"Excuse me miss, you can't go in there."
"What?" Mello shouted.
"That is the men's restroom," one of the waiters at the restaurant said patiently.
"But I'm a guy." The waiter, who looked very annoyed, looked Mello over, then shook his head.
"I don't know what you are playing at, but from what I can see, you are clearly female."
The blond fumed for a few seconds, trying to keep calm, then abandoned that idea altogether to reach into his pants and pull out a gun. The waiter's eyes went wide.
"LISTEN BUDDY! I'LL USE WHATEVER FREAKING BATHROOM I WANT TO!" And with that Mello stomped into the men's restroom, leaving the confused waiter to shuffle back into the kitchen.
The door slammed shut as Mello entered the apartment, takeout bag in hand. As much as he wanted to just enjoy his food in peace, the teen had to admit that it was quite likely that idiot of a waiter would've soon called the police. He plunked angrily on the couch, startling the nearby redhead out of his gaming.
"Having a nice day Mello?" he asked, clearly knowing the answer.
"No. I wasn't allowed to go to the restroom because a waiter thought I was a girl."
Matt disguised his laughter as a cough, knowing that to show any sign of such would result in extreme pain. Nonetheless, he had the guts to say,
"What's the problem? People mistake you for a girl all the time." Matt said casually.
"The problem," Mello nearly yelled, "is that it's now it's actually interfering with my daily life! I don't know what the issue with so many people is..."
"Well," Matt spoke up, "You have long, straight blond hair. You couldn't grow a beard or mustache if you tried. Your facial features and body structure are rather feminine, and you're thin enough to account for being 'flat'. It's really not that surprising."
"Gee, what a helpful friend you are," the blond said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He shifted his position on the sofa.
"What I need," he continued, "is a way to distinguish me as male. I'm really tired of all this."
"You could get a different haircut," Matt suggested. His friend glared at him.
"Don't even joke about that. My hair is awesome." He lay back down and continued to ponder the issue.
"You could just pretend to be female, and go with the flow."
"These aren't viable options! Do you have any suggestions I could actually take?"
Matt stroked an imaginary goatee in thought.
"You could get clothes unique to guys. I mean, girls obviously have dresses and skirts, but there are some guy-only clothes out there."
"...That's actually a good idea. I'll be back in a few hours."
As Mello once again left their apartment, Matt wondered how on Earth Mello would be able to prove his manliness when he went shopping for hours at a time like this.
Peering at the clothes racks, Mello tried to decide what to get. He already wore black, and that was a manly enough color, so no reason to change it. Tight clothing was definitely better than loose; it would show that he didn't have breasts.
He flipped through some more clothing items. He could always wear a tie, but Mello valued his neck circulation, thank you very much. Plus, he got into enough fights that any type of formal wear was out.
Perhaps... one of the sections with rougher outfits? He didn't want to look like any kind of weird wannabe gangster or something, but he could probably pull off looking tough. Everyone at Wammy's had already been afraid of him, and he gradually scared the fear into most of the people he met. Fearsome clothes would save him a lot of effort.
He walked over to a display of leather jackets, and browsed through more clothing racks.
No. No. No. Was that a vest?
Mello paused, and looked at the last article of clothing. It was a vest. A very nice looking vest. Yes... it would work well to fully show off his awesomeness. He picked it up, then went into the dressing room to try it on. 'It fits perfectly!' Was what Mello really wanted to say about it. Unfortunately, it was extremely tight, and revealed a good portion of his stomach. Well, at least he wouldn't get mistaken for a girl, right?
Moving around some more, the blond decided that he could eventually get used to it. He stepped back out of the dressing room, and began searching for pants. Fortunately he could be less picky with them.
He quickly found a black leather pair. Though easier to choose, he had to be pickier about how they fit, because he needed to be able to conceal a gun in them. Going back to the dressing room, he pulled out the revolver he had snuck through security. He stuck it straight down his pants, and surprisingly enough, they actually fit well.
But as much as Mello himself liked the outfit, he needed a second opinion. Strolling out in his new attire, Mello planted himself in front of a clerk.
"Guess my gender," he commanded. The unfortunate recipient of those words nearly choked on the soda he was slurping.
"What?" he stammered out.
"You heard me. Guess my gender."
"Male...?" the poor man coughed out.
"Perfect! I'll be buying these clothes now."
By the time Mello managed to change back, the clerk had moved on from being surprised to merely looking at ex-Wammy's boy like he was insane.
"Would you like to purchase anything else?" the man asked suspiciously.
"Yep. I'd like to order 7 more pairs of the same thing. Use your supply warehouses or whatever," Mello told him.
"Okay then... sir?"
Mello then walked off without even deeming to answer, content with his newly purchased leather.
"YOU STUPID GAME! I KNOW I PRESSED LEFT-UP-A-A-B-RIGHT, NOT LEFT-UP-A-B-B-RIGHT! THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH YOUR SYSTEM!"
"Having a nice day Matt?" Mello asked as he reentered their apartment, echoing the redhead's earlier words.
"No," he replied glancing in Mello's direction, "my game... holy crap what are you wearing?"
"It's my new look. No way people will think I'm a girl now, right?" he asked, walking towards his bedroom.
"Probably not." Matt waited until his friend was out of earshot, then added,
"But they will think you're gay."
Of course, Matt wouldn't complain if he actually was.
Author's Note: Again with my one-line yaoi implications at the end. As much fun as I had writing this, I worried about the shopping portion. Most of the time my shopping experiences involve me just fading into my happy place (coughdeathnoteuniversecough) while I try to forget that I am surrounded by clothes that I will have to try on. And special thanks to my beta, Backyard Bottomslash!