Disclaimer: I own nothing. It's so very sad.
Dean's eyes bugged out of his head and he remained frozen in the narrow bathroom hallway. That was her. There was no doubt about it. Yes, her hair had been cut pixie short. Her make-up is darker a tone bordering on alluring and brothel. She looks nowhere near as innocent looking as she had been when Dean had first met her in, ironically, another bar. But that's definitely Lust, there's no doubt about it.
Dean snuck out of the narrow corridor and pressed his back against the opposite wall. He slithered with his against the hard surface away from her and the darted across the other side of the bar in a manner that by most would be considered comical. "Sam!" The younger Winchester choked on his beer as Dean suddenly appeared on the opposite side of him than he had assumed he would return to.
"Dude what the hell? Where did you come from?"
"Check behind my left shoulder at my three o'clock." Dean said evenly, ignoring Sam, and moving to his original spot on his brother's right.
Sam glared at him but tried to casually look over his brother's shoulder to try and see what he was talking about. "What am I looking for Dean?"
"Blonde, back booth, stupid little umbrella drink in hand." Sam focused harder on searching for the description and then his eyes widened. "You see her now?"
"Yeah, I see her." Sam confirmed and focused back on Dean. "What are we gonna do now?" Sam asked, turning back to the bar and trying to act casual.
"We wait for her to leave and follow her. She's gotta be crashin' somewhere. Even demons have to sleep, or at least I think they do. In her case, at least they need a place to fuck." Dean replied ordering a shot of whiskey to calm down the urge to finish the job right now. That wouldn't go over well in public.
The brother continued to sit at the bar for another hour or so, sipping beer and casually keeping their heads down to not be suspicious. Finally, Lust seemed to be bored with the dank bar atmosphere and got up to leave. Sam and Dean gave her three seconds out the door before they paid for their drinks and headed out the door.
"So what's the plan Dean?" Sam asked as they made a quick stop to collect supplies out of the Impala's trunk.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm kinda lookin' forward to beatin' her in the head with this big metal tire-iron." Dean said with a quick smirk and holding up the iron rob usually used on cars before closing the trunk.
They followed her for a couple of blocks, giving her about six or seven paces ahead, before she stopped at an old brick house that looked like it could have been crafted in the early sixties. She stopped in front of her door, or at least it was 'hers' now since she probably butchered the occupants and hid them in the basement or something like all good little evil demons did, and seemed to be fishing around in her clutch for her house keys.
From around the corner Dean nodded at Sam and though Sam felt that something was far too easy about this he followed when Dean charged at her from behind.
Sam was right to worry. Because the second that they crossed the pristine threshold of Lust's, or who-ever this used to be's, yard they ran smack into an invisible wall like one of those dogs with the collar and the electric fence.
"Really boys, I'm surprised at you." Lust said, casually turning around with her keys in her hand, "Thinking you could sneak up on a girl like that. Tsk, tsk, tsk." She opened the door and flung it open wide. "Why don't you boys come in?"
It wasn't really a question, because they didn't have much a choice. The Winchesters were pulled, or more thrown, into the house by an invisible force and went scattering in heaps on the hard wood floor. Dean recovered quickly and charge at Lust with the iron rod. She easy grabbed the bar mid swing and his free arm before head butting the older Winchester back to the ground. "Iron? Hm clever, but that only works in the minors' baby. I'm in the big leagues." Lust held up her palm to show Dean, the skin only looking like bright new sunburn, before projecting him further across the room with a kick to the ribs.
Lust smirked insidiously before her eyes turned black and focused on the younger Winchester spouting Latin like a priest. She descended on him in two long steps and back handed him quickly before he could get any further with the incantation. "Now, now, don't make me have to hurt you Sam. The big bad boss man wouldn't like it if I added a new hole to his precious new toy." Lust told him, bent at the middle to lean over him like one would to speak on level with a child.
The sound of a loud crack echoed across the disheveled living room and Lust stood slowly while touching the back of her head.
"Ow!" Lust screeched with murder in her eyes as she saw red like the blood on her hand. Dean didn't stand a chance when she quickly reach out and grabbed his throat. She thrashed him so hard against the wall that plaster crumpled around him and Dean had to fight to stay conscious from the impact and lack of oxygen his lungs were getting.
"You know, I was playing nice. I let you off easy the first time. But now I think I'm gonna strangle the life out of your pathetic body and toss it out the window so the whole world can see your insides." Dean struggled against the manicured hand clenched against his throat and gasped to breath. Lust chuckled, "What's the matter Dean? Can the big bad hunter not fight back against an ity-bity girl?" She started laughing at him as his face began to turn red before suddenly screaming as holy water from the plastic bottle in Sam's jacket dosed her back.
She dropped Dean and the older Winchester scrambled to catch his breath and picked up the fallen tire-iron and swung at her like a homerun pitch finally knocking her unconscious. "So….that could have gone better." Dean said, still gasping for breath and Sam looked at him like he was some sort of idiot.
"Hey, wakey wakey." Lust cried out and thrashed awake against the chair she was bound to as holy water steam hissed off her skin.
"Ahhh! You know, you could have just used regular water." She hissed through clenched teeth, looking around at her bound wrists and ankles and the ring of salt that surrounded her chair.
"Yeah, well, I wanted something that was a bit more memorable. " Dean said with a cold sneer. Lust opened her eyes into narrowed slits and chuckled.
"Yeah, I heard all about how memorable you were in the Pit. Good to see that all that fine training hasn't gone to waste." Lust cried out again when holy water was thrown in her face. Her bright red nails cutting crescents into the wooden arms of her chair.
"Oops, sorry, must have slipped." Dean mocked before putting down his holy water flask. "You're little field trip top side is over Lust. Time to send you packin' before you torture anymore poor, unfortunate souls."
Lust chuckled darkly and looked heatedly up at his though coal rimmed eyes. "Torture? I set them free. Everyone says that pride is the root of all sin, but, not to brag, it's really me. Everyone wants something. Pine s for it. Begs for it. They're all just too scared or wrapped up in 'propriety' to get what they need. I help them with that so they can get what they want."
Dean scoffed at her. "Right, so you have nothing to do with that guy going to fuck a meat grinder?"
Lust giggles a little at that a gives a smile of pearl whites too sweet to even be called natural given the subject.
"I merely gave him a suggestion to prove his 'love' for me. It all comes back to the simple things. He wants something and he'll do whatever it takes to get it. Though, I'm not sure he'll have the equipment to get it after that." She giggles again; a mousy sound this time followed by an almost cute crinkle of her nose.
"Whatever. In a few short minutes, Mr. Meat grinder and all those fine people you used you're lusty powers on to do what you wanted will be back to normal. I think you're gettin' off easy too for what you forced on Sam and me. I really hope they tear you a new one in the Pit. Sam, do it." On Dean's orders, Sam begins to read from the Latin text. Lust's expression does not turn fearful like the others in her position. Her face gets this peculiar look to it, then brightens with realization, then falls back as fits of laughter falls from her mouth.
The sound is enough to stop Sam from reading the ritual to look at her in confusion like Dean. It takes her a minute to stop laughing and catch her breath. She almost wishes her hands weren't bound so she could wipe the tears of laughter from her eyes.
"You….you idiots think that I made you do that? Oh, oh this is too good! I can't breathe!" Lust's head falls back again as she begins to laugh. Sam and Dean look at either other curiously, eyes hinting something else as well, before Sam returns to reading over the sound of maniacal laughter.
The cackling is interrupted by black smoke pouring out of her gaping mouth as Sam finishes the incantation quickly and Lust exits the body.
"Yeah Bobby everything's fine now. Yeah, uh-hn, yeah we're good, curse went away soon as the bitch punched her one way ticket back to hell. Yeah, yeah, we know Bobby. We'll be more careful next time. We will be. You too, talk to you soon Bobby." Dean flicked his phone closed after the soft click of disconnection came from Bobby's end of the line.
"What Bobby say?" Dean looked over his shoulder at Sam from where he had stopped pacing and turned around, putting his phone on the rickety card table in their motel room.
"Asked if we were done with Lust. Asked if we were better now that she's gone. Called us idjit for not bein' more careful. Said he'd call us in a few day to see if we had picked up anything new. Same old, same old." Dean replied, picking up his beer that was also on the table and taking a quick swig.
"Are we all better Dean?" Sam asked, looking down at his hands in his laps where his fingers laced seeming to ponder the universe for the past hour from the edge of the bed.
"Yeah, yeah, Sam we're fine." Dean said, after a moment of hesitation. Though even to his ears nothing about it sounded reassuring. "It's been a while now and I haven't…I mean we haven't tried to…you know, so we must be ok." Dean wasn't an idiot. He knew that Sam wasn't just talking about effects of the curse. Now that it was over, they had to face what they had done with the harsh light of reality and the residual effects of it were starting to bubble to the surface.
Then there were Lust's final words, her last jab at them before she was thrown back into the fires of hell. Even though it hadn't been brought up, like the rest of this little 'adventure' now that it was put to bed, those words were eating after at Dean. Chipping away like an ice pick and making him question all those things that just a few days ago would never have been a thought in his mind.
"Demons lie Sam. She was just trying to get to us. What she said…you know that she has to be lying…right? I mean…you know I-I don't…I'm not-"It was you." Sam cut in, just above a whisper, but Dean heard it clear as day. He looks at Sam curiously, who just continues to look at his feet sullenly like his world was about to break. "That night, when I told you about my roommate and I said the wrong name, it was you." Sam clarified. His voice a bit louder but still heavily guarded and sounded like it could make even the hardest heart of stone break.
Dean blinked a few times and his mouth gaped open and closed like a fish, gasping for words instead of air.
"Second semester at college was…bad." Sam said, seeming to understand that Dean was looking for an explanation, even if Dean didn't. "I still missed you, hell even Dad, that it hurt. Add to that spending the holidays in some run down temporary dorm while everyone else goes home to spend time with their families, it was brutal. I honestly thought about giving up and coming back, but I didn't want to give Dad the satisfaction. I thought that after the semester started I would be ok, but then…your birthday came." There's a small scoff of a laugh and a wounded smile that falls on Sam's face before he continues, "I started thinking about how much you probably hated me for leaving. I wondered if you even missed me. That…this year would be the first time that we weren't together for birthdays or holidays or anything. I got so depressed I crawled into a bottle of Jack and tried to drown." Sam sounds a little ashamed of this, but continues anyway. "I don't remember much after Brain came back to the room. I don't remember much of anything really. When I woke up the next morning, with this killer hang over, Brain asked me who Dean was and that's how I knew."
Sam looked up from his brother with pathetic, wounded eyes while Dean just stared dumbfounded and shocked back at him. "You hate me now don't you?"
"What? No, Sam, no. I don't hate you. One drunken mistaken isn't going to make me-"It wasn't a mistake. It was a slip." Sam interjected and Dean stopped mid-sentence again.
"I went over and over that night in my head so many times. Think how I could say your name in a moment like that. Believe me I've looked at all the angles. But when I stopped and thought about it, tried to piece together through the black out what happened, it wasn't just your name. I saw you. I thought of you. And…it wasn't the first time." Sam confessed, bowing his head again.
"It wasn't…" Dean asked quietly, seeming to have just enough voice to mimic his brother. Sam's mop of hair nodded at him.
"When I was younger….I just thought that it was because you were my big brother. You know, hero worship and all that. Then when I got older, I just figured it was puberty, you know. Looking at linoleum made me wanna jerk off. I just always figured that it was just a mistake. An accident. That I would grow out of it, but….I don't think I ever did." Sam said, his voice shaky as he recalled all those times when he was little and wanted to be with Dean forever. When he was a teenager that Dean's face appeared in his mind's eye when he jerked off. When he was in college and suddenly everything came crashing in on a focal point from one drunken Freudian slip. It was still a lot to deal with and it was something that he had honestly never planned on telling Dean. "Do you hate me now?"
"Sammy…I…I don't" Dean clambered for words that didn't come.
"You think I'm sick don't you? Just another notch in the freak belt." Sam said harshly, trying to build up the walls quickly before the assault came.
"No, Sam-"You haven't come near me all day." Sam stated, apparently big on interruptions today.
It wasn't lost on Dean that he hadn't gone within five feet of Sam since this was all over. Walking ahead of Sam when they had left the house where they had disposed of Lust, making himself as small as possible behind the steering wheel of the Impala, pacing the room and standing of the side furthest from Sam when they had gotten back to the room. He should have known that this wasn't lost on Sam either.
Dean was just scared. At first he wanted to make some distance between them in case the curse hadn't gone away. But then when he was pretty sure it was he still wanted that space because…..he was scared.
Yes, Dean was scared. He was scared as to what would happen if he touched Sam in anyway ever again. Would he flinch or freak out? Could he ever be near Sam again after what they had done? There were just so many questions that he honestly didn't want to deal with right now or ever. Dean didn't know where to start.
The older Winchester swallowed the lump in his throat that was building and walked to few paces over to the bed and sat down next to Sam. Though he chose to stare at the floor, he could feel Sam staring at him, waiting for him to say something.
But he doesn't. His head is reeling. He starts thinking about all those times when he missed the hero worship in Sam's eyes for something more. When it could have happened when that swift from brotherly love went to something more. How he could have missed Sam's love for him.
As Dean thinking his mind starts to wonder in order to find some answers. Maybe he had wanted so badly to keep hold of that hero worship that Sam willing gave him in his younger days. But why? Because Sam is all I have. Which is not technically true, he has other people in his life that he can look to. But in those younger years, and even now, Dean still thinks of Sam as that one and only person. One and only, Yeah, the one and only person that he could fall back on, that will never truly leave him, that would go to the ends of the Earth for him.
No one else would do that for.
No one else would sacrifice so much for him. No one else would be there for him. No one could ever love him like his Sammy does.
Or how I love Sam.
Dean stops thinking as his mind seems to hit a preverbal wall. Had he maybe missed Sam's shift into something else because he had also missed his own?
Could he….really love Sam that way?
Dean's mind jump starts and tries to rationalize quickly. He couldn't. Sam was his brother! This was just….his mind playing tricks on him from Lust's curse! He doesn't love Sam like that! He wasn't…he didn't…he couldn't….
But then he thinks about how mad he used to get when Sam went out and left him, how he attributed being half hard when Sammy was changing to just being a guy, how he only picked up blonde's in bars because something about brunette made him immediately think of Sam and then he'd be sad.
"Dean….?" Sam asks quietly, concerned by the extended silence.
Dean isn't sure why or how, but for some reason he thinks he has to test it. Has to prove that they're both wrong, that their over thinking innocent gestures and coincidence.
Dean leans in to kiss Sam.
He had meant for it to be quick. Just a peck to prove himself right, but his lips seem to have a mind of their own an want to linger. It's not a real kiss, except by maybe thirteen year old standards. Yet, somehow, without any real motion behind the kiss, it still feels….nice.
Unlike all the hot, passionate kisses they had shared over the week in the lust drunk haze, this one was clearer. It's much brighter somehow, like the first rays of sun after dark clouds scatter away.
Though not exactly chaste, Dean pulls back and looks at Sam curiously. Dean looks at him like he hasn't seen him in a while and wonders where he's maybe been all this time. Sam looks at him curiously too, but isn't content with staring and cups the back of his brother's head to pull him into a real kiss.
This one is much more passionate but still much more clean. Not tainted with the powers of Lust like their other kisses, this one is just them. All the years of missing out, ignoring the signs, ignoring that nagging in their minds and their hearts that told them 'You're missing it you moron!' seems to leak out and can't be contained.
When they pull back, Sam and Dean are a bit breathless but still quickly descend into another kiss.
They could talk later, when the need to kiss each other was not so strong but still just their own, when thing absolutely had to be sorted out and things weren't so newly complicated but still good. They could talk later, but right now…they just couldn't.
It's finally finished! Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed this story! I was so touched that so many people liked it.
I am deeply sorry that it took me so long to finish and I hope no one is too terribly disappointed in me.
To be honest, I got distracted with another story. I had an idea for a J2 fic based off of Swan Lake (I went to see Black Swan (which was awesome!) and plot bunnies laid eggs) and started writing that instead. I've never written a J2, so this will be an experiment for me. I'll probably post it once I get a bit more along in it (ignore my shameless plug of new fiction. Lol )
Anyway, thanks again for reading and be on the lookout for more fics in the near future! ^_^