WARNING! THESE SCENES ARE WHAT WERE NOT SHOWN IN THE 100 OR SO EPISODES IN THE SERIES! THIS CONTAINS SOME DISTURBING SCENES THAT COULD OFFEND YOU…ALTHOUGH, THEY ARE FUNNY! READER DESCRETION IS ADVISED!
Bill Nye The Blooper Guy!
THEME SONG: BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! KILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!
CAMERA MAN: FIX THE THEME SONG!
THEME SONG: BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL NYE THE STUPID GUY!
CAMERA MAN: (shrugs) Good enough.
At the laboratory
Bill Nye: Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking to you about science! Let's go inside to see what we will learn today! (Walks into lab door, face first) Uh, guys? This was supposed to automatically open when I'm about to go inside. (Laughs) Okay.
Bill Nye: Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking to you about science! Let us… (Smashes into lab door, face first) Guys! (Laughs) Come on! We have a show to tape here! Let's get it right. Okay? (Laughs)
Forty-two takes later. Bill Nye's whole face in bleeding
Bill Nye: (angry) IF YOU IDIOTS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO OPERATE A SIMPLE DOOR, I'M GOING TO KICK SOMEBODY IN THE CANS! (Normal) Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking to you about math! Let us…
Cameraman: Uh, Bill? This is science, not math.
Bill: (Angry) THAT'S IT! (Goes to cameraman and strangles him) I'VE HAD IT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! AAAHHHHHH!
In the lab. Bill Nye's hands are bloody.
Bill: (smiling) Today, we will be talking about science!
Kid: (walks up to him) Obviously!
Bill: (slaps the kid) I DON'T CARE WHAT CHILD SERVICES SAYS! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR…
Bill: Today, we will be exploring dangerous things! What do you say to that, Kid?
Kid: (crying with swollen eyes and blood on his shirt) I WANT TO GO HOME! MOMMY!
Bill: Well, that is super!
Outside of a house. Bill Nye is on top of a roof.
Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! And I'm going to teach you about gravity! It can save us all. As we know, there is no gravity in space. Earth is part of space; therefore, Earth has no gravity! Watch this! (Jumps off roof)
Bill Nye has a cast on his right arm.
Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! We are here in a war zone! What does war have to do with science? (Takes out a grenade) We need science to see how far we have to throw this! Now, what you want to do is take out the pin out of it. (Takes out pin) Now, we calculate how far we want to throw it. (Walks up to his usual board) Now, what you want to do is calculate the weight of the grenade and multiply it by the number of fields. However, we must figure out how this grenade came to be. (Puts grenade in pocket) Now, a long time ago…
At the lab. Bill Nye is bleeding; his whole right leg is missing.
Bill: Now, to have a little fun. I have another grenade here. I'm going to pull a prank on little Billy here. (Goes to Billy) How is it going, Billy?
Little Billy: Hi, Dad!
Bill: (slaps him)
Little Billy: Hi, Bob Saget!
Bill: (slaps him)
Little Billy: (crying) Hi, Bill.
Bill: I'm glad you're doing just fine. (Takes out pin out of grenade and gives it to Billy) Would you mind holding this for a second? (Giggles) I'll be right back! (Runs away, laughing hard)
In Bill's bathtub. Bill is in the tub taking a bubble bath
Bill: Hi, kids! Today, we will show how fun it is to play with electricity in the water! Now, the trick is to not be an idiot, okay! (Gets a plugged in toaster from the edge of bathtub) Now, you can do anything while you can take a bath! You can eat toast. (Pops toast in) Just remember! If you don't want to reach so far for the toaster, just put it in the water! I mean what the worst that can happen? (Drops toaster in water and gets electrocuted) AAAAHHHHH!
In the lab. Bill Nye is healthy.
Bill: Hi, kids. Billy Mays here…
Cameraman: Uh, it's Bill NYE.
Bill: GO (censored) YOURSELF!
At the lab. Bill Nye is beside a table, with two liquids in a glass)
Bill: Hi, kids. Today, we will find out if I have magical powers. Now, let's see which one of these is water and which the poison is! (Drinks one of them) OH MY GOD! THIS ONE IS THE POISON!
Cameraman: Bill, that's not poison. It's lighter fluid!
Bill: Whew. Thank God. Now, I have another science trick. I'm going to swallow fire! (Gets a match and lights it) Now, kids, I am a professional beginner so please, try this at home! (Puts match in mouth and swallow it) See, nothing to… (Explodes) NOT AGAIN!
In the lab and Bill is normal.
Bill: Today, we will be talking about science. (Walks around) Now, science is the greatest thing of all. And it's about meeting new people every day and… (bumps into kid)
Kid: Sorry, Bill.
Bill: (angry) SORRY! SORRY! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR…
In the lab and Bill is normal…except the kid's blood on his shirt.
Bill: Today, we will be talking about science. (Walks around) Now, science is the… (Lighting guy bumps into Bill) I WANT YOU OFF THE (censored) SET, YOU PRICK! IF YOU DO THAT TO ME ONE MORE TIME, I NOT GOING TO WALK ON THIS SET IF YOU'RE STILL HERE!
Lighting Guy: Bill, we've been friends since high school!
Bill: (angry) AND YOU HAD AN AFFAIR WITH ANOTHER SHOW! THAT DAMN ZOBOOMAFOO SHOW, ISN'T IT?
Lighting Guy: I hoped you never found out about it…
Bill: (furious) TWO BROTHERS AND A TALKING MONKEY! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SEE IN THAT, HUH! I HATE THE MONKEY! STUPID MONKEY!
Lighting Guy: I'm sorry. I thought a talking monkey would be much more amusing than a science guy who does things that are weird that would be good for everyone.
Bill: (get out pistol) I'M GOING TO (censored) KICK YOUR…
Camera cuts to black while a shot is heard.
There may be a chapter 2. I don't know how Bill is going to survive.