"Binder clips do not make appropriate nipple clamps," Ianto says, swiping the large one deftly from Lois's fingers.

Lois makes a noise that is not a squawk, thank you, and tries unsuccessfully to steal it back, but he's too tall for her to reach without climbing his body and Jack says they're not allowed to touch each other yet. Bloody Jack. "I've tried them out at home," she says.

"We've tried them out here," he replies. "The answer is no."

"Kids, kids, no need to fight." Jack is tied to his chair, one wrist bound to the armrest with the cord from the computer's surge protector, the other with sellotape. His trousers have been pulled down to his ankles, and the legs expertly stapled together at the feet so he can't move. Despite this, he appears relaxed and in charge rather than ridiculous.

Lois is wearing a necklace made of paperclips and nothing else. 'Ridiculous' sums up exactly how she feels at this moment.

Sitting at a precise distance from each hand are two perfectly-brewed cups of coffee. He casts a lingering glance at them, and Ianto is better at reading him anyway, dips his pinky into the cup he prepared and feeds the drops into Jack's hungry mouth. Jack suckles on it like a little pig, and pulls off the finger with a pop. Lois stands back, thinking, then pours just half an ounce into the palm of her hand, scalding before it cools a bit. She rubs the warm liquid over the dark areola of one breast. She thinks this is better for him to suckle, and Jack's hungry mouth agrees. She sends a look to Ianto, whose own mouth is making little movements in sympathy to Jack's. But there's a rule.

When he has cleaned off all the coffee from her, Jack says, "I suppose a spanking with a ruler is out of the question."

The ruler appears in Ianto's hand, as if by magic, but instead of spanking, he draws one edge slowly from the top of Jack's head, making a straight line down his smooth chest, dipping into his navel, and then circling around the base of Jack's proud cock before - Jack moans - scratching over his balls and threading between the cheeks of his arse. Ianto leaves it there, sticking out like a flat extra penis.

"Okay," Jack says, voice calm but Lois can hear the catch, "time for the final part of the competition."

Lois is first to the gate this time, having already spied where the pair keep their ribbons of condoms. She rips open one, and rolls it with precision over Jack's erection.


"Ladies first."

Jack scoots his bottom closer to the edge of the chair, knocking the ruler to the floor, and Lois turns her back to him, carefully easing herself onto his cock, all the pressure in her knees and thighs. She fucks herself slowly on him, bending and stretching, as Jack pumps himself with the little movement he can make. He's whining in his throat, and if she gets him off right now, she wins. Ianto isn't watching them, is doing something behind Jack but she's sure he isn't touching.

"Enough!" Jack almost shouts it, and she freezes. "His turn." She considers going for it anyway, impaling herself again, but that's not the game tonight and anyway, she's not a rapist. Her turn is over. She stands up, letting his cock fall out of her.

Ianto does extend a hand to her then, helping her walk, but Jack doesn't object. With a quick hand, Ianto strips off the first condom, applies a new one, and as he takes the position she just vacated, she sees he spent the time preparing himself so Jack could slide right inside of him. Jack grunts, but this has to be familiar for him, for them. Now she can see Jack's face, and she wonders if he made that same contortion when he was fucking her. It's beautiful. They're beautiful, sellotape and all. A handful of offhand remarks Gwen has said over the last few weeks become clear, and her breath catches.

Jack must be psychic, saying, "You're here because we want you here and you want to be here." She didn't even have the question formed in her mind, but it's the answer she needs. Ianto's legs have to be killing him as he rides Jack, his own cock bobbing against his stomach untouched.

Lois hasn't been told she can't touch herself, and she does, finding just the right spot, and Ianto's eyes are locked on her hand.

Jack groans and then says, "Stop!" Ianto stops. Jack still hasn't come. Stamina or stupidity. Ianto disengages from him, and they both stand in front of Jack, panting and ready.

This was so not in the job description.

"Now," he says, eyes flicking between them, "now you can touch each other. Hands only. Get each other off." Ianto's hands are on her before she can think, writhing against the same spot he just watched her caress. It's good, it's so good, and he's just right. She feels slow, reaches belatedly for his dick, wraps both hands around him, and she jerks him the way her last boyfriend liked to be jerked. He's moaning now, still only touching her at her nether folds, and she feels her orgasm coiled inside her ready to spring.

"Ianto wait," Jack says, and Lois swears because she was right there. "Use the highlighter." Lois lets go of him so he can dash for the garish blue marker Jack insisted on, and he uncaps it with shaking hands, drawing the wet tip over her breasts. She hisses, and then she growls as he writes his initials on her stomach, his mouth in a twisted smile.


"Just signing my work," he says, and then flips it and slides the solid end right into her as he brushes her clit with his thumb, and that's just right. Lois shouts as she comes, wet over the marker and his hands.

"That was gorgeous," Jack says, eyes wide and cock so hard it surely hurts him. She doesn't care, not right now, not still thrilling inside to her own quakes. As Ianto pulls the marker out of her, she remembers her task, and brings her hand back to him. He's almost there, and she pumps him to climax, letting him shoot over her hand and into the space between them. There will be a mess on the floor later, but cleaning Jack's office is his job, not hers.

"Will there be anything else, sir?" Ianto sounds like he's just brought a round of coffees.

Jack pumps his hips, but there's no friction in empty air. "Yes. Someone really needs to suck me off right now."

Ianto catches her eye, and she gets the game. "Of course, sir," Lois says in her most formal voice. "However, I believe we'll need written instructions on how to proceed."

Jack actually goes to move his arms, and is stuck. She watches him struggle for a second. "Lois, I'll need you to take some dictation."

"Yes, sir." She finds a notepad, yellow, and perches on the edge of her desk, legs demurely crossed but lifted enough for Jack to see her pussy. His mouth is watering, but he says, "Subject. Re: blowjobs. One of my personal assistants needs to come to my assistance immediately for the purpose of oral gratification. Mine. Etcetera etcetera, Captain Jack Harkness."

"Yes, sir," said Lois, and got down from the desk. "I'll just type this up."

Ianto says, "Handwritten should be sufficient, Ms. Habiba. Kindly go make a copy."

She is not walking naked through the Hub, except apparently she is, and as she exits Jack's office, she sees Ianto get to his knees to take Jack into his mouth. Lois runs. The copier doesn't jam, for once, and she's back in about a minute. Jack's head is thrown back in pleasure, and he's thrusting into Ianto's mouth.

"Just in time," Jack says. "Unless of course that's a photocopy of your tits."

"No, sir, but I'll make a note for next time." She kneels beside Ianto, and she takes Jack's cock into her mouth. Between fucking him and Ianto's mouth, Jack is just a few strokes away even as she starts sucking him, and he has just enough time to shout a warning before she lets go and come splashes the skin of her throat.

"Ianto," he drawls, "I've made a mess on poor Lois. Clean her off for me?"

"With pleasure, sir." His tongue is warm, and he slurps a little, but Ianto is efficient and wipes up every drop, even the drops she knows for a fact did not spill on her nipples. If this happens again, Lois is going to spend some quality time with Ianto's tongue.

When she's clean, he sits back, and faces Jack. "Sir?"

"Okay, okay. Performance evaluation complete." She expects him to declare Ianto the winner, since they are lovers and domestic bliss is better than the alternative. Of course, if they've had a spat recently, he might declare Lois the winner just so he can encourage Ianto to try harder when they're alone later. "It's a draw."

"Excuse me?" Lois tries not to snap, but it's hard, especially with Ianto making an annoyed growl beside her.

"You're both perfect personal assistants. Sorry. Now, I suggest we get a little supper and try this competition again in a few hours. Who's with me?" He looks from one to the other eagerly.

Jack is still bound to the chair when they are fully dressed and leaving for dinner without him. "Come on, guys."

They ignore him, and this is getting annoying.

"Binder clips feel wonderful on the nipples," Lois says.

"On your nipples, maybe. Mine were bruised for a week the last time we tried." The closing of the cog wheel door behind them silences the rest of the argument. Jack struggles against the tape. First, he's going to get free. Then, he's going to order something for delivery. Then he's going to wait until they return, and he's going to glue them together back to back and enjoy himself. It's a good plan and he thoroughly approves of it.

He tugs at his arm again. Bloody sellotape.