Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY BILL NYE CHARACTERS! PLEASE ENJOY!

In an airplane, Bill is sitting near a window.

Bill: Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking about outside air! Now, since this plane is still flying in the air, it is necessary to break it open!

Stewardess: Excuse me, Sir. There are no cameras allowed during the flight.

Bill: Oh, no! These are fake cameras! See!

Stewardess: I'm not stupid. But since the camera is from the Fox Broadcasting Company, I'll allow you because no one watches that channel. (Walks away)

Bill: Now, kids, before you open the window, you need to put on goggles! (Puts on goggles) Everyone, ready! (Wraps his fist in bandages and punches the window)

Passengers: OH MY GOD! BOB SAGET IS SMASHING THE WINDOW! HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!

Bill: We are not going to die! (Laughing as he finally breaks out the window) WEEEEEEE! (Flies out of window)

Behind the scenes

Bill: (looking in a textbook) THAT IS WHERE BABIES COME FROM?" (Faints)

In front of Bill's driveway.

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking about what can fit into a car! A video game, a guitar and of course, (opens the trunk of car) a human being! (A cameraman is shown in the trunk, mouth taped shut) This is a former cameraman of our show who decided to go to that show with the talking monkey for children!

Producer: Uh, Bill. What are you doing?

Bill: (ignores Producer) Now, what is next is to decide where to put the object after it is in the trunk. Oh, I know!

Five minutes later, Bill pushes his car at the edge of a cliff. Bill is drunk.

Bill: (takes a sip of beer) I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT! I WANTED TO BE FRIENDS, YOU TRAITOR! (Police sirens are heard nearby) Oh, crap! Let's get out of here!

Bill Nye is at bungee jumping.

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! Today, I will bungee jump. Wish me luck! (Jumps off)

Producer: (looks around) Okay, Bill. The bungee people are here to set up! Bill!

Behind the scenes.

Bill: THAT IS NOT WHERE BABIES COME FROM! (Grabs cameraman) AAAAHHHHH!

Fan mail

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! Right now, I will be reading mail! This letter comes from a Bob Saget. Bob asks, "Why don't you change your face?"

Cameraman: (laughs) Because Bill is too cheap to do that!

Bill: (pulls a knife out of nowhere) COME HERE!

In jail.

Bill: Thanks for watching our show! Now, if you will excuse me, I have something to do. (Turns from camera and walks toward a sleeping inmate. He then stabs him)

Inmate: HEY! WHAT THE HELL!

At a concert.

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! Today, we will be learning about emotions. Today, we will be exploring anger. (Walks to stage) I'm here at a Metallica concert where everyone is head banging and having a good time! (On stage and grabs a microphone) That's going to change! (yells into microphone) EVERYBODY! ST. ANGER IS BETTER THAN MASTER OF PUPPETS!

Cut scene.

Bill: Well, that is our show today. Now, if you will excuse me, I'm about to be killed by Metallica fans! (Bill had been hung on a wooden board and had gasoline. One person throw a burning torch towards Bill)

Behind the scenes and before the very first episode.

Bill: (angry) BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! I DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT SCIENCE!

Producer: Well, I'm sorry Mr. Nye. No one wants to watch a dumbass teaching kids how to dance. We already have an idiot for that and his name is Barney.

Bill: (get out his pistol) You leave that to me.

At the lab.

Bill: Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking to you about science! Now…

Kanye West: (comes into picture) Hey, Bill! I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish! But Arthur is one of the best children's shows of all time! The best children's show of all time! (Shrugs his shoulders and leaves)

Bill: (stammers) Uh. I… (Walks off, crying)

Thank you for reading. I'll write more soon! Until then, enjoy the rest of my stories… or you can read this one again!