Quahog's News Report

Everyone, except for Peter who had not yet gotten home from work, was watching the news.

"Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker."

"And I'm Diane Simmons."

"Many people are wondering who is Quahog's sluttiest female," Tom Tucker continued.

"Well we think the answer is Lois Griffin," said Diane Simmons. The TV then showed a picture of Lois. "Here are some examples of her sluttiness," Diane continued.

First they showed a picture of Lois dressed only in her bra and panties, serving food and beer to Peter's buddies during the Jets/ Pats game. They then showed a picture of her at the fair when she had gotten wet from Peter spraying her and was wearing a white shirt with no bra.

"We've seen Lois engaging in sexual acts at a strip club and even making out with a seventeen-year-old lesbian girl," Tom Tucker said.

They showed pictures of Lois kissing Jillian at the strip club and giving various people lap dances. They then played a short clip of the YouTube video with Lois making out with Sarah.

"And recently, Lois has been spotted at the erotic massage parlor downtown."

They then showed pictures of Lois having sex with the Marine that Lois thought had an amazing body, Maid Madeleine, and several customers from the erotic massage parlor.

"We now go live to Ollie Williams for his opinion. Ollie?" asked Tom Tucker.

"THE WOMAN'S A WHORE!" Ollie shouted.

"Thanks, Ollie."

The camera then cut to Glen Quagmire's house. Glenn had just seen the news report.

Damnit! Glenn thought to himself. The one week I didn't go to the erotic massage parlor.

The camera then cut back to the Griffin household. I am gonna go to the Quahog news station and kick some ass! Lois thought.

Just then Peter came in the door. "Hi, honey." Then Peter's eyes turned to the TV. He saw the pictures of Lois at the erotic massage parlor. "OH! MY! GOD!" Peter then ran out of the house crying.