D e r i v e d - f r o m - S a m


S a s l y a x – c h a n

Rated: K+

Genre: F a m i l y , G e n e r a l

Summary: A five year old Sam questions the irrationality of his family. Why does he get so many annoying nicknames? Because his name is just Sam for god's sake!

Disclaimer: I don't own the awesomeness that is Supernatural.

"Derived from Sam"

It's not fair!

Why does he get so many annoying nicknames? Because his name is just Sam for god's sake! S. A. M. Sam! He doesn't want to be called anything else. It doesn't even make sense for Dean and Dad to call him anything else aside from his given name, Sam. They know his name the best out of everyone in the world; so why do they get it wrong all of the time?

Sam huffs. He recalls the first time Dad called him Samuel. He didn't like it one bit.

Dad's the only one who calls him that. The occasional stranger sometimes does too when they're too stupid to realize that Samuel is not his name. It's Sam. Dean's the only intelligent one. He never ever calls him Samuel. Dean hasn't even made the mistake, not even once! Sam would remember the indignity of his brother's silly error if he did.

It's common knowledge that Dad only calls him Samuel when he's in deep shit. Like the time he and Dean got into a huge argument in the car over who got the mood ring at the bottom of the cereal box. Sam really wanted it since last time he drew paper during their rock paper scissors match. Dean won and got the ring; Sam vowed to never choose paper again. He should have stuck with rock, but he didn't think Dean would stick with scissors for the third time in a row!

Their argument over the mood ring was epic, a new record for them. It gone on for twenty whole minutes, that is until Dad yelled, "Samuel! Dean! No one will get the ring if you keep fighting like that!"

Sam argued right back, "I'm not a Sam-mule! It's Sam, you jerk!" Dad was pissed. He took his precious ring, and tossed it out the window. Dean laughed his ass off until he choked on his own breath; he was too busy gasping for air, that Dean never even acknowledged the precious mood ring's terrible fate.

Tears welled up in Sam's eyes. Dean was being mean, and the ring was gone! He hates being called Samuel. Hates it so much! But then Dean saw his distress and said, "Here. You can have mine, Sammy."

Sam's eyes widened at the offered gift. He squealed, "You're the bestest!"

From that point on Sam thought it might not be so bad being called Samuel at times.

Sam's new preschool teacher accidentally called him Samuel on his first day in her class. Sam immediately called her a stupid jerk for calling him by the wrong name. He told Dean this later. Dean snickered and said he was proud of him. He'd make sure to tell people off when they got his name wrong from then onward if Dean approved of it.

Now, what Sam really hates is when Dean calls him Samantha. It's so degrading! It's a girl's name! He's not a girl. He's a guy. He's Sam. Sam's pretty sure Dean does it just to piss him off at times.

Dean was so mean once. He called him Samantha in front of his whole preschool class when he picked him up from school one day! It got so bad his entire class started calling him Samantha. Sam tried so hard to be strong like his big brother and retaliated. He called Chris Chrisantha and Dylan Dylantha, but they just laughed and taunted, "You're such a stupid head, Samantha! Those aren't even real names!"

"They are too!" Sam protested.

He made the mistake of sniffling in front of them. Chris laughed, "You're such a girl!"

Sam remembers coming home from school crying because of the incessant teasing. Dean watched him with concerned, verdant eyes.

The next day Dean threatened to beat the shit out of any punk who had the balls to call him Samantha. Dean even warned Chris and Dylan that if they ever teased his Sammy ever again he'd tell the entire class his special nicknames for them: Chrissie and Dildo. Dean's great at coming up with insulting names! It was Sam's turn to laugh at his stunned classmates. He adored Dean for sticking up for him.

After that incident Dean only calls him Samantha when they're in private, or around passing strangers they'll never see again. It's a small comfort, and Sam's pretty sure it means Dean loves him. He just likes to show it in his own weird big brother way.

Bitch is another nickname Dean bestowed upon him. Dean always says, "Jesus Sam, you're such a bitch."

So in return Sam retorted, "God Dean, you're such a jerk!"

From that day on Dean and Sam got into a habit of calling each other bitch and jerk respectively. Sam grins.

About a week ago, Dad was driving them to their new motel room, and there was still a good two whole hours until they reached their destination. So he and Dean started calling each other jerk and bitch throughout the entire two hours it took to drive there. Sam was surprised Dad didn't yell at them, but maybe it's because Dad turned up the volume so loud after they asked, "Are we there yet?" for the seventeenth time. Metallica probably drowned out their name-calling.

Sam doesn't really mind being called a bitch, if Dean's the one calling him it anyway. In fact Sam would know something is wrong with Dean if he hasn't called him Bitch at least once throughout the course of a day. Once Sam realized that if anybody else but Dean called him a bitch it was really offensive, he'd have Dean kick their sorry ass. Sam wouldn't let some jerk tarnish his and Dean's special name thing. All he'd have to do is bring tears to his eyes, quiver his lip a little, and Dean would succumb to his puppy eyes. It's a great trick he learned early on. Besides, Dean wouldn't let some kid call his Sammy a bitch.

Their bitch/jerk name calling always lightens the mood, and brings a smile to Sam and Dean's faces. They always get a laugh out of it. Sam finds it hurtful when Dean hasn't called him a bitch in a while; Sam hopes Dean feels the same when he doesn't call him a jerk in a while too.

What really, really aggravates him is when people call him Sammy. Nearly every adult he comes across calls him little Sammy. Ugh! His classmates get it wrong too, until he bites their heads off for it. Sam sighs. It's bad enough his own family calls him Sammy half of the time. He counted once. Dad called him Sammy six times, Samuel three, and Sam eight, while Dean called him bitch four times, Sammy seven, and Sam seven. He made sure to ignore them a lot, so they'd say his name more often.

His name is not Sammy! He doesn't like it one bit. It's such a baby name, and he's five years old already! He's a grown up. It ticks Sam off whenever Dad calls him Sammy. It's always, "Not now Sammy," or "You're too young Sammy," or "When you're older Sammy." Sammy! Sammy! Sammy! Humph! Dad treats him like such a little kid! He hates it when Dad and Dean go off and talk about adult things without him.

And when Sam tried to get a glimpse of Dad's adult-stuff journal he got a, "Samuel! Don't you ever touch that, or there'll be no more Lucky Charms for supper or vanilla ice cream for desert!" Once Dad calmed down he said, "I'm sorry Sammy, but it's for your own good." Dad hid the journal good next time.

Though, Sam has to admit: it is endearing when Dean worriedly calls him Sammy. Sam recalls the time he fell off of his tricycle and scraped up his knee. Dean hurried over yelling, "Sammy! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Dean, and I'm not even crying!" Sam exclaimed.

Dean scooped Sam up in his caring embrace and said, "C'mon Sammy. Lets get ya cleaned up."

Uh huh. Only Dean's allowed to call him Sammy. No one else in the world is.

When Dean calls him Sammy, it's extra confirmation that his big brother cares about him, and is as awesome as ever! Sam's even learned to semi tolerate it when Dean introduces him to other people as Sammy, or calls him it in a teasing manner. Dean's teasing is Dean being Dean. Maybe it's an older brother thing too, and maybe it's a little brother's natural response to freak out a lot. Sam still thinks it's just a Sam and Dean thing because no one in the world is like his Dean.

Maybe his many nicknames aren't all that bad, when Dean's around. But still… Everybody else in the world never calls Dean Deanuel, Deanantha, or Deanie. He's just Dean, so logically Sam wants to be just Sam.

The End


Just a cute little one-shot I thought of after re-watching season one. I completely adore the whole bitch/jerk thing and how Sam freaks out when anybody else but Dean calls him Sammy.

Anyway, if it isn't too much trouble leave a review! They really make my day, and I'd love to know what you think. Constructive crit is helpful too. Thanks for reading!


Posted: 7-27-10