Ugh so sorry! I know its been ages and I know I said id give mentions to those people but someoooone deleted all my emails so I didn't get my reviews sowwy! Wow I've got a lot going on but its no excuse so meh

BPOV

We took fluffy and left the building. We had the perfect plan. First of all we would take down the Volturi. Then, all that would be left was the humans. Oh, well and the werewolves, fairies, and demented sheep but apart from THEM...just the humans.

"What's the plan ma homeeey?" Leah asked once we had left Hogwarts.

".Hm. We go straight in. Those stupid mother fuckers are going down. We'll dress up as their food so we can sneak in. The next 'tour guide' is in six hours. I bought the fish and chips costumes last week."

"How do you know that's the food they have delivered?"

"It's obvious. Who doesn't like fish and chips?"

"Yeah, right. Ok, I'll be the chips and you can be the fish." Leah said. "Once we get in, we'll whip out our squirty guns and do that thing they do in the movies you know what I mean?"

"Yeah I get that. And then...we make them work."

"Got it."

"Wait..." I stopped.

"What now Bella?"

"Transport?"

"The best."

And she was right. We arrived at the car centre thing to find a top of the range red car. The kind that was so exclusive that only 3 year olds have them. They were so good they had those holes in the bottom so you use your feet to make it go!

4 months later

We were there. After brutal travelling we finally made it to Volterra. Looking back I could still easily see the car centre right next door. Yep, it was a long journey. Of course, we were now in our costumes and were in the tour guide with the other food being shipped in. And wow did they have a variety! There was Chinese Food, Italian, British, Indian, and Mexican... (Lol they're people by the way!)

The castle was...a bit dull. I exchanged a look with Leah and knew she was thinking the same thing. This place would need a total makeover. Of course, it would all be pink, with flowers and fluffy things! And the rules would have to change too...It will soon be against the law to NOT go shopping at least twice a day, and spend at least $50!

Anyway, the squirty guns and fluffy were hidden in our costumes so we were ok. We got into a huge room and the Volturi members looked at us strangely before digging into their food. One, I think it was Felix...is he part cat?

Lunged for Lee-Lee, so she phased wolf and whipped his ass. By now everyone else was dead and the Volturi were screaming in terror.

"Ohmygawd!"

"That's right!" I said loudly, laughing at them cowering in the corner as Leah phased back.

"What are we doing? Two girls, against all of us?" Said Marcus.

"But no." Said Leah. "We have a secret weapon." On cue Fluffy came out and ripped his face off.

"Na-na-na-na-na!"

I took that moment to whip out one of the guns.

"Now everybody down! Do exactly as we say or die."

They did as we asked.

"What do you want from us! Tickle!" Said Janey. She would be useful. She could make anyone feel really ticklish.

"Dance...fucker...dance."

Then we turned on the music.

Show me how to lie
You're getting better all the time
And turning all against the one
Is an art that's hard to teach
Another clever word
Sets off an unsuspecting herd
And as you step back into line
A mob jumps to their feet

Now dance fucker dance
Man he never had a chance
And no one even knew
It was really only you

And now you steal away
Take him out today
Nice work you did
You're gonna go far, kid

With a thousand lies
And a good disguise
Hit 'em right between the eyes
Hit 'em right between the eyes
When you walk away
Nothing more to say
See the lightning in your eyes
See 'em running for their lives

Slowly out of line
And drifting closer in your sights
So play it out I'm wide awake
It's a scene about me
There's something in your way
And now someone is gonna pay
And if you can't get what you want
Well it's all because of me

Now dance, fucker, dance
Man, I never had a chance
And no one even knew
It was really only you

And now you'll lead the way
Show the light of day
Nice work you did
You're gonna go far, kid
Trust, deceived!

With a thousand lies
And a good disguise
Hit 'em right between the eyes
Hit 'em right between the eyes
When you walk away
Nothing more to say
See the lightning in your eyes
See 'em running for their lives

Now dance, fucker, dance
He never had a chance
And no one even knew
It was really only you

So dance, fucker, dance
I never had a chance
It was really only you

With a thousand lies
And a good disguise
Hit 'em right between the eyes
Hit 'em right between the eyes
When you walk away
Nothing more to say
See the lightning in your eyes
See 'em running for their lives

Clever alibis
Lord of the flies
Hit 'em right between the eyes
Hit 'em right between the eyes
When you walk away
Nothing more to say
See the lightning in your eyes
See 'em running for their lives

(You're gonna go far kid by the offspring. Really should listen it's great song.)

"NOW DANCE FUCKER DANCE!"

They all started shuffling around randomly and some even looked like they wanted to cry. Ha ha fail they can't cry.

"Now you little weaklings, unless you want to be mauled by a fluffy, or super soaked, we want to take over the Volturi."

"You're bluffing." Said Aro, although it was obvious he was doubtful.

"Ok." Said Leah, as she soaked him.

"Nooooo!" He screamed in terror. "I'm meltiiing!"

"Anyone else?"

When they shook their heads we gave orders.

"Ok, tickle girl you're coming with us to help us defeat the humans. Alec, you can come to as you can remove all 5 senses. And ugh, Chelsea I guess you can come to and break all the bonds they have to each other and also Didyme, you can make them happy so that will be useful."

Leah continued.

"Marcus and Caius, you are in charge of spreading the news of our leadership and informing them that all vampires now have to wear fangs to look more vampire-like."

"But.."

Leah silenced him and continued.

"The rest of you can do whatever."

"Masters..." Marcus interrupted.

"There are rule breakers to be dealt with."

With that 4 vampires walked into the room. I ordered the first one to stand up and began my interigation.

"NAME!"

"Hansel"

"HOWS GRETEL?"

"What?"

"HOWS GRETEL?"

"I don't know a Gretel!"

"HOWS GRETEL?"

"Um...good."

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"I...went on a killing spree through London and nearly exposed us."

"HMM...WELL...WHAT WERE YOU'RE REASONS BOY! DO YOU HATE SOCIETY? ARE YOU A RACIST? OR WORSE...A JEW? (NOTHING AGAINST JEWS I JUST DO THAT ABOUT EVERYBODY)"

"N...no. I, I was hungry."

"Oh well then I can totally relate! You're free to go!"

He started to leave when Leah stoppe him.

"Remember, it's better to eat too much than too little so make sure you're absolutely full before you stop! And be sure to have a balanced diet! Fat people, skinny people, runners, swimmers, wrestlers and lesbians!"

He nodded and left, looking really shocked.

"Next!"