A/N: Hi! Random Bleach oneshot, just 'cause I can. What will Ichigo do? How will he save the kid? Will they both make it out alive?

"A monster…" two pairs of eyes, both concealed by white Hollow masks, looked sharply in the direction of the voice. The Hollow and the Vizard were embroiled in their ultimate final showdown. Ichigo had donned his mask and brought forth his bankai, and Grimmjow in turn had assumed his resureccion form. They had been so focused on one another that they hadn't even noticed that somebody's seven-year-old with the lion's share of the family reiatsu had come out onto the porch to see what all the commotion was about.

Grimmjow's face split into a triumphant leer as the little girl blinked sleepily a few times. In the space of a heartbeat, he had snatched her up and returned to the place he had been standing when the fight was interrupted. She froze up for a moment, and then seemed to become aware of her plight. She screamed and struggled, her voice muffled by the clawed hand Grimmjow had clamped over her mouth, and he laughed as Ichigo stood before him and seethed, knowing that as long as his opponent kept his human shield, the Hollow had effectively won.

The little girl's toes were currently drifting several inches off the ground as the Espada held her up by her jaw. She screamed again and tried to pry him away from her with her tiny fingers against his enormous ones.

"Stupid kid," he growled, whacking her firmly on the top of her head with his free hand. She let out a little choked cry.

"Put her down, Grimmjow!" Ichigo roared, brandishing Zangetsu and glaring at the teal-haired Espada. Grimmjow just laughed.

"Give it up, soul reaper scum. You're finished as long as I have a hostage. No matter what happens to you, you're predictably obsessive about protecting the weak. You've got sort of a saving-people-thing going on, don't you Orangey? This little kid's my trump card. She's my goddess of victory." He snapped his fingers, and his Hollow servants appeared. "If you attack them, the girl dies. Whaddaya say to that?" he laughed maliciously.

The girl screamed and twisted every which way, and Grimmjow raised his fist to quiet her down, only to be surprised by her foot connecting with his face with a sound like a metal bar hitting a slab of meat. Caught off guard, he started to fall backwards, and was slammed into the ground as the girl's other foot struck the same point as the first with a spectacular twist of her hips. She landed lightly on her feet and Grimmjow sprang to his and flash-stepped behind her, only to be socked in the jaw. Then he was elbowed in the solar plexus, kicked in the knee, and had his foot stomped on. Finally, she nailed him with a knee to his temple. He fell in an ungainly sprawl on the grass, down for the count.

"I told big brother there was a monster living in the garage." She muttered in a voice still thick with tiredness as she surveyed the skull-white panther lying on the ground in front of her.

The Hollows and Ichigo all stared in shock as the little girl rubbed her eyes with one tiny fist, blinked several times and then with a yawn bent down and took hold of the fallen Espada's tail. Looking far cuter than anyone that dangerous had a right too, she shuffled back the way she had come, dragging her unconscious foe behind her while muttering disjointedly.

"Told him… but he didn't believe me… jerk, he should listen more…I told him so." Occasionally she would turn and shout at Grimmjow, heedless of the fact that he couldn't hear her. "Stupid big brother! Why doesn't he ever listen to me? And I was right, too! And now I gotta' drag your dumb heavy self up all those stairs… let's see him explain this away. I bet he says you're the mail man, or the meter-reader or some codswallop like that. Why do I even bother…" here she kicked him on the rump a few times for good measure.

Ichigo had to hold his sides and clamp his mouth shut to keep himself from cracking up as he heard the poor Espada being dragged through the house, and up the stairs, bumping his head into each one as he went. (P'doink, p'doink, p'doink!) What wonderful poetic justice!

It wasn't until after he was half-way down the street that he figured out that some kid had just taken out a guy that he almost died fighting several times, and that said dangerous person was now loose in a civilian house and most likely in a rather dreadful mood. He flew back at top speed, but no matter how many houses he looked at, none of them bore signs of a conflict, and not one of them looked like the one he had seen Grimmjow dragged into not three minutes ago.

He couldn't feel a trace of the Espada's reiatsu anywhere, and all the Hollow servants had vanished.

"Okay, so it's freaky, supernatural poetic justice" he muttered to himself, and could have sworn he heard a ghostly laugh, and the faint, far-off yowl of a cat in the throes of terror…

The End

A/N: The little girl is based off of a friend of mine from childhood. Go Fairlight! Kick that scrawny loser's Hollow butt and show you big brother that you're right! Hope you liked it! If you review, you could win a million bucks!

Ichigo: Uh, you don't have a million bucks.

Me: I didn't say I'd pay them a million bucks; I just said it could happen. An it could... if they're playing the lottery or something.

Ichigo: -_-;

Grimmy: HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Mystery Girl: Bwahahaha!