Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, the TV channel Logo, Pokemon, or Noah's Arc.
A/N: The quote this is based around comes from a TV show on Logo called Noah's Arc. If you know about this show... don't judge me. XD I like weird things. It's a terrible show and I adore it. Also, I briefly used the concept of a quote from one of Alex Sanchez's Rainbow Boys series.
Shoutout to my newly-dubbed fanfiction sister, Miharu is Haruka's Love Child! *waves*
I was bored.
While this was not a particularly unusual occurrence, this time, it was really bothering me.
I had managed to piss off Mello again (to no one's surprise) and he had gotten so mad that he quarantined me in our shared bedroom, storming into the next room over to be away from me for a bit. I couldn't exactly blame him for this, since... hey, if he thought it was annoying to be around me eighteen hours a day, just imagine what it was like for me. I have had to be around myself every moment of every day for nineteen years. That was Hell. I know exactly how annoying I am.
So, honestly, it didn't really bother me that I had finally managed to grate on him so much that he stranded me here. That was not my problem. There was a TV and cigarettes in here, after all, so I was good for days as long as he was willing to bring some food and water in occasionally.
The weird part was what he had said as he did it. I had been all geared up for our usual physical fight, even taking a half-step back and lowering my center of gravity, but he had just turned around and walked out the door, saying, "I've gotta go cool off. Just... stay here so I don't hurt you."
In theory, this was a very nice thing for him to have said, but I was confused. He had never hesitated to beat the shit out of me before, and I had never hesitated to try to beat him up, either. It was just a thing we had always done. We never seriously hurt each other, but we weren't above bruises and black eyes. It was how we ignored the fact that we were insanely codependent and tried to behave like normal best friends. Guys did that kind of thing, right?
I shook my head hard to clear it, but to no avail. Knowing that if I didn't hardcore distract myself right this very instant I would obsess until I drove myself crazy, I fished my DS out of my back pocket, simultaneously flipping to my favorite TV channel. Or, at least, my secret favorite TV channel, since to the rest of the world I liked Dirty Filthy Smut Central. If anyone knew that my favorite channel was actually the gay channel, then my thoroughly closeted ass would be out for all the world to see.
I turned the volume waydown so that Mello wouldn't be able to hear it through the walls. Him, especially, I wanted to leave in the dark. As my best friend, he probably wouldn't leave me if he found out, but I still didn't want it to happen. It might change something, and everything was currently perfect. He might want to have separate rooms ("Two single fags in one room? That's asking for trouble, Matt."), and we'd have to find a two-bedroom apartment (like we could afford one) or one of us would have to sleep on the couch and it would just all be awkward. I didn't want to be separated from him. True, I was madly in love with him (and always had been, always would be), but part of that meant accepting that he wasn't into me and not jumping him when I saw him naked.
It sounded creepy, but I didn't want to stop seeing him naked. Not even for a sexual reason. Just that... I didn't want anything to change. I'd dealt with enough change in my life and so had he.
So. Staying in the closet. For the rest of my life.
That did not, however, mean that I couldn't admit it to myself, and proceed to watch all the gay TV I could fit into moments that Mello wasn't looking.
Now was a perfect example of such a moment, and I was delighted to see that this terrible show I liked for some reason- Noah's Arc- was playing an episode I had never seen before.
Sighing and getting comfortable on my bed with my game and the remote (for a quick turn-off if Mello came in), I fired up Pokemon Soul Silver and divided my attention between my two distractions.
What was I trying to distract myself from again?
Good! I can't remember! ...Oh, right. Mello and his fucking confusing ways. One would think I would be used to them by now.
My ears pricked up when I heard the word- and I'm not even lying- 'boogina.' As in 'booty vagina.' Noah, the main guy, had just fucked (been fucked by? The scene had been largely tasteful and sadly didn't let you know exactly how it happened) a guy named Wade, and now he was sitting in a... bathroom, I think... calling his three best friends.
"How will I know if he's the one?" Noah was begging.
"Kiss him. If the Earth moves, you'll know," one of his friends- the smart, Professor one- said.
...Aww. That was so unnecessarily cute! This is why I liked this show. Random fluff for the win!
Slightly turned on by the previous sex scene ('largely tasteful' didn't mean it hadn't been hot), I focused a little more of my attention on the game, making it about 60-40. As I got closer and closer to a gym battle, my attention slipped more and more to the game until I didn't even know the TV was on anymore.
I also wasn't aware of my surroundings, so I have no idea how long Mello was in the room with me before I turned off my game and suddenly noticed.
It was at least ten minutes, because a different episode of Noah's Arc had come on. And at least one commercial break had gone by.
Logo isn't a subtle channel by any means, and, even if it was, Noah's Arc isn't. At all. It's like they took a straight soap opera and replaced all the females with males and made everyone- literally, every character- gay.
And they were all flaming. It was absolutely impossible to claim that this was not a gay show- written by gays, for gays, and on the gay channel.
I was toast.
I think Mello saw me jump when I finally realized he was standing right there, because he glanced at me quickly before refocusing his attention on the screen.
Finally, he said, "I've always liked this show. I would fuck Ricky if anyone offered me the opportunity," he said conversationally.
This, here, was one of the many examples of why I loved Mello so much. His tone was completely light, but he was very seriously offering me a way out. Right now, I could say something along the lines of, 'You left it on this channel and the bad acting sucked me in,' and we could laugh it off.
Or I could come right on out.
"Yeah... me too," I replied. "The guy's a dick but how could any self-respecting gay man pass him up?"
Mello didn't answer right away, silently processing the new information. By his complete lack of facial expression, I knew that I had given him the answer he expected.
I had never felt more relieved in my entire life. "How long have you known?" I asked evenly.
"I know that you've always been in love with me," he said emotionlessly.
Whereas I had previously been completely relaxed, now every sinew in my body tightened then froze. "Shit," I whispered, not even bothering to deny it. He could tell when I was lying, anyway, and the TV was currently blaring out one of the many scenes where Ricky had hot sex against a wall, adding a very interesting atmosphere to the conversation.
"Don't worry about it," he said airily, looking at me out of the corner of his eye, a mischevious smile playing at his lips. "It doesn't change anything just because it's been said out loud. I love you, you love me, end of story."
Wait just one motherfucking moment, here.
"Did you just say you love me?" I demanded of him, getting off the bed to come and stand in front of him, blocking the view of Ricky's fantastic abdominal muscles. He was laughing silently, shoulders shaking. "Because that's way too cheesy to be true!"
He looked a bit taken aback. "Excuse me?"
"I'm saying there's no way we've both been in love with each other for so long and then confess ourselves like this because you catch me doing something compromising! This doesn't happen! This isn't Noah's Arc for Zeldassake!"
He raised an eyebrow. A perfect, beautiful- "Do you have any idea what I was going to tell you before I stormed out of here earlier?"
"Um..." I thought back, but I honestly didn't remember what I had done to be confined to the room. It occurred to me that this was probably the problem. "Was I playing a game?" I asked quietly.
"Yeah. I thought you were 50-50 but it was more like 90-10, and you just kept 'Mm-ing' whenever I said something."
"Oh... um... I'm sorry..."
He shrugged it off. I was the only person in the world whose apologies he actually accepted. "I was going to tell you everything."
I just stared at him. "...Seriously?"
"And I was focused on my game. Instead of you, telling me that you were in love with me."
My hand went to my hair and gripped it hard. I grinned, feeling a little like a crazy person. "Fuck, I need some serious therapy. I've got to get my priorities straightened out."
He grinned back. "I'm not gonna argue with that."
And he touched my face with the splayed fingertips of one hand, meeting my fingers in my hair with the other, and drew me towards him so gently that I knew the 'physical fight' part of our relationship was gone forever.
And as Professor Chance from Noah's Arc- aptly, I discovered- said it should, the Earth shook itself to pieces beneath my feet.