A/N: Update. Yay!
I live not in dreams but in contemplation of a reality that is perhaps the future.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
Time continued to move, that was the weirdest part for Spencer Reid. Everyone continued living their lives but he felt completely empty – lost. Every day they received hundreds of new cases, people didn't stop killing because Derek Morgan left the Bureau. No, nothing changed. Everything went on but Reid didn't want it to. He wished everything would just pause so he could figure it all out. The moment he thought he might be over everything there would be one small incident that sent him spiraling back down.
It was obvious to Reid that everyone was growing increasingly concerned about him since he had kicked JJ out. Several times a day Hotch would call Reid into his office to "talk." He would never bring up the subject of Derek; in fact they seldom spent time talking about Reid's life. Typically Aaron would occupy the hour by discussing a school project Jack had or another type of adventure his son had been working on. Emily would usually take Reid out for lunch and Rossi had gotten into the habit of driving Spencer to and from work. That's why it came as no surprise to Reid when there was a knock on his door at eight o'clock in the morning.
He slowly grabbed his bag off the chair it was sitting on and the shuffled sluggishly to the front door. When he opened it he wasn't looking at Rossi, the face he saw came at such a shock that his bag dropped to the floor creating a loud bang.
"What are you doing here?" Reid was unable to move, he just stared flabbergasted. It was a miracle that he was even able to speak.
"Hotch called." The person answered smiling sweetly.
"Of course he did." Reid spoke satirically as he internally cursed his boss.
"He's worried about you – the entire team is worried about you." Reid didn't know if he was happy to see the guest or disappointed Aaron had called him. He was slightly embarrassed actually.
"I don't need your help Gideon." The words were spoken before he even knew what he was saying.
"Let me come in, you and I can talk about everything." It was if he hadn't even heard Reid's sharp words. Nodding, Reid held open the door and stepped to one side allowing Gideon entrance into his house.
"So…." Reid began as he sat down at the table, "how have you been?"
"I've been good. I miss the BAU and our team every day but I know I made the right choice." This was too weird. It was all just too bazaar to him.
"You couldn't have told me you were leaving in person?" Reid wanted to cry but he sucked it up. Seeing Gideon again was almost too much for his heart to handle at this point.
"I was afraid that if I saw you I might change my mind and stay." Silence filled the room while both men tried to think of what to say net. It was Reid who spoke next.
"You owe me a game of chess." Gideon smiled his cheerful grin and for a moment everything felt ordinary.
"I suppose I do." He said half laughing but then his face became very serious, "We still need to discuss Derek." Reid winced at the name. He had almost allowed himself to forget for a moment.
"I want things to go back to normal, when it was easy. You can come back and someone can find Morgan and convince him to return as well." Reid smiled sweetly at the thought of them all being back together.
"What are you talking about?" he asked giving him an odd look.
"I just want to be a family again." Gideon nodded understanding.
"You have a family and they're all trying to help you. I know what it's like to lose someone you love. Frank killed a person who was very special to me. I understand exactly what you're going through. How confusing everything is, I get it all."
"Gideon, I appreciate your words but you can't understand what this is like." Nobody could understand what it was like to go to sleep next to the person you love and then wake up with them gone. Erased completely.
"Why?" he looked slightly taken aback by the boy's words.
"Morgan can come back." He looked straight into Gideon's eyes and swore he saw them become foggy with tears. He must have been jealous that Reid hadn't completely lost someone.
"Why do you think that?" Gideon asked clearing his throat.
"I saw him a few days ago. At a coffee shop, we looked at each other and it was obvious what he wanted. He wants to come back. I know he does." Gideon ducked his head down. Casually one hand reached up and brushed something from his cheek.
"I have to go." Gideon got up and walked himself to the door, "I'll call you about that game. It was good seeing you kid."
Spencer Reid watched as Gideon walked out on his life for the second time. The retired agent never looked back and Reid never had a chance to see his red rimmed eyes as they finally gave way to the tears he had been holding back.
-May 2nd, 2010-
"I don't get it." Morgan said jumping over the back of the couch and plopping down next to Reid. He had a Twix bar in one hand and a beer in the other.
"What don't you get? And I wish you wouldn't do that."
"Do what?" asked Morgan setting the drink down on the wood table and propping his feet up. Reid took a coaster and placed it underneath the beverage.
"Jump around. This furniture is twice your age – it's practically an antique. If you spend every second jumping over it eventually something is going to break."
"It's not going to break." Morgan said flatly as he rolled his eyes at Spencer. Then his demeanor suddenly changed, "Do you want some chocolate?"
"Like a bite of your Twix?" Reid raised one eyebrow as he looked down at the candy bar.
"You can call it whatever you want." Morgan winked and wrapped his arms around Reid.
"Are you trying to flirt with me to get out of being scolded? It's not going…" he laughed as Morgan began to kiss up and down the side of his neck, "Stop it. That tickles."
"That's the point, I like hearing your laugh."
"Men are more ticklish than women. Stop it. Seriously." He laughed loudly as he tried to keep a straight face.
"Nope, not until you give me permission to jump over the couch. Really you're lucky the guy you're dating can move like James Bond."
"Ancient Romans used tickling as a form of torture." Reid continued to laugh as Morgan knocked him down and now had resorted to tickling his feet. Kissing would wait. He pulled off Reid's shoes and looked at his feet.
"Brown striped sock or black sock with yellow tips?" asked Morgan contemplating his choices. He decided to go for the left foot and stripped off his the black and yellow one. He began to tickle it but then stopped abruptly.
"What the hell?" Morgan asked getting off of Reid. The bottom of Reid's foot seemed to be bruised.
"It's from Georgia. I'm either always wearing socks or the lights are off, I guess you've just never seen it before."
"Are you okay? I mean what is it?" Morgan asked examining it closer.
"Perfectly fine. It's simply a form of muscle trauma from the beatings." Reid swallowed hard as his mind began to flash to that time.
"I was so scared. I kept thinking that if you never got out of there I would never get the chance to tell you how I felt. I was so thankful when we found you in the graveyard." The mood had quickly shifted. The room that a short while ago was filled with laughter suddenly felt worn out, heavy and thick. "What worries me the most is that it could happen again. Not Tobias but anyone. Anyone could be our next crazy UnSub that takes one of us. Every single day we are at risk of dying. We are vulnerable and exposed to some of the most twisted people alive. Gideon's girlfriend was killed by one. What if that had been you or I?"
"Don't say things like that." Reid drew his legs to his chest and held his head in his hands. He didn't want to think about death.
"I'm sorry Reid but it's something we need to discuss."
"Never leave me. Don't let one of them kill you. That's all there is to it."
"You really don't want to talk about this?" Morgan would drop it if Reid wanted him to. He would do anything if Reid wanted him to.
"Yes, I really don't want to. Please. If we say it out loud it might become true."
"Alright." There was a moment of silence and then Morgan smiled, "So how about the Twix bar?"
A/N: What did y'all think? : )