A/N: This is for raffle winner Divanora! Also, this story is AU, but takes place in the real world.

Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, but I live in the real world! :)

Warning(s): I believe this may qualify as a Crack fic for how Cloud responds to realizing who Sephiroth really is…XD

Why Movie Stars Should Never Go into Post Offices

Cloud sighed for the umpteenth time that morning. Life was going the way it normally does at the JP Post for the 21 year old. Help the customers, argue with Tifa about why he doesn't want to date her while helping the customers, tell Zack to not to molest him while helping the customers, and never getting a lunch break until it was time to close the office. But hey, his job did have its perks. Since he worked at the post office in Tokyo, he got to package a lot of famous people's items. Though he never met the celebrity in person, he did get to meet their assistants who were always willing to share their experiences with who they worked for. But today, fate seemed to have a different plan for Cloud…

It was closing time and Cloud yawned as he went to close and lock the door. Instead of the door closing like it normally does, an arm shot out to grab it. Cloud sighed as he looked up to tell the customer that they were closed, but found himself gaping in shock as his eyes met those of the famous movie star.

"Sorry, I know you guys are closing, but I really need to send this out to my mother today since I won't get the chance to tomorrow. My assistant would've done it for me, but he got sick. Will you please let me in?"

Cloud nodded, still unable to speak as he backed up to let the tall movie star in. He couldn't believe that the great Sephiroth was standing in front of him, pleading for him to help send a package out to his mother. Who was he to say no?

"If you give me a couple of seconds to get behind the counter, I'll happily help you send that out." Cloud managed to say. When Sephiroth smiled and nodded, Cloud quickly went to the door that led him behind the counter to prevent Sephiroth from seeing how tight his pants became. To say that Cloud was a big fan of Sephiroth was an understatement. Cloud had a poster of him not wearing shirt on the wall right next to his bed and used it for…not-so idolizing purposes… How could he not? The guy was sex on legs with his long silver hair, emerald eyes, and pale skin! Not to mention the fact that he felt as though he knew him from somewhere…somewhere where he was fighting Sephiroth about something important…

Cloud turned his computer back on and motioned for Sephiroth that he was ready for him.

"So, what's in the box if you don't mind me asking?"

Cloud asked to break the silence.

"I don't mind. It's another award I won for best male actor."

"Oh, wow! I thought you would keep them in your house."

"I keep the first award I ever won in my house and send the rest to her. She actually likes to keep them which is funny to me. I can't stand the sight of them, but hey, it proves that I will never be a memory…"

Cloud stopped typing on his computer and stared at the screen. Memories…flashes of what had happened between them in another life flashed before his eyes. Nibelheim burning…Aeris' death…Meteor…the crater…the reactor…the Remnants…the building…his evil smirk…puppet…

"Um, excuse me, are you alright um…Cloud right? That is what it says on your name tag, no?"


Sephiroth's eyes widened as Cloud slowly turned to him with narrowed eyes and a fierce snarl on his face.



Sephiroth yelped when his back collided with the floor as the angry postal worker pinned him to the floor.

"Help! Security! This man's gone crazy!" Sephiroth yelled.

"Shut up! I…I remember everything about you! How it was your entire fault! You caused so much pain and terror to the Planet! It was all you!"

"What! What are you talking about! I haven't-"

"I SAID SHUT UP! Do you want to know the reason why you did what you did?"

"Umm…yes and no…"

"I'll tell you…"

Cloud leaned his head down and whispered into his ear.

"It was because you didn't want me to top…"

Sephiroth stared at Cloud in confusion when Cloud moved his head to look at Sephiroth's reaction.

"I didn't want you to top me in movie sales?"

"No you idiot! I mean in bed!"

"I…didn't let you have the top bunk on the bunk beds?"

"NO! As in sex! Did you have brain damage or something in this life? I swear you're worse than Zack…"

Sephiroth gasped as his cheeks became red.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I would never agree to have sex with you! You're a guy for god's sake!"

Cloud smirked.

"You surely didn't mind back then and I'm pretty sure you don't mind right now."

"Yes I do!"

"So I was right. You don't mind."

"No, that's not what I – GRR! Stop confusing me and get the hell off of me before I sue your ass!"

"No, not until you admit it."


"That you did what you did because you refused to let me top for one night!"

"I can't admit to something that I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about! And where the hell is the security!"

"I'm on security duty today along with working behind the desk."

"You're the only security guard…?" Sephiroth said as he cut his eyes at the spiky blond on top of him that refused to move.

"There's another one, but I'm pretty sure he's out flirting with whatever female passes by outside."

"That redhead is a security guard! I should have him fired for sexual harassment…along with you!"

"Hey, I'm allowed to sexually harass you because we are dating."


"Because you don't remember that's why..."

Sephiroth let out a yell of anger.

"Fine! If you get off of me, I'll act as though nothing ever happened and I can go home and forget about you and this entire situation."

"Ehh…not good enough."

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes at the grinning blond.

"And why isn't it good enough? I'm sparring you jail time!"

"Because you didn't admit that you-"


"Fine… I'll tell you so that it can jog you're memory. When we were on a mission in my home town, I asked you could I top, just for one night mind you, and you stared at me before running off saying that you had to check something out in the ShinRa Mansion library and when you come out that you would have an answer. Instead of you coming out of the library saying either yes or no to my question, you went insane!"

"You know…I think I remember me kicking you in the balls once…"

"What? I don't remember that. When did that happen?"


In the blink of an eye, Sephiroth pulled one leg up and forcefully kicked the blond in the balls, smirking as the blonde's eyes went wide as he fell off of him and Sephiroth quickly got up off the floor and ran out of the post office, making a mental note to never enter a post office ever again when they are about to close. Cloud laughed while he winced in pain. Their conversation wasn't over…not by a long shot. He will get his one-time top this lifetime…especially since Sephiroth left his address on the box he needed to be delivered.

The End?

A/N: I think I may post another part to this but it is up to you readers if you would like to have another part :)