Hello everyone, and welcome to Sheika and Friend's newest Twilight mockery story! This one takes place in the summertime and uses a little plot device from the last chapter of VOL. If you haven't (and don't intend) to read VOL here's a quick recap. The Cullens had a series of challenges that Bella won. Her prize was one wish, she could ask for anything but she unknowingly gave that wish to Edward later in the day. So he decided to exchange it for some "Fun in the Sun" so without further ado, we give you: OUR NEWEST STORY~
Twilight and all characters technically (c) Stephanie Meyer
Fun in the Sun
Chapter 1 – Idiots on a Plane
"No," I said, staring at Alice. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
"Nobody can do the Shing-a-Ling, like I do," Emmett, Edward, Carlisle and Jasper sang.
"There is no way you're taking me away to some strange island in the middle of no where for a beach vacation!"
"Thanks for summarizing the last ten minutes of our discussion, Captain Repetitive," Alice said. "And yes, we are! We, well, I talked to Charlie and he thinks it would be a great idea."
"Well that's too bad because I absolutely refuse! I know it's the summer time so you think that you can just whisk me away whenever you want but that's not true! I have summer homework, and you do, too. So you can forget about me going with you, no matter how much Esme pleads or Edward dazzles or you and Rosalie threaten. I won't go." I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at Alice defiantly.
"Oh come on, Bella, I'm sure we'll be able to blackmail you with something. What if we tell Charlie what you've been up to recently?"
I smiled at Alice with smug satisfaction. "Go ahead and try. I had a feeling that something would be coming up this summer and I knew you'd try to blackmail me so I've purposely stayed out of trouble. It was finals recently so I've been studying away from you guys. There's nothing you can blackmail me with!"
Alice scowled. We still have old tricks up our sleeves; just you wait and see Isabella Swan." Alice turned and stalked off and for once I felt like I had beaten her, of course this kind of satisfaction wouldn't last for long as Alice never gave up but I could certainly enjoy this while it lasted. I went and found Edward, who was sitting in the living room celebrating the end of school with Jasper and Emmett.
"Edward, can you drop me off at home? Charlie's expecting me tonight; he wants to have a little celebration for finishing school."
"Of course, Bella love." Edward scooped me up and kissed me before carrying me out to his car and driving me towards home. For once it looked like everything was going normally, there were no schemes, nobody was screaming, and we were acting like normal, rational people. It felt pretty strange, actually. Edward dropped me off and I kissed him goodbye before heading inside. Charlie had ordered pizza and was looking sufficiently awkward waiting for me at the table.
"Congratulations, Bells," he said, hugging me quickly and then clearing his throat and slicing the pizza. We ate in general silence until Charlie's phone buzzed. "I should, uh," he looked panicked. "I'll take this upstairs." He gave me a quick kiss on the top of my head and then bolted from the kitchen. "Love you, Bells."
I sat in confusion for a minute before everything went black. I heard the door bang against the wall and it felt like someone was tying something around the back of my head and then I heard the unmistakable swish of a pillowcase sliding over my head. Then someone was grabbing me by the shoulders and pushing me through the house. I heard someone yell "WATCH OUT" and then I was stubbing my toe on the coffee table.
"Watch it, Cullen," I yelled. I didn't know who was guiding me, they all felt cold, but who else would be kidnapping me so late in the day? Heck, who would be kidnapping me at all?
After bumping into a few more things scattered about the room, we managed to get outside and I was pushed into the backseat of someone's car. I heard a buckle click and then we were off. I must have been in Emmett's Hummer because I could hear a lot of other voices around me all yelling about where to go and what turn to take.
"No, that's not right!"
"Look at the map!"
"Don't turn left here, turn right. Right!"
"Look, just pull over, we'll figure this out." I felt the car jerk to a stop and the sound of a map crinkling. "Alright, we're here."
"No, that's not where we are, that's a different street."
"Are we near a river? There's a river on the map but I don't see any river."
"Are we on the highway?"
"Of course we're on the highway you idiot."
"There's no highway on the map."
"Why does this map say Portugal on it?" There was a long silence after that followed by the sound of someone crumpling the map and we shot forward again.
Okay so the map was a terrible idea, I could have told them that, but once we ditched it we managed to get to the airport without any problems. Well, with only one problem.
"You know, guys, I know how to get to the airport," Bella said, accidentally banging her head against the window in an attempt to lean closer to the driver. "Charlie picked me up when I first came here and I remember which way to go. Really, I don't-"
"Hey Bella," I said, "Would you mind ducking for a minute?"
I didn't have time to explain, I just shoved Bella's head down below the window and tried to look as normal as possible as we passed by a police car on patrol and then the police station, every member of which seemed to be standing outside and watching us go by. Luckily none of them were very concerned, I doubt many of them even noticed us, we were flying by in true Cullen fashion. But that wasn't the end of our worries, for some reason the airport seemed to have a problem with us bringing Bella on board with a pillowcase over her head.
"Check." Edward glided over to the woman taking the tickets and, leaning on the desk to give her his best angle, said softly in the seductive voice we had been training him to use, "Are you sure you couldn't make this one little exception for us? A pretty woman like you must have no problem bending the rules a little."
"Beat it, greasy hair," the lady barked, completely unaffected by Edward's flirtation. "I have no time for stupid teenagers who think they can bend the rules just because they've got red hair, amber eyes and pale skin. Bella started laughing from under her pillowcase. She couldn't see it but Edward was shooting her a death glare. He stormed over next to me and bent down so his mouth was roughly level with Bella's ear.
"You should be happy that she doesn't like me. You should be jealous that I was flirting with her!"
"Oh Edward, how could I be jealous," she said, her voice muffled by the pillowcase. "You weren't even flirting with her!"
"Yes, I was," he growled.
"Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you were just making fun of Jacob, with all those growl noises and that scrunched face I know you have on when you try to flirt."
Edward scowled and went to stand next to Esme who patted him comfortingly on the shoulder and wisely not to suggest he practice flirting a little more before he tried to use it on people.
"Can I help you, sir," the woman asked, staring pointedly, and dreamily, at Carlisle. "Is there anything you need? Ticket upgrade to first class? Complimentary pedicure or manicure on board the plane? Hot towel, massage, gourmet food, or your choice of in-flight movie? Maybe you're looking for a girlfriend?"
"I'm married," Carlisle said, looking rather uncomfortable.
"A mistress, then?"
"Not for long! I want a divorce," Esme said. "There, no go flirt with her lover-boy and get Bella on the plane."
Carlisle was dumbfounded at how quickly Esme was willing to sell him out and for a moment didn't move. With a little "encouragement" from Esme, though, he was leaning across the desk and charming the woman into letting Bella on board with the pillowcase on.
While Carlisle was busy disgracing his marriage vows in support of a more realistic kidnapping, I pulled Jasper aside and suggested a little game to keep us occupied on the two-hour flight.
"Hey Jasper, how would you like to have a little contest?"
"Let's see who can be the most annoying on the plane ride!"
We waited until everyone was on the plane, until Bella had settled in and accepted that she would not be able to see anything for quite a while and waited until we were free to move around again before we started in with the mayhem. I started off by pretending I needed to "stretch my legs" a bit.
Who needs an in-flight movie when you have siblings like Emmett and Jasper? Granted, I'm sure the rest of the plane would have been much happier with the cheesy out-dated movie but for us, there's nothing better than watching Emmett and Jasper make complete fools of themselves. None of us were surprised when Emmett starting screaming and running up and down the aisles and throwing rubber snakes at everybody. Several people burst into tears, one vomited in sheer terror and one of the flight attendants locked herself in the private bathroom.
"Don't worry, I'll save you," Jasper yelled to no one in particular. He pulled a super soaker out of his carry-on bag and started shooting jets of freezing water at anyone or anything that was near a snake. By the time he had run out of water nearly everyone was drenched, except for one flight attendant who had been banging on the bathroom door where her friend was hiding. She managed to escape dry.
Emmett and Jasper locked eyes from either end of the aisle. Then, with fierce war cries, they ran towards each other, giant squeaky hammers brandished. Everyone cringed through a full minute of squeaky hammers and rubber sliding over rubber. Then Jasper pulled a fluffy orange tabby cat out of his pants, how it got there in the first place we'll never know, and began playing it like a bag pipe. The cat, obviously, was not prepared to be played like a bagpipe and began wailing loudly and clawing at Jasper's face.
"Oh yeah? Release the frogs!" Emmett threw open one of the overhead compartments and about twenty or thirty frogs leaped out, landing on people, in food, and smashing into windows. Several children were crying, the same person as earlier was vomiting in terror again and there was a crowd of terrified flight attendants huddled in the back of the plane. As if this wasn't enough chaos, Emmett began to play Bella like a bongo drum, smacking her stomach and adding in drum sound effects.
"Emmett, don't," Bella moaned, just before she vomited all of Emmett's pants. Emmett made a face and backed away from Bella. He stared down at his ruined pants for a moment and then seemed to get what he thought was brilliant idea.
He quickly stripped out of his pants, much to the delight of a girl somewhere in the back of the plane. "Take off you shirt next," she yelled, cheering all the while. Never one to disappoint, Emmett tore off his shirt and threw it back to the girl, whose cheering increased. Emmett then dug a lighter out of his carry-on bag and set his pants on fire. By this time there was complete chaos on the plane, people were screaming and crying and vomiting uncontrollably in terror. The flight attendants had fled to all parts of the plane, some even crowding into the cockpit. And, finally, someone began to wonder what was going on.
The co-pilot, after making sure that everything would be okay for the moment stormed out to see what was going on. "What's going on? What are you doing? Hey," The co-pilot starting screaming when Emmett suddenly bit him in the arm.
"That's it," Rosalie yelled, jumping up from her seat. "Emmett Cullen you've caused enough trouble for one plane ride. You're going into the Prison Cell!"
"Prison cell," Bella asked. "What kind of plane are we on?"
"A Very Cullen Plane, Bella," Esme said, "Don't forget, we're rich and own hundreds of things you don't even know about. Like this airline, for instance."
"Wait a minute," Carlisle said, "If we own this airline, then why did I have to flirt with the ticket lady to get Bella on board?"
"Because, dear, I wanted to see if you'd ever flirt with someone else. And now that you have, I get to punish you later." Esme smiled broadly but Carlisle just looked worried. He gulped and tried to move a little farther away from his wife.
Once Emmett was locked up and Jasper was kept occupied with Alice, the rest of the flight went pretty smoothly. Edward and I chatted and he read to me from a couple books to keep me entertained. Then we were touching down and I was back to shuffling along. My fear reached a new height, however when I got onto the boat.
"You know," Rosalie said, "I can't help but feel like we're forgetting something." There was a pause and then, "Oh, I must be thinking of all the luggage. They're sending it after us because it couldn't all make it in one trip."
"And speaking of trips," Alice said just as I lost my footing and, with true Bella style, fell face first into the ocean. And even more horrifying was the fact that it took them a full twenty seconds for them to realize I fell in and come save me!
"Edward," I sputtered as he dragged me out of the water. "Edward what were you doing?"
"Eh? No hablo ingles, Senorita."
"What . . . Edward? Where are we?"
"Hello? Is anybody there? Come on, I can't break out of this thing alone! It would be suspicious. Hello? Did you forget about me? Wait a minute, we're taking off again? HEY, WHAT ABOUT ME?"