I don't know where this came from. I really don't. But it wouldn't leave me alone so I decided to just go with it.
I glanced down at my Rolex, contemplating whether or not murder was truly always a crime. It wasn't normal for me to have such homicidal thoughts but I honestly could not take it anymore. I had been pushed to this level and murder was the only reasonable way to save myself. "Can you two please hurry up?" I asked, trying my best to hide my impatience. If I revealed that I was feeling impatient, they would take it as me rushing them. And rushing "perfection" was bad…I guess. Hell if I know at this point. I just like to stay quiet and keep my head down so I don't get it ripped off.
"Ick!" John exclaimed as Maryse started spraying her hair spray everywhere. He coughed violently and started waving his arms around. "What the hell? Spray that somewhere else."
Maryse gave him an irritated glare. "No. I was here first. You don't like it, you go somewhere else."
"There is nowhere else. This is the only mirror and I need it more than you do." John grabbed his ponytail and used it to hold his hair in place after he pulled it back.
She huffed loudly and did her little hand gesture thing, which made him snort and do it right back at her. Trying to contain my frustration at their utterly childish behavior, I decided to tentatively speak up. "We're going to miss our flight if we don't leave like right now."
"No we're not," John said dismissively. "Don't be overdramatic."
"Yeah Teddy," Maryse piped in. "Cut it with the drama. It makes you look constipated."
It took every ounce of self control I had not to slap myself across the face for daring to travel with the two of them. John was terrible because he had no real sense of time but I was willing to put up with it because I was dating him. And actually, before Maryse came along, I was starting to rub off him and he was actually getting closer to being on time for stuff. But then Frenchie decided she needed to travel with us because her usual travel buddies Bella One and Bella Two weren't working as many shows lately so that left her alone-until she came to us that is.
"Please, for the love of God, don't make us miss another flight." Maybe if I begged they would listen to me. "McMahon will kick our asses if we're late to another show."
"Oh hold your horsieeees Teddddy." God I hated it when she drawled out words like that. Her accent made it like a thousand times more annoying. "And grab my bags while you're at it. I'm almost done."
"He's not your slave Frenchie," John said in my defense. He exited the bathroom and grabbed his own stuff. "He doesn't have to carry your shit."
Maryse responded to that by saying something in French that was probably very nasty, and I decided to just to grab her bags along with my own just so we could move along. "John I've got it, let's go."
John looked exasperated about the fact that I was giving in to Maryse again. "Ted-"
"John we have to go," I interrupted. "Just drop it, okay?"
"Yeah John, deal with it." Maryse sauntered out of the bathroom and gave me a kiss on the cheek before grabbing her purse and leading the way out of the room. John started muttering all kinds of obscenities under his breath while I sighed and followed Maryse's lead. This was going to be the longest travel loop yet. I could feel it in my bones.
We barely managed to make it to our flight on time, and after the usual hassle we had to put up at the airport, the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. I put in my ear plugs and laid my head back on the pillow that I always brought with me when I traveled and started to drift off to sleep. In the midst of my drifting though, I felt John's fingers start to run up and down my thigh. "And what do you think you're doing?" I asked without opening my eyes.
"Nothing," John said innocently. He continued with his fingers for awhile longer before grabbing my thigh with his whole hand and giving it a squeeze. "I'm just…getting to know your legs better."
I chuckled at that. "Really now?" I opened my eyes and looked down at his hand. "Because if I didn't know better, I would think you wanted something."
"And what if I did?" John asked innocently. He licked his lips and gave me a knowing look. "Huh? What would you do then?"
"Well…I suppose I would give you what you want. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't?" I reached over and lightly groped his crotch, making him let out a small moan.
"Well maybe-holy fuck!"
"Wha-ah!" I just about jumped out of my skin when a picture of a smoker's lung was shoved in our faces.
"Look at this," Maryse said as she happily kept shoving the picture in our faces. "Look! This is absolutely disgusting!" She was either completely oblivious to the fact that she was making a scene or she just didn't care.
"Oh my God, get that out of my face!" John yelled as he slapped it out of her hand. "Why do you even have that?"
"To keep horny boys from touching each other inappropriately," she replied cheekily. She gave us a smug smile before turning back around in her seat and going back to reading whatever girly magazine she had with her this time.
John and I exchanged irritated looks. This was a deed that could not go unpunished. Taking matters into his own hands, John took the piece of gum he was chewing out of his mouth and stuck it right in Maryse's very expensive (well, that's what she said anyway) hair extensions. I thought it was a bit too risky to go there because I knew from past experience that women tended to get scary when it came to their hair, but I figured John could take care of himself. He was a big boy after all.
"GET BACK HERE YOU BITCH!"
"TED! TED HELP ME!"
"YOU ARE SO DEAD! YOU HEAR ME?"
I watched the scene in front of me in shock. Maryse hadn't noticed the gum in her fake hair until we got to the arena and once she did, she had flipped out big time. She burst into the men's locker room and started chasing him all around, screaming at the top of her lungs and amusing the people around us.
"This is better than TV," Mike said as he stole Evan's chips out of his hand and started munching on them. "Like seriously, I haven't seen anything this entertaining in ages."
"Hey! Give me those back!" Evan tried to snatch the chips out of Mike's hands but Mike held them up above his head.
"Get them now shorty!" Mike laughed evilly until Mark Henry came over and gave them back to Evan. "Stupid Kool-Aid man," Miz muttered under his breath. "You suck."
"Okay, that's enough," I said as I tried to come between Maryse and John. I attempted to grab Maryse but I got decked right in the face. I stumbled back from the blow, actually shocked from how hard she had hit me. "Holy-"
"Gotcha!" Maryse tackled John to the ground and started beating the crap out of him. John yelped and began fighting back, resorting mostly to hair pulling because he couldn't get away with punching her in the face. I watched as they rolled all across the floor, my mouth hanging open and my hand place up by my jaw. I was tempted to try to break them apart again but I decided against it. Maybe if they slugged it out, things would get better and I could finally get some peace.
"I'm driving," Maryse announced as she got into the driver's seat of the car.
I stopped and stared at her with wide eyes. "Uh…no?" I said hesitantly.
She glared at me angrily. "What do you mean no? You always get to drive."
"Because you and John never want to drive."
"Yeah well I want to drive now. So get in and shut up."
I looked at John, who was nursing bruises and scratch marks from the catfight earlier. "I don't want her to drive," John declared. "People from France can't drive."
"I'm from Canada you idiot. Now get in!"
I sighed in exasperation and climbed into the backseat. "Just be careful, alright?" I told her as John got in the back with me.
Maryse smirked and started the car up. "Oh please, I am like the best driver in the whole world." She put the car in reverse and practically stomped on the gas, promptly backing up right into the car that was passing us from behind. "Frenchie! What the hell is your problem?" John yelled.
"Me? I don't have a problem at all! That was his fault! Tell him that Teddy!"
I just let out a heavy sigh and shook my head. I seriously needed new travel buddies. I couldn't put up with this shit anymore.