Five times Jim felt completely alone and one time he knew he never would be.


V

"He didn't call my name," Jim said to Bones as they stood in the hanger. All of the other cadets were scurrying to their brand new assignments - all except Jim who had been omitted from the roll call.

'Academic probation,' the Commander said when Jim asked him.

Because of that stupid test. Which Jim still didn't believe he had defeated through cheating. Leveling the playing field was all he did.

Yet there he stood, alone, blocking the way of the busy personnel – the ones who did have a ship, an assignment, acknowledgement that they would be able to assist in whatever was happening on Vulcan.

But not Jim. That pointed eared bastard had brought him up on charges. And because of it, even Bones had to leave him behind. He couldn't fault his best friend. He had his assignment – on the flagship of the fleet, no less. Not Jim Kirk. He was to be left behind while all of his classmates, friends, fellow cadets went warping out into space, the goal they all had set for themselves when they had signed onto Starfleet. He could only stand and watch while the anger, hurt, regret swelled up within him, prickling his skin with an itch nothing could sooth.

He had no idea what he was supposed to do. All of his classmates and most of his instructors were leaving. Leaving him on Earth, leaving him behind. And all he could do was stand and watch. Feeling like a complete outsider, separated from all of those with whom he had laughed, cried, studied, argued. Those he thought would be with him when he went into space. They were going into space without him. The feeling of isolation was enough to overwhelm him, make him feel like he was drowning in the sea of aloneness.

That all changed the moment Bones returned to him, dragging him in the temporary medical bay and then on the Enterprise. That was a favor Jim could never repay but he did try when he asked that Dr. Leonard McCoy be assigned as his CMO. Because it was clear Bones didn't believe in no-win scenarios either.