Clark should be here any minute now. He always seemed to find comfort in his old, wooden loft.
I knew the news that I got from Dr. Groll was going to devestate Clark, but he had a right to know. I could hear Clarks slow moving footsteps making its way up the stairs. My heart was racing, I had to control my breathing. I had to be strong for the both of us. I finally saw Clarks head appearing up the stairs. Finally he spotted me and stopped. Staring at me with big blue eyes and wearing a blue shirt like he used to back in our high school years. I was worried for the question that was burning in Clarks mind and mortifyed to tell him the answer. I tried to hide my feelings, for Clarks sake. I didn't do a very good job because Clark was inching towards me.
"Clark, Please." I said. "I don't wanna hurt you." I held up my hands to stop him for coming any closer. He stopped, He stared directly at me.
"Lex Already took care of that." Clark replied with remorse. My heart sank, I knew what he ment about Lex. Lex has hurt us both beyond forgivness I could see the question I've been dreading forming in his eyes. "Did you talk to Dr. Groll?" Clark asked doubtfully. His eyebrows furrowed. The question was released from it's cage. I didn't want to answer him. I felt heavy with sorrow, All I could do was nod.
"Can he help Us?" Clark asked almost immediatly. I could see a hint of the high school farm boy in his eyes. My mouth tightened with a quiver. I shook my head.
"No" I finally said. Time felt like on long agonizing minute. I could almost feel his heart breaking in his clear blue eyes. He tilted his head slightly in defeat. I wanted so much to hug him. Wanted so much to show that him that we could still be same, But that time has expired. I could see him lost in his own little world, trying to find something to say that would give us both hope.
"I'm gonna do everything I can to fix this, Lana." He replied. "I Wll find a way for us to be together." He said it with such athority I almost believed him. But almost isn't good enough.
"Clark, he tried everything." I told him. Bringing him back to reality. "He can't reverse the process." I felt like I took a knife and drove it down deep in his chest. He looked stunned with the ugly truth. My heart sunk even more. I felt like a deflated balloon lying flat on the wooden floor.
A tear escaped from myeye. I wanted to tell him something to make him feel better. Something to relieve this burden that was almost sufffocating us.
"I love you." I assured him It almost felt Clich coming from my own lips, but it was true. I know I've hurt him too many times and most of which he didn't even deserve, but he always forgave me. "I alway will." I Forced a smile on my face. "I know what I need to do with my life now." I could see a mixture of questionable in his face. I always knew that he disapprove of me being anywhere near danger, but I wanted to. I need to know I'm doing something good, not only for Smallville, but for the world. I wanted him to be proud of me, but he isn't, and I understood.
"Life..." I started. "...Is so precious..." I paused. Keeping track of my train of thought. "... So Beautiful." I started to get choked up by the thought. "And to be able to protect that, that's an amazing gift." I paused for a second hoping everything I said would ease his doubt.
"I Know you feel the same way." My words had an effect on him, that much was true. But what kind of effect it did, I wasn't sure. His eyes were a glossy sheet.
"What we have is beautiful." He said with a childlike charm. Including 'we' was defestating to hear. There's no such thing as we anymore. It's just Lana and Clark now.
"Clark, We made our choice on that roof..." I told him giving him another devistating dose of reality. "... And I know we would do it again..." I said nodding my head with athority. "...Because both of us are driven to do this, even if we can't do it together." Each does was utterly killing him. I know it's harsh but I couldn't kid around in a situation like this.
"Don't leave." Clark replied quietly. Tears were forming in his baby blue eyes. "Don't leave again, Lana." Now he was stabbing me. I swallowes back the tears that would come back later. "Even if we can't be together, I want you in my life." My heart sank even deeper. I want him in my life just as much as I want to be in his. I felt weak, I felt like I didn't have any control.
"That's where you're stronger than me." I felt like I was made of glass. Translucent and could be broken by the lightest touch. My throat felt dry and swollen "To see you..." I started, looking away. "... On the street everyday..." I could feel his stare burnning in me. "... And not be able to touch you-" I had lost it by now. Another tear fellfrom my eye. Clark was about to loose it too. I've really never seen Clark cry before. He's always been strong.
"Stay." He finally said, staring at my sobbing face.
"Don't." I answeres, I could no longer control my tears. Clark licked his lips in discomfort. He tighted his jaw and started edging towards me. "Clark, don't" I pleaded. He was going to put himself in even more pain. Each step he took I took two more back. "Clark." I choked softly. I was crying uncontrollably, I felt broken, shattered into a million pieces. Clark was grunting with each little step, the pain looked almost excrutiating. It was all because of me. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to help him, to give him support, but I knew if I touched him, the pain would only expand. He almost stumbled over his own two feet, wobbling to one side to the other.
"Clark" I mouthed, I looked at him, but he kept push his way to me. I couldn't imagine the pain I was giving him, couldn't fathom it in the least. My lip started to quiver, he looked in so much misery. It was torturing him. He placed his hands firmly on my shoulders. His eyes radiated sorrow. He looked deep into my eyes locking my gaze, and without further thought, he craddeled my face inbetween his hands and put his lips to mine. Clark's soft lips were comforting, I didn't want to let go. We both were fully aware of how much pain he was going through, but neither of us seemed to care. I've longed for this feeling, I wanted to embrace it. Put it in a box and never let it go. I wanted all of him, I wrapped my arms around the back of his head. I didn't know wheather or not to pull away first, or wait untill he took control. Time felt non-existant. We could've been kissing to the end of the world for all we knew. He pulled away forsefull. I looked at him in terror. He almost collapsed but he had the strength to keep his balance. His eyes looked sleepish and tired, like he was going to pass out. Clark finally fell with aloud 'thunk'. I felt nauseated with woe. I had to walk away. The once strong man of steel was now hunched over gasping for air, all because of me. Was this love? How could it be? It hurt too much for it be love.
"Goodbye, Clark Kent." I wimpered, I couldn't bear seeing him like this. His breaths were fast and shallow, trying to recover. I walked down the steps grabbing the wooden rail for much needed support. I took a deep breath to pull myself together. Clark couldn't manage to get up. I looked at him, he looked so broken, so distraught it was horritying.
"That night at the cemetery, when I introduced you to my mom and dad..." I remineced all the way back to freshman year. "...You told me that I would never be alone..." Clark's breaths were barely getting better. "... That my mom would always be watching me." Clarks stared at me with furrowing eyes. "If we're in each other hearts, Clark..." I unnunciated every syllable. "I will always be with you." I assured him, hoping he'll never forget that. "No matter what."
Acid tears were forming in my eyes.
"I love you." I finally said. He looked at me with big, blue, wet eyes begging me not to leave. He was almost petrified.
I had to leave. And without another look, I turned around and left. I walked down the creeking, old steps. The meter rocks have ripped me away from everyone I have ever truly loved in this world, and now it takes over me.
I hope all of you liked it!