Takes place after Season 2 Episode 3 Chuck Vs. The Break Up. This is a dark story because I always loved the angst between Chuck and Sarah. Point of view of Chuck. Might possibly do one of Sarah, but we'll see.
This is going to be a good day.
I walk outside the front door where Morgan is standing there, handing me a rose.
"I know you'll get her!" Morgan enthusiastically cheers me on. I take the rose happily as I keep walking with almost a bounce in my step. I see Devon and Ellie standing by the fountain of the courtyard.
"Remember! You're awesome!" Devon cheers me on. I look at him with pure satisfaction.
"That's my baby bro!" Ellie exclaims as I give her a look of preparedness.
"Today is going to be a good day indeed!" I say to myself as I walk to my car to drive to Sarah's hotel.
I arrive at Sarah Walker's hotel room with the rose in my left hand ready to hand it to her. I knock on the door and wait like a high-schooler waiting for his prom date. She opens the door. I hand her the rose with a smile on my face.
"Oh, thanks," she acts like the rose means nothing. "Good news!" She exclaims. "Now that you no longer have the Intersect, I am being reassigned!" My smile drops in a matter of milliseconds as she says this. "You get to live your life the way you want to now!" I am speechless. I don't know how she could just leave me. I finally get the Intersect out of my head and she is going to leave like I was nothing but a job?
"We'll never have to see each other again!" She happily explains as my heart just died. "Good luck!" She says cheerfully as she goes to shut the door. I am still in shock, speechless. "Oh, yea. I won't be needing this," she hands me the rose I just gave her like it was pointless. She then shuts the door in my face.
I am breathing heavily in a bed, lying in a puddle of sweat. I look around almost confused. I see the Tron poster to my left and the TV at my feet. I am in my room and in my bed. The clock says 4:36 am.
"Another nightmare?" I say to myself worried. "That is the third one this week. All about Sarah leaving me," I fear the worst in my campaign to be with Sarah. First I would see Bryce tell me she doesn't love me. Then I would see them making out like I was not even watching. Now it is her rejecting me personally. I cannot live like this any longer. I need to stop feeling emotions, but how?
The next day, I am sitting at the Nerd Herd desk, hoping for someone to ask me for help, for anything. I just keep thinking horrible thoughts. I can't stop thinking about what my life would be like if I never got the Intersect in me. I would probably still be at this job and no further in my five year plan.
What if Bryce never got me kicked out of Stanford? Then I would be a CIA agent; possibly met Sarah a different way. She would have still been with Bryce and my life wouldn't suck as much. I could let Ellie know all about my 'real' job. Life would be so much easier. Dammit Bryce! Why did you have to do that? You ruin everything that is possibly going for me.
Why doesn't anyone ever have a damn computer problem? I cannot take this anymore. I decide to walk up to get some water in the break room to relieve my stress.
I feel a little better. I sit back down and look around. Who is there to talk with? Morgan is with a costumer; Casey is, well, Casey; Jesse is not on shift today; Jeff and Lester? Are they the only ones around to talk with? I'll just fiddle with my pen until a costumer comes.
"Hey!" Sarah exclaims. I almost jump out of my seat. I look up to see her smiling. I try to return a smile but my fake smile falters. 'You ok?" She asks so sweetly. Does she care about me?
"I'm alright, just a bit bored," I reply half-heartedly. She can hear the pain in my voice.
"I got something to get your mind off things," she grabs my hand and starts to lead me out of the door. She can tell I am agitated about something. "We got a mission," she whispers into my ear. I think this may be a good thing. She is right; it will help me keep my mind off of things, as in her. We head for Castle for our debriefing.
The next few days go by. I barely make it through them. Every time I see Sarah, I recharge my patience of sitting at this dead-end job. A day later, we are in Castle getting an assignment from Beckman.
"Bartowski!" Beckman yells my name like a teacher whose student is not paying attention. I really wasn't paying attention. I was thinking of what it would be like to be dead. Does everything I know and think still exist? Or does it just vanish? How will the people around me react?
"Yes, General?" I look at her with no emotion.
"Do you understand the mission?" She starts to raise her voice.
"Yes." The transmission ends and I just go back to thinking about what happens when you die.
"Chuck?" Sarah calls my name. It breaks my trance immediately. I look up at her almost like a sick puppy dog. "Are you alright?" She seems worried but I know this is only because she needs to make sure I can function. "You don't look so good."
She is right. I don't look good. I have dark circles under my eyes because I haven't gotten much sleep since these nightmares have been happening and I don't think I can live without having her love. "I am fine, just a little tired," I say trying to be convincing but I don't really care anymore.
She knows something is wrong with me. I can see it in her eyes. She wants to ask me but I keep shutting her down.
We completed the mission successfully. I think this was the first time I stayed in the car. The next mission doesn't go through so well. Their were 'complications' that caused Sarah to get injured badly. She had to be taken to the hospital.
I hold her hand as she sleeps in the hospital bed. I never let go and just think of how awful I feel that this is somehow my fault.
We just had to capture a rogue CIA agent. We had the drop on him; at least we thought. Sarah seduced him and I had to watch. It was hard to see her with someone else. I shuddered at the sight and forced myself to watch. She did her job successfully and we captured the agent. We had him in the van but he escaped somehow. He charged a punch that was about to knock my head off as I closed my eyes in fear. She jumped in the way and took the punch. This punch didn't take her out; she is too strong for that. They fought quickly, throwing a few punches and kicks before the rogue agent pulled out a blade. Sarah didn't see it and I tried to warn her but it was too late. He stabbed her in the stomach and she immediately lost her will to fight. I cringed at the look of her falling to her knees. I attacked the man in fear and revenge. He just kicked me away and Casey finally shot him in the leg. We rushed Sarah to the hospital to make sure she was alright.
I wake up in the chair in Sarah's hospital room. I see her sleeping there peacefully. I don't want to wake her and instead just admire her beauty. After a few minutes, I see her eyelids flicker and she starts to wake up.
"How are you doing?" I ask softly hoping not to startle her. She slowly opens her eyes and looks at me confused. Her brow is furrowed, and her body shies away from me. "Are you alright? You took a nasty blow," I ask her now scared of her response to seeing me.
"Do-do I know you?" She looks very serious. This is not a joke at all.
"It's me, Chuck," I am now scared. Is this a side effect of the anesthesia? Did she somehow get brain damage from a stab wound to the stomach? That doesn't make any sense though.
"I don't know who you are. Get out of my room!" She yells at me as she gets out of the bed and looks at me horrified.
"Please calm down, don't you remember me?" I ask worried as I try to put my hand on her shoulder.
She hits my hand away and kicks me square in the stomach. I fall back at the power of it and I fall to the ground.
What the hell? I am in the hospital room and in the chair that I moved right next to Sarah's bed .Another damn nightmare! I need to control them! I look around feeling relieved that it was just a nightmare though. Has it been hours? Days? I don't know or care as long as Sarah is alright. My hand is in hers and I feel her hand tighten around mine. I feel her hand grip my fingers. I immediately look up at her face and she is already staring at me with those sapphire-blue eyes. She is smiling and looks into my eyes. I break the silence hoping this opportunity of me showing how much I care opens her up.
"How long have we been here?" this is a dumb question. I should have asked if she was feeling good.
"I think I should be asking you," she responds with the cutest, nicest response. Obviously she was the one who was injured and put under anesthesia. I was just sleep-deprived.
"How are you feeling?" I ask with the most concerned tone I could muster.
"Quite well! Thank you for staying with me. I have never had anyone do that for me," Sarah looks a little disappointed and I hold her hand tighter showing my love for her.
"No problem, you'd do the same," I say thinking that she would only do the same to make sure I am safe. Not because she loves me.
"Good job team," Beckman is satisfied with the mission outcome. I still don't really care. Beckman goes on about how the mission will help in the future and if Sarah was alright. I don't really pay much attention except for how Sarah responded to Beckman's questions. She says she is feeling good and she is ready for any mission. I look at her to see if she shows any gratitude to me when explaining to Beckman. She never glances at me but she looks at everywhere else in the room. Why can't she look at me? Did I do something wrong?
A few more days go by of me dealing with my dead-end job and having no sleep from all these nightmares. Each day I see Sarah, she shows hints of genuine care but she always says it is only for cover. It hurts more each time she does this. Maybe I should just end my life so this pain can end.
Every day, I am working at the Buy More. I fixed numerous peoples' cell phones and cameras. I don't really remember how many nor do I care. A woman walks up to the desk.
"My phone isn't working. You think you can fix it?" She asks in a joking manner. I take the phone and pull the back plate off.
"What is the problem?" I ask apathetically as I look up at her eyes. I see Sarah's beautiful eyes staring at me with a hint of worry but mostly confusion. She is probably thinking that I am not my cheery self, which is right.
"Oh, ha-ha. Real funny," I say pretty dully. She wants to ask me what is wrong so much. I hand her the phone and she clips the back plate back on.
"Want to get some lunch?" she asks almost like she actually wants to. That it isn't just a 'cover' thing.
"Sure," I answer indecisively. I think to myself, why not? I was just going to work through the lunch break anyways.
We are eating sandwiches outside the Orange-Orange. She looks at me with that same worry and confused look.
I ask her "How do you kill your emotions?" Her look intensifies. I don't really joke anymore. I stopped caring because it never got me anywhere. She is almost mortified by such a blunt question.
"You cannot get rid of your emotions," She carefully rephrases my question. "You need to control them."
"Yea, so how do you do that?" I ask seriously wondering how she can do it so well. I am dying inside, if not dead already.
"It is not easy. I cannot fully do it myself," she explains trying not to reveal anything. "This whole having lunch isn't just for our covers." I look at her hoping she says something about liking me. "I like being able to talk to someone too," she simply finishes her explanation.
Does she like any company? Or me specifically? I think this for a few seconds as I eat my food quickly. I don't think I can look at her knowing I will never be with her.
Sarah is concerned for Chuck and doesn't know what to do. She confronts Casey seeing if she isn't the only one who noticed Chuck's abnormalities.
"Is Chuck acting different? Or is it just me?" Sarah asks Casey in fear, worry, and curiosity.
"So… you've noticed," Casey agrees with Sarah although he is more nonchalant about it.
"Yea, he is more, um, gloomy, depressed—" Sarah starts listing things that Chuck shows reminisces of before Casey cuts her off.
"More dead?" Casey simply states.
"What?" Sarah is confused by the word 'dead.'
"He is dead inside."
"Yea, it seems like that," Sarah doesn't want to agree but it is true. Chuck is more dead inside.
"Maybe he got tired of all this and just shut himself off," Casey jokes scarily.
"I need to talk to him," Sarah expresses her concern for Chuck but doesn't want it to sound personal. "We need him to be in good health if he is going to flash." Casey just acknowledges her with a grunt.
Another nightmare, another day at work, another $11 an hour, another dozen people complaining their phones don't work. My shift is finally over. I can leave and loathe my pathetic life. As I make my exit with my head down, Sarah appears and sparks a conversation.
"Hey, Chuck!" She always has that sincere exclamation when she says my name. It just makes it hurt more.
"Hello," I say coldly to her without ever picking my head up to look at her.
She looks at me worried. I always looked right in her eyes; those beautiful sapphire eyes. I want to look at them so badly but it will just cause me more pain. "What is wrong?" She asks as she lifts my head so my eyes look at hers. Why does she have to do this? She has to cause me all this pain.
"Nothing," I deny anything is wrong although everything is wrong.
"I know there is something wrong," She won't give up that easily.
"I am fine," I try to put some emotion in it but there isn't really any left in me. I head for my car in the parking lot as Sarah stops me before I get to the car.
"There is something wrong with you. Tell me please," she pleads so sincerely like she really does care. It is just part of her mission to keep me functioning. She doesn't care for me at all. Not after Bryce came back.
I never thought a dead guy can ruin someone's life but apparently it is possible. Well, I guess he isn't dead anymore.
Should I tell her? I debate with myself. Should I open up and tell her everything? Will she just shut me down like she has done in the past? Is there a point in opening up?
"Seriously, I am fine," I insist but again I have no emotion to throw behind it. I get in my car and leave her standing in the parking lot all alone. I feel bad but I couldn't stand there any longer.
I know this is a bit of a cliffhanger but just stick with it. I will have the end of the story up soon. Thank you for any reviews you may want to give.