Title: iWon't Let You Down

Fandom: iCarly

Main Ship: Spencer/Freddie

Other Ships: Carly/Sam, Spencer/Socko, some Freddie/Carly

Genre(s): Romance/Angst

Rating: M for mature themes and extreme angst

Warnings: you should get the gist by now

Chapter Song: Can't Fight This Feeling - Cory Monteith (Glee Version)

Author Note: And now we meet Socko in this long chapter. Keep in mind that Socko has never been formally introduced on the show or shown, so how he is described here may or may not be his real appearance; it's just how I imagine him. And I imagine him as HOT. But this chapter is an angsty one.

Also, some fun news - Nathan Kress tweeted at me a couple of nights ago! He was having a Q&A and I was the second person he answered! I asked him which super power he would want and he replied, "Flight definitely! :) no more traffic! haha" so naturally I was happy.

Also, a reviewer (I forget whom, I'm sorry) mentioned not to make Socko a jerk. I thought that was funny because I had always envisioned Socko as the opposite. I just wanted to mention that, because it made me laugh.

On to the story!


The weekends were a great time for Freddie. He didn't have to endure the awkwardness of being around the kids at school, or do homework, or worry about paying attention. Plus on Saturdays, he got to watch Spencer make his newest sculpture and spend time with Carly and Sam, which was what he was doing now.

Carly and Sam both sat at the kitchen table, playing Go Fish. Freddie had insisted he didn't want to play, and he truly didn't. He could watch Spencer without an excuse now. He was sure Spencer, who was perched near the door, hadn't noticed yet. He was too immersed in his sculpture, which looked like a giant piece of popcorn.

"Aha!" Sam cried out, slapping her last two cards onto the table. "I win!" she exclaimed happily, crossing her arms and smirking in victory. Carly sighed and began gathering the cards up again. Freddie caught sight of Sam's winning cards, noticing they were different numbers. He reached a hand to pull them out of her grasp.

"Sam!" Freddie scolded, showing Carly the cards. She scowled at her friend.

"Must you cheat in every game we play?" Carly asked her in a snappy voice, reaching over to snatch the cards from Sam's hand. Sam just waggled her eyebrows and replied, "I haven't cheated on our best game yet, Carls."

Carly shared a small smile with Sam as Freddie faked vomiting. Sam elbowed him in the chest before getting up from her chair. "Alright I have to go. My mom is getting surgery today," Sam told them as she walked into the living room.

"Oh no," Carly murmured, "on what?"

"I don't know," Sam shrugged, clearly disinterested. "She said it's life surgery, but I don't think that's possible," Sam smiled wickedly before saying good bye to Spencer and leaving the apartment. Carly stared after her in a longing manner, something that Spencer seemed to notice. Freddie slid down in his seat guiltily.

"Hey, Carly, we need to-" Spencer began saying, but he was cut off by Lewbert ringing the apartment. Spencer walked over to the speaker and pressed the button. "What, Lewbert?"

"There's some guy comin' up to see ya," Lewbert screeched, adding an unnecessary hollering sound after he was finished speaking. Spencer hung up, rolling his eyes to himself as he moved back to his sculpture.

"Who's visiting?" Carly asked curiously, picking up the cards and setting them on the island. Freddie watched as Spencer shrugged in a distracted way.

"I don't know, I'm not expecting anyone," Spencer told her, painting the side of his massive popcorn. His hair hung in his eyes, and Freddie had a sudden urge to run to him and brush his hand against Spencer's forehead.

Carly nodded, and made for the stairs to go to her room. Freddie had learned after living with the Shay's for awhile not to be offended by it. Carly needed alone time just like anyone else, and now that he lived with her, he didn't expect her to hang out with him all of the time anyway. Freddie certainly didn't want to. He had his eyes on the other Shay.

Sitting at the countertop with the computer on it, Freddie began eating some left over pie that was sitting on the table. As he raised his fork to his mouth, someone knocked on he door. Spencer leaned over to open the door with his messy hands. Freddie's jaw dropped at the sight of the visitor.

The man looked to be around Spencer's age. He had light blonde hair and even lighter blue eyes. He also had a bright, mega watt smile on his face as he looked upon Spencer.

"Spencer!" the man shouted, pulling Spencer into a tight embrace.

"Socko!" Spencer replied in a surprised yet enthusiastic voice as he returned the hug. Socko glanced around the apartment as if he were looking for something, and then leaned up to kiss Spencer on the mouth.

Freddie felt as if his insides had just frozen. Not only was Socko a stud, but he was kissing Spencer. He was kissing Spencer here. In the apartment. Freddie felt as if he were about to slide down into a massive puddle on the floor. He realized that he hadn't felt this miserable since his mother died. As much as he hated the sight, he couldn't pull himself away from it. Spencer was returning the kiss with equal fever, and Freddie felt his heart crack.

A gasp sounded through the entire apartment. Spencer broke from Socko's lips, looking around until his eyes landed on a struck Carly on the stairs. She quivered in spot for a second before screaming, "I KNEW THIS WAS GENETIC!" before running back up the stairs in a sob.

Spencer choked out a, "Carly…" before forgetting about Socko and bounding up the stairs after his little sister. Socko stared after him, his face bright red. He stared at the floor in a guilty fashion. Freddie hoped he could get by unnoticed. He wanted to escape out of the back door, but unfortunately the plate hit the countertop with a clang as he tried to move it. Socko looked up, spotting Freddie. Boy was Freddie surprised when Socko broke out into a huge grin.

"Freddie Benson," Socko greeted, stepping past Spencer's sculpture and making his way to Freddie. Freddie had a bad need to grab his plate and smash Socko's pretty, magazine model face in, but he resisted. Socko extended a hand to him. "I've heard so much about you from Spencer."

Freddie scoffed slightly. Socko would sound condescending if his voice wasn't so damn perfect.

Freddie nodded, shrugging slightly. "Yeah, I've been Spencer's neighbor for awhile," he replied, unsure if Spencer had told Socko about their…thing. He apparently hadn't, because Socko nodded, smiling.

"Why are you here?" Freddie asked, his tone slightly snobbish. He couldn't help it. He hated the man in front of him with all of his heart. Freddie hated everything from his golden blonde locks to his shiny shoes. Socko didn't seem to notice his tone.

"I wanted to surprise Spencer," Socko grinned with a wicked glint in his eyes. "Spencer told me that he told you about me and him," Socko said, slipping his hands in his pockets. Freddie nodded. Oh, how he wished Spencer had kept that information secret.

Socko's face then became downcast. "I also heard about your mother. I'm very sorry," he said sadly, sighing slightly. Oh hell no. He had not just played the mother card. Freddie felt his fists balling as Socko spoke. "I knew Marissa well," Socko said.

Freddie was taken aback. "What!" he asked, confused.

Socko nodded. "I was here a lot before Carly moved in. Your mother was better to me than my own mother," Socko admitted, chuckling. "You were only eight at the time. Spencer and I used to baby sit you and Carly back then, don't you remember?"

Freddie had no recollection of this, but the thought of Socko and Spencer getting down and dirty ever since he was eight made Freddie want to scream. How could he compete with that? Freddie was damn kid when Socko and Spencer first got together. How could Spencer ever see him differently?

"You didn't come to the funeral," Freddie lashed out, his thoughts returning to his mother.

Socko replied steadily, "Spencer didn't let me know until after the accident. Besides, I've rarely seen him these past few weeks. Ever since you moved in," Socko added, his tone more curious and bright than hateful and jealous, which Freddie would have preferred. Freddie was about to tell Socko all of the things he had missed in he past few weeks when Spencer came down the stairs, his expression grim.

"Carly locked herself in her bedroom," Spencer said, sighing and rubbing the back of his neck. Spencer then did a double take when he saw Socko and Freddie conversing. He furrowed his brow, but Socko interrupted his musings.

"We should go now if we want to make the dinner reservations I made for us, Spence," Socko told him cheerfully, moving away from Freddie to rejoin Spencer. Spencer cast a look at Freddie as Socko leaned up to peck Spencer on the cheek. Freddie couldn't help but look on, his eyes becoming blurry. Socko grabbed Spencer's hand and led him from the apartment. "It was nice seeing you, Freddie."

Freddie watched helplessly as Spencer left the apartment, his hand securely wrapped in Socko's. When the door shut, Freddie moaned and slid on the floor, gripping his hair as he cried to himself mercilessly. He couldn't get the image of Socko out of his head. Freddie had half a mind to go to Spencer's room and destroy all of the funky socks he owned, but Freddie knew that would only hurt Spencer. Sighing, Freddie stood up, his eyes catching sight of a pair of kitchen scissors.

Twenty minutes later, Freddie was nursing two damaged wrists on the couch. He knew the stinging was something he'd regret later, but for now, he felt completely content with the new cuts on his skin. He bitterly hoped that Spencer would be happy to find Freddie wounded because of him. And stupid, fucking Socko.

Freddie didn't even hear the steps nearing him as he observed his cuts. For the second time that night, a gasp rang out int he quiet apartment. Freddie looked up to see Carly standing over him, staring at his wrists.

"Freddie!" she shouted, sitting down next to him and taking hold of his wrists. Freddie winced in pain. Carly looked up at him in shock, expecting an explanation. Freddie couldn't hold it in any longer. He told Carly everything about him and Spencer, starting with the explanation about his sexuality and ending with Socko. Freddie began to sob, falling into Carly's chest. He expected Carly to push him away and run, but Carly cradled him gently, shushing him.

"I'm sick of this," Freddie sobbed, hiccuping, "I just want things to go back to the way they were," Carly said nothing as she stroked Freddie's back comfortingly. It was nice, but it wasn't anything compared to Spencer's large hands and sweet scent. Thinking of Spencer only made Freddie cry harder, so he tried to push it from his mind.


After what seemed like hours, the door opened to the apartment. Freddie didn't look up to know that Spencer was now entering the apartment, probably after hooking up with Socko at the restaurant. The thought made Freddie shiver. Carly held him tighter.

"Freddie?" Spencer asked, his voice concerned. "Carly? What's going on? What happened?"

Carly lifted her head, glaring at her brother heatedly. "Go away Spencer. Haven't you caused enough damage for one night?" she asked rudely, squeezing Freddie even more tightly. Freddie bit his lip, closing his eyes against Carly's shoulder.

Freddie didn't catch Spencer's face contort in pain as he stared at Carly and Freddie on the couch. Carly did, however. Her anger seemed to be rising.

"You are a selfish nub," Carly told him angrily. "I can't believe you didn't tell me about Socko until now! I'm your sister, Spencer!"

"You weren't old enough, Carly," Spencer responded, his voice quiet. "What was I supposed to do? Tell my thirteen year old sister when she moved in that I was sleeping with my best friend?"

"You could've warned me," Carly chastised, her tone shaking, "that I would turn into one too!"

Spencer remained silent. Carly started crying, seeming to forget about Freddie. Freddie just stayed tucked into Carly's arms, trying not to look at Spencer.

"And what's worse," Carly continued, "is that you brought Socko here flaunting him in front of Freddie!" Freddie straightened abruptly, shocked. He couldn't help but look at Spencer, who looked mortified.

"How did you-" Spencer began testily.

"Know? How did I know about you and Freddie? Hmm, let me think. Oh yeah, that's right, you made out with your boyfriend in front of him and reduced him to a weeping mess," Carly snapped. Freddie wanted to sink into the ground. He wanted to disappear. He wanted to evaporate and seriously be anywhere but here.

But Carly wasn't done. "You have no right to tell Freddie what he is or isn't supposed to feel," Carly said angrily. "That's not up to you. You both like each other and you, Spencer, are just being a jerk about it."

"I'm being a jerk about it!" Spencer shouted, stamping his foot, looking livid. "I'm twenty nine, damn it! I can't date a sixteen year old!"

"But you can kiss him and sleep in the same bed as him?" Carly quizzed him, then laughing humorlessly. "You are way out of whack, Spencer. You have dealt with this the completely wrong way, and now you have to deal with the consequences," Carly then lifted Freddie's injured wrists in the air, showing them to Spencer. Spencer's face became stony.

"Spencer, I…" Freddie started, but tears began rolling down Spencer's cheeks. In shame. In misery. In some emotion Freddie could not peg. Carly's face softened slightly, and she sighed as she stood up.

"You two need to work this out. Spencer, Freddie is emotionally shattered right now. Mrs. Benson is gone and you leading him on isn't helping matters," Carly told her brother as he stared down in shame. Then, she turned to Freddie. Her tone became softer. "And Freddie, cutting yourself doesn't solve problems. Spencer isn't worth you slicing yourself open."

Freddie nodded miserably, sinking his head in his hands. Carly returned the nod, and looked at her brother. "I love you, Spencer. But you need to figure out what you want," she told him, walking around the couch to put a hand on his arm. Spencer nodded, not looking at her. She let go of him and made for the stairs. It had been a long night.

Freddie felt Spencer walk around the couch and sit next to him. Now that they were alone, Freddie had to explain himself where Carly had not. "I didn't mean for her to go off like that," Freddie admitted, "but she was wrong. Spencer, I understand that this isn't comfortable for you. I know the situation, I've thought about it a million times. I just can't handle seeing you with Socko. He's beautiful and perfect and everything I'm not," Freddie said sadly, shaking his head to himself.

"You deserve him though, I know that now. I don't want to hold you back, please just know that I want you to be happy," Freddie said, watching at Spencer stared back at him resolutely.

"I love you, Spencer," Freddie replied, looking earnestly into Spencer's eyes. "You mean everything to me. Don't worry about it, though. I can deal with it," Freddie said, looking away. "I'll be off to college in two years and then I'll be gone so you won't have to worry about it. And I think I'm going to stay with my Aunt Sharon from now on. She lives in Seattle, so I can still go to Ridgeway. And I can still come over here, sometimes, I mean, if you want. I don't have to," Freddie told him anxiously, shrugging slightly.

Spencer reached out and cupped Freddie's face with his hands. He then leaned forward and kissed Freddie so passionately that Freddie had to break away and catch air. Freddie stared at Spencer in awe. Spencer smiled briefly before pressing his lips to Freddie's again.

Freddie wrapped his arms around Spencer's neck as Spencer pushed him back into the couch, kissing his lips as if there were no tomorrow. Spencer kissed Freddie's jaw, his tongue darting out to massage the skin. Freddie let out a breath as Spencer pressed is lips to Freddie's ear. "I love you, too," Spencer told him, kissing the skin beneath his ear.

Spencer then leaned back, his face inches from Freddie's. His looked at him deeply, raising a hand to brush the hair out of Freddie's eyes. "I was afraid of this. I was afraid of falling in love with you…but I can't deny it any more. I can't keep hurting you," Spencer murmured, his voice shaking, "but I need you here. Stay with me, please."

Freddie allowed himself to be kissed by Spencer until he raised a hand to the man's chest. "But what about college? I have to go then."

"We'll cross the bridge when we come to it," Spencer told him, kissing his neck. Freddie sighed, smiling to himself. He was about to burst with happiness. How could he have been so unhappy a few hours ago? Freddie couldn't even remember what it was like to feel pain, because he knew now that he would be eternally happy.

After a little bit longer of senseless kissing, Spencer yawned, standing up. He extended a hand to Freddie, smiling cheekily. "I think it's time for bed," he said.

Freddie grinned and allowed himself to be pulled up by Spencer. Spencer placed his hands on Freddie's waist and kissed him as Freddie placed his hands on Spencer face. Then, Spencer took Freddie's hand and pulled him into the bedroom. Freddie felt a routine in the making.

This was something he could get used to.

Fin.


A/N: Yepp, that's the end of this story! I actually didn't intend to finish the story here, but it seemed like such a nice place to stop. Will there be a sequel? You be the decider! Tell me if I should write the sequel, because it may include (but not limited to) more Cam, Freddie the blushing virgin, college approaching, a jealous Socko and if you remember that dream that Freddie had in chapter two, well…I won't give anything away. But I hoped you liked the story, and if you want a sequel, review and tell me so! :)

EDIT: Sequel is up and running! The title is iPromise. Happy reading! :)