Pleasure in a Jar

Word Count: 5,119

Rating: MA

Pairing: Edward & Bella

Summary: Bella Swan has two loves in her life, Edward Cullen, and Nutella. One is always there, and never lets her down; the other is amazingly smooth with a sweet edge. Edward just wants Bella to open herself up to him the way she opens herself up to the jar of Nutella. Armed with Bella's favorite snack, and his six-pack abs, Edward Cullen is about to do the impossible… he is about to get Bella Swan to share her Nutella.


"Ah, Nutella. My smooth, nutty friend. I love you," I coo into the plastic jar as I dip my spoon in and scoop up a mouthful of my favorite indulgence. The moment my heavenly friend glides on my tongue, I moan, not some muted moan that's appropriate for a public venue. A loud, breathless, feel-it-in-your-gut porno moan.

"I don't really need a man with you around, do I?" Okay, so, I talk to my Nutella. At the end of the day, when my thighs are chaffing, I'm out of breath, and I'm sweaty as a hooker in Texas because I live in the hilliest city in the country... my Nutella is always there for me. Unlike some people… my Nutella will never abandon me, it will never reject me, and it most certainly will never tell me that I'm "too self deprecating for my own good." Unlike Edward. Fuck you, Edward Cullen.

The very thought of my former friend, current nemesis, and long-time crush sends me back into the jar for another mouthful. But this time, a whimper escapes me instead of the porn-star moan I was expecting. Damn it. Edward even ruins my foodgasms. Screw that chiseled, funny, adorable, dorky, bastard. I sigh, because even when I'm heartbroken and angry, Edward is still beautiful and amazing, and still so very out -of -my -league. I dip my spoon in for another mouthful when the nutritional label catches my eye. I've never really considered myself a masochist, but I can't think of another explanation for why my fat ass insists on reading these damn labels.

Two hundred calories for two tablespoons… ninety nine calories from fat.

Fuck me.

I roll my eyes at myself. Dream on, Bella. Nobody is going to fuck you when you look like this.

If I could, I would take my inner voice and I'd beat the ever-loving shit out of her. She's such a damn bitch sometimes… and Edward wonders what the fuck my problem is. I look at my soup spoon and estimate that each mouthful is a tablespoon, and I try to remember how many mouthfuls I've consumed in this one sitting. From the looks of the more than half empty, just opened jar, I would estimate that my little snack has totaled up to well over a thousand calories and at least twenty grams of fat. The realization that my Nutella… my best friend, confidant, and all-around pick-me-upper, is actually the reason I'm fat is heartbreaking. So in an effort to comfort myself, I take another bite.

Knock, knock, knock.

I look over to the front door and decide it's just too damn far to get up. "Who is it?" I yell from my spot on the couch, mouth full of Nutella, as I glide my tongue around, savoring the flavor. I look back to the Home Shopping Network that is currently trying to sell me some over-priced body shaper that won't work anyway, and ignore whoever is on the other side of the door. No answer. I lick my lips, waiting for a response and I hear the jostling of keys on the other side of the door. It must be Rose or Alice trying to get in. Lazy asses should know by now that I'm not their personal bellhop.

The door opens and I turn to confront the lazy bastards head-on. I have my rant ready, and my mouth is hanging open when I realize who is standing in front of me. Edward. Wide-eyed and nervous, I tuck my Nutella away in the corner of the end table, and I stand up defensively.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, trying to sound mean and tough when really, I feel nervous and embarrassed, and won't even look him in the eye. I pull at my sweatshirt in an attempt to cover myself as much as possible. I'm wearing my rattiest sweats, without any type of undergarment; my hair is in a bun, and I'm without any make up. In short, I look like crap. Even on my best day, Edward is out of my league, but with me looking like this? We probably shouldn't be allowed in the same room. It's a crime against his beauty.

Edward slams the door shut and I can hear him muttering, though I can't make out the words. I can't imagine why he is mad. I'm the one whose evening has been rudely interrupted. "You won't talk to me, and I don't like it," he says with gritted teeth.

The audacity. My head shoots up and I glare at him. How dare he. "How in the hell did you get in here?" I screech because I can't believe Edward is seeing me like this… at my absolute worst. I wouldn't blame him if he made a run for it.

Edward's angry expression relaxes into an amused grin. "Alice loaned me her key," he reveals, looking proud of himself. I really want to kick him right now, but that's too childish, even for me. I scream in frustration. Damn you, Alice. Alice and her meddling ways; she's really gone too far this time. It's never going to work between me and Edward, and I have no idea why Alice can't see that.

"Why won't you talk to me?" His voice is raw with a hint of desperation. I fold my arms over my chest and I look down at my feet. My toenail polish has worn off in several spots and my feet are a mess. Crap. Can't just one part of my body not be a complete disaster right now? Edward's shoes come into view and then stop, mere inches away from mine. I can smell the soap he uses he's so close, but I hold my ground and refuse to look him in the eye. This really sucks.

I feel his hands running up and down my arms slowly. Edward is always so gentle and caring with me; he leaves me baffled. I withhold the sob that is threatening to escape. One look, one touch from him, and I'm a basket case. He pulls me flush against him and I drop my arms to my sides. I think I can actually feel his six-pack underneath his clothes. With Edward's strong arms wrapped around me, I feel at home. I feel safe, I feel like I belong. He bends down and buries his face in my neck. "Fucking Christ, Bella," he purrs, "is that Nutella I smell?"

I try to push off him, but it does no good. I'm still pinned to this handsome man with the six-pack abs and gorgeous grin. Why am I trying to get away again? Oh, that's right. He's an ass. "Don't judge me," I whimper into his chest and push off of him again.

His hold on me tightens and I can feel his body go rigid and he grits his teeth, "Quit fighting me, damn it." I push against him again, this time with more force. I'm serious about getting away and putting some distance between us. Being in his arms is dangerous. If I spend too long in his embrace, I might actually convince myself that he could want me one day… you know, if I lost about fifty pounds or so.

The more I push against him, the tighter his grip. I give up struggling and start to whine in hopes that he'll release me, but even that is no use. "Why won't you let me hold you?" I freeze, taking in his words. Is he serious? I lift my neck to look up at him. He looks sad and disappointed. It's unnerving in an all-consuming kind of way. He brings his face to mine, so close, that our noses are touching. I can smell his breath. Mint. I breathe him in and try to drown myself in mint and soap, but the smell of my Nutella breath is so strong, it's overpowering the intoxicating smell of Edward.

"What were you eating it with?" I can hear the humor in his voice and I completely forget what I had been eating. I stare at him blankly and he chuckles to himself. "Tthe Nutella… what were you eating it with?"

I blush and chew on my lip. After a few uncomfortable moments I sputter out "a spoon;" which only seems to bring Edward even more joy.

His gaze travels from my eyes down to my mouth and back again. "A spoon, huh?" The smirk on his face is priceless. I feel exposed, like he's seeing how deep my Nutella obsession really goes. I must be bright red right now. There is no doubt about it. "You have a little…" he trails off and I scramble to wipe away the evidence.

Edward's breathing slows and his voice is barely above a whisper, "Un uh." He leans his face down and before I can process what the fuck he thinks he's doing, I feel his smooth lips on the corner of my mouth, and he's sucking on my skin. I think I'm panting, but I can't be sure because my heart is beating in my ears and my pussy is getting moist. When he pulls away, it's slow and his movements are deliberate. He places his hands on my cheeks. "You taste delicious, Bella." I think I moan but I'm not entirely sure. My heart beating in my ears is really dulling my senses.

I'm admiring Edward's lips and their amazing suctionability so intently that I don't even realize that he's pulled back away from me and his focus is elsewhere. Maybe I don't really taste that delicious, and it was just the Nutella he was appreciating. Maybe he crossed a line he didn't mean to. Maybe Edward Cullen really isn't a chubby chaser. Maybe he should be wearing a shirt that reads 'I don't do fat chicks.' I mentally slap my inner voice because she's being a damn bitch again, and she really needs to be put in her place.

Edward walks around me towards the end table, where I hid my jar of perfection; and my eyes go wide when I realize what he's doing. For months now, Edward has been trying to get me to share my Nutella. Each time he has tried and failed… but this… this… seduction worked. I knew he had an ulterior motive. Men like Edward Cullen do not put their lips on women like me… even if it is to suck Nutella off their face. I spin around to find Edward holding the jar in one hand and the spoon in another. He's taunting me with the spoon hanging just outside of his mouth and he's grinning like a damn fool.

I fold my arms back over my chest and glare at him. He doesn't seem surprised that I'm less than thrilled about this turn of events. "Is that all you came over here for? To mock me? To pick on the chubby girl?" I ask, anger seething from every word.

Edward shakes his head and sighs,sighs; he looks almost put out, like I'm missing something important. "Why do you do that to yourself? Why do you always put yourself down, Bella?" I watch, horrified, as the spoon slowly slides into his mouth and he closes his eyes, moaning with the sole intent of pissing me off—and it's fucking working. He smacks his lips and re-opens his eyes, a lazy grin on his face. Bastard.

"You know I don't share my Nutella!" I shout without even the decency to be appalled at how seriously I take my nutty goodness. Shouldn't big girls try to hide their food addiction?

Edward smirks and dips the spoon in and takes another lick and licks his lips slowly and seductively. "You want your Nutella back… come and get it," he purrs in a low voice and he dips the spoon into the jar once more. I narrow my eyes and stomp forward, doing my best to look fierce and like somebody you shouldn't mess with. I reach up for the jar and he lifts it higher. I'm getting annoyed and probably taking this little game much too seriously, but I don't have the common sense to stop myself from attacking him. I jump up on the couch and climb on his back. Surely with my weight, I ought to bring him down… or at least, that's what you'd think. I try to re-position myself and I reach for the jar again, but Edward seems unfazed by my attempts and he starts turning in circles. How in the hell he's standing upright right now, I have no clue; but I refrain from making a fat joke because those always piss him off.

I pull on his hair and he groans. He fucking groans. If he's seriously trying to get me to wet myself, he's doing a damn fine job, because seriously… Edward Cullen groaning can practically elicit a spontaneous orgasm. I crawl a little higher on his back and reach for my Nutella, when Edward gets the bright idea to bend over—sending me flying on to the couch upside down. I feel the couch dip beside me and I fumble in the processing of making myself once again upright. I crawl towards him and the closer I get, the more he bends his torso away from me, the jar clutched to his chest. "Give me my Nutella back, Edward!"

The smug bastard removes the spoon, covered in creamy heaven, and slides it into his mouth, "Mmm, Nutella!" he exclaims with some sort of faux-passion. He doesn't even understand my love for Nutella and here he is depleting my supply.

My goal is to regain possession of my favorite spread, and my sole focus is on that jar in Edward's hands. I'm so focused on my goal that I don't even realize I'm literally climbing onto his lap and straining to reach the prized condiment. Edward licks his lips and smirks, "I would have stolen this crap a long time ago had I known this is where it would lead." Crap? Crap? Did he just call Nutella crap? I wiggle up farther and reach for the jar again but his arms are as long as fucking Florida and I still can't reach.

Dipping his index finger into the jar, Edward's gaze turns heavy and erotic. I follow his Nutella covered finger as it comes closer to me, and I think he's going to smear it on my cheek or something. I'm wrong. Edward runs his long finger over my lips, smearing Nutella around. I smile involuntarily. This is my number one fantasy… Edward and Nutella and sex… well, at least I'm sincerely hoping this is my number one fantasy and he won't just run from the room screaming. Well, there's only one way to find out. I grab his index finger with my right hand and guide it into my mouth. Even Edward's fingers taste like sex, and if ecstasy had a flavor… this would be it. Edward Cullen wrapped in Nutella. I can feel myself getting wet, and I make the decision that even if this is a mistake of epic proportions… I am going to have Edward and my Nutella, too.

I run my tongue over his finger and gently suck the Nutella from his skin. Edward's eyes close and his breaths become more shallow and sporadic. I'm thinking this whole 'suck the Nutella off of Edward's finger' idea is major win on my part, and I suck harder. He gasps and places his left hand on my hip, grinding me into his lap. I get a little too into my role and I sink myself down onto his lap as I do my best porn star moan. When all traces of Nutella are gone from Edward's finger, I slowly release it with a whimper. We're both panting and I bite my lip. I'm straddling Edward's lap, I'm horny and wet, and I want him… but I don't really know if he wants me. Honestly, at this point, I don't even care if he just wants a warm, wet hole. I'm ready, available, and more than fucking willing.

Edward's hands find themselves underneath my sweatshirt and holy fuck… I swear to God he's hard. I know I have a history of crazy and with Renee's genes, really, anything is possible… but, no, I'm not mistaken… Edward has an erection and it's currently nestled into my pussy. I can practically hear my hooha rejoice. It's been so long since any man has been near her I'm surprised she even recognized what a penis is. "Bella," Edward says in a strained voice "let me make love to you."

Woah, woah, motherfucking woah. My hearing must be failing me because despite the erection he's sporting, despite his roaming hands, and that needy look in his eyes; there is no way that Edward actually wants to… make love to me. He's said it before, he doesn't make love to women, he fucks them. While I'm freaking out over my own delusions; Edward's hands creep up my sides and I cringe. He can feel my flab. How is he not disgusted right now?

"Bella… baby," Edward's voice is soft and low "why won't you let me love you? Why won't you let me be with you?" My mouth drops open in surprise. He is always so sweet, and so kind, and I so don't understand why he wants me. Well, he says he wants me, but I'm not entirely convinced that he's not in some crazy Nutella-induced fog. I look into his eyes, searching for any doubt or hesitation on his part, but there is none. He looks like this is the most sure he's ever been in his life. I have never seen Edward so needy before. Everything about him screams of sincerity, even if I'm having trouble believing it.

I bring my hands up and run my fingers through his hair, leaning in and I hover there. Edward leans forward a fraction of an inch and licks the Nutella off of my mouth. I think he's achieved the impossible, he's distracted me to the point where I forgot there was Nutella on my lips. When his tongue has done as thorough a job as it can, he uses his lips and their amazing suctioning abilities to get the rest. The more he sucks on my lips, the more I pull his hair, and the louder I hear my heart beating in my head. Instinctively, I move my lips against his and moments later we part our lips in unison. Our tongues slide against one another, slowly, erotically, and the kiss deepens. I don't even know how long we've been kissing for when Edward's hands grip my ass and he maneuvers us so that I'm on the couch, and he begins to crawl over me. Oh, sweet Jesus, don't let this be a dream! As Edward crawls over me, he once again has the Nutella in his hand, and he places it on the back of the couch before laying his entire body onto mine. I part my legs and we resume our kiss.

In our new position, the kiss turns from passionate and gentle to raw and needy within seconds. Edward's hands roam up my side as he drags my sweatshirt with them. I lift my arms, giving him the go ahead and he exposes my breasts and tosses the sweatshirt across the room. I blush because he's Edward and I'm half naked. He's looking between my face and my breasts like he's won some sort of prize. His right hand grabs the jar of Nutella, he dips his index finger in and then removes it and smirks. I watch his finger, curious as to what he's planning this time, and follow it as he spreads Nutella on each one of my breasts, covering my nipples in the sugary delight.

Oh my God. Edward slowly leans down and gently runs his tongue over my covered nipple. I know -for sure that I am indeed panting now, watching Edward suck Nutella off of my nipple. I wrap my legs around him and squeeze, causing him to groan. He bucks his hips, reminding me of his erection, and I become frantic. I begin fumbling with his belt, which is giving me substantial trouble, and then the button on his jeans, which is also trying to cock block me. Thankfully, by the time I get to his zipper, Edward's left hand is aiding me in my attempts to get him naked. I can't see what kind of underwear he has on as his mouth is still on my breasts and he's blocking my view, but I'm not complaining.

"You are fucking incredible, Bella," he says as he wiggles out of his pants and kicks them off the couch. I slide my hands down and do a mental fist pump because he's wearing boxer briefs. In my fantasies, I've always pictured Edward in boxer briefs. His mouth leaves my breasts and he darts up to my neck. I feel Edward's Nutella-covered finger drag down my neck and then his mouth is on me, sucking it away. Edward is like, some kind of Jedi Master or something. He's managing to simultaneously suck my neck, balance himself, and now he's removing my sweatpants. I try to forget the fact that I'm a bit on the hairy side down below and just focus on the way Edward makes me feel as my sweats, the very last of my cover, hit the floor.

Edward's left hand travels up my thigh as he parts my legs. I sit up just enough to reach his shirt. He gets the hint and pulls it over his head, sending it across the room. I stare at his mostly naked form, in his dark gray boxer briefs and I smile shyly. "I'll understand if you… if you want to stop… or if you've changed your mind," is all I can mutter out before I look down at my not-so-perfect body and I wince. Seeing Edward, hovered above me in all his perfection, and now seeing me in all my imperfection... it's a rude awakening.

Edward picks my chin up so that I'm looking into his eyes and he kisses me. A slow, gentle kiss. "I love you, Bella," he whispers, and every part of me melts. I'm positive Edward just told me he loves me, but I can't bring myself to say the words back, even if I feel the same way. He's Edward, and I'm just Bella. If I say it back and he laughs at me, then I have nothing left.

I reach up for his boxer briefs and slide them down, freeing his erection. If I thought Edward couldn't get any more perfect before now, I was so fucking wrong. Now, admittedly, I haven't seen many men naked, but Edward completely naked is definitely something to behold. I let him work on getting his boxer briefs all the way off while I stare at his massive erection. I'm impressed with it. I mean, it seems completely unfair that he's this good-looking, this kind, this funny, and he's well endowed.

He shrugs out of the last of his clothing and hovers over me again. I can't believe we're about to do this. I can't believe this is about to happen. I'm no longer anxious about the way my body looks to Edward, now I'm terrified that I'll freeze up. I'm going to do something to ruin this experience. "Just relax," Edward's voice is smooth and I can't help but relax a little under his watchful eye. "I want to be with you, Bella."

His left arm reaches down between my thighs and I get nervous. I don't think I'm ready just yet for him to… but my fears are put to rest. His fingers trail along the sides of my pussy, practically tickling me. Up and down, he caresses my outer lips before finding my clit and softly circling the area with his thumb. His index finger drags along my swollen pussy and then dips inside. I moan loudly and without an ounce of shame. He pumps his finger in and out at a torturously slow pace. "Please, Edward," I whine, wanting, needing more.

"I have waited for you for so long, Bella," Edward croons in my ear, breathless and needy, as he slides another finger in and places more pressure on my clit. I buck my hips against his fingers and whimper. I feel a fluttering in my stomach, but I refuse to orgasm until I feel his cock inside me. I want to be connected to him in that way. I want to know him on that level. I reach down and wrap my hand around his erection. I note that my thumb and middle finger aren't touching. I'm not sure how far apart they actually are; and now is not the time to find out. I give his cock a quick pull and his entire body twitches and he moans. I smile, knowing that I have the same effect on him that he has on me. Looking into his eyes, I see that they're heavy with lust, and if I'm not mistaken, love.

I have his cock firm in my hand. I run my thumb over the head and use the pre-cum as a lubricant. I drag my hand down his shaft and back up again, just as slow and torturous as he is with me. My need for him to fill me grows to a desperate and I increase the pace with which I'm stroking him. His moans are growing louder and he's panting. I try to guide his cock to my entrance, but he pulls back.
"Wait…" he says, and I'm embarrassed that I was even thinking about having unprotected sex with him, or that he'd be okay having unprotected sex with me.

"I'm on the pill," I blurt out like the fool that I am. Edward looks deep into my eyes and smirks.

"I'm not worried about that baby," he grins and reaches for the Nutella and places it above my head on the arm of the couch. I don't know why this embarrasses me, but it does. Being the good friend that he is, he's picked up my birth control at the pharmacy before, so it's not like this is news to him, but still. His voice is filled with implication and I swear I can practically feel my ovaries sing with delight. Edward would make beautiful babies.

Just as I'm distracted with baby Edward's running around, I feel his hand over mine on his cock as he positions himself at my entrance. I pull my hand back and shudder at the feeling. I wrap my arms around his neck as he slowly slides in and stills himself. I can't even describe the way this feels. My entire body is tingling and I break out in goose bumps. I hear Edward gasp and then we both go silent as my body stretches to accommodate him. Only a moment passes before I rub his neck and smile. He leans down and kisses me tenderly as he slides out almost all the way and then back in again. As Edward pumps in and out of me, slow and deep, the fluttering in my stomach overtakes me. My back is arched and I'm moaning. This experience… this… Edward making love to me… could not possibly get better.

Edward's rhythm falters slightly as he grabs the jar above my head. Oh, Nutella! I get an idea and I reach into the jar and drag my covered finger along his neck. The smile on his face is dangerous; I think I might combust from want alone. I pull him to me and run my tongue over his neck. Chocolate and hazelnut. I groan with delight. Edward inside of me and Nutella on my tongue, life does not get better than this. I suck on his neck, savoring the drops of sweat that are trickling down from his hairline as they mix with the sweetness of the spread.

My walls clench around him and he increases his speed. I can feel myself getting close. He's gentle and slow and he's making the art of making love feel beautiful. The term gets throw around carelessly, but right here, in this moment; as he's looking into my eyes and moving inside of me… this is the very definition of making love. This is being connected to another person. "Bella," he moans "baby, will you cum with me?"

I want to respond. I want to tell him that I love him, that I've always loved him, and that I've fantasized about us like this; that never in my craziest dreams did I ever imagine we could actually be… that there could ever be an us. Us. The thought of what this means sends me into a tailspin and my walls clench impossibly tight around Edward's cock as he pulls out and thrust in one last time. Sweat drips from his forehead onto mine and he uses his right hand to wipe it clean. His smile is gorgeous and loving as his mouth drops open and he moans, spilling himself into my core. The feeling of Edward giving himself to me in the most intimate way possible clouds my head and my legs spasm in ecstasy. I come undone around, wide eyed and completely in love with this man. When we each regain our breath, Edward cradles my face, still inside of me and he grins. "I'm sticky."

The only thing I can even think of saying comes pouring out. "I love you," I whisper, rubbing his neck and wearing an impossibly large grin. This… Edward and me, me and Edward… this is all I have ever wanted. He is more than I ever thought was possible. His right hand disappears and comes back with a tiny bit of the nutty, chocolate spread and places it on my nose. I giggle, having no idea what he's doing, but he's so sexy, it really doesn't matter. He leans down and kisses the spread off my nose and I sigh.

"Mmm, nutty and sweet," he smirks.

I take his finger in my hand and stick it in my mouth where I clean his finger of my favorite sugary treat and then release it. "Nutella," I smirk at him, hoping after this he will stop picking on my Nutella cravings.

He shakes his head 'no' and kisses my forehead "no, my Bella."