Well I'm back. It has been forever since I've written anything but I finally got this down. Sorry for the wait, hope you like it.

(Wit Beyond Measure)

(Wit Beyond Measure)

Harry sat in the library scouring through a book he had ordered on magic's of the mind. His gift at occulumency had brought several new ideas into his search for a cure to his mother. Lily's brain was damaged beyond conventional repair, and Harry had yet to find a different way to cure the damage. Harry's newest idea revolved around using an enhanced version of legimancy to possibly repair parts of his mother's brain. There had been no research into what Harry was thinking of, so he was grasping at straws. However, Nicolas Flamel had looked into the properties of mental magics while on the hunt for the recipe for immortality. The french wizard had scrapped his research and replaced it with the Philosopher's stone, when he had found it to be the better and more simple answer. The book went into some of Flamel's findings, but because the research was incomplete, and of a different nature Harry was having to draw his own conclusions in most areas. His skills in arithmacy and runes were helping him plot out his ideas, but his knowledge was woefully incomplete in the two subjects. Harry wasn't satisfied with his work so far, but it was progress of sorts.

"You should go down to the great hall. It is halloween you know." Simon commented. "You stick around here for much longer and you'll miss the feast."

"You act like I really care about these types of things." Harry replied, still staring at the book in front of him.

"It will be more trouble for you to skip it." Simon offered. "The questions, the rumors...

Harry sighed, cutting the hat off, but he knew Simon was right. He hadn't made any progress in a while either. Tossing his books into his bag, Harry swept up Simon, placing the hat on his head. "How late am I?" He asked, walking out of the deserted library.

"I'd say a few minute's." Simon offered. "Fashionably late suits you."

Harry chuckled at the hat's comment. The magically animated hat was always a good source of humor. Harry let his feet carry them to the great hall. Uncaringly, the teen ignored his surroundings on the way to the great hall. Instead he thought about ways to improve his runes and arithmacy. Perhaps he could go to his teachers and request more advanced lessons, or books. Both were good options, and others bounced around inside his head. Harry was about to open the door to the great hall when he heard low thuds coming from the dungeons. Curious, Harry continued past the doors to the great hall. Tracking down the origin of the noise, his nose was overrun by a horrid stench. Coughing in disgust, Harry cast a bubble charm around his head. Satisfied, Harry continued towards the repeating noise. He may have been curious, but Harry was careful enough to not go running around corners when he didn't know what he was dealing with. His caution ended up saving him too. He had checking each corner on his way down into the dungeons, carefully peering down the each corridor. Up until now they had all been empty, but this time Harry had been surprised to find Quirrell directing a troll down the corridor. Now a defense teacher handling a troll probably wouldn't have seemed that far out of place. Especially in the dungeons where it could be locked up and then possibly displayed to an older class, but when the defense professor was incompetent, and scared of his own shadow. It did seem out of place. Quirrell was not one to play with trolls, so Harry knew something was going on. Harry watched carefully, noticing dark look on the Professor's face. It was clear the man was taking a perverse pleasure in dominating the brutish creature. It seems as though you have been pulling one over on all of us Quirrel. Harry thought as he watched. The question is, what are you up to? Harry's observations were cut short when the defense professor released his control of the troll. The professor seemed to nudge the troll in one direction, before turning to leave. Harry knew that it was in his best interests to not get caught, and with the Professor briskly making his way towards his place of observation, he had to act quickly. He really only had two options, hide or run. Harry quickly looked around. He wasn't surprised by the lack suitable hiding places. The dungeons were very bare in comparison to the rest of the school. The corridor was too far for him to normally run without alerting the approaching professor. With no other choice, Harry looked to Simon. "I hope you can stay on my head." He whispered, diving towards the ground. In mid air, Harry morphed his body. Landing in the form of a large, emerald eyed, black wolf, Harry sprinted away on all fours. Careful not to let his claws make too much noise, Harry barely escaped notice by professor Quirrel. Harry didn't stop until he was outside the doors of the great hall again. Careful to check that no one was around, Harry transformed back into himself. He realized that had anyone, relatively knowledgeable been around it wouldn't have been hard to identify him in his animagus form. How many students had his eyes, and carried the sorting hat around. A green eyed wolf wearing the tattered old hat should have raised a few questions, but luckily for him everyone was at the feast. Dipping into the great hall, Harry joined his friends at the Ravenclaw table.

"What took you so long?" We're almost done." Artemis commented when Harry joined them. Harry may have been the most antisocial of the group, but he was rarely late to dinner.

"I lost track of time in the library." Harry answered absently, while piling food onto his plate. His mind more focused on what he had just seen, than eating the food in front of him or socializing.

Harry managed to get a few bites in, before the doors of the great hall were slammed open. A panicked Quirrell ran into the hall shouting, "TROLL IN THE DUNGEON. TROLL IN THE DUNGEON." Stopping halfway up the hall between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables, the professor muttered, "Just thought you should know." His message delivered, the professor collapsed to the ground. His fainting triggering mass hysteria across the four houses. A few, including Harry, remained calm until Dumbledore restored order in the great hall.

"SILENCE!" the Headmaster shouted, asserting himself and his position. Harry could see power radiating from the ancient wizard. Dumbledore was currently showing the calm knowledgeable power he was famous for. "Prefects lead your houses to their common rooms. Professors follow me." Dumbledore ordered leading the way out of the great hall.

"Just when I begin to think he's not a senile old bat he goes and pulls something like this." Harry sighed.

"My opinion that he is an incompetent, two bit, backstabbing, manipulating, dusty old pedophile, was just partially proven." Simon commented.

Harry rose from the table and began flowing out of the hall with the rest of the students. Once they were all there. The Ravenclaw prefect, who's name Harry didn't care to remember, led them up into the castle. "Been working on that list while I was gone?" Harry commented, ignoring the panicked population.

"I have, thank you for noticing." Simon replied. "Should I go on? I have more."

"What are you two talking about?" Cedric interrupted.

Harry looked at his friend like he was an idiot. Which really was the case at this point in time. "Dumbledore is a damn buffoon. No one has realized it because no one questions the senile old codger." Harry offered. "Think about what's going on and then think about what our esteemed headmaster is doing about it."

Cedric thought about it for a second before he realized what Harry was saying. "The Slytherin common rooms are in the dungeons where the troll is supposed to be."

Artemis who had come to similar conclusions, but had something else on his mind. "Tracy!" Not bothering to wait for the other two Artemis sprinted back towards the dungeons

Harry sighed as his friend sprinted down the corridor, fro which they came. "If we let him go by himself he will get killed. Which he really deserves for this stupid stunt."

"No one else will claim him, will they." Cedric commented, as they stopped following the group.

"No one wants the ugly duckling." Simon cackled. "But he is my object of torture."

"Right well since the hat claims him, I guess we have to go." Cedric offered. Harry nodded, before the two of them set off at a brisk pace. Artemis was long gone, but they had a pretty good idea of where he was going. Harry and Cedric were quick to return to the ground floor of the castle. They were about to go into the dungeons, looking for Artemis, when a feminine scream tore through the silence. It had come from one of the adjacent halls. Artemis' voice rung through the corridor after the scream, but his shouts were masked by sounds of crushing stone, wood and a crash. A second, louder and more panicked, scream followed the noises.

"Our luck can't be that bad can it?" Harry groaned.

"Only one way to find out." Cedric gulped. He really hoped, their friend wasn't stupid enough to take on a troll. The two teens drew their wands, and sprinted towards the noise. When they ran into the horrible stench of the troll, both knew they were in for a fight. This was only reinforced when they found destroyed sets of armor, and a collapsed Artemis on the ground. Harry and Cedric ran up to their friend, Harry immediately checking for a pulse. Finding one he knew Artemis was hurt but alive.

"He'll live. We need to find Tracy." Harry announced seriously. Waving his wand, Harry cast a spell that sent out a loud booming noise, that should have been heard throughout the lower half of the castle. "Someone will of heard that. Lets go. He will never forgive us if we let her die." Harry said as he left Leaving Artemis on the ground. It wasn't hard to figure out which way the troll had gone. The destruction created a nice path through the hall. The destruction ended at the door to the girls bathroom at the end of the hall. It was clear the Troll was still in there, from the way the walls were shaking and the grunts it was giving off. Screams and shouts rang out between the grunts. The boys stopped outside the door, Harry turning to Cedric. "I'll distract it, you get the Tracy, and whoever else, out of there.

"Right." Cedric nodded.

Running into the bathroom Harry and Cedric split up. Harry went straight for the troll, getting the beast's attention by blasting it with a cutter. It may not have put the troll out of commission because of its tough skin, but if the roar the troll gave off was any indicator, the spell had hurt. Turning to face Harry, the troll swung its club at the teen. Harry ducked under the swing, and cast a permanent sticking charm on the end of the club. When the wooden object connected with the wall, it stuck. The troll was easily confused when its club didn't come away from the wall. Tugging on it, the troll became engrossed in freeing its club. Harry noticed Cedric had a hurt, but conscious Tracy draped over his back. Behind his roommate three terrified first years, including boy wonder, stood at the ready. "Get out of here." Harry ordered, keeping himself in front of the troll incase it decided its club wasn't worth it. Not needing to be told twice the group led by Cedric tried to run past the troll. Three of them made it, but Longbottom tripped falling into the rubble of the stalls. To make matters worse, the troll managed to rip its club, and part of the wall free. "Worthless little bastard." Harry cursed, as he was forced to dive away from the troll. The stone encrusted club smashing through his previous position, sending debris flying and blocking the door. Harry had no intentions of staying in an enclosed space, with a live troll. With only him and the mostly expendable boy wonder in the room, Harry assumed it was safe enough to do what he probably should have done to begin with. At least now if the troll collapsed, there would be less risk of it landing on someone. Facing the troll, Harry silently summoned the creature's club. Levitating it above his head, Harry made a few intricate flicks with his wand, turning the club into a giant stone spear. A ruthless look on his face, Harry muttered "Depulso." Banishing the newly created spear with as much force as the spell could create. Guiding the weapon towards the troll's head, Harry ducked to avoid the splatter of brains as the creature's head was impaled, the spear going all the way through and pinning the troll to the wall. Even with a giant spear through its skull, the troll still struggled for a few moments, trying to remove the object and free itself from the wall.

"Utterly stupid creatures, but they're persistent. I will give them that." Harry muttered dragging Neville out of the debris. Ignoring the boys whimpers of pain, Harry drug the boy towards the door. Staring at the rubble blocking the door, Harry sighed. "You had to trip didn't you. I could have gotten out without killing the thing if you had just made it out the door. You're more trouble than you're worth you know that." Letting go of the first year, who fell to the ground without support, Harry pointed his wand at the rubble. "Cedric get everyone clear of the door, I'm making a new one." Harry shouted. He could hear some shuffling out in the hall before Cedric responded.

"It's all clear Harry." Cedric announced.

Harry's face took on a determined look as he viciously jabbed his wand at the rubble. A blasting curse blazed out of his wand, impacting against the remains of the bathroom. The incandescent spell, forcefully removed the obstructions, sending them crashing out into the hallway. Harry pushed the boy who lived out into the hallway, following closely behind. Harry looked around at the group he and Cedric had saved. The first years had gotten off easy scrapes and bruises, but nothing threatening. Tracy appeared to have a broken leg, but she was awake. The slytherin girl was currently leaning heavily on Cedric for support. Harry was about to ask her what had started all of this, when he began to hear rushed footsteps. "Oh look the calvary is finally here." Harry spat, upset with the situation. He knew the professors would ask all the questions he had and more, so he held off with his own. The group could see McGonagal, Snape, Flitwick and Dumbledore trotting towards them from the end of the hall.

"Potter! Diggory! What has happened here?" McGonagall demanded, clearly distressed by the destruction rampant across the corridor.

"Lord Voldemort appeared inside the castle and began blasting walls apart." Simon offered much to the annoyance of several of the professors. "No that wasn't it. I remember now. There was this giant angry troll like creature. I think it wanted to grind our bones and make bread, or is that a Giant. Either way it was not in the dungeons."

"Enough, explain!" McGonagall ordered, quickly losing her patience.

"Well you see, this all started because the old codger is also a senile old fool. Artemis here ran off with the intention of collecting the harpy, after having come to the realization that she was walking into a death trap. I mean really, who sends a fourth of their student population into the exact area where a troll was just spotted." McGonagall and Snape glared at Simon for his insults, despite his rather valid point. Dumbledore just seemed to chuckle humorously at having his mistake pointed out. Ignoring them, Simon continued with his tale. "My caretaker and previous chew toy, knew that Artemis would certainly run into the troll that had everyone's knickers in a bunch, and most undoubtably meet a squishy end. Their theory was almost proven correct, which is why Artemis, also known as my current chew toy, is unconscious. Apparently, the harpy and the three braveharts also had the misfortune of ruining their nostrils by way of troll. This leads me to my next assumption, in that my current chew toy attempted to take on said smelly beast in the hopes of saving the harpy. Most likely hoping for a rather intimate reward." Had the situation not been what it was, Tracy probably would have hexed the hat for his comment. "Needless to say he was bested by the troll, which resulted in his injuries, but allowed the others to run to the loo. Their mediocre hiding skills, did little to sway the flesh pile who gave chase. My caretaker and former chew toy arrived at that point, and were forced to save the day. Upon discovering the dire circumstances the others were in, they proceeded into the loo. One collected the disabled Harpy and the three bravehearts, while the other distracted the troll." None of the teachers seemed too skeptical so far given that everything the hat had stated was within the realm of reason. Although the name usage was making it hard to follow. "However in the process of escaping from the troll the braveheart leader, managed to find something so fascinating on the floor that he decided to inspect it with his face. In the process of doing so he wedged himself into the debris. Much like an ostrich sticks its head in the sand. Quite amusing actually. At this point, the flesh pile forcefully freed it's club from the wall. Creating quite a mess in the process, it managed to trap the braveheart leader, my caretaker, and I in the loo. Trapped inside the loo with the angry, undistracted, flesh pile and the clumsy braveheart leader, my caretaker was forced to find a more permanent solution to the problem. He expertly created the rare dish known as troll on a stick, quite a tasty entree, before blasting his way back out of the loo. The carnage you see around you is a result of this entire process."

"I believe some congratulations are in order." Dumbledore announced, the usual twinkle in his eye. "Had misters Potter, Diggory, and Wilks not seen to take action after realizing my mistake, this incident could have resulted in much worse than a destroyed corridor. Fillius you should be proud of your house. Not only did they spot a mistake no one else did, they chose to actively attempt to correct it. For showing commendable skill, and bravery, I award you two hundred points collectively."

Harry muttered under his breath, never enjoying the spotlight. Thankfully everyone's attention was switching to Longbottom who had just been asked why he and his friends where there. As Gryffindor tower was nowhere nearby. The boy stuttered under the pressure, not really producing a good answer.

Tracy spoke up, sharing as much dislike for the boy as the Marauders, if not more after today's incident. "I ran into them on my way out of the dungeons, during my attempt to avoid running into the troll. A full house of students or not, I had no desire to possibly become a victim of the troll. Longbottom seemed to be boasting about besting the beast in combat...

Harry tuned out Tracy as she explained how moronic the boy who lived actually was. With the boy's quidditch skills and arrogant mindset it would be amazing if Longbottom actually survived the year. Harry's thoughts shifted when his nose caught the scent of blood. He was surprised he could pick it up. Even with his sharp sense of smell thanks to his animagus form, the troll's stench should have masked it. Harry searched the group for the source. Ignoring the small cuts and scrapes the Braveheart brigade had, the only other source of the smell came from Snape. The potions professor had covered it well, but his pant leg was drenched with blood. Harry wasn't allowed to think on the matter as Dumbledore was currently bringing the conversation to an end. The esteemed headmaster had let the braveheart brigade off with little more than a slap on the wrist, taking away a few measly points. It was a blatant showing of favoritism. Knowing it was safer to get out now than to stick around and become the object of Dumbledore's attention once again Harry excused himself.

"Unless you need something else from me, I have school work to do." Harry announced. Rather than wait for an answer, Harry started to walk away, hoping they wouldn't call him back.

The professors stared at the retreating back of the teen. Each having their own thoughts about Harry Potter, but in the fashion of Ollivander, Great things were to come from the boy. Once he was out of sight, Dumbledore drew his wand and began repairing the damaged corridor and bathroom. The others took this as a signal to disperse as well. McGonagall led the injured students to the hospital wing, while the others went back to their respective duties.

(Wit Beyond Measure)

"So they really let you do this?" Remus asked astounded by what his friend had done. Over the last month, Siruis had been spending all of his time on some pet project of his.

"Well I didn't really give them a choice." Sirius smirked. "It needed to happen too. Think of it as my belated birthday present to you for the last seven years. Besides, I don't want to go back to being an Auror. I think this is much more up my alley, causing trouble and ignoring rules, and I can throw parties whenever I want."

Remus was forced to smile by his friend's antics. No matter how old he got, Sirius would still be the same person looking to have a good time, and break some rules. Before he could comment on his friends antics, Hedwig came flying into the room. Swooping past them, she dropped a letter between the two. Circling around she landed on Remus' shoulder and gave the werewolf an affectionate hoot. Remus scratched the top of her head, much like Harry often did. The bird just glared at Sirius.

"Why does she like you so much but hate me?" Sirius asked. Every time Harry's owl was around him she would glare at him, and sometimes she would violently peck the innocent felon.

"I'm not sure, the only two people she seems to dislike more than you are Simon and Jill. Jill did try to eat her though so its not really surprising." Remus offered as he opened the letter. He scanned over its contents before handing it over to Sirius. "He's just like James, but you add the brains of Lily and he's a bit of monster." Remus chuckled.

Sirius read the letter and chuckled. It was a warning that Dumbledore may be contacting them soon. He explained how he had killed a troll, unintentionally turning a few heads in the process. "And I thought I was going to be on the front page this week. Although dumbledore might cover it up with that silvery tongue of his."

"We will see soon won't we?" Remus offered. "About your project, what are you going to call it?"

"I haven't really come up with anything yet, but I promise it will be rude and obnoxious." Sirius smirked.

"I'm sure it will." Remus chuckled, not expecting anything else form his friend. "Harry has a quidditch game coming up do you want to go watch it?"

"Of course I do." Sirius replied happily. "I can catch up with Minerva while we're there too."

"Your going to get a claw stuck in your nose." Remus offered. "But suit yourself."

"Life is no fun if you don't take a chance here and there, and she needs a good joke to lighten her up." Sirius rambled.

Before either of them could continue their conversation Alucard appeared between them in a swirl of red. Remus had grown used to it, but Sirius jumped a few feet at the vampire's sudden appearance. "I hate that you can do that. Even if it did get me out of jail." Sirius muttered.

"Did I hear something about Quidditch?" Alucard questioned, ignoring the man's complaint.

"You did, we're going to see Harry play in a few days. Would you like to come?" Remus offered.

"Harry never fails to entertain, and a game would be fun to watch" Alucard replied.

"I'll inform Dumbledore that the four of us will be coming to the next game." Remus concluded.

(Wit Beyond Measure)

The Troll incident had rolled through the rumor mill, and passed on relatively quickly. Everyone was more interested in the quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor that was going to take place in a few days. Harry was happy being able to back to being the relatively invisible student that had an angry, fowl mouthed, hat that scared away any brave students trying to interrupt his studies. Even though he was on the Ravenclaw team most of the attention was on the Braveheart leader as Simon liked to call Longbottom. It would be the boy's debut game as a seeker since the one against Slytherin had been postponed for some crackpot reason. Either way attention was off of Harry and he was back to sneaking around the castle at night. Artemis was still in the hospital wing, so Cedric and Harry were on their own tonight. Harry had decided it was time for a bit of a show, retaliation for the whole troll incident. In an interesting bit of circumstance the two marauders had run into the Weasley twins. The twins were adventuring as well, carrying their new map. "Gred I do believe our nemesis has pulled one over on us, look here." George announced pointing at the map.

"Too right Forge he gave us a faulty map." Fred answered.

"No It just doesn't display my location, or those of a few others." Harry answered, effectively cutting off what was sure to become a two sided rant. "Now unless you were actually searching for us I suggest we get on with our selective tasks there is a whole castle beckoning to be toyed with."

The twins smirked at Harry's words and in a show of mutual respect departed with nods. The twins began heading for the dungeons probably to mess with Snape. Harry watched them go, but he was after Quirrell. He hadn't really figured out what the man was after yet, but he was the one who had let the troll in as a distraction. At least that was what Harry had come to believe. He hadn't told Cedric or the recovering Artemis anything about Quirrell of course, but it hadn't been hard to convince Cedric to come along.

The first stop was Quirrell's chair in the great hall. A simple permanent sticking charm along with several thumbtacks magically hidden from view was phase one. The classics tended to produce some of the best results. Stop two was the defense classroom. Knowing his teachers phobia of all things vampire, Harry, with the assistance of Cedric, removed all of the vampiric defenses from the room. Harry would have to thank the twins for the next bit, at least partially. He had managed to snatch a box from their workshop during his talk with them. He had no idea what the original intention of product had been, but with some intensive tweaking of his own, Harry had created the insta boggart. Simply activate it with the desired image/creature mentally pictured, and presto you have an easy scare for any intended target. The two Neo Marauders placed several in easy and not so easy to find locations to ensure several good scares in the coming days.

After leaving their fun surprises for Quirrell in the defense room Harry and Cedric checked the map for signs of anyone nearby. Most of the castle was in their rooms for the night, minus the usual exceptions. The twins were in Snape's classroom, a few prefects were out patrolling the corridors, However the markers for Snape and Quirrell caught Harry's attention. Snape seemed to be chasing after or looking for Quirrell. The potions professor was following a similar path to the defense teacher. Harry thought about checking it out, but removed the notion from his mind he had gotten his revenge for the troll. This did however leave the third floor corridor completely open for exploration. "Cedric, can you make it back to the common room on your own?" Harry asked.

"Probably why?" Cedric questioned.

"There's something else I want to look into." Said Harry, turning to walk the other way. "I'll be back later." He said before Cedric could protest. Leaving Cedric to find his own way back to the common room, Harry made his way down to the third floor corridor. He had yet to venture there himself, but after his chat with the twins he knew about a few of the things the quarantined area held in store for him. Which was why he was not surprised to find the huge three headed Cerberus at the ready when he entered the first room. Whipping out his wand Harry cast a shrinking charm on the beast reducing it to the size of a puppy. "Much better I'd say he's a lot more bark than bite now. What do you think?" Harry asked Simon.

"Well done, simple yet effective." Simon commented, giving genuine praise for a change. "Amazing how simple things can be if you approach them from the right angle. Ravenclaw was definitely the right choice for you."

"Like you would ever admit to being wrong." Harry quipped as he attempted to scoot the three headed puppy off the trapdoor with his foot. Despite its currently small stature, the dog was still trying to bite him so Harry had to magically remove the canine from its position on the trapdoor. With the first obstacle removed Harry quickly lifted the trapdoor and jumped down. He landed on the soft and squishy plant known as Devils Snare. Thinking it best to not leave evidence of his visit, Harry calmly allowed the plant to pull him down to the next level. "What exactly is this supposed to be guarding?" Harry questioned. "This couldn't stop a first year let alone anyone with half a brain."

"Something of great value that our headmaster seems determined to lose." Simon commented vaguely. "At least thats how it appears."

Harry entered the next room and new exactly who was responsible for it, and why the twins hadn't been able to get passed it. Hundreds of small keys were flying about in the room. A broom was also floating in the center of the room. All in all it seemed like a simple find the right key challenge, but Harry knew better. Professor Flitwick wouldn't make it that simple. Blasting his way through the door wouldn't do either because A, the door was probably magically reinforced, if not then why even bother, and B, Harry didn't want to leave any traces of his venture. He remembered the twins saying that this was as far as they had gotten. That when they had grabbed the correct key the rest had attacked them in a flurry. Harry quickly tried unlocking the door and summoning the key to him. When neither work he just shrugged his shoulders. "Worth a try." He mumbled, before stepping over to the floating broom in the room. It wasn't the most appealing thing in the world, gnarled and scratched to the point that Harry was genuinely wondering if it would fly. The first two obstacles had been jokes to say the least, but Harry was thinking more about the situation now that Flitwick was involved. "Now If I really wanted to protect something I'd make it seem possible to attain it but in the end impossible." Harry muttered aloud, but he couldn't turn back now. Simon had said this would help him with cure Lily, and while the hat was a right ass most of the time Harry had enough trust in it to know Simon hadn't been lying. With a regretful sigh, as he knew what was coming would probably hurt, Harry threw a leg over the broom and kicked off. Everything went well at first. Harry flew up and joined the flock of keys, searching around for the one needed to open the door. The old and tarnished key hadn't been very hard to find, but things had gotten really exciting when he plucked it from the air. Like an angry swarm the rest of the keys came straight for Harry. Ramming into him at surprising speeds, the hundreds of small keys easily drew blood. With one hand on the broom and one barely holding on to the door key, there was nothing Harry could do to stop the onslaught except fly away. He pushed the broom far harder than was probably safe, but at the moment he didn't care. Currently he was trying to get some distance between himself and the angry swarm. The gleeful cackling of Simon wasn't helping much either, but Harry was forced to chuckle a bit when the enchanted rag of a hat started cursing up a storm.

"You fucking worthless excuses of iron. I'll melt you down to slag and have you rammed up Dumbledore's decrepit, sagging expanse of an ass. How dare you defile my beautiful face." Apparently being the enchanted had of Gryffindor didn't make Simon impervious to high velocity keys. From the commentary Harry would bet his trust fund that one of the keys had managed to fly straight through the tattered hat. A key nicking Harry's arm brought his attention back to the relatively perilous situation he was currently in. Diving for the ground Harry barely slowed the broom in order to keep his slight lead. Once near the door Harry launched himself from the broom. Rather than land on his feet Harry performed what some would call a slightly controlled rag doll. Bruised a slightly bloody, he transfigured a small stone wall out of a pebble on the ground. With a barrier between him and the swarm, he was able to open the door and step through to the next room.

"Not impossible, just bloody painful." Harry sighed as he looked to see what was sure to be the next obstacle. "Ah, chess, Minerva your too kind." He said happily. Harry walked up to the black queen and placed Simon on her head. "I present you with the opportunity to vent your anger."

Simon may have been duty bound to not speak of things said inside the headmaster's office, but nothing said he couldn't do this. Even so he wasn't having any of it. With a flop he turned to face Harry. "It's your damn fault I've got a hole in me. I should be taking my anger out on you."

"Yes there is some truth to that statement, but lets be honest who do you hate more. Me who carries you about and takes you on adventures or Dumbledore who keeps you on a dusty shelf and is responsible for this whole mess."

Simon seemed to think it over for a moment. "You know me well, but your still a little cock sucker for getting me into this." Simon stated, clearly still very agitated. Harry wasn't about to tell him that he had gotten himself into this by baiting Harry with his mother's well being. Harry was about to step in and play himself, but right before he stepped onto the board, Simon reversed his position. With an evil cackle he shouted to the black pieces, "Prepare for battle my minions!"

Harry watched in amazement as Simon ruthlessly crushed the opposing force. Despite the considerable skill used by McGonagall in designing the chess game, it was over relatively quickly. "Never knew you liked chess." Harry commented, as he picked up the tattered hat and placed it on his head.

"Why wouldn't I enjoy this. It's a giant game of Simon says, where I get to control every move of my minions and lay waste to a battlefield." Said Simon, his voice laced with a bloodlust of sorts.

"I will have to challenge you to a game sometime. I'm curious as to how I stack up against the creation of the founders." Harry stated, walking towards the next room. A few steps and a horrible stench told him exactly what he was in for. "What the hell is with the trolls. Does Quirrell have a fetish or something?" Harry grumbled

"Perhaps his stutter comes being fondled by trolls." Simon cracked. "And they're not known for being gentle."

Harry shuddered at the image that presented him with. He shook it from his mind before observing the problem. For once luck was on his side as the lumbering beast was sleeping. "Remind me not to use trolls as guard dogs later on. They smell and sleep on the job."

"Don't forget that they are moronic flesh piles." Simon added, as Harry tiptoed around the sleeping beast. Once again he was beginning to wonder exactly why it was even possible to get around these obstacles. Was it a trap, or was a great plan in play here? The next room wasn't helping him with his dilemma. The second he had stepped into the room, flames had erupted around the two doors. "I almost miss the troll." He sighed walking over to a table with a piece of parchment and several vials on it. Harry scanned over the parchment.

"Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind,

Two of us will help you, whichever you would find,

One among us seven will let you move ahead,

Another will transport the drinker back instead,

Two among our number hold only nettle wine,

Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line.

Choose, unless you wish to stay here for evermore,

To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four:

First, however slyly the poison tries to hide

You will always find some on nettle wine's left side;

Second, different are those who stand at either end,

But if you would move onwards neither is your friend;

Third, as you see clearly, all are different size,

Neither dwarf nor giant holds death in their insides;

Fourth, the second left and the second on the right

Are twins once you taste them, though different at first sight."

"A bit too long of a riddle for entrance to the common room, but it is fairly simple." Harry said after thinking the riddle over a few times. "The third one sends me forward, and the seventh sends be back." Harry picked up the third vial. "Here's to hoping they aren't all poison." He said downing the contents of the vial. Harry instantly felt like ice was pumping through his veins. Walking over to the door he waved a hand through the flames. His hand barely registered the flames only tingling slightly when immersed. Satisfied, Harry stepped through the door. The next room was more of a chamber. Large and round it looked like it served some sort of purpose in the past. A depression existed in the very center of the room. A large full sized mirror sat in the depression with several steps leading down to it. Harry approached it cautiously, and took time to inspect the object. A simple mirror wasn't valuable, so there must be something else to it. Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi was engraved in the frame. Harry quickly translated the backwards text to "I show not your face but your hearts desire." Curious to see how his hearts desire would be displayed by the mirror, Harry stepped in front of it. Not surprisingly it showed Harry's mother. More specifically it showed her standing next to him alive and well. The Lily potter in the mirror draped her arms around his reflection in a loose hug. "Simon what the fuck is this." Harry growled genuinely angry. "I don't take kindly to being tormented by this worthless piece of glass." Simon just stayed silent. Harry was about to blast the mirror into oblivion for showing him something that despite devoting his life to he had been unable to attain, but Lily's image stopped him. Waving her finger in an admonishing way she drew out something from behind her with her other hand. Harry watched as she placed it in his reflection's pocket, and gave it a soft pat. Harry felt a weight settle into his pocket and looked down at his pocket before looking back at Lily. The red headed Potter nodded to him before blowing him a kiss. After the loving gesture, she waver her hand in a shooing motion, as if she was saying "Go on and get out of here." Smiling and no longer angry at Simon, Harry pulled the object out of his pocket. "And to think I was beginning to doubt you." He muttered easily identifying what had appeared in his pocket.

"You may be a crotch stain, but even a crotch stain deserves a bone here and there. Now about my reward for this. Due to grievous injuries on my part I will require five hundred galleons a Harem of..."

"I don't want to know." Harry interrupted. "You can take it up with Sirius. I'm sure he would be happy to indulge in whatever your cooking up in that crooked mind of yours. What would you even do with money and any kind of harem anyway. you're a hat." Harry stated.

"Pansy." Simon spat. "And there are plenty of things to be done with money and a Harem, hat or not."

"Over the years various things have warped my mind, but somehow I fee that looking too far into yours would be the end of me." Harry stated calmly. "I may not fear magic, but I don't trust many aspects of it, especially whatever twisted spells were used to create you."

"Smart boy, you know better than to poke your nose into places that bite back." Simon cracked. "You've learned from mistakes over the past few years."

"Yes, now we should make ourselves scarce before someone comes prodding for answers they don't need, and I don't want to answer."

(Wit Beyond Measure)

(Wit Beyond Measure)

This feels a bit rough probably as a result of me not writing at all for several months, but hopefully its passable for now. Next chapter should feature a quidditch game so look forward to that. Anyway, let me know what you think.