"I cried like a baby at the Keller wedding"
I don't know what possessed me to say it but I felt it needed to be said. Maybe a small way of saying, "I want to let you in, Jane." But I still don't know.
She pulled my face to hers in a rush. I gasped at the feelings spreading through the contact. Even with Jill, my ex-wife it hadn't felt like this. It made my head spin and made the world go unsteady.
We stumbled toward the door barely able to keep each other's hands off each other. Close to the car it hit a high point. I pushed her against the tree. Our lips chaffed against each other as we desperately ran our hands over each other. Jane's small hands ran through my hair, driving me crazy, and yet pulling me closer to her.
I pulled away to gently kiss her neck. She arched her back into me and I pulled away. I saw the clouded look in her eyes. Jane was amazingly beautiful. The wet hair stuck to her forehead and cheeks.
With every reason to feel happy about having the women I've been dreaming about for weeks kissing me, wanting me, I couldn't help but feel sad. She didn't love me. I hated how much that hurt but it was inevitable. I knew going into this that she wouldn't love me. George was the only one she saw. This night wasn't going to happen again. I had one memory to have. So I planned to make the most of it.
I reached up and ran my hand down her cheek. Ever so gently. I wanted her to know how I felt about her but my pride wouldn't let me just say "I love you". I leaned in an brushed my lips against hers. I felt my heart breaking, knowing this was my only chance to be with her. Whether it was the alcohol or just my fragile state of mind about this mysterious, crazy girl I felt a tear run down my cheek but it went unnoticed in the rain. I kissed Jane like it would be the last I would ever have. It may be. Who knows?
I pulled her closer not being able to stand it any longer.
Later, before falling asleep I kissed her head. I couldn't help but smile. This wasn't just a hook up to me. It may be to her but it was so much more to me.
I drifted asleep with the same goofy smile on my face.
I woke up with the sun. The sun streamed through the window onto Jane's hair making it sparkle. A few stands had fallen onto her eyes and I brushed them away. Oh, how I wished this was how I could awaken every morning. With her resting on my chest. I winced. I kissed her head and managed to wiggle out of her grasp. She didn't awaken. She merely made a sound of protest in her sleep which was utterly adorable.
But she wasn't mine. And I couldn't stand being here when she awoke and regret what happened. It'd kill me. So I grabbed my collared shirt and headed up the hill to get coffee. I turned back and stared at the car with the girl I loved in it. I wished it wouldn't happen only once.