Deep breath… okay, here goes, my very first fanfiction story! This is a Bellisle love story, rated M for forthcoming lemon, because you can't have a Bellisle story without some juicy lemon, right? ;) The story is set during Eclipse, right after the fight with Victoria's army.

I'm new to fanfic so please be kind, look forward to hearing your reviews and comments! Thank you for reading.


Here I was, in all my glory. Reborn. Newborn. Vampire.

I should be happy… I should be glad. It was all I ever wanted, right? To be with him… to be with Edward, forever.

Ah, the bitter irony. The cruel twist of Fate that has been dealt.

I gaze around the room, unblinking. My body no longer enslaves itself to such human traits. They are all here, watching me, and not watching me. Unsure of me… but if only they knew. Knew that right now, I was as calm instinctually as a newborn vampire possibly could be. But emotionally? I was a wreck. Because no one was more unsure of me right now, than me. I was feeling things that were… well, beyond comprehension for me at this given moment.

Yet, they have no idea, as they all sit there, glancing at me.

All sitting there, except one.

Oh Esme.

I do not want to remember, but I do, with all my new vampire clarity. It plays through my mind, over and over. Taunting me. Haunting me.

The clearing. The battle. Victoria's newborn army.

It had all been going so well. Victory was almost… easy. All of the newborns had been dealt with, all except one young girl, who sat cowering to one side, having surrendered herself to Carlisle's kindness.

Or so we thought.

Edward and Seth had brought me to the clearing, after the confrontation with Victoria. She had found us, along with her poor deluded newborn, Riley. Edward had tried to reason with him, help him to see that Victoria did not love him, she was merely using him in order to wreak revenge for the death of the one she truly had loved.

It seemed he would not listen… but then he did. He looked at Victoria, and then at us, and with an anguished look he was suddenly gone, and Victoria was alone. As ever with the nomadic vampire, she chose to flee, Edward cursing as she evaded him, for each time she escaped, it meant another endless period of waiting… waiting… for her to strike again.

But unbeknown to us, she had not gone far. And neither had Riley.

When we reached the clearing, there were small fires burning. I tried to close out the scent and sight of burning vampire flesh. It made me shudder, even if they had been baying for my blood. We had looked across at them then, the Cullens and the wolf pack, and my heart sang, for they were all okay. Carlisle had smiled, and Esme had reached out her arms to me, beckoning us to join them. In the background, Alice was embracing Jasper, and Emmett was scooping up Rosalie in a mixture of jubilance and passion.

No one anticipated Riley. No one saw him coming. Not even Alice.

He came out of nowhere, a flash of lightning that brought death and despair. I caught one fleeting glimpse of his face, crushed that his love, Victoria, was not who he thought her to be. She had used him, because of us. She had taken his life away, because of us. Because of us, he suffered, and thus, he wanted us to suffer too. He wanted us to feel that loss.

He snatched up Esme and carried her off so quickly, that even the Cullens took a second to register the action. The next moments… I cannot bear to recall them in detail. I remember the howl of the wolves, the growls and then the roars of the vampires, and the rush of air as Edward snatched me up and carried me, along with his family, hot on their trail.

I remember the confusion, the speed, the futility of it. I remember the exact place that we paused, seeking to sense where they had gone, before catching that fateful glimpse of smoke billowing up into the air to our left. All that, in a matter of minutes. Seconds, even.

I remember the looks on their faces. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie. I remember the sensation of Edward's pain as if it were my own. But most of all, I remember Carlisle. The look on his face will haunt me forever.

I remember thinking that perhaps we were not too late. How foolish of me. Of course we were too late.

Riley did not live many moments more. Emmett, Jasper and Edward saw to that.

Even the wolves were silent, mourning, as we sat in stunned agony around the burning ash that had once been Esme. Oh, wonderful, amazing Esme.

I didn't even have time to cry. I had not the opportunity to cry human tears for Esme.

Because again, we were taken unawares. I wonder if she planned it this way, all along. Edward, distracted in his grief, failed to see. Failed to sense. Alice, broken, had no vision of this next moment.

All I remember was a flash of red hair and glowing red eyes, before a sharp pain in my neck made me scream. I waited for the burning to begin… but it did not come. I looked up, dazed, confused. Victoria was standing over me. My eyes focused on something she was holding.

A knife.

She had not bitten me. She had stabbed me. She was not giving me the chance to turn into one of them, she wanted to kill me. She knew they would get to her before she had a chance to finish me, and so she inflicted a mortal wound.

I remember hearing Jacob cry out, turning to a snarl, and a wolf leaping over me, ripping the iron grip away from me, letting me fall back onto the grass. Edward, Jasper… and probably others, also leaping. I vaguely heard a fight. But that is all.

I do not remember them tearing Victoria limb from limb, I do not remember Jacob's broken body shattering against a rock where she threw him, before the others had the chance to reach her, stop her. Just as well. Better that I knew that part afterwards, when I knew Jake to have survived, alive and well.

I think I must have blacked out, but I drifted in and out of consciousness, in and out of reality. I heard snatches. I remember glimpses.

The one thing I do remember, however, is Carlisle's voice telling Edward that this was it, he had to turn me. I was dying, there was no saving me from this. Blood was gushing from my neck, the wound was deep and vicious. I felt myself slipping away.

Turn me, my love, I silently willed him. I will be yours forever, now.

But he did not move. He looked at me, horrified, unable to move. I still don't know why. Not yet.

I was fading. The Cullens were disappearing into blackness. One last memory before I slipped into darkness was that of Carlisle, face still filled with loss for his Esme, leaning in towards me. Despite all that had happened, he still had the strength of mind to do this… to….

Everything went black.

And then everything burned.

When I awoke, I was amazingly calm. Everything was so… clear. I had awoken to Alice and Jasper – Alice to comfort me, and Jasper to guard me, no doubt, in case I displayed any unwanted newborn tendencies. Alice told me everything that I could not remember.

She told me how Carlisle had bitten me, biting and biting to get the venom into me, and sealing the bites with his tongue to trap the poison, to give me every chance at successfully changing, not dying.

She told me how the Volturi had come, and conversed with them, disposed of the poor girl, despite her surrender, and reluctantly left me alone, to turn. I think, and they thought too, that Jane would have liked Felix to finish me off as well. But she knew she risked too much of Aro's wrath, should they do such a thing. And so, they gave their withering condolences on behalf of Esme, and left.

She told me how they had carried Jake back to the reservation, broken in so many places, and how Carlisle had mended him.

Carlisle had amazed me. Despite all that had happened, all he had lost, he still found it within himself to save two lives.

And then… something irreversibly life-altering happened.

Five days have passed. We are sitting in a large room inside the Cullens' house. I had burned for three days before waking up to Alice and Jasper. The first thing I had worried about was Charlie, but they assured me he was fine. Between Billy and Edward, they had him convinced that there had been a terrible accident, which had taken Esme's life and almost claimed mine. Charlie believed me to be in a specialist hospital in some far away city, unable to be seen.

Of course, they had expected to have to drag out this story for weeks, months, even. But here I was, cool and calm as a cucumber. Jasper was dumbfounded. It was as if I had skipped the crazed newborn phase altogether.

Under normal circumstances (well, as normal as waking up a vampire gets) I would be sitting here, wondering what on earth makes me so different. But I have other, more pressing matters on my mind.

Because here I am, sitting here, with all my newfound vampire senses. Clarity of sight, sound, touch, smell, taste. But more than that. Clarity of mind, clarity of spirit, clarity of… connection.

Suddenly, everything is clear to me, seen and unseen. Connections, truths, paths, souls.

I know my own heart, and it frightens the hell out of me.

Because now I know. I know how it feels, how I feel. All the pretences, all the lies, all the misguided and misunderstood feelings, are stripped bare and discarded.

The truth, the buried truth, is exposed to me.

The man I thought I loved, is not the man I am meant to be with.

My heart loves him. But my soul does not sing for him.

There is but one soul now who makes my dead heart sing. My soul… sparkle.

And it is not Edward Cullen.

I feel my breath catch in my throat, and if my heart could still beat, I know it would be pounding. I feel Jasper throw me a curious look, and I am grateful I can no longer blush.

I feel something along the lines of what feeling sick to the stomach used to feel like. I cannot believe what I am thinking, what I am feeling. What can I do? I can feel only guilt, disbelief, and despair.

For the man who makes my dead heart sing is the one man I can surely never have, for he would surely never want me… and even if he did, the consequences were not worth thinking about.

The man who makes my dead heart sing…

is Carlisle Cullen.