Title: Two Bottles of Firewhiskey and a Patented Daydream Charm
Pairing: Teddy/James Sirius, mentions Al/Scorpius and Lily/Surprise!
Summary: "You will not believe what James did at Al's birthday party!" Little sisters are such gossips...
Author's Notes: This is a threefoldly inspired piece.
1. It's for the rarepair_shorts Wishlist event, a gift for maevemist who prompted, "It's not just Potters who are completely oblivious"
2. It's inspired by photo prompts #15 and #17 at bryoneybrynn's Speed Pronz Challenge!
...And the whole thing ended up with Teddy and James hitch-hiking home in their underwear.
I love telling that story. Oh, hi sweetheart – you missed it? Well buy me a drink and I'll tell it again!
Right, so you know my brother James? Yeah, everyone's heard of him. Well, he's had this huge crush on our Dad's godson for, like, ever. Yeah – Professor Lupin. That's right. Really? I guess I can see it but he's not really my type.
Anyway, Teddy's been crushing right back for aaaaages, but he was funny about it because James is younger than him and he was his student, and of course because of Dad and blah, blah, blah.
So James went off to be a Quidditch star and Teddy stayed at Hogwarts eating his heart out. And then last week my other brother Al – yeah, the quiet one – turned eighteen and my parents rented out the Hog's Head. I know, right, but there's some kind of bond between Dad and the crazy guy who runs it. Plus Al wanted somewhere off the track, you know? He's kind of funny about publicity, not like James.
So Al's there with Scorpius Malfoy – don't say that, my brother totally deserves someone that hot! And Dad's cool with it, you know, even when Score's Dad shows up and they hated each other for years. Yeah, but Uncle Ron's like that with more or less everyone. And so James gets all self-hating for being afraid to tell Dad for so long, downs nearly half a bottle of Firewhisky and then he starts screaming at the room about how beautiful Al's love for Score is and how beautiful man love is and how he wants to be loved like that by a man.
And I swear, you could have heard a pin drop. I mean, Al and I both knew and we're just staring at each other like, Oh my God, did you hear that? And Dad's kind of embarrassed because James is nearly crying, and then he whips his robe off and it's just funny because all he's wearing beneath are jeans and cowboy boots! Yeah, totally! I have no idea where he got them.
Anyway, everyone was totally silent until then, but when they saw that Score just cracked up. And the tension broke and everyone's laughing except Dad and James and Teddy, and then Dad hauls James off somewhere, and Mum tells people to get back to the party.
It seems like Dad gave James one of his patented Disappointed In Your Public Spectacle speeches combined with one of his No Matter What We Love You speeches, and then he took James home and put him to bed.
Me, I was trying to find a cute boy at the damn party I wasn't related to but when you breed like the Weasleys it is not possible. Seriously. So anyway Teddy catches my arm and he's asking all these questions, like, so James is gay? and single? and gay? and hot? Which is the one that made me go ewww, I mean he's my brother for Merlin's sake. But I'm like, Teddy, just tell him how you feel before I smash your idiot heads together. And Teddy goes pale and I'm like, duh. Al and I talk about it all the time! James is the only one dumb enough not to notice so just do it!
And Teddy gets this determined look one his face and off he goes.
The rest of this is kinda fuzzy because it's all the two of them could remember. Teddy had been drinking too, you know, and James had never gotten around to giving Al his birthday present so he still had that. You know our Uncle George and… Right, and James cut a deal with him to get his new, top-of-the-line Daydream Charm early for Al's Birthday. So there James is, drunk and lonely and horny and very gay, and so he figures he'll crack into the Daydream Charm.
Meanwhile, Teddy's heading over there to try to talk to James, knowing that he's kinda drunk but wanting to do it before his courage fails, right?
So James cracks open the Daydream Charm right as Teddy Apparates into his bedroom.
Yeah, totally forward, I know.
Anyway, so James suddenly finds himself on a beach with the love of his life, right? So he basically throws himself at Teddy, kissing his face, getting real close and personal and blurting out stuff like he's so glad Teddy's there and you know, all that romantic crap.
And Teddy's just like – wow, James feels the same way! He's kinda weirded out by the beach but Teddy's smart, he figures it's an illusion, no big. And James is all up against him and what not, and Teddy suggests they go skinny dipping.
You should have seen James blush when he was telling me this! I did not press for details, but they're boys and they did things I don't need to think about, and then they declared their love for one another and curled up together on the beach until they both fell asleep.
Nauseating, isn't it?
ANYWAY, so they wake up the next morning, kinda hungover and sore and happy and really confused because they're both there, James is all like – that was real? Then Teddy flips and they have this big realization, declare their love all over again, blah blah blah. And then it hits them – they are still on the beach. If it was an illusion, how come they're still there?
Are you ready for this? The Daydream Charm and the Apparition interacted somehow – George swears it's on the label – and the two of them got Apparated to a real beach! They really are on Brighton Beach! So they've spent the night there not realizing, their clothes are washed out to sea all except their underwear and James' cowboy boots! Teddy's wand's broken, James doesn't even know where his is. Teddy manages to transfigure himself some boots but they come out looking just like James' and then the wand just won't do anything else at all.
So there they are, in Brighton, no wands so they can't even call the Knight Bus, no money, not even Muggle money, and no way to reach anyone.
So they had to hitch-hike home in their underwear and cowboy boots!
Now? Well they're dating, at last. Teddy's talked to Dad and I think that's cool although Teddy's praying this story doesn't get back to him. Al's demanding a new present since James flaked on his birthday. And Mum's got this gleam in her eye about how I'm the last one left to settle down and I should get on that.
Should I tell her about us, do you think, Gabrielle?