Robin awoke to find Starfire in his room shaking him, "Star?"
Starfire, just like Earth's resident Kryptonians, tended to rise with the sun while the rest of the Titan's slept in, finding that crime was rarely an early morning affair.
"There is a naked man I do not know on the sundeck," Starfire explained, a bit upset that a stranger was hogging her favorite deck chair and wondering if this meant she could remove her clothes as well. Tamarians drew their power from the sun, leading to a culture that had little use for clothing beyond ornamentation.
Robin bounced out of bed wearing nothing more than a pair of white boxers and his ever-present mask, grabbing his collapsible staff and utility belt he ran out the door, leaving Starfire wondering why he was in such a hurry.
Starfire floated after him at a leisurely pace, wearing the smallest bikini she could get away with herself.
"Who are you?" Robin demanded as soon as he reached the sundeck. "How did you get here? Why are you here?"
Sunspot just raised an eyebrow. "Sunspot, teleporter, vacation and shouldn't you put on some clothes before you get arrested for indecent exposure?"
"Like you're one to talk!" Robin growled.
"My speedo is perfectly legal," Sunspot replied, "those boxers aren't, and I ain't even going to ask why you were wearing a tool belt and a mask with them. Seriously man, it looks like you were in the middle of some kinky sex game where you were the plumber/burglar."
Starfire floated onto the sundeck. "Can you please move? You're in my seat," she asked politely, a little more sure of herself with a friend nearby.
"Oh, sorry about that," Sunspot said, moving to the next deck chair, "a blonde girl with hypnotic cleavage..."
"Galatea?" Starfire interrupted, "she has very large … I believe Beastboy called them produce of some type, squash maybe? And she wears all white."
"That's the one," Sunspot agreed, "she drained all my stored solar energy at a touch so the urge to catch some rays was strong enough to wake me up. Raven told me last night this would be the best place to get some sun."
"Friend Raven brought a boy home?" Starfire asked excitedly, "Are you two dating?"
"Me? She brought my entire team here last night from some orbiting satellite thing, I think you guys were out at the time."
"Yes, a villain with a great deal of confections tried to hold St. Mary's Orphanage hostage …." Starfire began explaining.
"The Pie Man," Robin added.
"We were developing a plan so as to avoid hurting the children, but by the time we managed to enter …" Starfire looked upset as she trailed off.
"The children?" Sunspot asked softly.
"Indeed, what they had done to that poor man was unthinkable!"
"Fortunately their ransom demand was a lot easier to fill," Robin said, "cyborg fixed their soft serve ice cream machine and I adjusted their satellite dish to pick up Showtime and they were happy."
"I do not think the Pie Man wishes to be a villain anymore," Starfire said, "or to have children either. I did not realize human children were so vicious."
"Only in groups," Sunspot shook his head, "individually they can be little angels."
"I'm going back to bed," Robin announced, deciding he could find out the details later as he trusted that Raven's emphatic abilities would let her know if Sunspot and his friends were up to something.
Reed looked up from his paper as Peter and Johnny came in. "Good morning, what have you two been up to? A simple run to Mexico shouldn't have taken all night."
"After hearing JJ's attempt at Spanish we decided to smuggle him into Canada instead, I'm pretty sure a war with Mexico is the last thing we need," Peter said.
"And we made a couple of stops on the way back to establish the Spider's identity." Johnny smirked. "Foiled some crimes across the US heading for New York."
Peter's symbiote covered him for a moment before shifting to his new costume design, with a gold spider in place of his black one while his mask shifted to cover from his hairline to his mouth revealing a blonde Russian featured face with a hint of a tattoo rising above the left side of his neck. "The Spider is obviously not Spider Man, da?" he asked in a fake Russian accent. "Also mask covers less so is less suspicious to people like what run newspapers."
Reed merely chuckled.
"Where is everybody?" Johnny asked, looking around.
"Sue is doing something with Alicia; I heard the words fashion and fall clothing and used a personal teleporter to escape," Reed said.
"You created a personal teleporter?" Peter asked.
"No, Doom left it here the last time he attacked – or his robot duplicate did; I was never sure about that," Reed intoned before taking a sip of coffee.
"You used something that Doom may have booby trapped rather than go shopping?" Johnny asked incredulously.
"Sue is teaching Alicia about color and fashion now that she can see, while Alicia is explaining the subtleties she used to measure clothes while she was blind – what would you have chosen?"
"Good point," Peter agreed.
"So, where did you teleport to?"
"Doom's castle," Reed replied. "I explained what was going on and he was surprisingly understanding, but insisted I face it like a man and used his personal override to teleport us back."
"How'd you escape?" Peter asked.
"I merely pointed out that I had not the skills needed, while Doom was a ruler who had shown he was my superior in all areas of artistic merit," Reed said with a smirk.
"I thought the symbiote would negate the need for clothes shopping?" Johnny asked.
"Apparently they need to show Alicia what the clothes look like and see what the latest fashion trends are," Reed explained.
"Foolish peasant," Doom roared, "it is obvious that the dear Alicia is a fall not a winter!"
Janet van Dyne, aka the Wasp member of the Avengers had been sneaking up on Doom in Wasp form, to free the two women he had hostage, stopped and reconsidered the situation, and morphing back to full size she offered her own opinion, as she was a famous fashion designer, "True she is definitely a fall, but the tailor isn't completely wrong, some winter accents on a fall ensemble would look wonderful on her."
Doom tapped the chin on his mask absently, apparently unsurprised at the Avenger's sudden appearance. "Doom has to admit that your idea has merit, perhaps some highlights in her hair to enhance the effect."
"Okay, now that evil is cleansed from you," Doctor Strange began only to have Xander interrupt.
"That actually cleansed me of all the evil I've been exposed to?"
"Think of it this way, you've been exposed to the radiation of the Hellmouth but you've never been inside it, the Lilly's are a physical manifestation of the love Gaea has for all her children so they could be considered..."
"A whole bunch of tiny heavenly mouths?" Xander asked, a far off look in his eye.
"That's one way of putting it," Stephen replied with a smirk.
"What about the chaos?" Xander asked.
Stephen shrugged. "Chaos is part of life, neither good nor bad, it simply is."
"So it won't be a problem?" Xander asked hopefully.
"Of course it will," Stephen replied, far too cheerfully in Xander's opinion, "but that's what training is for."
Xander rang the doorbell to the mansion, feeling a slight tingle from his spider sense as dozens of sensors scanned him. He ran a hand through his short red hair as he waited, knowing it probably wouldn't be Jarvis answering the door, as they wouldn't find any records of Xander in their system.
Iron Man answered the door, "Can I help you?" he asked, a slight metallic ring in his voice as his armor moderated his tone to prevent anyone from discovering his identity.
"Doctor Strange sent me to talk to Wanda about controlling my magical gifts," Xander replied.
Iron Man's head tilted to the side as he considered that, his immobile metal mask giving nothing away. "I'll see if she's available," he replied gesturing Xander inside.
Xander was impressed at the mansion's interior and didn't bother trying to hide it, "Wow."
"Be it ever so humble," Iron Man began.
"Which this isn't, unless you come from Midas' castle," Xander interrupted.
There was a metallic chuckle from Iron Man. "Wanda is a bit busy at the moment, would you like some tea while you wait?"
"That would be great," Xander replied, he wasn't a big tea drinker himself, but a chance to eat cookies and drink tea in the Avengers mansion made by Jarvis wasn't something he was going to pass up.
Left in a sitting room that probably cost more than the Chase's entire mansion, Xander sat quietly for about five seconds, before deciding to see if Stark really had wired the place up as much as Xander expected. He said, "TV." A six foot tall monitor popped up from the floor in front of the fireplace.
"Bugs Bunny and Road Runner show," Xander requested and sank back into the chair watching a near life sized version of his favorite cartoons.
Iron Man came back with a cart loaded with a pot of tea, a pot of coffee and a great deal of cookies and confections.
"Thanks," Xander said while helping himself to a handful of cookies and some tea. Taking a sip he frowned. "Did Jarvis make this?"
"I've drank British tea before and this ain't it. I don't suppose you have some high tech method for detecting Skrulls, Pod People, LMDs, and such?"
"The security system would warn us of anything like that," Iron Man assured him.
Xander took another sip of tea. "Computer, locate Jarvis."
"Jarvis is in the kitchen," the computer began.
"See?" Iron Man said.
"Jarvis is in the closet in his room," the computer finished.
"How long has he been in the closet?" Xander asked.
"Three hours, twelve minutes, thirty one seconds."
"Evil twin, programmed clone, magical simulacrum," Xander began listing off before Iron Man rushed from the room.
Shrugging Xander returned to eating the cookies and watching cartoons.
The sounds of battle rang out and Xander was sure he heard several people running past, but he simply turned up the volume on the gigantic television and waited.
After about half an hour Thor came in and sat down. "I was unaware we had company beyond the Super Skrull."
"Name's Xander, Doctor Strange sent me to train with Wanda."
"A mage?" Thor asked. "Why didst thou not join in the battle?"
"Seeing how he kidnapped Jarvis I figured you guys had dibs on him and since I hadn't trained with you I'd just get in the way anyway."
"Well reasoned," Thor acknowledged, accepting Xander's reason for not joining the battle, as he claimed a small handful of muffins.
"Do you mind if I imitate you?" Xander asked, wanting to see if he could copy Thor's powers, but trying to use a more innocuous term.
"Imitate?" Thor asked curiously.
Xander nodded. "I'm curious as to what it feels like to be you and I wanted to see if I could actually imitate an Asgardian."
"Is it anything like what the Skrull did?" Thor asked.
"I don't shape change into people, it's more mirroring attributes than looks," Xander explained.
"I admit, I'd be curious to see that myself," Thor said thoughtfully. "How would we proceed?"
"All I have to do is shake your hand," Xander explained, "but first I have to release one of the power sets I'm imitating right now."
Xander decided to release Wolfbane's power, as he fought a lot more than Michael did and while useful, it just didn't compare to Spider Man, Maddrox, or Thor, but found he was unable to.
He tried Cypher's real fast and found that wasn't about to budge either. He'd had to release the Thing's power to copy Spider Man's, so he was guessing the first three powers were hard wired in by the magic that had changed him in the first place. He was reluctant to release Spider Man's, but he could probably get Peter's permission to copy it again later and Maddrox was a whole other kettle of fish.
He was preparing to release Spider Man's set when he felt disagreement from something besides the usual voices in his head.
It suddenly hit him, he'd copied Spider Man's altered physiology which meant his symbiote was developing just like Peter's.
'Okay, new plan,' Xander decided, he'd just have to release Maddrox's power, sure it was useful, especially in an orgy … He cursed himself mentally for not having thought of that earlier, but Thor's power was on a whole other level.
Reluctantly, especially with the new uses he was thinking of for the power, Xander let the duplicated ability fade and opened his eyes. "Ready?" he asked holding out a hand.
Thor clasped his hand and Xander's eyes shot wide open as the power hit him like a bolt of lightning. Xander gained at least a foot of height and he was doubly glad of his symbiote as it expanded with him. "Wow!"
"You look a bit like I did in my youth," Thor decided, "before my hair turned blonde and I gained my full measure of strength."
Xander ran his hand through his now curly red locks. "I do still have some growing left to do," Xander said and chuckled at finding his voice a bit deeper. "Somehow I just don't see Buffy as saying she considers me one of the girls now."
Thor nodded. "Did you know your shirt is eating all the brownies?"
Xander glanced down and saw that the bottom of his shirt was stretched out toward the brownies and was stuffing it into itself. "He had to grow to keep up with me, so naturally he's a bit hungry."
The Scarlet Witch came in and sat down just as his shirt reached out and picked up the coffee pot, pouring the entire thing into his shirt pocket.
"Okay, now that I've never seen before," Wanda said. "I know Doctor Strange has a cape of levitation that sometimes acts like it's alive, but even it doesn't drink coffee."
"My clothes are alive and developing a mind of their own," Xander explained, "it's just a child right now but it's maturing rapidly."
"How did that happen?" she asked curiously.
"Well, I kept losing my clothes when I turned into a wolf, so Reed gave me a living suit."
"Thou art," Thor began, but Wanda cleared her throat and he broke off what he was saying. "You are a werewolf?" he tried again, gaining a smile from Wanda.
"Yeah, but not because I was bitten by one; the man I'm a kind of magical clone of copied a friend's mutant power to turn into a wolf. No special powers or weaknesses, just an ordinary wolf."
"Maybe you should start at the beginning," Iron Man suggested as he, Captain America, She Hulk, and the Black Widow came in and sat down.
"Sure, if you don't mind telling me all your secrets as well," Xander said pleasantly.
"What?" Iron Man asked, a bit surprised as he wasn't used to people turning him down.
"I didn't come here to request anything from the Avengers," Xander explained. "I'm here because Doctor Strange sent me to talk to Wanda, so asking for all my secrets without offering the same in return is not only high handed it's incredibly rude."
"It doesn't have anything to do with Jarvis?" Captain America asked.
"No, I just noticed the tea was off and since tea is almost a religious observance to the British I figured something was up."
"The odds," Iron Man began...
"Wanda, what's your magical specialty and why would Doctor Strange send me to you?" Xander interrupted.
"I specialize in Chaos Magic," Wanda said and began to chuckle. "Yeah I can see why odds would be 'odd' around you. Mind if I cast a Chaos detection spell on you? I want to see what we're working with here."
"What will it do?"
"Glow based on the amount of Chaos in you, I for instance can light up a room."
"Better get some sunglasses then," Xander suggested closing his eyes. "Okay, hit me!"
Wanda cast the spell and the world turned white.
"I think I'm blind," Black Widow said conversationally.
"Sunburned here," Captain America spoke up.
"I had to switch to sonar," Iron Man said, "my optics burnt out."
"Wow," Wanda added.
"Veri … that was some light show," Thor corrected himself.
"Thank god for gamma enhanced healing, my vision is coming back," She Hulk said fervently. "Why are you naked? Not that I don't appreciate the view."
"Because my clothes were frightened by the light and Tony's sonics hurt it, so it's hiding under my chair."
"Tony's sonics?" She Hulk asked carefully.
"Didn't he build the suit?" Xander asked, grabbing one of the remaining blueberry muffins and trying to sound innocent to cover up his slip.
"His company did anyway," Black Widow acknowledged, covering for Tony.
"So your clothes are easily scared and dislike high pitched noises?" Wanda asked, trying not to laugh.
"They also just stole all the jelly filled doughnuts," She Hulk said with a smirk, still eying Xander.
"Would you mind switching to backups or something?" Xander asked. "Because I'd like to get dressed before everyone's eyesight comes back."
"Too late!" Wanda announced cheerfully.
"Tit for tat," Xander declared, "everyone strip!"
Wolverine stepped into the room and paused. "Is this what you guys do when I'm not around?" he asked, taking in the naked Xander and seeing Black Widow and She Hulk disrobe.
"Hey Wolvie," Xander said, "did you get the chip out of your head yet?"
"You heard the man, get naked or get out!" She Hulk declared, refusing to back down from the challenge.
Logan refused to back down either, lighting a cigar and shedding his clothes while ignoring Xander's question.
"I'm declaring a retreat!" Captain America called as he left.
"I have to protect my secret identity," Iron Man said, walking out.
Thor stripped easily.
Wanda stood up. "I'm a tad more modest, and married. I'll meat … I mean meet with you later."
"Now we need beer, pretzels, a deck of cards …" Xander paused as his symbiote rejoined him and faded from sight, "a bag of potatoes and a pot of coffee."
"What are the potatoes for?" Wolverine asked.
"My clothes are still hungry."
AN: Typing by Godogma!