Story Name: Anxious

Pen name: Nisa Cullen

Pairing: Edward & Jasper

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belongs to Stephanie Meyer, I don't own Jack! (Or Edward! )

This story contains Male/Male Slash. Don't like? Don't read, no problem!

This story is rated M for a reason and is not intended for persons under the age of 18.

To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest , please visit the C2: http:/ www . fanfiction . net/c2/68069/3/0/1/

A/N: Big huge fat thank you to my beta Mama23Keiki for polishing up my attempts at properly using the English Language and thank you to Ealasaid77 for giving me to push to enter this contest in the first place!

This is my first attempt at slash so I'm pulling the "new writer " card and ask that you be gentle!


For as long I can remember, I have always suffered from anxiety. I have lived the majority of my life in one state of anxiousness or another. I was anxious about school. I was anxious about friends. I was even anxious talking to my mom and dad. I don't know where it came from. I thought maybe it was the secret I was hiding. From the age of 11, I knew something wasn't right. When other boys couldn't stop talking about girls, and I honestly could not care less. I thought it was because of my anxiety that I could not see myself approaching a girl; the thought alone made my stomach queasy. At 13, I figured out what it was…I was gay. But even with that revelation, the anxiety never went away. I just learned to accept it and figured this was just how I was made.

My days consisted of the same routine to manage my anxiety. I'd go to class, sit in the back with my head down, pick up lunch at the deli, go to my part-time job at Computer Warehouse where I sit in the back interacting more with machines than people, go home, cook dinner, jack off in the shower, sleep, wake up, and repeat. I learned how to deal with women since they would easily recognize me as painfully shy and take pity on me; if they don't make me say much and kept things work related, then I'd be ok. But when it came to dealing with men, especially attractive men, I would get so anxious! My palms would get sweaty, I find myself swallowing air, and my knees would start to tremble. I am not even sure how noticeable it was to anyone but myself, but I found it to be a regular occurrence.

With my painful shyness, it was no surprise that I found myself in my sophomore year of college without a single romantic encounter. I was a good looking guy, being six foot one, with auburn hair that I got from my mom, green eyes, and not to be vain, but I was well defined. Not bulky per se, but I spent a lot of time in the pool since it was the one place I could be alone, and I eventually developed a swimmer's build. So I knew that it was not a question of if I was attractive enough to get a guy, it was that I was just too damn anxious! I was too anxious to talk to guys who would approach me, and I have to admit, I was approached pretty frequently. Guys would say they loved my blush and my shyness. They came in all shapes and sizes, and from all walks of life. Apparently, I had the "twink" thing down without really realizing it. But regardless of the guy, I would get too anxious and end up back in my dorm room alone.

Every night, without fail, I would masturbate until I fell asleep. I would lay naked on my bed, stroking my hardened length with warming lube, imagining myself plunging into the ass of some faceless man. I would even often lube up one of my large collection of dildos and plug it into my warm depths while stroking myself in the mirror, imagining being watched while I was being fucked wildly until the dual sensations would overcome me, and I'd come violently all over my stomach and chest. Despite my nightly antics, I still considered myself a virgin. And as a virgin, I figured I'd wait. I figured I would just wait until I found the right guy I could be around without getting nervous, who made me feel comfortable, then we'd fall in love and he would be guy that I would give my virginity to. But "HE" (No, my dick doesn't have a name) could not wait. At the midpoint of the semester sophomore year, "HE" decided "HE" couldn't wait any longer.

On a cold October night, I was studying at the library when "HE" saw him. He was handsome, standing about my height with his with dirty blonde hair that hung chin length in waves, a perfectly straight nose, angular jaw that I just wanted to nibble on, and a set of luscious pink lips that I could instantly imagine wrapped around my cock. But it was his eyes that made him most desirable. His eyes were amazing pools of blue that I felt I could get lost in. I found myself staring in his eyes and I could see passion burning within them. I sat there at a table across the room from where he was standing, next to a book case, flipping through pages of some sort of history text. I could not help just staring at the way he flipped the pages with his long fingers, occasionally letting his perfect pink tongue dart out to wet his lips. The way he wet his lips made "HE" stand at attention. As I continued to stare at him, I felt myself continue to harden until my erection was pressing against my zipper, making it uncomfortable. The lust and desire I felt staring at him was unbelievable. I lowered my hand to adjust myself, and my fingers lingered a little longer than necessary until I found myself palming my erection through my jeans. I didn't even realize I was essentially eye-fucking him while stroking myself lightly until my gaze fell upon his face, and I realized that he was starting back at me. I instantly froze as our eyes locked, and before I could begin my normal panic, he smiled at me. I could not help but stare at his mouth and those amazing lips that looked so soft. I could imagine drawing the bottom one into my mouth and sucking on it. The thought alone made me shiver and break his gaze.

I immediately looked back down to my Comparative Politics book and began planning my next move, namely how to get out of the library without looking like a raving lunatic. When I decided to chance a look again, I raised my head in his direction casually, and he was gone. I began to panic, but not the type of panic I normally felt. I quickly scanned the library looking for him, and then I spotted him getting into the elevator. As the doors were closing, he looked directly at me and smiled again. Something within me exploded, and I knew exactly what I had to do. I jumped up from the table, leaving my books, coat, everything, and ran out the exit door, going down the steps two or three at a time, hoping to catch up to him before the elevator reached the main lobby.

When I reached the elevator, it was too late. The elevator was empty, and he was gone. I went to the library door to peak outside in hopes of seeing his black leather jacket walking away, but looking both ways, I saw nothing. As I turned around to go back up to the table where I left my belongings, feeling disappointment roll through me, I looked up and he was standing there. In fact, I ran right into him and instantly felt my heart begin to pound so loud I could hear it in my ears, and I could feel the blood rushing through my veins down to what was quickly becoming my extremely prominent erection. He grabbed me by my arm to keep me from stumbling as he looked deeply into my eyes for the first time.

He opened his mouth to say something, probably to ask me my name, but I put my finger over his lips. Why I did this I have no idea, but I was pretty certain that talking would only ruin this. I feared that with a simple word being said, the real me who was too anxious to do more than blush at any male attention before running away would rejoin the situation, bringing everything to an abrupt halt. I wasn't sure what the real me would do so I just let "HE" take over.

I smiled at him and took him by the hand and pulled him into the elevator with me. Then I'm quite certain "HE" took over because I did not feel like my normal anxious self. Instead of pushing the button to return to the floor where I so carelessly left my belongings, I pushed the button for the basement, where all the stacks were located. I knew it was basically deserted, especially on a Friday night, and it was dark down there. It was perfect for what "HE" had put in my mind.

As the elevator began to move, I took his hand I was still holding and pressed it firmly to my straining erection, encouraging him to rub and feel how hard he made me. I leaned forward and pressed my lips firmly to his. They were smooth and firm yet softer than I imagined as I brushed my tongue over his lips. He immediately opened his lips, allowing me access to his mouth and I could taste him and his flavor was an amazing mix of mint, cinnamon, and something that must be uniquely him. My hands flew into his blonde locks, fisting and pulling slightly. He responded in kind, crushing his hips to mine allowing me to feel the effect I was having on him. The elevator was full of panting and soft moans. Just as I was about to push my hips forward to create more friction, we reached the basement level.

Just as I imagined, the stacks were deserted. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the rear of the stacks where a few scattered tables were located. I took his backpack off his shoulder and sat it on the floor next to a table and walked around him removing his jacket and studying the way the muscles in his back flinched under his white button down shirt. Returning to his front, I propped myself up on the table and grabbing him by a belt loop; I pulled him to me and crushed my lips to his.

We became a tangled mass of lips, tongues, teeth, and hands grasping desperately at each other, ripping each other clothes off in a fit of passion and need until we were both naked in the dimly lit room. I took a moment to let my eyes roam his body, as he was the first man I ever saw completely nude and in person that I could freely check out. I slowly drank him in; his strong jaw which led to a beautiful pale neck that I suddenly had to urge to sink my teeth into, the well defined chest I could not wait to run my fingers over, and his pink nipples I felt desperate to kiss. Just when I couldn't take much more, my eyes landed on his engorged cock nestled against his trimmed golden hair. I looked up to his gorgeous, blue eyes which were watching me intently as I began to stroke myself. I heard his breath hitch as he watched my ministrations. I ran my index finger over my slit gathering the pre-cum that had gathered there and put my finger between those beautiful lips, into his luscious mouth, letting him savor my flavor. He sucked my finger willingly, letting out a deep moan. I pulled my finger out of his mouth and dipped into my slit again and as he opened his mouth waiting for more, I surprised him by sticking my finger in my mouth savoring my own salty flavor. Then I pulled him to me and we began to kiss, both savoring my flavor at the same time.

He pushed me back on the desk so that my head was hanging more than half way over the rear on my back, and I felt him crawl on top of me; the feel of his weight and bare chest on top of me was heated and delicious. I heard myself letting out wanton moans. He captured my lips in a heated kiss and my hips jerked in response. He moved one hand to my hip, firmly grabbing me, and began to slowly and deliciously circle his hips against mine, providing the most amazing friction. When my lungs began burning for air, I released his lips and began placing kisses on his jaw…his cheek…his neck…any part of his body that I could reach. I began meeting his thrusts, bucking firmly against his circular motion until his hips stilled. I felt myself whimper as he began sliding down my body leaving a trail of open mouth kissing in his wake until he met my cock which was standing proud from my body. He wasted no time in diving onto my cock, taking my length into his hot, warm, and welcoming mouth deeper and deeper until I felt his breath on my pubic hair. It was the most amazing and incredible feeling ever. As many times as I thought of this moment, I was wrong. I never could have imagined what it felt like to have my cock deep within his throat. My hips began to rise off the table and suddenly his mouth was of my now glistening cock. He looked at me with a beautiful smirk before sticking a finger in his mouth and then circling my puckered hole. As he began pushing the tip of his finger into my ass, he once again dove onto my cock, making me moan and writhe at the double sense of pleasure he was giving me. I was close, so close, but I wanted to wait; I wanted to cum with him inside me. I reached out for him and he pulled off my cock with a loud pop and I motioned with my fingers for him to come closer. Sensing what I wanted, he walked around the table where my head was dangling off the back and stood before me with his delicious looking cock on display. I hesitated for a second, while I have played with dildos, I've never had the real thing and at that moment I could feel myself harden even more at the thought of tasting him.

And there in the dimly lit library, with my head upside down, I sucked a cock for the very first time. I held the base of it while he began to fuck my mouth by thrusting his thick cock in and out of my mouth with increasing speed. I relaxed my throat so that I could eventually get it all in. I loved every minute of it. As his body began to tremble and his knees began to buckle, I was given the added treat of tasting another man's cum for the first time and I was immediately hooked for life on the scrumptious flavor. I laid there, savoring every single drop and secretly wishing there would be more to come.

He removed his cock from my throat which was a little tender but nothing I couldn't bear. After going back to the other side of the table, he reached into the book bag and pulled out two packets. After a bit of rustling noise, I felt two lubed fingers slowly enter me. I relished in the delicious burning sensation which quickly faded to pleasure as he prep my hole. Then he removed his two fingers, immediately inserting three, and began thrusting in and out of me and twisting his fingers in a scissoring motion. He could tell I was ready by the way I began whimpering and writhing against his hand. He removed his fingers but before I could whimper, I felt the head of his condom sheathed cock right at my entrance. He began stroking my cock to distract me from the sensation as he slowly pressed himself into me and despite his preparation I could feel the burning sensation as he pushed past my tight ring of muscle. Once his head was inside, he trusted into me fully and I gasped as he stilled to allow me to get used to the intrusion. Given the way I had picked him up and led the way to the basement, he had no idea that this was my first time. He probably just thought I had a tight ass and he looked taken about aback by how snugly I fit around his throbbing dick.

Once I released the breath I was holding and gave him a small nod, he began thrusting into me hard, fucking me without mercy because he knew I wanted it that way. I was a bit paralyzed with discomfort and the burning at first, since he was far larger than my dildo and unlike at home, I couldn't control the pressure, but gradually the pain began to fade into pleasure. As the pleasure increased, I felt myself responding and meeting him thrust for thrust as we both moaned loudly. I could feel his balls slamming up against my ass with each thrust, and I was mesmerized by the sounds accompanying his dick plunging into my ass, for it was a sound I have never heard before. I loved it.

He continued to thrust without mercy and grabbed my cock and began to stroke me in time with his rhythm. I felt his dick twitch and his thrusts were becoming erratic. The sensations were too much and I felt the warm sensation spreading in my belly and across my limbs and the tightness began to build and build, coiled tightly as if I was going to snap. I felt him explode deep within my ass, and the sensation and knowledge that his cock was dripping hot cum deep inside me was enough to push me over that delicate precipice, and I felt the coil break and I shattered into a million pieces beneath him. When I came too, he was laying half on top of me and both of us where trying to catch our breath. All too soon he removed his well-satisfied cock from my ass and I immediately felt empty. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out what looked like a bandana and handed it to me to clean off the mess on my stomach and chest as he removed the condom. Once my hearing had fully returned he looked at me with a smile and opened his mouth to say something. But I interrupted with a pleading "No, please don't!"

I quickly got up off the desk trying my best to ignore the soreness I began feeling in my well used ass and began dressing quickly while he stood there looking perplexed. I knew "I" had to get the hell out of there because "I" was back and "I" was halfway ashamed at what "HE" had done. I was even more ashamed at how much "I" enjoyed it.

I couldn't help but to wonder why I was the one demanding anonymity and silence but I knew it wasn't me, it was "HE" that had the demands. So I left the beautiful blonde stranger and my virginity there, in the basement of library, nude with a confused but hopeful expression on his face.

Six weeks later while walking through the student union to grab breakfast before heading to class, I walked past him and pretended that I didn't recognize him. I quickly changed route, hoping to stay out of his line of sight. Of course, I was not so lucky. He saw me scampering behind the decorative plant and came running up to me. I continued to walk until he stood in my way.

"I've been looking for you. I have been to the library and our special spot but I haven't seen you since." He said with a hint of sadness in his voice. I couldn't help it; I kept my eyes on the ground and heard my heart rate pick up frantically at being near him. I started feeling light headed as I didn't realize I was holding my breath until he reached out and touched me. I gasped at the shock that went through my body with his touch. I looked at his hand which he promptly removed from my arm and stuck in his pocket. I wondered where "HE" was when I needed him because I could not bring myself to speak to this beautiful creature in front of me. "The name's Jasper, by the way." he said with a smirk dipping down to look in my eyes. And when our eyes met I fell into his deep blue pools once again and somehow found the courage to speak. "E-Edward" I squeaked out and felt my knees trembling. "It's nice to have a name to put with the fantasies, Edward" Jasper said with a satisfied smirk. I gave him a soft smile followed by a furious blush as I realized that he had been fantasizing about me. "Class." I said as if it's a full sentence. He looks me up and down noting my blush and says, "I'll walk you if you don't mind. I don't want you running away again." Somehow I found the strength to nod and he walked beside me to my class and suddenly I realized I liked walking beside him and I was feeling anxious, but in a good way for once.

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