Hey! It's me not sure if your happy or sad or completely emotionless but hi anyway! I thought I'd write a little story about Ben and Camelia together forever 3 Anyhow yeah this takes place in the time between Deadly Little Secret and Deadly Little Lies when Ben is gone and its just Camelia… I haven't actually read either books in a little while so they may be a bit OOC!

Disclamer: I don't own the DLS or DLL but Sara(h) Stolarz does ( to bad!)

Here I am sitting in my room numb… I still can't believe he's gone. Gone for good. I'll never get the sparks shooting through me when he touches me again. I'm longing for that feeling I get when we kiss when his eyes melt into me. I'm longing for him. Right now there is nothing more I want then for Ben to come and save me again only this time from my sadness and sorrow.

Kimmie keeps trying to get me to leave the house to do something for a change instead of just walking around like I am now. The only time I actually feel thing other than when I'm thinking about Ben is when I'm working with my clay. Each time I touch it I'm hoping that maybe I'll create something that can tell me what to do. Something that can tell me where to go. Something that tells me about Ben. Ben. My mind keeps wondering to him. I'm sitting at school I think about him, I'm going to work I think about him. I'm eating dinner I think about him. Now my like is just Ben, Ben, Ben and I'm sick of it. Don't get me wrong I love him with all my heart and I don't think I'll hurt as much as I did the day he left me but the more I think about him the more sad I get then I get pissed at myself for just sitting around hoping that he'll just come around and knock on my door. Because let's face it, he's not going to. So I just sit, think and tell myself if I cry that I'm pathetic.

He's just a guy after all, but if anyone knew what it felt like just… just to be around him even to think about him, the time in the dinner with him, the time I was sculpting with him, anytime that I touch him it makes me go crazy. That's ridiculous I need to just get over him but… I just can't. He's everywhere. And so I finally bring myself to move my lump of a body down the stairs and to the basement where all my tools are. I sit and I stare. I think and I plan. But then I just touch it and go. I let my mind flow, wonder. I let myself remember and I didn't even realize that warm salty tears where streaming down my face until I saw the wet drops plop down on the clay. The softness of it reminded me of his hair. The rawness behind it made me think of his eyes. The way it made me feel safe… reminded me of everything about it.

As I step back to take a look at my work I know what I've made and it makes me crazy. I've created his motorcycle crashed and mangled. Out of all the things I could have made created that had to do with him… that's what I made. And then I'm upset and torn. I need to let him go I tell myself. But I can't and I won't and I know it. So I just wipe my hands off cover the motorcycle and walk up the stairs to call Kimmie.