Title: iWon't Let You Down

Fandom: iCarly

Main Ship: Spencer/Freddie

Other Ships: Carly/Sam, Spencer/Socko

Genre(s): Romance/Angst

Rating: M for mature themes and extreme angst

Warnings: slash, femslash, person 18+ in a relationship with someone under 18, self-injury (cutting), death

Author Note: This is my first iCarly story! There is really a lack of Spencer/Freddie fics in the world, so I decided to write this one to hopefully boost up the percentage. This is going to be an extremely angst-y story, so if that's not your thing, just don't read it. I don't understand why people read fics they know they won't like and then bash it in the review. It's beyond me. So, I'm just warning you now, full angst steam ahead!

Ooh, and by the way, this story is best viewed on the ½ setting. Looks better that way. :]

And I'm a freak and like to give a song to set the mood of each chapter, so the song for this chapter is "Use Somebody" by Pixie Lott (she did an amazing cover of the Kings of Leon song).

Enough ranting! Onto the story!


Freddie opened the door to the Shay apartment, peering inside. The living room was completely empty. Freddie hoped to heaven that Carly and Sam were somewhere in the apartment. If they weren't, it would only prove what Freddie had been trying to deny for two weeks.

Freddie heard a ruffling sound coming from the kitchen. He stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind him, shutting it quietly as he looked over into the kitchen. Freddie could see Spencer Shay cooking some sort of food at the oven. Freddie could see taco shells and strands of spaghetti. He rolled his eyes to himself quietly. Spencer and his food.

Spencer glanced up at the sound of the door opening, and Freddie felt himself being spotted. "Hey, Freddo. What's shakin', kid?" Spencer asked, slipping some spaghetti into a taco shell. "You're just in time for dinner," he told Freddie, smiling.

"Does that mean that Carly and Sam are here?" Freddie asked in a hopeful tone.

"No," Spencer replied. Freddie felt his stomach drop, "they went to Build-A-Bra like twenty minutes ago."

Freddie mumbled, "Great," before sinking down on the couch in the living room, putting his hands to his head. This had to be the fifth time Carly and Sam didn't think to invite him to go places with them. They always found a way to evade Freddie while they were at the apartment, and sneak out before he could check to see if they were there. It was like they were purposefully giving him the cold shoulder. Freddie had an idea why, but he really hoped that it wasn't the truth.

Freddie heard Spencer walk over and place a plate on the table in front of the TV. Freddie's nose was filled with spaghetti, taco-y goodness, but it didn't distract him. Spencer sat down next to him, prodding him on the shoulder slightly.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked, his tone concerned. Freddie glanced through his fingers to look at Spencer. Could he tell him? What if Spencer told Carly? Or worse, Sam?

Freddie straightened, looking full on at Spencer's caring face. Freddie knew he could trust Spencer. Taking a deep breath, Freddie began speaking, "I think Carly and Sam are done with me."

Spencer smiled in a way like he would after a joke had been told. "Are you kidding?" Spencer asked, shaking his head as if Freddie were being silly.

Freddie looked at him indignantly. "They are! I can tell! Besides, how long has it been since you've seen me here?" he challenged Spencer, crossing his arms. Spencer looked towards the ceiling, counting in his head. He then looked back at Freddie, his smile fading.

"I mean, I suppose you haven't been around as much as you used to, but that doesn't mean the girls don't like you anymore!" Spencer told him, surveying the younger boy. Freddie shrugged. Spencer continued, "Anyway, what did you do that would make them not want to be friends with you anymore?"

Freddie opened his mouth several times, closing it as soon as his lips parted. He couldn't tell Spencer. It was way too embarrassing. However, Spencer must have sensed that Freddie was suddenly becoming uncomfortable because Spencer placed a hand on Freddie's shoulder, gripping him.

"Come on, Freddie, you know you can tell me anything," Spencer said softly, peering at Freddie. Freddie felt his heart begin to race as Spencer gazed into his eyes. Freddie internally kicked himself. Spencer was not gazing, he was simply looking. Freddie shrugged his shoulder out from beneath Spencer as he squirmed around. It would hurt more when Spencer let go of him after hearing the truth.

Not looking at Spencer, Freddie finally fessed up. "I kissed a boy," Freddie whispered sadly. He then put his head in his hands again, hoping he would disappear on the spot.

Suddenly, Freddie felt hands trying to pry his own away from his face. Was Spencer actually touching him after hearing the awful truth?

"Hey, hey," Spencer said sternly, pulling Freddie's hands away, "don't be like that," Spencer told him, tugging on his hands. "Look at me," Spencer demanded hotly, squeezing Freddie's palms. Freddie slowly found the courage to look Spencer in the eye. Spencer sighed. "That's nothing to be ashamed of, Freddie," he said, letting go of Freddie's hands, "everyone experiments at your age."

"Yeah, but that's the thing. The experiment ended well," Freddie moaned, leaning away from Spencer. "I was at that teenage night club in downtown Seattle two weeks ago without Carly and Sam. That was around the time that they started ignoring me. And this kid came over to me and I started venting to him about it, and," Freddie swallowed, looking at Spencer fearfully, "he told me I didn't need girls…and then he just kissed me!" Freddie trembled, shutting his eyes at the memory. "The thing is, though….I liked it. I really, really liked it," Freddie finished, feeling ashamed. He brought himself to look at Spencer, to see his disgusted reaction and perhaps make Freddie leave the apartment. But for some reason, Spencer seemed to be contemplating something. Then, Spencer leaned forward, looking Freddie in the eye.

"If I tell you something, would you promise not to tell Carly?" Spencer asked suddenly, looking slightly resigned. Freddie nodded wildly, just happy that Spencer wasn't throwing Freddie out by the scruff of his neck. But Spencer just continued to look at Freddie, his eyes soft as he said, "I'm bisexual."

Freddie gaped; what? Spencer was bi? How was that possible? "No you're not," Freddie argued, shaking his head. Spencer's eyebrows raised slightly, but Freddie kept speaking, "You always have girls over here!"

"Yeah, I do. But what do you think I'm doing whenever I'm hanging out with Socko or on a date somewhere else?" Spencer responded, smiling slightly, "Why do you think that I've never brought Socko over here?"

It did make sense. After all the times Freddie had heard about the infamous Socko, he had never once met him. But Freddie still couldn't believe that Spencer was bisexual. He had lived next to Spencer for practically his whole life, and now he was just finding this out?

Spencer looked more serious as he continued speaking. "I don't bring guys over here because I think that Carly is a little homophobic; she gets it from our dad and grandad. It's not a good thing, because people should be open to everyone's sexuality, but Carly just has a very closed mind to that sort of thing, and I have to respect that. She's my little sister, and I need to make her feel comfortable living with me," Spencer informed Freddie, "otherwise she'll be on a one way ticket to Yakima."

Freddie listened, starting to understand Spencer's motives. But what he was saying only confirmed that Carly and Sam were in fact ditching him. Freddie nodded, looking downcast. "Spencer, I'm glad you told me all of this. It's making me a little bit more comfortable about this whole gay thing. But…" Freddie shut his eyes tightly, breathing heavily, "I'd rather be closeted than be without Carly and Sam. They're my best friends," he said sadly, frowning.

"You can't deny who you are, Freddie," Spencer told him, gripping Freddie's shoulders again, "not for anyone. I learned that the hard way. Don't make the same mistake that I did," Spencer said, grimacing slightly. Freddie was about to ask what Spencer's mistake had been, but he was cut off by Carly and Sam entering the apartment, carrying bags labeled BUILD A BRA.

"I really like the color you picked out, Sam," Carly told her, smiling, "and the pattern rocks."

"Thanks, Carls," Sam replied, "you built a pretty kickin' bra too."

The girls then seemed to notice Spencer and Freddie on the couch. Freddie felt Spencer let go of his shoulders, and wave to the girls. "Come have some dinner," Spencer told them, gesturing to the plate.

Carly glanced from the plate of spaghetti tacos to look at Freddie. She stiffened, and shot Sam a sideways glance. "Actually, Spence, Sam and I were going to go try on our new bras. You know, girl stuff," she added, smiling weakly at Freddie, "sorry, Freddie."

"Yeah, unless you want to see us without shirts on," Sam told him, smirking slightly.

Freddie wrinkled his nose at the thought of seeing Sam without a shirt on. "Erm…no thanks," Freddie winced slightly. Even if he were straight, the sight wouldn't have appealed to him.

Sam shrugged, "Suit yourself," and then followed Carly up to her room. Freddie gave Spencer a look that clearly said see what I mean? before getting up to leave the apartment.

"Wait, Freddie," Spencer stood up as well, holding his hands out to stop him, "you don't have to go yet. We can still talk with them upstairs-"

"It's okay, Spence. I have to be home anyway. My mom wants to watch the Food Network with me so she can instruct me on the do's and don'ts of using a fork," Freddie said sourly, moving past Spencer to walk out the door. Before he left, he turned, giving Spencer a small smile. "Thanks for the talk."

"Anytime, Freddie. Seriously," Spencer nodded, smiling back. Freddie then exited the apartment, not catching Spencer turning to glare towards the ceiling where Carly's room was.


A/N: Did I mention I love reviews? Oh, well, I love reviews! Keep that in the back of your mind. :] I'll update soon.