"Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given."
- Carlise Cullen (New Moon)
(A/N Begins a bit before where Bella's POV left off)
I'd been away from Bella for only a half hour, but it felt like alot longer.
I was going to go straight to her house after I'd hunted and changed, but Alice called me before I did, saying she had something important to show me.
"Can't it wait?" I asked impatiently. I had to see my love soon or I might explode.
"No, you're going to want to see this," she'd insisted.
So I headed home, wanting to get whatever it is she had to show me over with.
When I came through the door, I saw through her thoughts immediately what she wanted to show me.
Before, her visions of Bella were murky and grey.
Other than the suicide one, she was never able to get a clear picture of Bella's future.
But now I saw, it was becoming alot clearer.
It looked like bad reception on a television, where you could make out the people but not so much the situation.
"It's been getting clearer and clearer since last night," she said, turning to me. Her face was lit up with excitement.
This was progress. "I wonder what changed," she mused, eyeing me suspiciously.
Before I could send back a snarky remark, Carlisle came running down the stairs his face panicked.
"Edward, I just got a call that Bella's house is on fire," he said.
I didn't even pause, I darted out the door and and ran full speed back to Bella's house.
I was only briefly aware of Carlisle, Jasper and Alice running behind me.
Why was fate doing this to her? To me?
Is there only a limit of happiness she is allowed?
Please, please let her be alright.
I could smell smoke in the air, long before the house came into view.
When we cut through the last clearing, I saw the fire had long since consumed the house and it was beyond saving.
Was she still in there? I was about to rush in to see, not caring if it killed me in the process because if Bella died, I would be grateful to the fire for taking me out.
Before I could go in, Alice grabbed my arm and pointed to a figure standing in the trees.
Bella stood a bit behind the house so she was blocked from the neighbours who stood watching in horror.
We ran to her.
"Bella are you okay? Are you hurt?" I asked, checking her all over for any sign of injury.
There were bruises now forming on her wrist but they looked like finger prints marks.
"Bella," I said softly.
She turned to me and it seemed to take a while for her eyes to focus on me and for her to recognize me.
When she did, I thought she might cry, but instead she looked back to me with a sad expression.
"We have to go now," I said, taking her hand gently and pulling her away from the sight of the burning house.
She resisted at first but then I was able to get her to come back with me.
Carlisle treated her for some minor burns and a sprained ankle.
Even while her treated her, he kept looking at her anxiously.
Her face was blank so he wasn't sure if he was causing her pain.
I held her hand the entire time but I'm not sure she noticed. She seemed so far, her thoughts elsewhere.
Alice called me then. I didn't want to leave her, but what Alice had to say sounded urgent.
"What is it?" I asked. I stood just around the corner so I would still be able to keep an eye on Bella.
She hadn't reacted to me moving and that scared me more than if she had burst into tears.
"I found this," Alice said, handing me a piece of paper.
It was burned at the edges but not enough that I could not read it.
WE WILL SEE YOU AGAIN. SOON.
"Where did you find it?" I asked.
"It was on the ground near to her house," she replied.
Taking the paper, I went back to Bella.
When she was bandaged up, Carlisle left us alone. She didn't say anything at first, she just continued to stare into nothing.
"Bella what happened? Please, the truth. I need to know," I tried to keep the pain out of my voice but it was hard.
It seemed no matter how hard I try, she keeps getting hurt.
She didn't respond right away, but the paper caught her eye and she held her hand out for it.
When she took it, she didn't seem surprised.
"Bella, please." I said again.
She looked at me for a moment, searching for something and when she spoke, she sounded lifeless.
She told me then about how her attackers in Seattle were vampires.
Austin and Rowan, they were called.
She told me of how they murdered Charlie and Renee, and how they stalked her after.
How they came to her today, and what they said.
When she was done, I couldn't believe it.
The rest of my family stood in the living room, in horror.
How could this keep happening to her?
"Bella, I'm so sorry," was all I could muster up.
I didn't know what else to say. What could I possible say, what could I do, to make this right again.
"It doesn't matter," she said. "What's done is done."
She stood to walk up the stairs. I went to follow her but she put her hands up.
"Please, can I have a moment," she pleaded.
I wasn't sure I could bare to have her out of my sight, even for a moment, but I could see from her face she really wanted to be alone now.
"Okay," I said after a moment.
I would listen out, for even the slightest sound.
Fate had speared us for now, but I didn't know how long it would last.
"Bella," I called, knocking.
There was no answer. The only sound from inside the bathroom was music.
I knocked again.
Now I became panicked.
I turned the door knob and found it wasn't locked.
Bella was laying with her head on her arms, which was also laying on the bathtub's side.
From there, she was looking through the open window, where light poured in on her.
She looked so Angelic.
She was breathing. I could see her body rise and fall with each breath.
Music was from playing on my Ipod Dock.
The song playing wasn't familiar to me.
It spoke of someone, wanting to take away the brokenness of another.
"I want to hold you high, and steal your pain" the singer rang out.
It spoke exactly of how I felt really. What wouldn't I give to be able to hold her high, and steal all of her pain.
"Bella. Are you alright?" I asked coming into the bathroom and shutting the door.
She lifted her head off of the bathtub, her chin was resting on the edge of the tub.
She was drenched so I couldn't tell if she had been crying.
She sighed and nodded.
She looked broken. Laying there. Seeing her, caused pain to every fiber of my being.
I sat on the floor next to her.
We were silent for a few minutes as the song playing concluded.
"Is that how you feel? Broken?" I couldn't help the pain that seeped into my voice.
She looked at me as she answered.
"I am not broken...I am merely defeated."
I didn't know how to respond to this.
"Have you ever reached to a point where, you just want to give up?" she asked. Not meeting my eyes.
"Where you just, let the grief and pain take you? Where you stop believing that anything good will come out of it?"
I didn't even hesitate when I answered.
"Bella, you can't give up. You have to keep fighting this."
"But I don't want to anymore. I know I won't win."
With that she moved from her place at the side of the bathtub to sit in the middle, facing away from the light.
She closed her eyes and sat there. Her head bowed low. Though she didn't cry. She just let the grief take her.
If I had been listening, I would have heard Edward get up. But I was too wrapped up in the severe pain that I didn't hear when he stood. Or the sound of his pants hitting the ground.
I was only aware of him when I felt the water ripple at his entrance into the tub. I didn't open my eyes though. I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he pulled me to him. I laid my head back on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. Holding me tight to him as he laid back on the wall.
He held me tight in his embrace, stroking my cheek for several minutes.
After a few silent moments, he spoke.
"Bella, when I was turned into a vampire. I didn't have a choice. I couldn't speak out against it. I was propelled into a life, I had no choice of, nor that I wanted. A life, if you had asked me then, I would have said no to. But like many others and my siblings after me I had to decide what to do with what I given." he paused for a moment. "That time I spent, rebelling I guess you can say. When I didn't want to live with Carlisle's rules. I left. I chose a bad path, I was given a life and I chose a wrong way to deal with it."
I pulled away from him and turned till I was facing him. I knew what he was talking about. I knew what the moral behind this story was, but I didn't want to hear it.
"But, I don't want to fight anymore. I'm fighting a battle, that I know I will lose. I'm fighting a battle alone" I said holding back the tears that threatened to fall. He reached out and grabbed my hand tight in his.
He shook his head.
"Bella you will not fight this alone. I will fight this with you." He said, eyes tight, voice pained.
I began shaking my head.
He held my face in between his hands and leaned till his forehead was touching mine.
"Bella, I will," his voice was agonized. "You can't give up. You can't let them win. You can't give up."
My body was shaking with the tears that began to fall.
"I promise you Bella, we will make it through this. You told me, it's like trying to swim, while drowning. I'm going to help you swim."
I let him pull me into his chest then. Tears rolling down my face. Part of me, didn't want to continue fighting. This part was large, it kept screaming at me, that it was pointless. That I wasn't going to win. But a small part, said that I can do it. I can fight this. I can make it through. I held that small part, as he sat infront of me. I had to trust him. I had to.
Songs used to write this chapter
- Broken by Seether
-Broken Wings by Flyleaf
- Broken by Scott Stapp
Also the playlist that Bella is listening to. Broken by Seether is what she was listening to when Edward came in.