Authors Notes - Check out my site at www.geocities.com/merc1650 Other than that I hope you enjoy the story.

Disclaimer - I don't own Sailor Moon, it's copyrighted by about a gazillion companies, you know who you are.

A Bold Attempt To Selfishly Control Everything

This is a bold attempt to selfishly put myself (the author) into the story and control all aspects of the universe!

Merc: Ok, let's start out with scenery. I'm tired of being stuck in Frozen Tundra U.S.A. (Minnesota) so let's go to the Bahamas!

Bunch of People: Where did YOU come from?

Merc: Second, let's make it the middle of the day, on the beach with NO people!

Suddenly all the people disappear and night turns to day.

Merc: That's better! Now then, allow me to introduce everyone! Hi Serena!

Usagi appears out of nowhere.

Usagi: NANI!?

Merc: Who speaks English!

Serena: Where am I?

Merc: Aloha Darien!

Mamoru appears out of nowhere.

Mamoru: Nani...?

Merc: Who too can speak English!

Darien: I was just in class a second ago...

Merc: And hi Raye!

Rei appears out of nowhere.

Rei: KAMI-SAMA?!?!?!

Merc: Who also speaks English!

Raye: WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD...?!?!

Merc: Hehe, now to have some fun!

Serena: This must be a ploy by the Negaverse!

Darien: And who are you?

Merc: I am the all-powerful author who controls the Universe!

Serena: Oh really?

Merc: Yeah! It's pretty cool, check this out!

Serena is suddenly hanging right above a bonfire.

Serena: EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!! LET ME DOWN!!!

Raye: This is SWEET!

Merc: Hehe!

Darien: SERENA!!!

Merc: I'm beginning to like this!

Serena is suddenly standing on the ground again.

Serena: I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR THAT!!! MOON CRYSTAL PO--

Serena is suddenly suspended over the bonfire again.

Serena: EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!! NOT AGAIN!!!

Merc: I think I'll leave you to cool awhile.

Raye: While I am enjoying this torture of Serena tremendously, I do need to ask you to stop.

Merc: No way!

Darien: Please let my fiancé down if its not too much trouble.

Raye kicks Darien in the leg.

Darien: OW!!! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!?!

Raye: Sorry!

Raye kicks Darien in the stomach.

Darien: OWOWOWOWOWOW!!!

Raye: Hey wow, I didn't know I could kick that high!

Raye kicks Darien in the you-know-where. Darien passes out.

Raye: Oops.

Merc: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha! I love controlling the universe!

Serena is suddenly back on the ground again. A now English-speaking Chad suddenly appears out of nowhere.

Chad: Where am I?

Serena: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merc: Hehe!

Raye: Why you little...

Merc: Hmmmmmm...ok, let's go psychological now!

Raye: Huh?

Merc: Serena, don't you just LOVE Chad?

Serena: NO!!! I LOVE DAR--oh wow Chad! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

Serena falls in love with Chad and begins to chase him everywhere trying to kiss him.

Chad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! WACKED OUT CHICK ALERT!!!

Raye: WHY YOU LITTLE...!!!

Merc: Raye you think Serena is the best thing since sliced bread, don't you?

Raye: No amount power could EVER make me think tha--Serena your hairstyle is soooooooo cool!

Raye begins to think that Serena is the best thing since sliced bread and begins to chase HER everywhere.

Serena: KISS ME CHAD!!!

Merc: Ok, back to normal!

Suddenly everyone stops and stares at each other, then at Merc.

Serena: HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH THAT OAF!!! *Gasp* AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DARIEN?!?!

Raye: Grrrrrrrr...when I get my hands on you I'll...

Suddenly everyone forgets everything that has happened so far.

Serena: Huh? Why am I all hot and sweaty?

Chad: Whoa dude, like, surfs up!

Raye: I'm SO lost now...hey who are you again?

Merc: The all-powerful author who can control the universe!

Serena: Puh! Yeah sure...

Serena is again suspended above a bonfire.

Serena: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!

Darien wakes up.

Darien: Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...

Raye falls in love with Chad and begins to totally plant a wet one on him.

Raye: Mph!

Chad: MPH?!?!?!?!?!

Chad turns into a turtle and Raye begins to play the violin, which appears out of nowhere.

Chad: *Dig**dig*

Raye: Hmmmmmmm!

Serena: HEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!!! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!!

Suddenly everything goes back to normal.

Usagi: Aishiteru Mamo-chan!

Rei: Doko ni Yucciro no Mamoru ka?

Chad: Naniyo?

Darien: Why am I still here and not back in my American college?

Merc: Well that's all the fun I'm having for today! Join me again next time when I do something REALLY weird!

Amy and Greg start making out while Raye is magically suspended over a volcano and Haruka is frolicking through the flowers.

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Like? Hate? Indifferent? Tell me! You can e-mail me, review, IM me (Quatre16 on AOL and Merc1650@hotmail.com for MSN), or visit my web site at www.geocities.com/merc1650