"Please Doctor, just this once. It would make me so happy. I wouldn't ask you for anything else, ever," Rose pleaded, holding a basket of brightly colored eggs.
"Absolutely not. I hide them, and after an hour of not being able to find them all you'd get bored. Then they would sit there and rot. Stinking up the TARDIS. Forget it!" The Doctor went back to the controls, trying to ignore his companion.
"But it's Easter," Rose whined. "I'll let you eat the ears off my chocolate rabbit."
The Doctor smiled at the confection, and Rose knew she had won.
Suddenly there were two of her. Two Donna Nobles. And they were a bit blurry around the edges, and was her hair suddenly blue? The Doctor tried very hard to focus but found it near impossible with the boat rocking like this. Boat? What boat? They were camping in the woods, in 1765 China. No water for miles.
"What did you say you put in this stew Donna?"
"Rabbit, potatoes, and those mushrooms I found in the clearing over there," Donna replied. Then she looked at him strangely, "Doctor, did you change your suit, because pink really doesn't suit you."
Bad Mallet, No Biscuit
"Oh stop it, you big baby. And hold still, I can't get a good look with you moving about like that!"
"Is it swollen, it feels swollen. Did I break it, is it pointing a funny direction? OW! That hurts Donna!"
"I think you knocked it out of joint! Hold on, I can get it back straight. Now brace yourself, this might hurt."
"No no no no, don't you dare, Donna….OOOOWWWWW! That does feel pretty good now though."
"There you go, your toe will be fine. That will teach you to leave your tools all over the floor."
"I had curly hair on more then one occasion." The Doctor put the straw hat down.
"You're kidding me." Donna was holding a very colorful coat.
"Nope, even been blonde before."
"That I believe looking at this hideous coat."
"Oi! Those blonde jokes are not funny, or true."
"Says the blonde."
"I once had this scarf…"
"You wearing a scarf! That I wished I'd seen."
"It was long, very very long. I'm sure I still have it around here somewhere." The Doctor started rummaging through boxes, "And very useful, all though it did get tangled around my legs while running."
"Now pick a screen name."
"Okay. What does it mean I can't use The Doctor!"
"Someone else must be using it as their screen name already."
"WHAT! But I'm the Doctor, not anyone else."
"I know, but people can choose whatever they want as a name."
"But that's lying!"
"What do you expect, it's the internet."
"So we can't do anything about it at all?"
"No, sorry. Pick something else."
The Doctor just stared at Donna, unsure what to say. Until finally, he walks away from the TARDIS screen, completely frustrated.
"Forget it, I never wanted a MySpace page anyhow."
The Doctor was rummaging through the cabinet, saw something interesting and picked up the package to read the label.
Gives eyebrow dramatic definition with out that filled-in appearance.
"Hmmm, maybe my brows could use a little more drama, Donna doesn't seem to understand my more subtle expressions."
Lengthens and separates
"Don't think so."
Adds volume and hold without being stiff.
"That's always nice. I'll give some of that a go. Hey what do you know, does just what it says on the tin."
Donna found the Doctor rummaging through her makeup. "What do you think you're doing, space man!"
How NOT to make your companion like you
"What are you doing with my hairdryer?" Donna asked from behind the Doctor, who was staring at the technology laid out before him.
Without turning around he answered, "I am trying to figure out why it keeps interfering with my screwdriver so I can stop it."
"Are you going to put it back together?"
"Of course, good as new, maybe with upgrades."
"How long till that?" Donna sounded really annoyed.
The Doctor turned to see Donna standing there, hair dripping wet, with murder in her eyes. He started moving very quickly then.
"What's the matter Doctor?" Donna leaned up against him.
"None of these are right." He was looking at blank journals the store had.
"Well, of course you don't want the ones with flowers or unicorns. But here's one in a nice tartin, or this one that is just blue. Those are nice."
"No no no.."
"Fine, get the one with the bunnies on it, you big poof." Donna was getting frustrated.
"WHAT! No the blue one is nice, it's just that I'll never get my whole life in one of these. Do you think they sell them by the crate?"
"I swear he sings, and dances!"
"Don't be daft Doctor."
"No really, he's got a little top hat and a cane that he twirls around too. Go on boy, show her!"
"Really, Doctor, it's just a frog! Frogs don't sing or dance, they just hop about and go ribbit."
"He was doing it just a minute ago, I swear! You make him nervous."
"You really believe that don't you. I think you've got space madness or something." Donna heads back out of the control room.
**hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal…**
"Don't start you."
The Doctor crept into the room, carefully slid the small book from under the mattress, flipped it open to the latest entry and began to read.
5, November - Went to the strangest planet, had the best fruit I ever tasted. The Doctor is starting to grow on me, I kept thinking how nice it would be to rip that shirt open, use his tie to bind his hands, and then BEAT HIM SENSELESS FOR READING MY DIARY!
"I KNEW IT! I'm gonna kick your arse all the way back to Mars Alien boy," Donna yelled from behind him.
"You"ll never get away with this."
"You're at my mercy, you cannot escape, MUHAHAHA!"
"Someone will save me, the boat is coming as we speak."
"Fire Torpedos!" **splash**
"No one can save you now!"
"What about shark androids that I built in my secret lab?"
"My only weakness, no, how did you discover!" **splash **
"Doctor, are you about done, I need a bath too you know," Donna shouted through the door.
"I'll be out in just a minute."
"What are you doing in there? You better not be playing with my ducky! Is that my bubble bath I smell!"
"Big Blue Box."
"WHAT! She's a lot more then just a big blue box I will have you know!" The Doctor looked at Donna like she was mad.
"Well of course it is, but these newspaper ads charge by the word, and I don't have that much cash on me. Do you?"
"Well, no," he answered sheepishly.
"I didn't think so. Perhaps you should have thought of that before you forgot where you parked it. That will teach you to eat all that sugar right before landing." Donna goes back to the lost and found ad.
"Darn Minstrels, never again."
Sundays on the TARDIS
He was so close, the answer was just out of his minds reach. If he could just sort through all this information in his brain a little faster he would have the solution he needed. He needed a bigger brain! Just one key element and the whole puzzle before him would fall open. The answers were out there, in the open, just waiting to be plugged into place. Then the whole situation would be solved and he could move on to another adventure, another world. Why couldn't he see the answer!
"DONNA! What is a five letter word for grand balloon?"
What any woman would do
He had done it again. Saved a planet from certain doom and warring species, and now he was sauntering off, back to the TARDIS, full of bravado and self righteousness. Sometimes, times like this, Donna wondered if maybe he was just as great as he made himself out to be. She watched him go, with a little bit of awe, when he suddenly tripped over an uneven cobblestone and fell into the TARDIS head first. Then she did what any woman would do, she laughed at him, long and loud. Can't have him getting a big head now can she.
What do birds and bees have to do with it
"We are not mating, you and me!" Donna exclaimed indignantly.
"Of course we are, we're mates and we do things together as mates all the time. We're mating, right?" The Doctor looked at her quizzically.
"OH, MY GOD! You have no idea what mating means, do you. I never thought I'd have to tell you about the birds and the bees."
"The birds and the bees, what?"
"You know S…E…X."
"WHAT! OH, oh, right, not mating." The Doctor turned to the console, concentrating on anything else. "Wait a minute, what do birds and bees have to do with it?"
The Sword of Kahless
The Doctor grabbed Donna and pulled her around the corner into another grandiose hallway. "Shh, it's a Judoon. That's never good."
"Eeppp." Donna pointed down to the end of the hall where a pair of double doors opened. "Dalek! Doctor, there is a Dalek coming this way."
"My God, what is that?" The Doctor was pointing at a strange looking creature with long stringy hair and forehead ridges, touting a large double-handled blade.
"Wait a minute," Donna stood, hands on her hips as a young man, in a brown pin striped suit walked past. "It's a sci-fi convention, you dunce."
Author's Notes: I was watching At World's End, please forgive me.
"If we've landed, why are we still moving Doctor?"
"That's a good question Donna. Let's see shall we." The Doctor and Donna step out of the TARDIS to find themselves in the lower levels of a rather derelict ship.
"We're on a ship! A ship that looks about to sink."
"Yes, it does look a bit run down. We should find the captain."
"Aye there, I be the captain here, and I don't take kindly to those who speak ill off my ship. Savvy?"
"Ah right, so sorry, I'm the Doctor."
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, welcome to the Black Pearl."
I'm having an alien baby
The Doctor was bored. With no one in the TARDIS to talk to he needed something to read. He decided to hit one of the bookstores in London Martha used to always make him go to. He walked past the magazines and stopped at the tabloids. They always made him laugh, maybe he would get one just for a giggle. He saw one who's headline read, "I'm having an alien baby!"
"Sure you are," he laughed to himself, flipping back to the story. There reading her account of seduction while aboard his ship, that resembled a big, blue box. "WHAT!"
The Doctor goes shopping
"Are you sure? This isn't like what I usually wear?" The Doctor looked at the shop girl.
"Oh, yeah, it looks really good on you though," as she ate another Minstrel, then passed the bag to the other five shop girls sitting in on the fitting.
"But what about a tie? I feel like I should button up the shirt, or something."
"No, it's fine like this." The shop girl adjusteds the shirt collar to show a little more chest, and then brusheed off the jacket sleeves a few too many times for comfort. "Besides, velvet is in this season."
Time for a drink
"So, that's what happened to Donna."
Jack looked at the Doctor thoughtfully, "It had to be done, no other way?"
"No, no other way." The Doctor looked like he was about to break into tears.
"Well then, I think a drink is in order." Jack got up and headed for his special liqueur cabinet, and pulled out a bottle of a misty, greenish liqueur, "Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster? I have it premixed."
The Doctor looked at him in disbelief, "That stuff has been known to kill lesser beings!"
"Good thing we're not lesser beings then." Jack poured two glasses worth.
Venti Half-Caf Double Shot Mocha Espresso
There were so many choices. And sizes. And flavors. And why was everything in Italian? Foam, no foam, half caf, de-caf, latte, espresso, venti, grande. And why do they call the smallest size tall. Isn't tall a word associated with something bigger then average? Hazelnut, vanilla, café au lait? And where do they get off charging so much! It's highway robbery! The Doctor stood staring at the board overhead completely perplexed.
"Sir, if you don't order soon, I'll have to ask you to move to the back of the line," the cashier said.
"Don't they make coffee flavored coffee anymore?"