Author's Note: Okay, because I can't obviously say that much in the summary I just wanted to mention a few things here. This story is going to revolve heavily around Gru's relationship with the girls but it's also a GruXOC fic. The reason being that I am slightly crazy. As far as my romance fics go, I tend to take my time, particularly when they involve characters that are unlikely to get together, that way things seem more natural. Having said that I also want this fic to be kind of light and fun and I want to keep most of the angst and fluff out. (Not to say that there won't be a little of both…probably more so with fluff…angst I can do without)
I really shouldn't even be writing it because I actually meant for this summer to be about finishing some of my older fics, so I can go into this school year focusing on graduating from college but what can I say for some reason this movie kind of got under my skin. Also, I might add that this is the most fun I've had writing in ages. Seriously, I cannot remember the last time a fic was this much fun for me. I finished this chapter in one day…I haven't done that in years.
Anyways, I hope it turned out all right and forgive me if I am being nonsensical, it's 2 am and I'm very tired.
Trouble At The Bank Of Evil
Mr. Perkins had been drinking coffee when the tall woman in black entered his office unannounced. He reached automatically for the button that would call security, and barely managed to pull his hand away when a massive man, presumably her bodyguard smashed the button under a fist the size of a ham. Despite his bewildered frustration, he had to admire the finesse with which the woman made her entrance.
As the hulking man returned to her side, she pulled out a cigarette and stuck it in a shiny black holder which she placed delicately in her dark painted lips. The brute lit it for her without a word.
"Mr. Perkins, I presume." She said after taking a few puffs. She had a heavy French accent. It rolled off of her tongue like honey.
"What is the meaning of this?" Mr. Perkins finally said, after his initial bewilderment subsided. He squared his massive shoulder in indignation. "You can't just come in unannounced. This is the Bank Of Evil. There's a certain level of sophistication were trying to uphold for gods sake and regulation says that all evil goons stay outside." He added while pointing toward the heavy man who was regarding him from behind a pair of tiny sunglasses which did nothing for him but make his forehead look unnaturally bulbous.
"And how often do your villains follow regoolation?" She asked. "Besides, he ez not evil, he ez disgruntled. You would be too if you 'ad no tongue." With that she sat down in the seat across from his desk, careful to brush her fur coat out from beneath her so that she would not sit on it. It looked as if it were made from a variety of different animals.
"Your secretary would not let me in. She said that you do not offer loans to ze Villainess. It turns no profit apparently." She said, her words laced with scorn.
Mr. Perkins frowned and eyed the smashed remnants of the button again wearily before putting his hands on his desk and eyeing the woman. He decided that perhaps the quickest way to get rid of her in the circumstances was to play the snooty banker, rather then the thug, since her thug could probably out thug him.
"Well…in the past, it's true we've had very little success in backing female villains, but at the moment we're experiencing some cash problems…due to a recent failure so we're not offering loans to anyone." He said heavily.
"Yes, I 'eard about it. I do hope your son 'as returned safely." She said while holding her cigarette out. Mr. Perkins watched as a bit of ash fell on his incredibly expensive carpeting. "A great many people 'ad high hopes for him. That pyramid heist was very impressive…alzo I hope I am not presumptuous in assuming he 'ad some help." Mr. Perkins inhaled, expanding his already massive chest.
"I am an exceptionally busy man, madam. I don't have time to shoot the breeze with aspiring villains." She continued to watch him, the smallest hint of a smile on her lips.
"How rude of me." She said after a moment. "I 'aven't introduced myself. I am Polina de Molyneux and a loan; Mr Perkins ez not the reason I am here. You see, I am already quite capable of funding my own exploits and I am not an aspiring villain. In fact, soon, I will be ze most powerful woman in ze world." Mr. Perkins continued to listen to her with indifference.
"Is that so. Well then why is it that I've never heard of you?"
"I work under ze radar." She said as she put her cigarette out in Mr. Perkins ashtray. "But you can be certain zat by this time next year, everyone will know who I am."
"If you don't want a loan, then what do you want?" He asked, annoyed.
"For many months now I 'ave been gazzering information on villains. You see I am more of a, how you say, visionary. I have a lot of money and many recruits, but I need to find someone who can bring my ideas to fruition. Originally, when I 'eard your son had stolen ze pyramid, it caught my interest, but you'll forgive me for saying, further research left me quite unimpressed." She said, some of the longer words almost seemed to dance on her lips. However, as beguiling as her accent was, it was lost on Perkins.
"Now you see here…" He started, his face turning red. Polina's bodyguard stepped forward and slammed his fist down on Mr. Perkins desk before he could say anything more. There was a brief splintering noise from somewhere in the woodwork.
"Settle down, Doug." She said absently. "Please do not interrupt me. It ez very annoying." She added. "I was merely saying that as experienced as your son is with technology he seems little more then a rich boy playing with toys. His creations are laughable and he has no track record outside of ze pyramid."
"If that's the case, then what do you want from me." Perkins said through clenched teeth.
"I was coming to that. I eliminated many names on ze list. Now I am down to one, but he 'as done nothing in years, so I have 'ad a very hard time tracking him down. However I did find somesing saying that he applied for a loan here three years ago and so I figured you had his information."
"We don't give out villain information." He said while eyeing Doug crossly.
"You were under the assumption zat I was asking?" Mr. Perkins chuckled a little.
"Now, don't take me for a fool. If you did something to me you'd never walk out of here alive." She eyed him for a moment.
"Doug." She said, still eyeing Perkins. The giant stepped forward and reached into his coat. Mr. Perkins hands tightened on the arm rests of his chair, but when the monster removed his hand he was not holding a weapon, as Perkins had expected, but a stack of papers. They were flung in front of him. He turned them around so he could read them.
"What's this? Bank information? Why are you showing me this?"
"Ze majority stock holder of zis bank was a man named Richard Landry." She allowed a moment for these words to sink in.
"Was?" Polina smiled.
"It is called ze past tense." She said. "I believe he was your partner? He was kind enough to sign ze papers over to me." Mr. Perkins eyed the documents wearily.
"So I see…"
"Now, if you are ready to cooperate. I need all of your records on a villain called Gru."
Gru sighed heavily and eyed his watch with impatience. He'd been standing at the desk at the DMV for nearly twenty minutes while an exceptionally lethargic middle-aged man searched through a mass of files in the computer database with agonizing slowness. He wondered vaguely who had come up with the DMV. Whoever it was must have been truly evil. He might've appreciated such wickedness if he didn't have to deal with it personally.
"Oh, okay here you are." The man said, straightening a little. His eyes skimmed down the screen and his smile faded a little. "According to our files it's been a while since you renewed your license…or the plates on your…wait…tank?" Gru cleared his throat.
"Yah, well, you know how theengs get, you get beesy, you forget to do theengs…"
"It's been fifteen years, Mr. Gru. Did you drive here?" The man asked, his hand hovering over a phone used to presumably connect to other employees and more cumbersomely security guards. Gru frowned and leaned forward on the man's desk. The man, in accordance with his instincts of self-preservation, leaned back.
"Let us assume for a moment dat I 'ave better places to be and dat preventing me from being at those places would be de worst decision ove your life." The man swallowed and after a moment of enduring the intensity of Gru's scowl, he moved his hand from the phone back to the computer. He didn't get payed nearly enough to deal with something like Gru. He pressed down on one of the keys, his eyes never leaving Gru's. One of the printers whirred to life. The man grabbed the sheet and handed it to the villain shakily.
"U-um, please check to make sure the information is right, then, I-if you'll step to the side we'll take you're picture for your new license." Gru smiled a little.
Five minutes later he was outside of the DMV whistling happily. He stuffed his new license in his coat and unlocked the tank. Before starting it up his phone rang. Gru pulled it out and eyed the number briefly before flipping it open.
"What ees eet doctor?" He said as he turned the key and the tank roared to life.
"You said you'd be gone twenty minutes Gru." The doctor replied, sounding a bit hassled. "You've been gone an hour now, ow stop that! I told you to leave that alone!"
"Well, eet took longer den I expected. What ees going on?"
"I am not a babysitter Gru! I can accept that these girls are going to be living here and I will even consent to them being around while we work, but I have to draw the line at this! Hey! That's my leg! That-" There was a brief crashing noise. Gru raised his eyebrows.
"Dr. Nefario?" Gru asked, while listening to a variety of worrying sounds coming from the other side. After a moment the phone clicked as someone picked it up.
"Hiee daddy." Gru pulled the receiver away from his ear a little, wincing slightly.
"Hello, Agnes. Where ees Dr. Nefario?"
"He's taking a nap ona floor." Agnes said happily. Gru frowned.
"Give de phone to one ove your sisters, Agnes." He said, while only half paying attention to the road. He ran a red light, causing a car to veer off and crash into a pole. He heard Margo's voice coming faintly from the other side.
"Give me that, Agnes." She said before her voice came through the receiver. "Hey, it's all right, Edith just stole Uncle Nefario's scooter. And then Adnes accidentally tripped him when she went running after Kyle."
"He ees still breathing?"
"Yeah. He keeps saying 'why' over and over again."
"Okay, well dats fine then. I am going to stop at de store on my way home. What do you gurls want for deener?"
"Hold on." He heard Margo relay the question to her sisters and then their faint but enthusiastic answers.
"Edith wants sloppy joes. Agnes wants macaroni and cheese."
"And, what do you want, Margo?"
"I'm fine with either." She said.
"In dat case we will have both. I will see you gurls soon."
"Bye dad." Margo said after a hint of hesitation. Gru smiled a little as he turned off the phone. It had been a month since he'd stolen the moon and had accepted the girls into his home permanently. He still felt a little strange whenever they called him dad, but then, the whole situation was still a little strange to him. Naturally, it had taken Margo the longest to start calling him dad. Then, when she too had begun using the word it was almost like a confirmation. He was a dad. Who would've thought it?
Gru turned onto a street littered with various shops. The market was in sight now, but before heading over to it he pulled into a vacant spot beside a coffee house, which due to a truly innovative decision on the owner's part was called 'Coffee Shop.' Actually vacant, was technically not the right word. It hadn't been vacant before Gru got there but the tiny sedan hadn't stood a chance against Gru's tank. After waiting at the DMV for so long he needed a cup of coffee.
Inside the coffee shop a dark skinned girl in a green apron was sitting at one of the tables. A crossword was spread out on its surface. She was eyeing it with some concentration. Occasionally she took a drink of her coffee.
"Hey, Ady how about this one?" She asked, while eyeing another girl who was sitting behind the counter. "A three letter word for despicable."
The other girl, who was resting her feet up on the counter top lowered the book she was reading and ran a hand through her short red hair as she considered this.
"Three letters?" She asked.
"Could be…or low." She said.
"Hmm." Ady yawned as the other girl returned to her crossword and looked up at the clock. Four hours to go until close and they'd only had one customer today and he'd only come by to ask directions and use their bathroom. She'd got through 1/3 of her book and had helped her friend through the crosswords in every paper on the rack.
She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and looked out the window.
"Hey, Vanessa, I think we actually have a customer." She said as she removed her beat up tennis shoes from the counter. Vanessa, who had been in the process of taking a drink of her coffee, started choking when she too looked up. Ady looked over at her, surprised. The girl was staring out the window, wide eyed.
"That guy." Vanessa said in a strangled voice while indicating the door. "The freezing guy."
"What?" Ady asked bewilderedly as Vanessa stood up quickly enough so that her chair toppled over and hurried towards the back of the store.
"Keep him busy, I'm going to call the cops!"
"Hey wait!" She said as the door at the back of the store closed behind Vanessa. She spun around in time to see Gru enter the shop. He stood in the doorway for a moment. The word 'looming' came to Ady's mind as he stepped forward, his hands behind his back. He was grinning, but it was not a grin that inspired nice thoughts. Ady forced herself to smile as he approached the counter.
"Can I help you?" She asked a little nervously.
"Just a large cup ove black coffee, please." He said as he straightened his scarf. She eyed one of the coffee makers quickly and then the door that Vanessa had gone through.
"Uh…I'm out of coffee, but if you don't mind waiting, I can make some more." Gru seemed to consider this.
"Very well." He said as he leaned on the counter with a sigh. She turned nervously and grabbed at one of the coffee pots. There was a loud sloshing noise as she picked it up and she felt the man's gaze on her again.
"Uh… it's been sitting out for a while…it's probably really cold." She dumped the pot out in one of the sinks, frowning as a cloud of steam rose from it. Gru raised his eyebrow and his blue eyes flickered briefly to the door behind her. He cleared his throat as she went about making another pot of coffee.
"Dis place ees very quiet today. Not a lot of people around." Ady had jumped when he spoke to her. Gru's smile broadened wickedly. "Very few people walking around outside as well."
"Yeah…it's been a slow day." She said, watching as the coffee ran into the pot. She was torn between trying to stall long enough for Vanessa to call the cops and her desire to get away from this man.
"Out ove curiosity, where ees your phone?"
"Uhh…it's in the back, but we don't usually let customers use it." She said quickly. She vaguely heard the sound of a zipper being undone but didn't think much of it until she heard the loud zapping noise. Ady spun around in time to see the table near the window turn into a pile of dust. Gru's coat was still open and was holding an exceptionally strange looking gun. He leaned on the counter and smiled at her pleasantly. Ady barely noticed this however because she was too busy looking at the barrel, which was pointed right at her.
"All right, so here's de deal." He said conversationally. "When dat coffee ees done you will geeve me a cup and den you will show me out de door. Eef I am gone before de cops arrive, I will not disintegrate you." Ady looked down at her apron, where a red laser point had appeared. She swallowed and turned back towards the coffee machine. The pot wasn't full yet, but she pulled it out anyways, ignoring the stream of coffee that hit the counter and ran down onto the floor. Then she grabbed a large cup and poured the coffee stiffly before handing it out to Gru.
He took it and set it on the counter before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a five-dollar bill. Ady stared at the offered cash dumbly.
"Uh…you're uh…just take it."
"Do I look like someone who would steal a cup ove coffee to you? Please, dat ees beneath me." She took the bill from him and opened the register, her eyes darting back to the gun as she made his change. When he took it he finally tucked the weapon back into his coat and grabbed the coffee again. As if the situation couldn't get any more absurd, he tossed a quarter into her and Vanessa's tip jar and headed back towards the door, zipping his coat up as he did.
A few minutes later Vanessa returned.
"Hey, the cops are on their way. Where is he?" Ady looked at her for a moment before pointing at the front door.
"I told you to stall him."
"He had a gun pointed at me!" Ady returned.
"That freeze ray thing? He was the one who froze all of our customers last month." Ady grabbed Vanessa by the arm and pulled her far enough to point towards the pile of dust on the floor.
"Does that look frozen to you!" She said while in the distance she heard the sound of sirens.
The girls were there to greet him when Gru returned home, kicking the front door closed as he tried to balance the shopping bags and his coffee. Agnes ran up to him happily and made the situation more complicated by grabbing a hold of his leg.
"Uh, Agnes dis ees not a good time for dis, okay, goeeng to make me trip." He said. In the meantime Edith had grabbed the mace he kept near the door for unwanted visitors. It was too heavy for her to lift all the way so she was dragging it after her.
"Edith, put it down." Margo said as she grabbed one of the bags from Gru so that he could focus on walking with a four year old attached to him.
They put the bags down on the kitchen counter. After he had his hands free, Gru pulled Agnes gently off of his leg and picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, or at least attempted to do so with her tiny arms as he unpacked the groceries with his free hand.
After a moment he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. He turned and met Dr. Nefario's frown. His white coat was splattered with what looked like paint, his goggles were very obviously missing a lens and there appeared to be a bow hanging from the tiny fray of white hair on his head.
"Gru, we need to talk." He said.
Gru set Agnes down on one of the red stools by the counter.
"Excuse me for a moment gurls. Don't get into any of dat. I will make dinner een a little while." He added as Edith peaked curiously into one of the bags. He followed the doctor out of the room.
"I deed not expect to be gone for so long. Eet weel not happen again." He said as they headed towards the living room.
"Actually, that was not what I wanted to talk about…at least at the moment." He added as he grabbed at the bow in his hair. He eyed it for a moment before tossing it aside. "I was wondering, actually, when you plan on getting back to work." He said.
"Work?" Gru said. "Weel, I guess I 'aven't really thought about it. De whole moon theeng was kind of my beeg plan. Where do you go from stealing de moon?"
"You haven't come up with any plans?" The doctor said wearily.
"Well, one or two leetle ones…I suppose."
"Have you considered collaboration?" The doctor said as he pulled his goggles off and eyed the empty socket.
"What? Not really…why?"
Dr. Nefario nodded towards the living room.
"You have a call."
Upon seeing Ady, most people assumed that she was in her early twenties or perhaps her late teens. She certainly dressed like it and she kept her hair in a moderately short pixie cut and the freckles probably didn't help matters. She was in fact twenty-nine and currently she was standing outside of the coffee shop a good hour after her shift officially ended.
After talking with the cops for three hours and then spending another hour and a half trying to explain to the frantic owner of the coffee shop exactly what had happened, Ady was finally given the okay to head home.
"I don't think I'm going to open tomorrow." The owner said glumly as he locked the door. "Ever since the freezing incident we've barely had any customers as it is. Now this. I suppose I'll call you girls if anything changes, but until further notice were closed." He said as he headed towards his car. Ady and Vanessa shared a look. Vanessa shrugged.
"I would have gotten a new job anyways." She said before heading towards her car.
Ady sighed and went to the side of the building where she was parked. Well, where she had been parked. It looked like something had run into her car at full force. There was a massive dent in the back and the window was shattered. She stared at the wreckage for a moment in exhaustion while she tried to decide whether she should get angry or freak out. She decided she was too tired to do either and instead pulled her keys out and unlocked the door.
Much to her surprise she was actually able to get the ugly thing started and to her increased surprise it still drove although she was unable to get it over 20 mph on the trip home.
After a slow and rickety drive in which she listened to nothing but the static on the radio because the antenna had rammed into the side of the building and was bent at odd angles, Ady pulled into the parking lot of an apartment complex that even the rats would probably steer clear of and got out of the car. She wasn't able to get the door shut the first time, but after slamming it a couple more times and then finally kicking it when her currently limited patience wore out it finally stuck, although whether she would be able to get it open again was another matter.
She headed towards a door on the ground floor of the building and opened it into a dingy room. The lock was broken and the only thing that kept the door locked while she was there was one of those flimsy chains on the inside. In normal circumstances this would not have bothered her quite as much as it bothered her right now and she made a mental note to have it fixed in the next couple of days. After kicking off her shoes and shedding her hoodie Ady headed towards her bedroom. She didn't bother getting undressed, but rather fell forward into her bed and stuffed her face in the pillow.
Starting tomorrow she'd have to start looking for a new job. For now it was time for sleep. A sleep that would most certainly be filled with hook nosed psychopaths with guns.