Client 2: Imouto

"Now how can I help you, miss...?" Emiri was at a loss for words as she stared at her newest client.

"Imouto. Call me Imouto. Everyone else seems to do so," the little girl stated plainly, seating herself upon the couch. "Better than just Kyon's sister."

"All right, Imouto. And you may call me just Emiri in return," the young therapist replied, still eyeing her patient for the hour. "But would you mind if I asked you something before we began?"

"Uhhh, not really. What is it?" Imouto asked, now lying on her back.

Emiri rubbed her nose awkwardly. "Aren't you a tad... young to be wanting to see someone like me? Well, that, and you're not even a student at this school. Last time I checked, Haruhi Suzumiya usually involves you in one of her club activities when it's a big enough game for you all to participate in."

"I am a little young for this kinda stuff," Imouto answered truthfully. "I'm just here because Kyon is helping Haruhi out with something for the club. But I really think I need this kind of treatment in the future. So I thought to myself that I may as well get started now."

"Really? So you think you might be having a few problems at your age already? Well, let's get started then. What kind of issues are you dealing with?" Emiri asked with concern.

"For starters, there's- Hey, what's the deal with that hole over there? It looks familiar..." Imouto pointed out, gesturing to the Taniguchi-shaped hole near the door.

"Errr, that was made to let in more cool air. It gets awfully stuffy in here..." Emiri lied, not wanting to bring up on how Taniguchi had run out of the room earlier, Ryoko hot on his tail before she gave up the ghost. Luckily, the little girl seemed to easily buy her wild excuse.

"Oh. Cool. Anyways, I have a lot of problems in my life that I'm worried about, Emiri! For one, it's all about my name..."

"What about your name, Imouto?"

"That's just it! I don't know what my real name is! Everyone either calls me that, or Kyon's sister, or little sister, or the token loli! That's what I've come to be known as! Kyon's sister! My title is my own identity!"

"You don't know your real name? That's an... interesting problem. Why can't you ask your parents about it? And just ask people to call you by it afterward?"

Imouto suddenly sat up from the couch, an exasperated look on her face. "That's just it! My parents ACTUALLY named me Imouto! I was so cute as a baby, and they were such huge anime fans, that they decided to get rid of my real birth name and name me Imouto instead! Just so I could be known as Kyon's little sister... FOREVER! And because I was so young, I can't even remember what it was!"

Emiri looked up from the notes she was writing down and dropped her jaw. This was serious!

"My word... That's awful! No child should have their name stripped away from them just because their parents had such a flighty change of heart! Please, do go on."

"O-Okay... I tried to ask my aunts, uncles, and cousins about my name, but my parents swore them to secrecy! I asked Kyon, too, but he couldn't find any records of my name either! IT'S ALL ONE BIG CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME, I TELL YOU!"

At this point, Imouto started hyperventilating, an event that was taken care of after Emiri got her a paper bag and a glass of water.

"Keep going," Emiri encouraged, fighting back a tear.

"Okay... Okay..." Imouto took a deep breath and continued. "This whole thing about my name really bothers me. being associated with nothing more than a moe archetype really brings ya down, ya know? But my friend, Miyokichi, helps me get through the pain. So I'm good for now. But another big problem I have is with..." Imouto narrowed her eyes in creepy slits. "...Haruhi."

The green-haired alien blinked in surprise. "You have a problem with Haruhi Suzumiya? She's involved in something somehow?"

"The very same! And, yes, Emiri!"

"I thought you were very good friends with her and the SOS Brigade!"

Imouto scoffed. "At first I was. But now I don't like any of them! They're trying to steal Kyon away from me and Shamisen! He's our cat."

"I see..." Emiri said, scribbling down on her clipboard. "So you think the SOS Brigade is cutting into your sibling time with Kyon?"

"Uh-huh! Taniguchi, Kunikida, and Tsuruya are fun to hang out with though. But I don't like anyone else! Haruhi is always yelling at Kyon and hogging him to herself! Always doing these perverted things with him. I thought it was funny at first, but now I'm not so sure... And Yuki is even worse! She asks Kyon to come over to her apartment all the time! I think she might be a vampire, too. Oh, and Mikuru is stealing my act of being the cute one with her big boobs! She's always making Kyon act all goofy! ...And I just hate Koizumi. He's creepy."

"Mmmhmmmm..." Emiri said, sticking her tongue out a bit as she wrote more notes down. This kid is a lot more perceptive than I thought...

"I'm just a little kid who wants time with her brother before he grows up and has to leave. I'm worried he'll forget all about me one day. Is that too much to ask?" Imouto whispered, her temper dying down.

Awwwwwwwwwww~... Emiri fought her urge to hug her. "I don't think it is. It's natural that a younger sibling would want to spend more time with their older sibling when they are feeling left out of something."

"Really?" asked the tot.

"Of course. Now, Imouto, you have a lot of pent-up feelings and secrets bottled up inside you. Tell me, do you do anything at home to ease these feelings away? Some sort of activity to make the anxiousness go away?" Emiri asked, pushing up her glasses.

Imouto kicked her legs back and forth on the edge of the couch and smiled. "Oh! I got one! I LOVE to help people out. It just makes me feel needed, ya know? Being able to solve a problem helps take my mind off my own."

"Really? That's very astute of you! Tell me, what kind of help do you give people?" Emiri asked with a smile.

"Well, just little things. Like I give my friends at school advice. Little Sister's Advice is what I like to call it!"

The alien giggled. "That's so cute! You could very well be a full-fledged therapist in the future if you keep that up."

"Yeah! I can solve almost any problem! Even yours!" Imouto declared cutely.

Emiri stopped her laughing and raised an eyebrow. "Hmmmm? You think you could help me?"

The kid sister nodded. "Yup! I can help you fix all your problems when you need my help Emiri! I don't charge anything either!"

"Well, that's amiable of you," Emiri replied, taking off her glasses to clean them. "But I don't have any current problems that need solving right now. Thank you for-"

"C'mon, Emiri..." Imouto said, lying on her belly with a coy look on her face. "You can tell me anything... What about you loneliness issues?"

Emiri's breath caught in her throat. "...What?"

Sitting up, Imouto continued. "You know... how you're always so lonely most of the time. I hear from people that you don't have a lot of friends, you live by yourself, you never talk to anyone, you made up having a boyfriend, and how always you eat by yourself at lunch."

"...Who told you all these things?" Emiri demanded, suddenly feeling sick.

"People. Just people from around here." Imouto gestured around with her hands. "Remember the time Haruhi made us all do that sports contest in the park during school-break? We got split up into teams and you were an extra head, so Haruhi made you sit on a bench while we all played together. And throughout the whole day, you sat there staring at us and eating your plastic bag full of animal-crackers, while sipping from your juice-box. And when we all went home for the day, I saw that you were the last to leave the park. ...How did that feel, Emiri?"

The once stable humanoid interface was now trembling like a wet kitten. She brought up her glasses to her eyes and blinked back some of the moisture that was starting to settle in. She swallowed a bit of saliva to fix her now dry throat.

"..."

"Oh, it's okay, Emiri..." Imouto said in a soothing voiced as she got off her seat and made her way over to Emiri, where she then sat in her lap and hugged her chest. "As long as you have me, you'll always have a true blue friend by your side~... Can I call you Emmy-chan? Does Emmy-chan sound like a nice nickname to you?"

She looked up at the girl she was currently embracing and was understandably surprised to see a mask of hate glaring down at her instead of a smile of warmth.

"Get off of me."

"Is everything okay, Emmy-"

"It's Emiri Kimidori. Now get off."

Scared shitless, Imouto bounded out of Emiri's lap and back onto the sofa. She watched as the sullen Emiri make a gesture with her hand, and almost like magic, Ryoko appeared in front of her.

"Asakura... please remove this patient from my sight. Our session is done for the day," the therapist grunted, glaring daggers.

"As you wish, Kimidori. ...Aren't you Kyon's little sister? My, oh, my, this will be fun..." Ryoko grinned, unsheathing her knife from her skirt.

Imouto cocked her head at the dangerous-looking woman in front of her. "Hey... Aren't you that girl Kyon told me about? That blue-haired one with the haystack-eyebrows?"

Ryoko's calculating grin dissolved into a furious scowl. "HAYSTACK-EYEBROWS! YOU ARE SO OBSOLETE!" She lunged with her blade aiming for Imouto's neck, but since her target was a lot small than Taniguchi, the child easily slide under her outstretched arm.

"Whoa! You're sensitive! Maybe I can help you out more than I did for Emiri! By the way, Emiri, you're a bit of a grump, ya know?"

"Get back here and hold still, you maggot!"

Emiri lay back in her own chair, massaging her temples as the two girls ran around her chair in circles. "I do so detest children now..." she said sourly as she wiped away a single tear.


A/N: Half of the idea to use Imouto came from a comic Greg Zerich showed me (and the fact that he ain't a big fan of little brats who have phone obsessions) that had Imouto offering psychological help to some of the characters.

The other half was inspired by an in-joke between me and Brendan Rizzo, dealing with the image of Imouto frantically calling up a therapist whenever the others do something horrifying. Spawned from a few lines she said in the anniversary in Chapter 81 of You Got HaruhiRolled!.

And now I leave you with the image of Emiri cackling over swindling a twelve-year old.