Journal entries of a lovesick fool (or two)

Edited to hopefully make better sense...will focus on one writer this chapter and one on the next ^_^

Bold= both

Italic= journal one

Bold italic= journal two

- Chapter One

Journal entries of a lovesick fool (or two)

I can't believe it…I actually started, or I think I started to fall in love today.

He's cute, well adorable might be a better word, with his bashful smile and deep green eyes. The way he looks at you and actually sees the real you. He's not like any man I've ever encountered. He's so much…more. He's quiet and shy and has absolutely no clue that I'm falling in love with him.

I should have warned him about Abby and her dating habits. I think I tried, but like any typical male he had to find out on his own. Ahh, Tim why didn't you listen to me? I keep thinking I should tell him how I feel; that he needs to know that someone cares about him. Then I remember rule #12…never date a co-worker. I really want to burn that rule; after all, he and Abby dated.

Damn, he's so cute and so innocent. I'm not cute or innocent. I'm jaded; I'm not innocent…not anymore…not for the longest time now. I keep thinking and wondering about the rules; if I could dare break them. It could mean our careers if he even…if I dared to think that he might say yes.

Yet one look from those eyes and those tremulous lips! How I want to drown in those deep green orbs and lose myself drinking from his generous lips. He claims not to be a virgin but in some ways he is. He has to be in order to still be that naïve, that precious. Then comes the day that he's supposed to leave…the Yard, our team…me.

There's no mistaking the delight on his face when he's told

"You belong to me now!"

God I wanted to jump his bones then and there…rules be damned, I want…no I love Tim McGee…I just wish he could love me in return…

Tony finishes his entry for the night and looks over surprised to see Gibbs still there. Usually by now that mysterious redhead has stopped and picked up the silver haired agent. Tony stretches as he turns his computer off and saunters over to where Gibbs finishes his own computer entry.

"Pack it in, Tony. We got the next few days off...make good use of them."

"Yes, boss. Boss?"

"He's ours now Tony. Just give him the time to get used to the idea."

A rare smile, a real smile crosses Tony DiNozzo's lips. Gibbs watches as his agent leaves, thinking about what or maybe who could have put the smile on Tony's face.

The lead agent of the MCRT glances briefly at his own journal entry and quickly shuts the folder before anyone else can read what he's written. He's never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve and he isn't about to start now.

Several days later:

Damn, I hate it when I dream these days. The explicitness, the clarity, when I wake up it leaves me wanting more…wanting him more. I tried to ignore the first one, where I'd wake up, and his eyes were looking into mine, green eyes blinking the last vestiges of sleep away. The love I have for him mirrored in those expressive deep green orbs.

The problem is that he doesn't know the affect that he has on me. The way a mere look from him sends my heart beating faster. My mouth dries up and I find myself fumbling around like a lovesick puppy. .

Only the dreams get more intense the more I try to hold him at arms length. I can feel his body next to mine, entangled limbs and panting breaths as we love each other. Nips and tugs on pouty lips and tempting ears. Licks in the hollow of his throat, lavishing circles around his nipples. The moans that fill my ears come from both of our throats. He puts his hand around neck and pulls me closer for yet another soul-drugging kiss.

All he did was mention the word Trojans. Yeah I definitely wasn't thinking of Troy or college football games. I was thinking about how it'd feel to have him watch me with those wide green eyes as I slipped a condom on him.

Asking to touch me in return; if he can lick me like I've been doing to him and feeling the slight nip and lick as he eases his way down my chest, lightly running those callused fingertips over my abdomen. I never thought that I'd see the day when I considered a computer geek's hands as being sexy. He accidently tripped over his own two feet the other day and OMFG! The sensation those fingers created on my bare arm…

And I still wake up every morning cock at half mast. I tried to tell myself that it was typical morning wood; that it would go away after a cold shower. The only problem is that it doesn't go away as I remember the dream from the night before, suckling on those fingertips, nibbling on that neck, exploring a slightly fleshy body.

Years have passed since I last made an entry. We've lost a lot of good agents in the meantime. Chris Pacci, Paula Cassidy, Caitlin Todd…

Kate…the day we lost Kate we almost lost Tim too. Seeing the way Kate died all I could think was "Don't let Tim be dead too." Then when we saw the laptop and the bullet holes in the car…I was ashamed of the relief I felt that Tim was alive. As usual I covered up my relief with a smart-assed comment.

And then Ziva joined the team as well as Jenny Shepherd. That's when the dreams became even sweeter. No matter what I'd done in the past, I was still alive. The future wasn't set in stone after all; then I changed.

I went undercover and nearly died; physically, mentally emotionally. And the worst part is that I couldn't confide in him. I couldn't ask him to hold me or be there for me. To love me when I was making it with Jeanne.

Eager, boyish, youthful they all describe him. So does bulldog, loyal and blind. Seriously he has blinkers on when it comes to Abby. I watch and cringe at the way she treats him some days. There is so much disdain in her eyes…has she figured it out? If so, it explains why she treats Tim differently than the rest of us. She never treats us the same way she treats Tim yet he keeps going back for more. Why?

Tony sighs as he finishes yet another journal entry. This time he is alone as he leaves the bullpen.