Chapter 25: Naruto Takes on America
Thanks for the idea Rolco The Fallen Angel
The Thomas the Tank Engine theme played the entire train ride from inside the train. I know what you're thinking. The Thomas the Tank engine theme playing on an infinite loop sounds incredible. It's so catchy I could never tire of it. But if you are thinking this you're wrong! Because the Thomas the Tank Engine theme does tire.
It happens around the 1,236th loop. This is where you'll stop playing so much attention to it. You might strike up a conversation with someone beside you and just consider the tune pleasant background music. By the 2,478th loop it begins to feel just the tiniest bit monotonous. And by the 4544th loop you're ready to do whatever it takes to get that stupid catchy tune to stop playing. But you know the second you get off that train that song is going to stay in your head for the rest of the day. Here's where you might find earplugs or headphones to block out the sound. But no, the music is much too loud!
Oh, and did I mention Naruto and the others were also trapped on this train with a woman and her constantly screaming child, a fighting couple, and two old men that bore a surprisingly accurate appearance to a real life Bert and Ernie. So if you expected the ride to be even slightly relaxing you would be disappointed. Though, I must admit, the Bert and Ernie lookalikes were pretty cool. Naruto even got their autographs. Bill and Gary, if you're out there I thank you for playing along and making Naruto's day.
The train eventually stopped at the Acme train station and Naruto, Kiba, Hinata (now revived), Marina, and Itachi stepped out. Things were a lot more… 3D in this world. However, Naruto and the rest of the group still retained their classic 2D appearance. And somehow despite this, nobody bothered to point out this difference.
Hinata latched onto Naruto's arm. "Naruto, I'm not sure I like this world."
"Yeah," Kiba agreed. "This seems like the type of world Orochimaru would create… In fact, how do we know he didn't create it?!"
"Oh, and I did." Orochimaru said, casually approaching the group from behind. "One of my experiments went wrong and ended up splitting the world in two. Personally, I like the ninja world a tiny bit better, but this one is also very interesting for a spectator. Watch, I guarantee you in a matter of moments something bad will happen."
Neji: How did Orochimaru get here without noticed? How am I here? How come you'll never hear from me again in this chapter?
"Wait, Orochimaru you created my world?!" Marina asked in surprise. She shivered. It scared her how much that seemed to make sense.
Itachi interrupted before Orochimaru could respond. "We should get going towards Marina's house. I'd like to get her back before midnight."
"Why midnight?" Naruto asked. "Believe it!"
"I-is there some sort of c-curse that starts i-if we don't get there before midnight?" Hinata asked.
"No, there's a TV show I want to watch." Itachi responded, giving a shrug and his look of nonchalance. He started walking and gestured for the others to follow. "Come on guys. Marina's house isn't going to wait for us to come."
"You don't know that for sure. Believe it!" Naruto whispered to Marina, Kiba, and Hinata as they walked.
At their ninja speed, the group (Marina struggled to keep up) ran away from the train station and towards a busy intersection. The group looked down at the cars from atop several large trees. "I think the enemies have planted traps." Kiba said.
"Moving targets are always the hardest to hit. Believe it!" Naruto said.
"I've been around a lot of weird stuff, but I've never seen weapons so… strange before." Orochimaru confessed.
"Wait," Marina interrupted. "Those aren't weapons! Those are cars! People drive in them! It's our way of transportation so we don't have to run all the time!" The others looked surprised.
"Why wouldn't you want to run everywhere?! Believe it!" Naruto asked.
"Cars…" Orochimaru said as he thought on the word "Oh yes! I believe I've heard of them! Don't humans use them for hitch hiking?"
Itachi raised an eyebrow at Orochimaru. "What's hitch hiking?"
"I'll show you." Marina responded. She jumped to the ground, stood in front of the cars, and gave a thumbs up.
"THAT GIRL IS NUTS!" Kiba yelled. "ONLY GUY WOULD GIVE THUMBS UP AT SUCH AN INOPPORTUNE TIME!"
"I must admit, I admire her style of crazy though." Orochimaru confessed.
"DON'T GIVE THOSE THINGS A THUMBS UP! DESTROY THEM WITH YOUR JUTSU! BELIEVE IT!" Naruto yelled.
Several cars drove around Marina, but finally an old, ugly, green pickup truck stopped beside her. The man in the driver's seat across from where Marina was standing, slowly cranked his window down in order to speak to her.
He had medium red hair, jeans, and a white tank top with what looked to be a mustard stain on it. "Ya' lookin' for a ride?" He asked in a very laid back tone.
"Yeah," Marina responded. "But would you be able to drive my friends too?" As she said that Naruto, Kiba, Hinata, Itachi, and Orochimaru jumped off the tree and landed beside the car. Naruto even took extra effort to make his entrance more flashy by landing on the hood of the car.
The man looked surprised to say the least at the new group of colorful characters that had arrived surrounding his car.
"I s'pose so…" The man muttered. "Some a' ya' will have ta ride 'n the the back of m'truck though."
Most of the Naruto cast sat in the truck bed for the long ride, except for Orochimaru. He wanted to sit in the passenger seat so he could ask the man questions about humanity and Marina who sat in the back seat and gave directions to her house. The man drove as close as he could to Marina's house (down a few streets) without veering from his path. He dropped them off in front of an electronics store.
Kiba looked into the store window with wide eyes. "What is all this stuff?" He asked Marina.
"Oh… Those are just electronics!" Marina started walking. "Come on, I know how to get home from here."
"Wait, I want to look at the electronics. Believe it!" Naruto said and entered the shop before Marina could argue.
"Look at all this stuff!" Kiba said in awe. He walked up to a flat screen TV and watched a TV commercial at probably the most inopportune time... during an SPCA commercial with Sarah McLachlan in it.
an animal is beaten
They suffer alone and
Waiting for someone to help
The commercial went on when Sarah McLachlan came on screen and said that for a donation of $18 a month they could rescue animals, provide medical care, food, shelter, and love. Call now and receive a beautiful tote bag and a picture of an animal that you helped.
This is your chance to say, I won't sit by while an animal suffers.
Kiba turned to Marina (who had only caught the end of the commercial) and looked at her with wide innocent eyes.
"No!" Marina said before Kiba could ask anything.
"But Marina, just a donation of $18 a month can help save an animal's life."
"What are dollars anyways? And how do I get 18? Believe it!" Naruto asked, also showing up.
Marina sighed. "You guys don't have money so why should it matter? And I don't have money I should be giving out so carelessly."
"But Marina this is our chance to say we won't sit around while an animal suffers!" Kiba argued.
"That's it! Let's get out of this shop!" Marina said and took Kiba away by the coat sleeve.
The group left the store. Itachi came out with an iphone in his hand. He was using headphones to listen to music. When the others noticed, Itachi flashed them an embarrassed smile. "Hey guys,"
"How'd you get that?" Marina asked angrily.
"Well you see…" Orochimaru started. He put on glasses and pulled out a book called 'Sharingan 101'. Then he opened it up and flipped through a few pages until he found where he wanted to read from. "According to page 130, verse 5, the sharingan has hypnotic properties which allow the user to…"
"I didn't mean that!" Marina interrupted. "Stealing is illegal!"
"Is it?" Orochimaru asked in a condescending tone, while pushing his glasses down slightly. "I never realized."
"Come on Marina! We're ninja! We can do what we want! Believe it!" Naruto said.
"Naruto, you're supposed to be the hero of this series. At least back me up a little! Would you really side with Orochimaru and an Akatsuki member?"
"B-but Orochimaru says if I'm nice to him he'll let Sasuke come back to Konoha. Believe it!" Naruto pleaded
"SASUKE NEVER LEFT KONOHA IN THIS UNIVERSE!" Marina yelled.
"Oh yeah, then why isn't he here now? Believe it!" Naruto argued.
"N-Naruto, Sasuke i-isn't here because he d-dies every chapter. R-remember?" Hinata asked in her shaky voice.
"Oh, yeah. Believe it!" Naruto said.
"Wait, isn't that Sasuke now?" Kiba asked. The group turned to see an emo kid walk into the electronics store. He wasn't Sasuke though he bore a striking resemblance to the Uchiha both in fashion and hair style.
Hinata pointed at someone else across the road, also with short hair, a hoodie, and shorts, this person was female. "I-isn't that Sasuke too?" She asked.
"OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE SASUKE UNIVERSE! BELIEVE IT!" Naruto yelled in horror.
Orochimaru (glasses and book now gone), shrugged. "Well, why couldn't I make a world based on Sasuke?"
Kiba pointed at another person with black hair driving past in a car. "But everyone's Sasuke!"
"We need to destroy this at the source." Itachi said calmly, while playing a game on the iphone. He didn't even bother to look up.
"Marina, are you able to get home from here on your own? Believe it!" Naruto asked.
"Yeah, I suppose so." She responded. "But what are you planning?"
"I can walk Marina home." Orochimaru volunteered.
"No," Naruto said. "Orochimaru, you know where the chief Sasuke is, don't you? Believe it!"
"Chief Sasuke?" Marina questioned.
"Yes," Orochimaru responded. "Somewhere in this universe there is a chief Sasuke. He sits in his lair and has children with multiple women. It's scientific fact that nearly everyone in this universe has a bit of Sasuke genetics in them."
"Then how come I don't have the sharingan?" Marina asked.
"I said Sasuke genetics, not Uchiha genetics." Orochimaru clarified as if this were common sense. "Since Sasuke was shunned from the Uchiha clan years ago the Uchiha genetics don't pass onto his offspring, just the Sasuke gene… Which I don't really mind." Orochimaru giggled with the realization. "A world with Sasuke offspring! It's so beautiful!" Itachi didn't respond. He was still preoccupied with the iphone.
"Well good luck then." Marina saluted.
The group ran off in search of the chief Sasuke. On the way, Orochimaru tried to hug a young Sasuke lookalike, but was dragged by the group towards the chief Sasuke. As for Itachi, he was still extremely disinterested. He walked (instead of ran) towards the chief Sasuke while hardly ever bothering to look up from the iphone.
They broke into a supposedly abandoned warehouse where they found a fat, adult Sasuke, lying on the couch, watching TV with two attractive ladies by his side. One bore a strong resemblance to Karin and the other to Sakura.
"Chief Sasuke, this is disgraceful." Orochimaru said. "I expected you to mary Chief Sakura and live a semi-normal life with 2.5 kids, a decent job, and actually be there as a father for your kids; not go around starting all this baby-mama-drama!
"Maybe this is the life I want." Chief Sasuke responded. "Orochimaru, you can't control my actions. Only Masashi Kishimoto, editors, and FanFiction writers can."
"I'm disgusted with you Sasuke!" Itachi said, not looking up from the phone screen. "But on another note, I figured out how to text Marina! She says hi."
"Hi Marina! Believe it!" Naruto said.
"Hey Marina," Kiba said.
"H-hi Marina." Hinata said.
"Hi Marina." Orochimaru said.
"Hey Marina." Sasuke said.
"Hey Marina," The women by Sasuke said.
"Send a smiley face by my hello." Karin's lookalike added.
"Oh! You can do smiley faces?!" Orochimaru asked in awe. He peeked over at Itachi's screen. "Oh send her that waving little boy!"
"Sent," Itachi responded, smiling to himself.
Then the group stood there, looking at each other. Neither was really sure what to say because they had all broken character to tell Itachi to text Marina. Funny how technology can bring people together like that. I know you guys were expecting a Sasuke death, but I assure you, life is too short to worry about death and Chief Sasuke will die in due time.
~ phantom130 5 (July 2015)