"I can't have children, Bella, and I've been tested so…"
I was mortified. I'd probably killed the mood by making him think of whatever was wrong with him and I didn't know what to say. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just wanted to be safe."
He smiled reassuringly. "No worries, sweetheart. It's very smart to be safe. I should have told you so you wouldn't worry. Are you ready?"
I nodded and leaned back, nervous for what would surely be painful at first but excited that I was giving myself to this gorgeous man. He kissed me, lowering his body to mine and aligning with me. He slid slowly inside me and I felt the first bit of pain as he stretched me open. "Tell me if I'm hurting you too much." I shook my head, because it was tolerable, and he pushed in further and stopped. "This is the worst part, baby, it'll hurt for a minute. Are you sure?" And I was sure, so I nodded and he broke my barrier, sliding all the way inside me. I gasped in pain and he waited patiently for me, which couldn't have been easy. I felt warm inside and knew that my innocence had been torn and I was bleeding. It was hot and sharp but after a minute it dulled to a slight pain.
"It's better." It burned a little but I was adjusting around him. He moved slowly in and out of me and after a few minutes it stopped hurting and started feeling good. He moved faster inside me and I felt pleasure building as he hit my g-spot over and over again. Lights flashed before my eyes and my body seized up as I came around him, tightening as he continued to move inside me. His lips found my throat and he kissed me as I felt him start to come inside me. His lips opened and his teeth pierced my skin, a slight nibbling sensation that felt good and made me tingly inside. Everything felt incredible; his lips on my skin and his cock inside me making me feel complete, wanted, sated.
Something changed and then it started to hurt; there was a burning sensation in my neck and I felt myself getting very lightheaded. What was happening? His lips stayed on my throat and I tried to grasp his hair, to pull his head away from me and ask what had happened. Why did it hurt now, when it had been so good only moments before? My hand fell back on the bed, I was too weak to move and I felt my eyes getting heavy. He pulled back and looked at me for a moment, his lips redder than before, some conflict in his eyes and then resolve flashed into them as he buried his face back in my neck. My own words came back to me and somehow I knew. True love…is it worth dying for? Maybe it wasn't love, but it had felt something like it and I was dying for it. I didn't have an answer, maybe I'd find it in the next life. The fire caught me then and I let myself get lost in the flames, every inch of my body filled with searing heat. I let the fire take me, hoping the pain would be brief and death would be quick. No lost lover awaited me in the afterlife, I was alone…