A/N: Yes, this is entirely random. I don't own Code Geass. I don't own Gino's dirty joke. Set between seasons one and two, so yes, Suzaku is a Knight of the Round, Lelouch doesn't have his memory, etc.
Description: Suzaku is angsting, but Gino keeps interrupting. And just generally being Gino. And totally throwing off Suzaku's groove.
Suzaku had grown accustomed to the Darkness, both the physical kind that surrounded him and that which lay in his soul. He knew he deserved all he'd been through; ever since he murdered his father, everyone he cared for was taken away. His country was no longer free. His best friend became his worst enemy. And his first love...
Princess Euphemia, what have I done? You met your end in so terrible way, and it was all my fault! My fault for not protecting you! My fault for not confronting Lelouch, the moment I suspected him. Why? WHY?
"SUZAKU~! you look SAD!" Gino shouted as he pranced into room.
I didn't even realize it, not until it was too late... I want revenge, but I can't bear myself to take Lelouch's life, not even if he became Zero again. Maybe the only life to take is my own. No one would care, not now that you're gone, Princess. What friends do I have? At Ashford Academy, I had friends, but I'm nothing to them since their memories were wiped. I can't bear to see Nunally, knowing how I'm the one responsible for taking her away from Lelouch... I have no one... There's no need for me here...
"You know what Suzaku? I think you need to get a new little kitten! They're so soft and fluffy, and happy-making... YOU COULD NAME IT JEREMY! I wanna kitten too..."
... I'll never forget all the blood from that day, the day of the 'Princess Massacre.' If only people new the truth... the blood flowed like rivers, all around me. What if the blood wasn't that of nameless innocents, but my own...?
"Suzaku? Are you listening to me? It makes me sad when you don't listen to me. I SHALL TELL YOU A JOKE! If I have one little green ball in one hand, and another little green ball in the other, what do I have?"
... But no! I can't! I have to live, to help Japan! i need to become the Knight of One, and change things! But maybe Lelouch is right. Maybe that isn't possible...
"THE UNDIVIDED ATTENTION OF A LEPRECHAUN! Suzaku? Earth to Suzaku? Pleasepleasepleaseplease answer me! Come on! We can go clubbing and do the Caramelldansen till we pass out!"
What can I really change? Euphemia, you tried to change things. And look what happened. Oh, God, why can't I move on? Why do I love you even more now you're gone? I'm not sure I believe in the afterlife, but if I could join you there...
"Grrr. Why do you have to be so emo all the time! We need to be doing awesome normal best pal stuff together, and here you are sitting in a little dark corner being all depressed! I wanna go surfing in our Knightmares! And then blow shit up! And shop! You know what? FINE! You can do all that without me! See? I DON'T CARE!" The door slammed shut.
... I don't want for it to seem like suicide. I don't want to be weak. Maybe I can find Kallen, pretend to lose control of the Lancelot, then she can take me out... But would that be enough? I need to repent for my sins. If I don't suffer, how can that happen? I wish I could talk to someone... I want to see Lelouch, but I can't. What if he remembers Zero? Then I've destroyed his chance at a happy life, too!
The door slammed open. "WAH! I'M SO SORRY SUZAKU I JUST SAID REALLY MEAN THINGS TO YOU! And I brought something to make up for it!" He held out a large box. "See? A BUNCH OF COSPLAY OUTFITS! You're Japanese so you must love anime and I don't know much about Loveless but since you like cats and are depressed all the time I thought it may be the type of thing you're into!"
What can I do? End my suffering, and stop hurting those around me, by leaving this world? Staying, and live my whole life chasing after hopeless dreams? Which would be a worse fate? Have I already lived through the worst, having seen the deaths of those I love, and betraying my friends? I truly cannot say...
"Aw, Suzaku! Can't you lighten up? OOH! I KNOW! Here, I have ICE CREAM!"
I need to find a knife... a gun.. something...
I need to do what I must. I must- It's chocolate. CHOCOLATE. No- Princess, I know you wouldn't want me to do this, but who knows? Maybe now I can- f*cking chocolate. How can I ignore this?
"Suzaku? Do you want one scoop or two? Oh, I know! I'll just take what I want, and you can eat however much you want straight from the bucket!"
I can't- Ohmygod. Forget it, Princess Euphemia. The world is an amazing place and I'm a hot, slightly emo, kickss major player in it.
And then they ate chocolate ice cream.
A/N: I really hope this doesn't stink as much to you as to me! PLEASE review and give a quick opinion! Reviewers get... CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM!