Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, The Mysterious Ticking Noise, or A Very Potter Musical. These belong to J.K. Rowling, Neil Cicierega, and Team Starkid respectively. In other words, I'm not making any money off of this-it is simply a fan of all three having fun. :)
A/N: I have been obsessively watching A Very Potter Musical the last week or so and began wondering how the characters would react to their portrayal. The easy way was to look up someone else's interpretation of such events, but unfortunately my google searches yielded nothing so I said "I SHALL WRITE MY OWN!" and then lightening struck the ground behind me creating a small explosion and I looked very impressive. Anyways...this is my version of how they would react. :)
PS- If you have not seen A Very Potter Musical then you def. should. Then come back here and read this.
Young James Potter finished closing the door as he waved, smilingly to his parents. This afternoon, the Potters were leaving their children with their cousin Dudley.
Cousin Dudley was kind of weird and lived alone, but he was nice and their Dad had grown up with him, so it wasn't like they were being left with a stranger. The good thing about going to Dudley's house was that he had all the latest muggle gaming systems and computers.
This was something the children did not have at home because all of the magical forces running through their home tended to short-circuit electronics. It was thus that forced their father to give up on the dream of having his own computer that he could blow up aliens on whenever he wanted, much to their mother's relief.
However, when they were at Dudley's house they could do that and more, but today was not the day for that. No, James had a very different idea in mind. As his parents drove away he shut the door and turned to face the dark foyer. There behind him were Al and Lily who looked nervously up at him.
He supposed he must have been making that face. The face that usually meant that within the next four hours or so, all three of them would be in big trouble with their parents. Well, maybe not Lily; all she had to do was bat her big brown eyes at their father and he melted like a chocolate bar on a sunny day.
"Why are you looking at us like that?" pondered Albus, adjusting his tiny wire-framed spectacles nervously.
James let him fidget a bit more, watching him shift from side to side as he waited for a response. Lily simply sucked her thumb, her stuffed bear dragging sadly along the floor as she swung her other arm to and fro. Although she was nearly seven years old, she still carried around her bear and when their mum wasn't looking, sucked her thumb.
Just as James opened his mouth to put his brother out of his misery, Dudley poked his head into the hallway. "What are you kids doing, standing in the dark?" he asked awkwardly.
At the age of thirty-five Dudley Dursley was most definitely past his prime. His once thick blonde hair was thinning, his pudgy face slack, and all of his teeth had been filled at one point or other due to cavities brought on by his extreme sugar intake.
He was still muscular though, to the point where his body formed an upside down triangle between his head and legs.
"We're part vampire. We need the darkness to recover from all the sunlight we just had to stand in." said James innocently.
"Y-you're what?" spluttered Dudley.
"Our mum's a vampire, didn't Dad tell you?" Dudley shook his head, wide-eyed. "Oh, well that's what they're off to deal with now. They had to go kill some people so we could have blood for the rest of the month. It's sort of like grocery shopping, only the food doesn't come on shelves. Although I have to say the shopping trolleys would come in handy for lugging around the dead bodies." Added James thoughtfully, scratching his chin.
Dudley had paled and was gaping at them in shock. "T-t-they n-never told me a-about this…"
"Well don't worry about it, we already fed this morning at breakfast, we should be good for another day."
Dudley didn't exactly look relieved but his face became a bit less tense. "Anywho, I was wondering if we could see your computer? There's something I wanted to look up on the intronets." He finished matter-of-factly.
Dudley did not bother correcting him, he just led them straight to the computer without a word. It seemed that Wizard-vampire half-breeds were more than he was willing to go up against.
"Why did you do that?" Al asked dully as they followed their cousin to the computer room.
James chuckled, "Oh come on, it's fun! Did you see his face he was terrified!"
Al glared, "Exactly, it was mean."
They found their cousin standing flush against the wall to give the dangerous creatures room to sit around the computer. "Dudley, we're not vampires."
Unfortunately, Lily chose that moment to remove her thumb from her mouth and bare her small canines at Dudley, hissing like a cat. James ruffled his little sister's hair proudly, beaming at her. She was going to be an excellent prankster one day.
If it were possible Dudley backed himself further against the wall. Al rolled his eyes in frustration. "Dudley, they're idiots, we're not vampires it was just a joke."
Dudley let out a breath he had been holding and laughed weakly. "You got me…" Dudley knew he could trust Al to tell him the truth. It was further confirmed when he heard of a low hiss of 'buzzkill!' from James.
"So…er, why did you want to get on the internet?"
James, brought back to his original purpose turned to his cousin excitement lighting his brown eyes. "We're going to goggle Dad!"
"You're going to google Harry?" Dudley questioned bewildered as his cousin's eldest plopped himself down on the computer chair and yanked the keyboard closer.
"That's what I said isn't it?" The boy stuck his tongue out as he hunted and pecked the keys, spelling out H-A-R-R-Y P-O-T-T-E-R.
"But why? What makes you think the internet would have something on your dad?"
"Because he's famous." Dudley blinked at this revelation. "I realized it for sure when we were at Diagon Alley to get my school supplies last week. Everyone was pointing and staring and asking for his autograph, it was crazy…Problem is, I don't know why…There." The search engine had finally come up with the results.
Albus, despite his earlier irritation with his brother was watching the proceedings over his shoulder. "Whoa! Dad has a book series?"
"Boring…hey videos!" James quickly clicked the blue link that read "Videos for Harry Potter."
Albus rolled his eyes at his brother's complete disregard for literature and would most likely be an excellent source of information, but was distracted by one of the bright blue links. "Potter Puppet Pals?"
Dudley looked baffled but grabbed the mouse from James and clicked it anyway.
Before their eyes, a pale, black haired puppet popped up and began muttering about a ticking noise before singing a song "Snape…Snape…Severus Snape…"
"Hey! Isn't that the guy you're named after?" grinned James delightedly at Albus, who seemed repulsed.
A puppet with a long white beard wearing wizard robes and hat shot up crying "Dumbledore!" and James shouted "And there's your other namesake!"
Al shook his head sadly at his rather unimpressive namesakes.
A red haired puppet appeared singing his name as well and Lily and James shouted simultaneously "Uncle Ron!" which was almost immediately followed with a shrill "Aunt Mione!"
Dudley covered his ears when Harry appeared to block out the three screams of "DAD!"
They watched Snape and Harry get in a puppet fight over names and Dumbledore reappeared minus his robes, still sporting his star-spangled hat.
"Ew!" cried Lily and James laughed while Al just blushed at his crazy, naked namesake.
Soon, the song was over and Uncle Puppet Ron found a 'pipe-bomb' and they all exploded causing Lily to cry and clutch her bear so tightly one of its eyes popped off.
They paused the video to calm her down and when she regained control of her tears, they started up the video just in time for a snake like puppet to proclaim himself to be Voldemort and cackle evilly, causing Lily to become scared once again.
"Well…that was…odd." Stated Dudley.
James was already searching through the related videos box, muttering "A Very Potter Musical?" he clicked it and a new video began loading. "Maybe this will explain some things." Said James and Lily shushed him, as a silvery logo saying 'Starkid Potter' ran across the black screen and music filled the small room.
Just as a figure that remarkably resembled Harry came up on the screen, the door to the computer room swung open. "James, I can't believe you took my wallet-" Harry began angrily before turning to the screen to read the title above the video. "-what are you guys watching?"
James, eager to avoid the subject of the theft of his father's wallet quickly blurted "You have a musical Dad!"
His father's face contorted strangely and as he spun around to find a chair, James slipped the wallet back in his father's pants pocket.
Once Harry settled himself down, he commanded "Hit play James."
James was only too happy to comply and before they knew it the room was filled with the voice of the actor playing Harry.
"Underneath these stairs
I hear the sneers and feel glares of
my cousin, my uncle and my aunt."
Dudley turned red at the reminder of his and his parent's cruelty towards Harry and wondered how many Harry had told.
"Can't believe how cruel they are
and it stings my lighting scar
to know that they'll never ever give me what I want."
Dudley glanced at Harry who, like him, seemed embarrassed and shocked that this actor was spouting out secrets about their home-life.
"I know I don't deserve these
stupid rules made by the Dursleys
here on Privet drive.
Can't take all of these muggles,
but despite all of my struggles,
I'm still alive."
Harry grinned a bit as James muttered "Way to be dramatic Dad."
"Im sick of summer and this waiting around.
Man, its September, and Im skipping this town
Hey Its no mystery, theres nothing here for me now
I gotta get back to Hogwarts,
I gotta get back to school.
Gotta get myself to Hogwarts,
where everybody knows I'm cool."
Harry's small smile became a full on grin as he thought about how true that had been for him, and he looked over to his eldest son who was probably feeling that way right now.
"Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts,
to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts.
Its all that I love, and it's all that I need.
HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, I think I'm going back-
I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry
take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky
NO WAY this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome"
Dudley who had been looking a bit confused by all of the magical references asked "Why would anybody die?" No one answered him, although Harry cut an irritated glance his way.
"I'll cast some spells, with a flick of my wand
defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on!
and do it all with my best friend ron, 'cuz together we're totally awesome"
A man in a red wig, apparently Ron Weasley, strode in and Harry and Dudley cringed at the screams of "UNCLE RON!"
"Yeah, and it's gonna be totally awesome! Did somebody say Ron Weasley?"
Harry's grin grew impossibly wider.
Ron's character began to sing:
"It's been so long, but we're going back
don't go for work, don't go there for class
As long as were together-
- gonna kick some ass
HARRY & RON:
... and its gonna be totally awesome!
This year we'll take everybody by storm,
stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm
but let's not forget that we need to perform well in class
if we want to pass our OWLS!"
"AUNT MIONE!" shouted the children and Harry scolded "No more yelling!" Dudley nodded faintly.
"I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart
check out my grades, they're "A's" for a start
what I lack in looks well I make up in heart,
and well guys, yeah, that's totally awesome
this year I plan to study a lot..."
Harry's maniacal grin returned; that was so like his best friend.
"that would be cool if you were actually hot"
And that was so like his other best friend.
"hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got!
and that's cool...
... and that's totally awesome
HARRY, RON, HERMIONE:
yeah it's so cool, and it's totally awesome!
we're sick of summer and this waiting around
it's like we're sitting in the lost and found
don't take no sorcery
for anyone to see how...
we gotta get back to hogwarts
we gotta get back to school
we gotta get back to hogwarts
where everything is magic-cooooool"
Dudley found himself watching the Potter's frighteningly insane smiles more than the film and as the song progressed, he begun wishing that he had gone to Hogwarts.
"back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts
to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts
it's all that I love, and it's all that I need at
HARRY, RON, HERMIONE:
- I think we're going back..."
"Click the next one!" pleaded Dudley and the rest turned to him in surprise. Dudley's cheeks flushed but he made motions to hurry up and James obeyed, sending them to the next video in the series.
A/N: Kind of abrupt ending I know but I had to make myself stop. Read and review :)