A/N: Okay, so I wrote this very, VERY late at night on a silly whim, and didn't actually expect it to go anywhere. I apologize if there are any major mistakes, as I only reread it once. Also, it is kind of non-canon as I don't think Penny ever cheated on Leonard...I could be wrong though. OH, and I ALSO apologize for the bolded text in the second paragraph...I was playing a game with myself to see if I could work in the titles of all the TOS Star Trek movies without it sounding disgustingly forced. I don't think I actually achieved this. Haha. And, um, excuse any other Star Trek references. I went a bit overboard I think. And, also, of course, none of this shit belongs to me, so please don't sue or anything? Okays? So, without further ado, here it is...an odd, latenight crackfic. Have fun.

Warnings: Um, well, this is rated M for a reason, and contains suggestions of male on male action, so if that squicks you, turn away now!

Semi Precious Physicists

Sheldon Cooper was not accustomed to the strange tightness of his pants around the crotch region. Especially not for these reasons. He reasoned that he should probably stop, and focus his attention elsewhere. But as the barely clad figure in heels and fishnet stockings danced around the stage and performed all sorts of manoeuvres that should logically be inhumanly possible, Sheldon found that he could not turn away.

His hand slowly snaked down his chest on its way to his pants. He briefly rubbed a peaked nipple through the soft fabric of his shirt before continuing his voyage downwards. He moaned quietly as his hand reached its final destination. The undiscovered country. The final frontier. As he thrust his palm up against his aching crotch, it became clear to him that he wouldn't need to search for his penis: it was standing at attention, waiting for him to unleash his wrath on it. He pushed his fingers slowly into the waistband of his pants. Just as his fingertips brushed lightly against his dick, he heard footsteps. Someone was coming.

Well, he thought to himself, isn't this strange? Someone is coming and stopping me from coming, but they are coming in a different way than I am coming, which is where the humour and frustration lies. Intriguing.

He quickly gave his cock a little stroke then unwillingly removed his hand from his pants as a figure emerged from the hallway beside the kitchen.

"Hey buddy!" Leonard exclaimed as he walked alarmingly quickly towards the laptop at which Sheldon was situated, "Whatcha doing?"

"None of your business" Sheldon replied as he quickly minimized the YouTube video he had been jerking off to.

"Well, whatever you say," Leonard said suspiciously as he strolled back towards the refrigerator. He pulled open the door briskly and pulled out a carton of milk. He sniffed it and winced.

"Sheldon," he complained, "When was the last time you went over our fridge inventory? This milk has gone bad."

Sheldon looked down guiltily. It wasn't like him to neglect something so important.

"I was..." Sheldon groped his mind for some suitable excuse, "busy."

"Uh huh. Right. And what exactly has Dr. Sheldon Cooper so 'busy'?" Leonard asked as he strolled back to Sheldon's desk.

He leaned over the back of Sheldon's chair and peered suspiciously at the computer screen. However, to his surprise (and slight relief) there was nothing incriminating to be found, just the regular formulas and spreadsheets.

"I'm sorry Sheldon" he mumbled as he backed away, "I've just been on edge ever since I found that email that proved that Penny had cheated on me with that asshole. I'm sure you're just distracted by a nagging-"

He broke off as something in Sheldon's lap caught his eye. Sheldon was sporting what could constitute as the largest erection Leonard had ever seen. Not that Leonard went around looking at erections, but still, it was impressive. He was getting hard just looking at it. Sheldon caught him looking and began to blush.

"I must get back to my work now Leonard," he said quietly but firmly.

Leonard coughed awkwardly and quickly turned away.

"Er, yeah," he sputtered, "I'll leave you to it."

However, Leonard was determined to figure out exactly what Sheldon had been looking at that got him so excited. As he walked away, he conjured up a plan. He waited up patiently until Sheldon had gone to bed and then slunk silently into the living room.

He quickly walked over to Sheldon's laptop and booted it up. He had memorized the password even though Sheldon changed it on nearly a daily basis. Today it was "Ørsted," after Hans Christian Ørsted. Sheldon's passwords were fairly simple to figure out, as they were usually based on something to do with a theory that he was currently working on. The most irritating part of the process was trying to figure out how to make the "Ø."

"Ahah!" he exclaimed, "Alt, zero, two, one, six."

As Sheldon's Trek-themed desktop began to load, Leonard drummed his fingers on the desk impatiently. He feared that any second now Sheldon would come bursting into the room demanding an explanation.

Finally the laptop loaded far enough for Leonard to open up the web browser. Sheldon had been using Firefox when Leonard walked in on him. He only hoped that the other man hadn't cleared the history. He was in luck, as Sheldon appeared to have neglected to do so in his distracted state. He quickly scrolled through browser history, skipping over sites like the University website, Physicists Daily, ect., until he found what he was looking for.

"Semi Precious Weapons?" he pondered quietly out loud.

He clicked on the YouTube link and plugged in a pair of headphones. When the video started, he was dumbfounded. It featured loud, screechy vocals, inappropriate lyrics, and most surprisingly of all, a young blond man clad in nothing but fishnet stockings and high heels. A young blond man with a very, very fine ass. Leonard felt himself getting hard.

Shit, he thought, no wonder Sheldon was so turned on. This man has serious moves...and sex appeal, he admitted begrudgingly.

He moved to turn it off, but found himself transfixed by the gyrating and swaying of the man on screen. His dick pulsed and he just couldn't tear his eyes away. Leonard looked around to make sure no one was watching, then reached down and pulled out his aching cock. He began to slowly stroke it as he watched this beautiful specimen of a man dance. The jerking of his hand increased in frequency as he sped up to match the gyrations of the man on screen.

"AHA!" a voice yelled from behind him. "You're trying to steal my precious research, aren't you, you FIEND. Why, if I-"

Sheldon abruptly stopped talking as he saw that indeed he had caught his roommate red-handed, but in a different way than expected.

"L-Leonard," he gasped, "what are you doing!"

"I-I..." Leonard swiftly paused the video, and failed to fabricate an appropriate response in his state of shock and arousal. But this didn't matter, as Sheldon didn't stop talking anyways.

"You are not sitting a sufficient distance away from my laptop! I fear that you will sully the keyboard with your semen."

Leonard just gaped back at him.

"You mean you don't mind that I hacked into your laptop in the middle of the night to jerk off to your previously viewed videos?"

"Should I be concerned? Is masturbating suddenly a socially unacceptable act? I thought it was in our roommate agreement. Ah, yes, it indeed is. 'Masturbation is acceptable, as long as it is done in private.' And technically, you were doing it in private until I showed up and ruined your plans. But I must say, Leonard, I am mildly annoyed by the fact that you were able to correctly guess my password, but that just proves to me that I need to implement a better security system, don't you think? I was considering a double-password, and maybe a retina scan. Or a fingerprint scanner! Ooh, I have always wanted one of those. And, anyways, you don't seem to be too concerned about the situation. You haven't exactly stopped...uh...you know," he trailed off his verbal squall, finally sounding awkward for the first time that evening.

Sheldon was right. Leonard had been absent-mindedly stroking his cock throughout his entire conversation with Sheldon. It was red and swollen, and leaking precum. He was ready to explode. He quickly brought his hand to a stop, and had to hold back a moan from the lack of sensation.

"No, no!" Sheldon exclaimed, "Don't stop on my account!"

He reached over Leonard's shoulder, his face unsettlingly close to Leonard's in his current condition. Leonard could feel Sheldon's hot breath tickling his neck. Sheldon unplugged the headphones, and started the video up again. He shivered when the other man pulled back and continued to stand almost directly behind him. Inexplicably and very unexpectedly, Sheldon reached into his own bathrobe and began tugging on his already-hardening penis. His facial expression made no indication that he was experiencing pleasure, but the way his hand was vigorously jerking to the beat of the music gave his arousal away.

Leonard was unsure of what to do. This was Sheldon. His totally non-sexual roommate. Jerking off over his shoulder. He couldn't decide if this was the weirdest thing ever, or the hottest thing ever. Sheldon let out a small moan as Justin, the lead singer of Semi Precious Weapons, began to strip off his fishnets. In that instant, Leonard decided that it was the hottest thing ever, and began to enthusiastically stroke his leaking cock.

The two men began to brutally beat at their cocks in near-unison.

"L-Leonard" Sheldon stuttered his name for the second time that evening, "Just to warn you, I believe I'm about to-"

He didn't finish his sentence before he shot his load all over Leonard's shoulder, neck, and cheek. This was all it took to push Leonard over the edge as well. He moaned wantonly as his cum burst from his cock like a photon torpedo, and splattered onto the laptop in front of him. Sheldon leaned closer to Leonard.

"I told you you weren't situated far enough away from the keyboard."