Title: Certain Things

Author: Naria Lacour de Fanel

Fandom: Kuroshitsuji

Pairing: Undertaker/Grell, implied Sebas/Ciel

Warnings: None. It's kid AND work safe! XD

AN/: It's an odd start, but just go with it. Yes, Grell and Undertaker are involved but it's kind of a loose relationship, since I think it'd be rather difficult to change Grell's mind on anything…


Undertaker stood back patiently as he watched Grell fuss with his hair in the vanity mirror for the umpteenth time this evening.

"You look fine, darling." the mortician assured.

"Oh, you don't understand," Grell moaned in frustration. "I know you think that I'm ravishing no matter what, but he doesn't. I have to look absolutely perfect if I want to catch his eye."

'Then he knows not what perfection is…' Undertaker thought to himself and he watched the redhead groom himself.

"Of course," the mortician replied aloud. "And though it is not my place to ask you to change your behavior, my dear, but may I request you reconsider-"

"You may request, but I shall not listen!" the red haired beauty snarled with a sassy flip of his locks. "Nothing can stop the fact that I still want my Sebas-chan!"

"And I would not deny you that," the mortician replied placidly. "I simply ask that you take more caution around him. He may be alluring, but he is still very dangerous."

"And that's exactly why he's so- so-Ah~!" Grell swooned dramatically. "I will have him! Nothing you say or do can sway a maiden's heart!"

"I am aware," Undertaker smiled.

'But were that affection directed at someone who appreciated it…' he thought to himself as he watched Grell sashay off, completely ignoring his advice. It was going to be an interesting night.


Grell had a foolish plan. Nay, foolish wasn't a strong enough word. It was utterly stupid. The reasoning seemed sound, it just lacked certain amount of common sense. But, confident that the positive outcome would outweigh the negative possibilities, the lovestruck shinigami decided he would put his plan into action, despite Undertaker's insistence that it would not go as desired. Pfft! What did that madman know anyway? He spent all of his time in that musty shop doing god knows what to corpses! Though, despite being morbid and strange, the older shinigami was very gentlemanly and understanding. And he did have amazing eyes and…skills…But Grell was not about to let himself to just settle when he was so close to gaining his heart's desire!

Grell's ingenious plan centered around liberating Sebastian of his obligations. This, of course, would give the demon the opportunity to act of his own accord. Grell had deduced that the only plausible reason Sebastian had not yet succumbed to his charms was because of his present contract with Earl Phantomhive. In theory, were there no master controlling and inhibiting the beautiful demon's will, then there was no contract. Were there no contract, there would be no fetters to keep Sebas-chan's heart at bay and their love could blossom spectacularly!

In short, Ciel had to die.

Grell was more than willing to dispose of the brat. He hadn't liked the boy to start with because he had shown so little appreciation for his doting aunt. However, the fact that he also prevented Grell from having a whirlwind romance with his darling Sebas-chan was inexcusable! Grell would free his dark beau from his chains and Sebastian would grateful that a maiden as beautiful as he came to his rescue! It was sure to be a success! And tonight, the brat and the demon were out in the dark streets of London fulfilling the boy's aristocratic obligations. Perfect.

Upon tracking them down, Grell charged forth, proclaiming his love outlandishly whilst Sebastian half-heartedly staved him off. Grell kept a careful eye open in order to strike at the young Earl and immediately leapt as soon as the opportunity arose! The world would be less one snotty noble, and Sebastian would be his! Yes! He descended upon the unsuspecting young man only to be blocked and ruthlessly thrown off at the last second.

It was this precise moment when this little escapade stopped being fun.

Grell knew he was in great danger when he was greeted with the vision of midnight feathers and flashing red orbs. Shocked and awed by the intense reaction reserved for much more dangerous enemies, he was momentarily distracted and that was his greatest mistake. The demon took the opportunity to seize the redhead and pummel him violently for his insolence. He was mercilessly beaten down, much harsher than he had ever been by Sebastian's hand before. Though he screamed and begged, the demon would not stop, and despite the struggle, he could not get away. Once again, his scythe was taken from him and the hard heel of the demon's shoe dug into his tender cheek. The roar of his own scythe echoed in his ears as he realized in horror that there was no escape this time. He thrashed harder than ever before, but he couldn't break free!

Why? Why couldn't Sebastian see how much he was adored? Why did the demon never give him the chance to express his love? It wasn't fair! It wasn't right! A queen was supposed to have a strong and stoic king to love and cherish, and he, in turn, was supposed to protect her! But Grell's chosen king only gave resentment and spurned the love he tried to give. Why couldn't the demon see past his contract and notice the beautiful gift Grell was trying to give him? Love and freedom. What more could anyone want in this world? Didn't he long to have someone to fawn over him, to keep him warm at night? And even if his heart didn't factor into it, wasn't Sebastian a powerful demon debased by having to serve such ungrateful human? How could his pride stand having to attend to such paltry matters as making pastries? How could he not see the chance he was being given here?

As Grell fought back tears of frustration and sadness, he caught his captor's eyes and froze in realization. In those burning crimson eyes he loved so much, there was no passion. There was drive. There was need. But it was not emotion that made those eyes burn. It was pure primal force. There was nothing remotely human there. And while Grell could barely count himself as human, he knew he was far from this. There was no soul behind those dangerous eyes, just a vicious emptiness that lived for consumption. An endless hunger that could not be sated by any means other than it's chosen method. Souls. This hunger would destroy anything that got in it's way. Grell finally understood that he was being seen as an obstruction, and would never be anything more than that…

The frenzied teeth of the chainsaw began their torturous descent towards his neck and Grell could only wince in fear and shame as he struggled in vain. There was a sudden resounding clink and the grating rasp of metal upon metal before a cool hand was placed over his eyes.

"Why…" Grell gasped sadly, and the world fell dark.

Undertaker crouched over the badly beaten body of Grell as he stopped the descent of the chainsaw with his own impressive scythe. He lay his hand over the redhead's eyes and intoned a command of sleep that could not be resisted.

Undertaker tsked as he stood up fully. A casual flick of his wrist and Grell's scythe sailed from the demon's claws into his free hand. He merely smirked and placed it into an awaiting holster upon his back as his scythe disappeared to a place unknown.

"I am aware that her affections and actions can be rather overwhelming, but that does not justify such harsh treatment of a lady," Undertaker chided.

"He attacked my master," Sebastian calmly answered, straightening his clothing. "I acted in his defense."

"And I would expect no less, Mr. Michaelis," Undertaker chuckled in response. "But I request you stay your hand when near my lady in the future. For should I find her in such a state by your hands again, despite the provocations, I will have to take action against you."

"You ask this despite knowing he is obviously unstable and likely to do it again?"

"I can't say whether or not this will change her affections for you, but I doubt she will take this particular route to gain your attentions again. For argument's sake, a less damaging and effective course of action can be taken. I know you have the ability to subdue such a young death god without having to resort to execution. That sort of prowess is to be expected of a servant of the Phantomhive household, yes?"

"True," the demon agreed. "But why should it matter?"

Undertaker smiled and sighed. "Though her stupidity can be extraordinary, her heart is very honest. That sort of honesty needn't be punished, especially in such hopeless circumstances as a death god attempting to win the non-existent heart of a demon. Pity is not something you understand, but try to exercise it in her case."

"And what would the consequences be should I decide his destruction is more agreeable than respecting your request?"

Undertaker gave the butler an indulgent smile.

"While physically harming you would be the most obvious and satisfying method, I will not be so kind as to leave it at that. We both know that such a fleeting course of action will not leave a lasting impression on a mind as long lived as yours. I will, instead, take a more damaging route and attack you where it would affect you harshly and tortuously. I will take up my abandoned duties once more just to ensure that you never have a decent meal for the whole of eternity. I will allow you enough to live, but not enough to satisfy that selective palate of yours. As a creature that exists only for consumption, I am sure the prospect of sub-par sustenance forever is far from ideal, especially when you place so much effort into each sup. Without hesitation, I will make your every contract a tasteless venture," Undertaker smoothly chuckled as he gathered Grell's battered body into his arms. He tenderly adjusted the limp form to a more comfortable position and turned to catch the demon's gaze dead on. "You understand that this is no threat." It was not a question.

Sebastian caught the shinigami's fierce gaze and quirked an elegant eyebrow at the irrefutable statement.

"I do." Sebastian smirked. "You see it as a promise."

"Indeed I do," the silver shinigami grinned viciously. "I have the ability and means to make your existence miserable, just as you surely have the ability and means to control yourself around my lady, hmm?"

"I may find just cause, but if you keep him in line, it may not come to this again."

"There is little I can do to fetter her actions, nor do I wish to. It is part of her charm."

"Your sentimentality is unbecoming," the demon sneered.

"It's like looking into a mirror, isn't it?" the mortician smiled beatifically.

The demon frowned.

"Sebastian!" came Ciel's commanding voice, breaking the exchange between the two ancient beings.

"Your dinner-er, master is calling," Undertaker quipped. "You mustn't make him wait."

Sebastian had not the time to give Undertaker a proper response before he quickly turned to join his master, sloughing off the reaper's odd words. The silver shinigami smirked yet again and held Grell's body closer to his. He looked over his shoulder to bid a final farewell to the Earl and his servant, and noticed that the demon, while he had no apparent reason to, carried his master the same way Undertaker currently carried Grell in his arms. The young Earl looked quite indignant while the butler seemed quite amused.

"Age does seem to make us more susceptible to certain things," Undertaker remarked to no one in particular, though he looked fondly upon the scarlet reaper in his arms. "Even things we claim to have forgotten."

And both shinigami and demon leapt off into the night, arms laden with the only beings that could stir certain things long forgotten within them.

And both knew they would do anything to keep those "certain things" stirring.

~*~End~*~

This started because I heard "Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus for the first time in years. I immediately got this image of a truly evil Sebastian torturing poor Grell. So, I had to write something akin to that…hence the really girly useless Grell. Sorry. I don't normally write him as a weak damsel in distress, but it fit for this little exchange. Really, I wrote this for the Undertaker vs. Sebby banter, but I was stuck as to the circumstances. What the hell would Grell had to have done to anger Sebastian so as to warrant a heavy beating? Then I remembered KateSkirmish's His For A Day where Grell royally pissed off Sebastian by trying to off Ciel to destroy the contract and make Sebby all his! A grand plan (in theory)!

I think Sebastian and Undertaker are old frenemies. Like, they've run into each other several times over the centuries and respect one another's bad-assery while they are also willing to take each other out at a moment's notice. So, yeah…