I finally cranked this baby out. This is the last and final chapter of White Blank Page. Thank you for all those that have stayed with me. I started it, and now I'm finishing it. There will be an epilogue, but I wouldn't hold your breath. It could be a while.
Disclaimer: All belongs to S.M.
Chapter Fifteen: Blow Out All the Candles
It had been a few weeks since Paul had returned from the meeting with Sam. The news changed everything; it changed Paul. He was almost a new person. He was less angry and less quick to anger. He was lighter; freer, I suppose. Somedays I half expected to wake up and to find the old Paul. The Paul that was aged by his tribal duty and bitter about the world, those around him. I hadn't woken up yet, and part of me wanted to…because now, with Paul no longer a Pack member, what did that mean for us?
I sigh and massage my temples, briefly closing my eyes.
That was the question that plagued me for the past few weeks. What did that mean for us? If Paul no longer had to transform, was no longer apart of the Pack, did the Imprint still apply? From my understanding of the Imprint, the Wolf choses the mate and is in some ways soothed; it calms, making life for the man it inhabits just a little bit easier. So, if Paul wasn't embodying the Wolf anymore, what purpose did I have in his life? Did the Imprint still have an effect? Did it still have a hold on Paul and I?
I, quite frankly, was scared to have the questions answered. That's why I haven't voiced them yet to Paul and I probably won't. Just three weeks ago we had a huge fight about how I was never there - never fully committing to the relationship for fear of him leaving. I wasn't going to bring these concerns up, not after I apologized and told Paul that he was right about everything. I simply couldn't. If I did, I may just give Paul motivation to leave and with him no longer transitioning, it is quite possible that the Imprint would not draw him back.
The thought of us fighting and him leaving, this time for good, made my heart clench in my chest and my lungs tighten. Gosh, I didn't know what to do. I mean, I certainly could not say anything, but at the same time the uncertainty concerning where I stood was overwhelming.
The shrill ring of my cell phone jolts me out of my thoughts and I jump up from my desk chair and cross my room to grab it off of my bed.
"Hey, babe. What'cha up to?" Paul greets, and I can hear the smile in his voice. I can picture the grin in my head, and despite not being able to see it, it is still infectious and I find a grin forming on my face.
"Nothing, I've just been waiting around for you to call." I tease.
"So the usual then?" He quips.
"Ha-ha-ha," I say sarcastically. "Hilarious."
"Anyways," Paul says. "I was wondering if you wanted to come over."
"Sure. I'll be over soon."
I knock on the door and step back, rocking on my heels as I wait for Paul to come to the door. I hear him approach the door and then he opens it, shirtless as always. Apparently, despite him not Phasing as much anymore, he still runs a hot.
"Hey," He grins, "Come on in."
He grabs my hand, pulls me towards him and into his house. I smile up at him, and find myself getting lost. Sometimes he was just too handsome for me to handle, especially with that mega-watt smile. I wrap my arms around his waist and let out a contented sigh. Paul slowly returns the embrace, and trails his fingers through the ends of my hair.
"Everything okay?" He asks, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head.
I nuzzle in further, squeeze him a bit tighter and enjoy how calm I am once I am near him. "It's just been a long day, and I kinda missed you."
Paul lets out a chuckle, "Well, I kinda missed you too."
I pull back, still in his arms, and look up at him, "Ha-ha, cheeky."
I stand up on the tip of my toes and press a kiss to the nearest spot, his chin. "So, what do you wanna do?"
Paul loosens his arms, "Well, I was thinking we could do a movie night?"
I smile and nod, "Sounds good to me."
We go about setting up, I head into his living room and start to rummage through the drawers of the table that the television and DVD player sit on, looking for something to watch. As I search, I come across a drawer with a bunch of brochures on universities and colleges. At first I smile, happy to see that Paul is planning for his newfound future. But as quickly as that smile comes, it begins to fade. How could Paul really start over, away from all this supernatural craziness, if we stayed together? I would be a constant reminder of his past and how, despite no longer being apart of the Pack, that he had not been fully liberated. I was a consequence of the curse. It was then that my resolve formed, I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to let Paul go.
I felt oddly settled, now that I had figured out what needed to be done.
"Find a movie?" Paul drops down onto the couch, and I spin around in my crouch, turning towards him.
"Uh, yeah," I slam the drawer shut and hold up The Breakfast Club. "You good with this one?"
"Fine," Paul smirks, and pats the seat beside him. "I'll watch it, but only because I know how much you love John Bender."
"What can I say? I like bad boys?" I tease.
Paul laughs and I put on the DVD before settling next to him on the couch. He draws me into his side immediately, placing a light kiss on my temple. I make myself comfortable, using him as a pillow as the opening credits roll. Despite not being that tired, about a half hour into the movie my eye lids begin to droop.
Suddenly, I am shaken awake, and I blearily look over at the television, only to see the closing credits. "C'mon, sleepy girl, let's get you home. I'll drive you and your truck home."
I stand with Paul and he begins to lead me towards the front door, and a sense of urgency rushes through me. If I was going to let him go, I wanted to be selfish one last time. I wanted one more night with him.
"Wait, can I stay here tonight? Please? My parents aren't home."
"Sure thing." Paul smiles down at me. "I get you all to myself."
For now, I finish for him in my head.
We head upstairs to his room and Paul grabs me a shirt to sleep in. I take it from him before heading into the bathroom to change. I reenter Paul's room to find him already in bed, the lights off. Dull, silver-grey moonlight streams in from the window across from his bed. I slowly make my way over and lie down, slipping under the covers. Paul rolls over on his side, to face me and I do the same.
I blink sleepily at him and he smiles softly before pressing a kiss to my forehead. "G'night, Bella."
My heart sinks in my chest as he rolls away, onto his back. Damn, I've missed the window of opportunity. I didn't want to just sleep…not on my last night with him. Sighing, I shift onto my back. I could be the instigator. I mean, Paul is always the one to initiate things, why couldn't I? Before I lose my courage, I quickly roll over and straddle him.
"Babe?" Paul blinks up at me.
"Sh," I hush him. "Let me do this."
I lean down and press a kiss to his soft lips, and then another, and another. On the fourth I feel his large hands slide up the outside of my thighs, before gripping my soft hips. I draw his bottom lip between mine, dragging my teeth across it lightly. He lets out a hum of approval, sliding his hands around to my bottom. I smirk, releasing his lip and trailing kisses along his jaw.
"To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Shut up," I whisper, teasingly. I move my lips down his neck where I press soft, wet, lazy kisses. I move back up to his mouth, "And kiss me."
Paul obeys, pressing his lips to mine. I think I will miss his lips the most. I banish the thought, forcing myself to enjoy them here, now. He kisses me hard, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I slide my hands up to his neck, thumbs resting on the corners of his jaw, and tilt his head slightly, so I can have better access as I battle for dominance. Paul lets out a little growl, squeezing my bottom and pressing my hips down into his. I moan at the sensation of his hardening member pressing against me just so. I begin to roll my hips against his, stoking the fire burning in each of us.
I break away to breathe, and sit up so I can remove the shirt he gave me to sleep in. I toss it to the side, for once not caring about my nakedness. I pay no mind to the fact that he can probably see the stretch marks on my considerably less than toned abdomen. I can't find it in myself to care, not tonight, not when he is looking at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.
Paul's eyes are burning as he slides his hands up my sides and cups my breasts. I let out a soft cry as he squeezes them and runs his thumbs over the peaks.
"You're gorgeous." He says huskily and for once, it feels like I am. I'll believe him, if only for tonight.
"Not as beautiful as you," I whisper, leaning back down to press my lips back against his. Paul lets out a grunt of disagreement, trailing his his hands down my sides. He moves one of his hands to my front, and cups me over my underwear.
"Fuck," He hisses, feeling the dampness. "You're so wet, babe."
"Mm-hmm," I hum, grinding against his hand.
He slides my underwear to the side, running his fingers up the length of my slit easily and settling on my clit. I let out a moan, and grip his shoulders. He circles it lightly, teasingly, and I can hear the smirk in hist voice when he whispers darkly into my ear, "You like that?"
"Harder," I whine, needy. "Please, baby."
Paul growls, pressing a bit harder as he pays attention to my clit. He slides his fingers back down my slit, his thumb taking their place again my clit as he circles my entrance with his digits. Two of them enter, stretching me as I let out a satisfied sigh. I begin to roll my hips, matching the rhythm of his fingers. He fucks me hard, and soon I feel the pressure begin to mount, the coil in my belly is about to snap.
"I'm so close." I say, breathily.
"C'mon, baby," He grunts. "Cum for me."
I let out a quiet cry, muffled by his lips, and do exactly as he says. He softly strokes me as I come down from my high. I jerk in his arms, still too sensitive for more attention. He pulls away, and rolls my underwear down and off my hips. I help him out and remove them the rest of the way.
"Condom?" I ask, as I return to my position. He nods over to the nightstand and I quickly lean over to grab one. I tear the packet open and slowly roll it down his length.
I take in a deep breath as I raise myself up slightly, gripping his hard member so I can direct him inside. Ever so slowly I ease myself down, letting my head fall back. I close my eyes, enjoying the tightness and how deep he is inside of me. Paul groans, "Fuck, this is so good."
I let out a weak laugh, and lean forward, placing my palms on his chest for support. I begin roll and circle my hips, trying to develop a rhythm. Paul grips my hips, stilling them momentarily before sitting up, drawing his knees up and leaning back against the headboard. The shift in position draws him deeper inside and brings us closer together. I hug Paul's shoulders and press my face into the crook of his neck we begin to move again.
We are a mess of limbs with our chests pressed against one another's, and I swear that our heart beats match. Never had I felt so close to Paul, and I knew that this was going to make it harder to let him go. At the very thought of it, tears begin to rise, pressing against the backs of my eyes.
"I love you." I whisper, my voice thick and rough and clench my eyes shut to keep the tears at bay.
Paul presses a kiss to the joint between my neck and shoulder, I feel his lips move as he says, "I love you too. So much."
I squeeze him tighter to me and get ready for the wave building inside me to crash. I swivel my hips as Paul thrusts up, and that's all it takes. I surrender myself to the sensation as I orgasm, shockwaves moving through my system. Paul lets out a growl, thrusting up erratically before jerking to a halt.
We remain there for a few moments, panting softly. I lift myself off of him and lay down. Paul quickly does the same after discarding the condom. I drape an arm across his chest, and rest my head on his pectoral muscle. I wait till Paul slips into a deep sleep before I roll away and simply stare, soaking it all in. I greedily observe, trying to memorize the slope of his nose and cut of his jaw and the natural pout of his lips. It was the last time I would ever be this close.
I wait for the birds to start chirping before I get dressed and start to collect my things. Once I'm fully dressed I move to the front porch and sit on the steps, waiting for him to wake up. I see dark clouds off in the distance. A breeze blows by, whipping pieces of my hair and drying the tears that I didn't know had fallen.
"Fuck," I whisper. "How do I do this?"
"Do what?" Paul demands.
I jump, letting out a shriek and clapping my hand against my chest. "Shit, you scared me."
Paul simply raises his eyebrows, steps out onto the porch, "Do what?"
I motion for him to come and sit next to me and thankfully he obeys. He offers me his hand and I grab it, playing with his fingers.
"Listen," I let out a heavy, sad sigh. "I just…"
"Look at me." Paul says sharply, as if he knows what's coming and wants to make it harder.
I bite my lip, and look away briefly, mustering the courage as I meet his gaze. My voice shakes and my hands begin to tremble as I tearfully begin my speech. "Paul, I think it's time for me to let you go. But before I do, I want you to know how thankful I am. You showed me that I deserve love, that I am desirable, and that my value is not in my appearance."
"What the fuck? Are you breaking up with me?" Paul wrenches his hand away, twisting his body to face me. "I thought you loved me?"
"I do, God, I love you so fucking much. That's why I gotta let you go, Paul. Can't you see? I love you and I want you to live a normal life, have a full future." I rush out, my heart cracking.
"And I can't do that, can't have that, with you by my side? Don't do this."
I stand up, stepping off the porch. "I'm a permanent reminder of your former life in all its fucked up, supernatural, glory. How can you have a normal life when you're with me because of a supernatural bond? Huh? You don't have to be with me anymore, Paul, you're almost there. Me letting you go is the last step. You'll finally be free. Truly free."
I begin the walk over to my truck, not giving him a chance to speak. Tears roll down my cheeks and I quicken my stride, trying to get away. Just as I'm fumbling with the keys to my truck, it begins to rain. Big, fat, heavy droplets begin to descend on me and I struggle some more.
"God, you're fucking hopeless." Paul calls from the porch. "Are you done? Gunna come back inside? Cos I'm not buying that shit you're selling."
I whip around to face him. He steps down from the porch and slowly walks over to me.
"I don't know how long it'll take, but I'm going to keep on saying this until you get it through your thick skull. You think you're being noble here, but you're being stupid. I love you. I love you and want to be with you not because of the wolf but because of me, the man.
I try to interrupt him, but he quickly raises his hand, silencing me.
"I fucking love you, okay, Swan? And I'm not going anywhere. It's going to take more than some half-assed speech you memorized last night to get rid of me."
By now we're both soaking wet, clothes clinging to us like a second skin. I feel a smile trying to break through.
"I thought my speech was pretty good. Half-assed is a little harsh."
Paul lets out a quick laugh and closes the gap between is. "I'm gonna kiss you now and we're gonna forget all about this, you goof ball."
"Hey, at least I tried. You're stuck with me now, Lahote."
"I'm counting on it." He says before pressing his lips to mine. We kiss in the rain for a little bit before he breaks away, sliding his hands down my arms to lace through my hands. He lightly knocks his head against mine, "I love you, crazy girl. Don't ever doubt it. What we have is real as it gets."
"I love you too, Paul. I'm sorry."
"For what?" He teases. "It never happened remember?"
"And I'm the goof ball?"
We turn towards the house and begin to walk back towards it.
"If anyone in this relationship is the goof ball it's you, Paul."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Paul says dryly. "Whatever you say."
And that's a wrap folks! Thanks for sticking with me.
Daughter - Candles