Pokemon N: Ash's Arceus
(AN: N represents the number of total movies that they will have made before stopping plus one. Also, instead of anime, this sequel is Disney style animation with singing and dancing. Ash is older now. He's hit puberty, finally.)
"Hey, Ash! I heard you lost every single Pokemon league thus far. I bet you'd lose against a Magikarp! A safe bet, I might add!" an athletic looking male trainer wearing a tank top teased. "You n00b trainers always waste space in these regions. You gonna cry, crybaby?" The fiery rage in Ash's belly was building. At last he couldn't take it no more. And then after that he could take it no more.
"Pikachu, attack him with a thunderbolt," Ash yelled. Pikachu never lifted a finger. He just sat there. "I'll see to it that I shut you up for good, you big bully! C'mon, Pikachu, we're gonna find and catch us an Arceus. Then we'll rebattle all the Pokemon leagues with him. I know for sure we will win."
"I'm sorry, but the idea of a 10 year old kid catching an Arceus, the god Pokemon, is blasphemy. Don't bother." Ash ignored him. Then he began singing about how Arceus would show the world he wasn't a weak trainer.
"I will be a Pokemon master so easily. When I prove myself, is there nothing left? Arceus. Wherever you are, I know you'll come through for me." He was walking along the mountains while singing that musical number. At last he found Arceus grooming its pelt in front of a shallow pond.
"Score!" Ash said joyfully. He threw roughly 80 Pokeballs at it and it broke out of all of them. He didn't dare weaken it.
"You dare blaspheme against my good name?" Arceus snarled. Ash had an interesting idea. He threw one last Pokeball, quickly wrapped it all up in duct tape like a mummy, put it in a puzzle box, wrapped duct tape around the box in 700 layers, locked it in a safe with a 6 number combination, heavily duct taped the safe shut, and released Snorlax from its Pokeball, and had him lay on it. Ash put on his infrared glasses. He saw the Pokeball wiggle for a few more seconds inside the safe, and then it stopped. Congratulations! A 10 year old kid caught the god Pokemon in a Pokeball!
"Snorlax, return. Go, Pidgeotto!" He climbed on Pidgeotto's back and it took him to Indigo plateau. When he got there, he was ultra disappointed.
"Sorry, kid. You gotta get 8 new duplicate badges if you wanna rebattle the Pokemon League." Ash mentally shut down for a while. He started yet another musical number.
"Gotta start all over again. I know it sucks, but I gotta do it. Trust myself and make a fresh start. The journey is beginning. A journey I shall not fail." I will not post the whole song but he was singing more about that subject matter for about two or three more minutes. He went to Pewter city and beat Brock solely with his Arceus (he had great difficulty getting it out of its Pokeball because of the stuff I mentioned earlier). He beat all the rest of the gyms with his Arceus in the order that you fight them in the games. I will spare you all the boring details of this journey.
When he got back to Indigo Plateau with all eight badges, he was finally accepted in the Pokemon league tournament. His first opponent was a trainer named Piantissimo. He had a bell shaped hat and wore a white undershirt. There was no actual shirt over it. The referee raised his flag.
"Go, Lapras." Piantissimo sent out Lapras.
"Go, Arceus," Ash sent out his Arceus. Arceus easily beat his Lapras.
"There is no way I can win against that thing. I FORFEIT!" Piantissimo screeched. "The god Pokemon is punishing me for worshiping Super Mario Sunshine instead of it. I'm sorry, Arceus for committing blasphemy. Can you forgive me?" Arceus nodded. Piantissimo and Arceus went off and played with Barbie and Bratz dolls for the next couple of hours.
After beating a bunch of opponents easily with his uber (one of which was another Arceus), it was time for the final round. Ash had to face off against Misty.
"Go, Magikarp," Misty sent out a Magikarp. Ash exploded in laughter.
"My Arceus will turn this battle into a fish fry, I swear to Arceus." Before Arceus could attack, Misty ordered her Magikarp to use thunderbolt on the sky. A lightning bolt came down on Magikarp and turned it yellowish gold.
"She's using thunder as armor! Misty, did you steal my GameShark?" Ash snapped.
"Magikarp, use splash," Misty ordered. Magikarp did a cannonball into the water filled battlefield. The water fused with Magikarp's armor and the thunder water splashed onto Arceus. Arceus got electrocuted for about ten seconds. His eyes turned into spirals.
"Arceus is unable to battle. Magikarp wins," the referee called.
"Arceus couldn't beat an ordinary Magikarp. Neither could any of my other Pokemon probably. I QUIT!" Ash stomped off the battlefield, pouting.
He didn't have much luck at the Pokemon Leagues in the other regions. After easily beating the trainers solely with Arceus, he would lose against the trainer's first Pokemon in the final round. In the Johto League, the final match was against a trainer's Hoothoot (he had to get all 8 badges in that region also, and in every other region as well).
"Hoothoot, use Pokeball attack," the trainer ordered. Hoothoot ordered the trainer's Dewgong to use ice beam. A beam of ice shot out of one of the Pokeballs around the trainer's waist.
"Wish I'd thought of making my Pokemon attack from inside Pokeballs. Bummer. Arceus, eat that Pokeball." Before Arceus could obey Ash, it got frozen by the ice beam. I can't use flamethrower to defrost it because it isn't a double battle. Oh noes! I have no ice heals either!
"Be right back y'all! I need to get something out of my car. Can you call a time out?" Ash requested. The judge honored his request.
"But you'd better hurry up cuz if you're not back in ten minutes, you lose." the referee warned. Ash pelted across the parking lot to his Toyota hybrid. He unlocked the door and got out a small vacuum cleaner, a cup, and some matches. He sent out Squirtle and vacuumed up the gas from the gas tank.
"Squirtle, use water gun on the vacuum's motor so it doesn't cause an explosion." Squirtle obeyed. He emptied the vacuum cleaner bag into the cup and pelted back to the stadium.
"You're more than ten minutes late, so I have to disqualify you." the referee scolded. Ash was angry, until he remembered something. He pulled out a map.
"This stadium takes up two different time zones, see? So since I'm in that spot now, it's an hour earlier, so I'm not actually twelve minutes late. I'm actually 48 minutes early." The referee couldn't argue with that.
"Let the match continue!" the referee called. Ash poured the gasoline all over the ice block surrounding Arceus. He lit a match and threw it on the ice block. The ice was melting away rapidly. Arceus was free, but it got out of the frying pan and into the fire. Literally. The fire from the match reached Arceus and it got burned (it was holding the grass plate). Ash looked in his bag for a burn heal. There were none. Ash's Arceus got KO'd from burns.
In the Hoenn league championship round, he faced a Spinarak (Arceus was holding the fire plate). Before Arceus could attack, the trainer ordered Spinarak to use an attack called 'split.' Spinarak began dividing like a cell and crawled inside Arceus. Arceus eventually suffocated and was thus knocked out. Ash couldn't believe his luck. Why? Because he had none!
In the Sinnoh league, his Arceus lost against a Bidoof that knew sheer cold (Arceus was holding the fire plate) and Arceus was too frozen to battle. The rest of all the Pokemon leagues they'll ever do before the show is canceled followed this format, with Arceus losing against a weak Pokemon in a ridiculously impossible manner, and Ash forfeiting the match because he thought Arceus was the only one who could possibly win.
Ash went into a Pokemart and asked the employee for some steroids.
"Dude, steroids aren't good for you. They may make your muscles big, but they don't do much else in the way of positive effects," the salesman preached.
"You blithering idiot! They're not for me! They're for my Arceus. Now gimme some NOW before I really lose my temper!"
"Well, if it's for a Pokemon, what the hey! I mean, they battle all the time. They're basically battle ready automatons who obey their masters' every whim." Ash nodded in agreement, then he gave the clerk a handful of money. The clerk gave him a pill bottle. Ash exited the Pokemart, released his Arceus, and gave him the steroids. Arceus's muscles started getting huge and bulgy.
"I'm ready, I'm ready," Ash said in a manner exactly like Spongebob. Now that his Arceus was loaded on steroids, he decided he should rebattle all the Pokemon leagues again. This time there was absolutely NO success story. If you wanna know how it went, reread the entire set of paragraphs from "Sorry, kid. You gotta get 8 new duplicate badges if you wanna rebattle the Pokemon League." to "The rest of all the Pokemon leagues they'll ever do before the show is canceled followed this format, with Arceus losing against a weak Pokemon in a ridiculously impossible manner, and Ash forfeiting the match because he thought Arceus was the only one who could possibly win." Long story short, it was a carbon copy.
"WHY? HOW COULD MY STEROID LOADED ARCEUS LOSE SO FEEBLY? THAT. IS. BLASPHEMY!" Ash shouted in a sorta quasi soliloquy. Then he sang, more calmly in yet another musical number, "Is it too much to ask just to be the best? I train hard and I battle my hardest and I never give up, but all that is done for naught because I'll always be second rate. I can't let it be this way, no. I don't wanna have to rebattle a third time. That's it. Gotta be something I can do. But what?" When he got done with his soliloquy, an elderly looking trainer who probably didn't even look ten years old and thus too young to be a trainer saw that Ash had his Arceus out, following him around. He had a Pokeball in his hand. The trainer was pretty fat and wore a cowboy hat, a sports jersey, and dress pants.
"Go, Pokeball!" the trainer threw his Pokeball. Arceus dodged it.
"Hey! Don't you know that you can only catch wild Pokemon and not other trainers' Pokemon, you friggin' n00b?" Ash snapped.
"Sorry. I didn't know." The trainer mumbled. "It looked really cool and I decided I gotta have it." Ash remembered when Jesse and James used to go after his Pokemon all the time, mainly Pikachu until they had to go to a nursing home (they had turned 73 years old without learning to take care of themselves). Ash had an idea.
"I have to go ask Team Rocket something. Do you know where the nursing home is? The one that Jessie and James are at?"
"Sure. They're at a nursing home all the way in Fuchsia city in the Kanto, er, Indigo region," the trainer replied. Ash promptly released his Pidgeotto and flew to Fuchsia city on it. After walking all over the 12 building city for hours, he finally came to the nursing home. He went in and moon-walked the halls until he came to Jessie and James' room. Their skin was all wrinkly with age and their hair was white.
"We still want your Pikachu!" Jessie rasped.
"Well, too bad! I finally taught my Pikachu to go in a Pokeball and I left the Pokeball in Oak's lab before I came here, so no dice!" Just as Ash finished his sentence, Pikachu darted from underneath between his legs and the elderly Team Rocket nabbed it. They are so stupid! That's just a guy in a Pikachu costume.
"Won't the boss be pleased when he sees that we finally nabbed the twerp's Pikachu?" James rasped.
"I'd like you to do me a favor," Ash continued. "Could you teach me the ways of Team Rocket? I'd like to learn how to steal other trainers' Pokemon." Ash then told them the long epic tale of how he used his Arceus to battle the Pokemon leagues again and kept losing.
"We'd like to, but we're simply too old. But there is one thing you can do. The Viridian city gym has classrooms where people go to learn about how to be a part of Team Rocket. We call it Team Rocket School." That was all that Ash needed to know. He flew on his Pidgeotto all the way to Viridian city. He pelted into the Viridian city gym for Team Rocket lessons. Ash went into a random classroom. The teacher didn't seem to mind. He was lecturing about the principles involved in machines, stealing, avoiding the police, and so on and so forth. Ash was typing the notes on his Mac book.
He flew back to - where the n00b trainer was (- is the name of the last region that Ash visits before the series is canceled.)
"Hey, n00b trainer. If you wanna know how to effectively steal Pokemon, take a look through my word document on this laptop computer," Ash invited. He released his Arceus from its Pokeball. The n00b trainer threw a net on it and ran away. "Come back with my Ar- oh that's right. I wanted you to take it!"
Ash decided to rebattle the Pokemon league yet again, but this time he had a Magikarp, Hoothoot, Spinarak, Bidoof, and the last two were Pokemon from one of the (many?) unspecified regions. Ash crossed his fingers. His first opponent was the n00b trainer who "stole" his Arceus. Ash sent out his Magikarp. If I lose, I'll release every single Pokemon I've ever caught into the wild. Victory is a safe bet. When the match began, Arceus knocked out Ash's Magikarp in a single blow.
"The trainer with the Magikarp is so stupid. What was he thinking? I don't even know why he became a trainer in the first place. Such a n00b. No! He's so idiotic, he makes n00bs look like Pokemon Masters. El Oh El!" the announcer teased. All of Ash's other Pokemon got KO'd by Arceus equally quickly.
"The idiot trainer with all those weak Pokemon loses the match, which was totally one-sided because Arceus is considered an uber and you'd have to be an idiot to think you could beat it with weak Pokemon such as those."
When Ash was doing more intense training on the Sinnoh moorland, he saw the bully from the beginning once more.
"Hey Ash, I think you're cool now. I was wrong to pick on you. You beat that scrawny wimpy trainer with your Arceus. I've never seen you with a belly that huge. Man, you gotta trim that Jupiter belly that you probably got from eating a whole lot." He looked at Ash again and apparently noticed something he hadn't noticed before. "And you have trimmed that Jupiter belly so fast." Ash knew the bully was mistaken, but he didn't dare correct him. He gained the bully's respect, and that was all that mattered.
The truth must never come out, Ash thought. Everywhere he walked, people praised him for winning the Pokemon League because they mistook the n00b trainer for him because the n00b had a Jupiter belly, since they knew Ash was a bit of a glutton. Ash never really did have a big belly, but they don't know that. The n00b trainer only won the champion title because he had Arceus. Ash then sold all his Pokemon on eBay and quit being a Pokemon trainer. "I AM OFFICIALLY A POKEMON MASTER NOW! MY JOURNEY IS OVER!"