Title: Everybody Loves Zoro
Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece nor do I make any money from this.
Pairings: SanjixZoro, LuffyxZoro, UsoppxZoro, ChopperxZoro, FrankyxZoro, BrookxZoro, RobinxZoro, NamixZoro AND! Many hinted pairings!
Summary: A mysterious perfume gets dumped on Zoro and as everyone gets a whiff of the swordsman they all start to get uncontrollable desires for him! ZoroxSanji / Yaoi-ish / Oneshot / Crack-ish-Romance
Warnings: Naughty language, yaoi-ish boyxboy love!
A/N's: For anyone that does not like my warnings don't read I guess …it's not like I'm forcing you to.
Many thanks to the ever talented StarkBlack for being my Beta!
*busts into love hurricane* Stark-swan is so kind!
This oneshot is dedicated to
The 3rd place winner of the Independence EVENT contest
On my forum
The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild
Usopp widened his eyes at Luffy due to what the rubber man was saying. "You're giving a gift to Nami?" he questioned still not believing it.
Luffy laughed, putting a hand to the top of his hat and adjusting it. "Yeah, I mean I did get this thing for free after all, just to leave that one shop on that last island we were at, and she is the only one that uses stuff like this … well I guess Robin does too, but it just seems like Nami would like it more."
Usopp just stared at his captain.
"Eh, Usopp?" Luffy questioned, not understanding what the big deal was.
Usopp stared still. Luffy giving a gift to Nami, the sniper thought. He just could not get his head to wrap around the idea.
"Huh, well, ok. I'm gunna go then …" Luffy waved his hand in front of Usopp's face, and still no reaction. Shrugging, Luffy walked away. He had the weirdest crew ever … but they were all so funny, and great too! With a big smile now on his face he went off to look for Nami.
The captain found the navigator just coming out of the kitchen nibbling on a parfait.
"Namiiiii!" called out Luffy as he rocketed up the stairs. "I have something I want to give you … OH! Hey snacks are ready?"
"Huh?" Nami blinked looking at Luffy, as she pulled a spoon from her mouth. Ignoring the part about food, her eyes lit up, "You have a gift for me?" she could hardly believe it. "Is it a treasure map?" she asked hopefully.
"Oh huh no ... here I will get it out for you!" Luffy happily offered. He wanted to hurry, and give it to her so he could go get his snack. The captain then stuck a hand down the front of his pants and dug around.
Nami's eyes widen in shock. "What the hell! What makes you think I'm the kind of girl that would what something … oh," she stopped her yelling, and blinked as Luffy pulled out a little pink perfume bottle and held it out to her.
Reaching out she took the bottle, holding it with two fingers, "Erm well thanks Luffy." she smiled awkwardly.
"It's no problem, besides, it will make everyone on the ship happy, cause it will make you smell better, plus it's supposed to make people like you better too!" replied Luffy with a big grin on his face, and then started for the kitchen to get himself that snack now. He thought he had earned it after his good deed.
Nami glared at Luffy. She was sure he didn't mean what he said as an insult, but just the way it came out had a tic on the side of her head twitching like crazy. Grumbling Nami turned, sat the perfume bottle down on the railing, and then wiped her hand on her jean shorts. As she turned back around it was just in time to dodge out of the way as Luffy came crashing into the railing.
"You shitty bastard! Don't you go sticking your fingers in things where they don't belong!" Sanji yelled out from the kitchen.
Meanwhile Zoro was just coming up topside from having taken a nice long shower. Looking up at the blue sky and the fluffy white clouds over head, the swordsman shut the door, and then reached up pulling a towel from his still wet head only to have something crash down, and break on top of his head.
"Oi!" Zoro called out angrily looking up at the fight going on between the cook and captain, with Nami on the sidelines looking displeased. "Tch" grumbled the swordsman, and used the towel to shake the glass out of his hair.
He noticed an odd fruity smell was coming from somewhere. He lifted the towel to his face and sniffed it, then dabbed his finger to the towel in a wet spot from whatever the mess was that had dropped on him, and placed it to his tongue. At once he spit out the taste. Yuck that was awful! Whatever that shitty cook was making, he should let Luffy have it!
He then used the towel to pick up all the broken glass, and carried down below to properly dispose of it. It would be bad if Chopper or someone were to step on it after all.
After disposing off the glass and towel, Zoro was on his way back up topside of the ship when he bumped into Franky.
"Watch it …" Franky's words then stopped there as he took pause, and sniffed at the air.
"Eh, oh sorry." Zoro yawned, and went to move on, but Franky laid a large hand to his arm.
"Wait … eh, swordsman, there is something different about you…" Franky muttered.
Zoro crocked a brow.
"Hey!" Franky then was suddenly smiling, "I got this new invention I was going to save it to show Robin later, but maybe you would like to see it now? It's really SUPRA!"
"Huh no thanks, I rather go take a nap like I was on my way to do." Zoro hinted bluntly.
"Well you know my workroom is a great place for naps. No would even hear us there." Franky slipped his arm then around the swordsman's shoulders.
Zoro deadpanned at what the cyborg just had implied. "Huh …"
"Zooorrrooo!" called out Luffy from somewhere far away.
"Oh look at that! Captain needs me, so sorry, bye!" Zoro then rushed off, and hurried up topside. That had just been weird!
"Oh Zoro there you are!" Luffy laughed, but then started to sniff the air at the odd smell coming from the swordsman.
"Eh Luffy, has Franky been drinking again … he seems a little ... eh odder then normal." Zoro questioned looking over his shoulder at the door he had just come out of.
After a moment or two of silence Zoro questioned again, "Luffy?" He then looked back in front of him to see Luffy with an odd droopy face look. Frowning, the swordsman asked then, "Are you sick are something? You look like your gunna puke."
Luffy then, without warning, pounced on Zoro, knocking the other man to the floor. "Zoro! Zoro I love you!" he then confessed.
Zoro grunted as his back hit the deck from the surprise pounce, and then had his eyes bug out of his head due to Luffy's words. The poor swordsman had not even gotten over the shock of it when the captain started to lean down for a kiss. Without even thinking Zoro's body reacted to the incoming 'danger' and shoved Luffy off him quickly. Zoro then sat up and demanded to know, "What the fuck! Are you being serious?"
After getting done rolling back Luffy laughed sitting up, and showing a big goofy grin answered, "Why do you ask? I'm always serious!"
Zoro shook his head. This was even weirder, and too much to deal with. Slowly Zoro got up and blinked as he noticed Luffy rocking side to side watching him.
"Hey Zoro?" Luffy asked.
"Erm yeah?" The swordsman had a bad feeling about this.
"I just thought maybe we could play this fun game Ace taught me before. It's called doctor …want me to teach you?" Luffy asked.
Zoro's right eye twitched from information overload, not to mention the question being asked of him. "NO!" he turned to leave.
Luffy crossed his arms in a pout. "Well Captain's orders that you…" was all Luffy got out.
At hearing what Luffy was about to say Zoro quickly put a finger in each ear, "La la la la la la! I can't hear you!" and ran for it.
Looking over his shoulder, making sure he was losing the captain, the swordsman ran right into Nami knocking the both of them down.
"Witch! You got to hide me! Luffy has gone crazy…erm crazier." Zoro demanded, and got up, not even offering to help up the woman up. He then peeked around the side of the ship to make sure Luffy was not coming.
Nami frowned, and opened her mouth, but then shut it as she sniffed the air, and a sly grin came to her lips. "Sure Zoro I'll help you … for a price!"
Zoro looked back at her as she got to her feet. "Dammit this is no time to be thinking about money. This is serious!"
"Who said the payment would be cash?" Nami said as she brushed herself off.
Zoro was now confused, and forgot about Luffy for a moment. "Huh?" he asked.
"A kiss!" Nami explained, and smiled wickedly leaning in towards Zoro.
Zoro froze up as Nami backed him into a wall.
"Navigator-san," came Robin's voice.
Nami looked over, and pouted at Robin as the dark beauty came over.
"I think it might be more productive if you went and made it clear to Captain-san you have a claim on Bushido-san, since I think Luffy was planning a wedding." Robin smiled her little knowing smile.
Nami's eyes widen in rage. "A wedding between Luffy, and my Zoro! Oh he is out of his mind if he thinks I'll stand for that!" With that Nami rushed off to beat some sense into Luffy.
Zoro leaned forward, and breathed out a sigh of relief. With his head down he shook it. What the hell was wrong with everyone today? "Eh, thanks Robin," he muttered.
Robin having already caught a whiff of the swordsman downwind slipped up to his side, and ran a hand down the side of his face. "Think nothing of it Bushido-san, however if you feel obliged to thank me, maybe we could talk about how over a cup of coffee?" she flirted.
Zoro froze at the touch and words coming from Robin. Slowly his head turned to the woman, and he saw that crazy love sick look on her face. "Oh no, not you too!"
"You're not rejecting me are you Bushido-san?" she asked, as a dark shadow came over her face.
A cold sweat ran down Zoro's spine. Robin could be waaay too scary! "Huh … no I just forgot ... I huh, need to help Chopper with this thing that will be … huh ... so I'm going to go do that now, and then I'll get back to you!" Slowly the swordsman inched away then ran.
If anyone could figure out what was wrong with everyone, it would be Chopper! Surely the doctor would not be sick like everyone else.
As Zoro came into the med room he found Chopper already in a conversation with a crying Usopp.
"So if he is giving her a gift then it must mean he does not like me anymore right?" Usopp questioned, only then to turn his head like Chopper to look at Zoro as he came into the room.
Ignoring what he just heard, the swordsman rushed over to Chopper. "There is something very wrong going down on this ship! Everyone is going crazy!" Zoro started.
Chopper clasped a hoofed hand over his nose, and looked to Zoro with big watering eyes. "Zoro … I … I … take off your clothes please!" he cried, and then suddenly passed out, his nose far too sensitive for the scent coming from the swordsman.
Zoro deadpanned for a moment then kneeled down poking the passed out doctor. "Chopper?"
Usopp got up off from his seat sniffing the air. "Oi Zoro … Zoro-kun?"
Zoro looked up with narrowing eyes at the sniper. "If you tell me you're in love with me, I will cut you into lots and lots of tiny pieces!" he warned.
Usopp gulped and laughed nervously, "Ah no, no … I was huh just going to say huh that … Chopper's right. See if you take off your clothing then crazy people will think you're one of them and leave you alone."
Zoro blinked, "Really?"
Usopp gave another nervous laugh again. "Would I lie to you?"
Five minutes later …
Zoro stepped out of the med room where a very beat up Usopp was laying on the floor next to the passed out doctor.
Laying a hand to his sword hilts, the swordsman thought about what he should try next.
"Zoooorrrrrooooo! AHHHHHHHHHH! No Nami let me go! Zoro is going to be my husband!" cried Luffy from somewhere above.
Zoro then ran somewhere below deck at that.
As the swordsman snuck around the halls, he was extra careful not run into Franky. He then came across the boy bunk. Odd, Zoro thought, he would have sworn the boys bunk was on the other side of the hall. Oh well, this would be perfect. He could just go back to bed, and sleep it all off. Surly when he woke up things would be back to normal!
As Zoro walked into the room he saw Brook digging through a locker, looking for something, and with Zoro's luck so far with people he was not sure if he should stay or go.
Yet as Zoro was trying to make up his mind, Brook sniffed at the air, and looked up over at Zoro. "What is that odd smell coming from you? Then again I have no nose to smell! Yohohoho! Skull joke!"
Zoro blinked at the question. Smell? Wait that was it! This all had started after that shitty food had dropped on him! This was all the cook's fault! Suddenly Zoro came out of his train of thought, he realized his personal space was being invaded. Zoro, with a twitching right eye, glared at Brook as the skeleton moved up close to Zoro and took one of the swordsman's hands.
"May I see your panties?" Brook asked politely.
One ass whooping later and Zoro was sneaking his way to the kitchen. Another hour later, he finally found it.
As the swordsman entered the kitchen he breathed a sigh of relief. Even if the crap cook had done this to him, he could at least count on the blond to keep control of himself. There was no way the ero-cook would ever in a million years swoon over him!
"Oi! Get the hell out!" demanded the cook with a deep frown, as he paused in mid of chopping vegetables.
"You!" Zoro narrowed his eyes looking to the cook. "I'm not leaving till you undo what you did! Everyone is running around acting crazy!"
The blond gave him a look like if he was the one that was crazy. "What nonsense are you spouting?"
"Don't give me that! Luffy and Nami are out there right now fighting over wedding plans for me, and who is going to be my wife! Who knows what the others are doing!" Zoro growled.
That was enough to anger the cook and he came marching over to Zoro, his nostrils flaring as he yelled, "BASTARD! Don't tell lies about Nami-swan!"
"Why would I lie about something like that?" replied the swordsman getting right back in the blond's face.
Sanji pushed his forehead to Zoro's. "Say it one more time and I will kick the crap out of you, seaweed-head!"
"Like you could!" Zoro yelled back, forgetting about his problems at the moment, being too engrossed in the fight he was having with the cook.
"Ohh-oh ..." laughed the cook, and now shoved Zoro back against the kitchen door. "I could, and that's not all I would do," he promised as he raised the kitchen knife.
Zoro gave a soft grunt at being shoved into the door, but stayed leaning against it, not at all falling for the cook's tricks. Did the bastard really think this was supposed to scare him? "Tch, thought you didn't use your precious knives on anything but food," he mocked, a slow grin coming to his lips, as he was sure he had just called the smug bastard's bluff.
"Well then ... I will just have to eat you then wont I?" came Sanji's reply, as he moved closer to Zoro with the knife.
Zoro frowned, and this time noticed the glint in the blond's eye … something was off here. Yet the cook didn't seem any different than normal.
"Humm you seem seedless …" Sanji eyed Zoro's green hair and a large smile spread over his face. "I would say you're a vegetable."
"I'm not seedless!" Zoro growled out, not really sure what this new fight was about, or what Sanji had meant by that, but it sure as hell sounded like an insult!
"No?" questioned the blond, and leaned his face in, but this time did not press his forehead to the other man's. Sanji's face moved past Zoro's. He let his long pink tongue poke out, and ran it down the curve of Zoro's left ear, making the tip of his tongue flicker over each earring the man wore.
Zoro had gone very still at feeling Sanji's tongue on his bare skin. As Sanji's tongue then rolled back into his mouth, Zoro was able to feel the cook's warm breath beat down over the wet marks the man had just made on his ear. As much as Zoro tried to fight against it, it made him shiver in desire. The swordsman balled his hands up into tight fists, but was unwilling to push the cook away from him. Somehow it would be too much like wussing out, or so he was telling himself.
"Mmm a bit bitter, but you have a sweet aftertaste. I think you may be right. You're not a vegetable at all … you're a fruit…" came the teasing sultry voice of the cook in Zoro's ear.
Ok that had to be an insult! "If anyone is a fruit around here it's you, eyebrow!" Zoro snapped.
Sanji raised his face back to look the swordsman in the eye and frowned at him. "You got a real nasty mouth. Someone should shut it for you!"
"Tch, look who's talking," replied the swordsman smugly, but that was all he got out, as suddenly Sanji's mouth was on his. Zoro's eyes went wide in surprise, and then it was not even a minute after that Zoro just gave himself willingly over to the kiss. The swordsman crushed his lips back to the blond's, letting his tongue force it's way past those cherry lips to probe deep into the cook's mouth. He licked along the insides of the man's cheeks, tasting the smoky flavor of tobacco, and something salty with a hint of hot spice. The cook must have been working on some dish before he had come in here. Whatever it was however, it could not hide the other flavor that could only be Sanji. Zoro's tongue fought against the other flavors to get more of this secret treasure. His hands unclenched and raised, taking the back of the cook's head and pushing him more into the kiss.
Zoro wanted to take time to run his fingers through that soft silk hair, but at the moment he just needed more of that taste. Yet as a soft tap, tap, tap sound kept coming from the floor, Zoro had to pull back his head and look down. The sound was heard again and he at once saw what was making it.
Sanji was using the knife without even looking to cut away the buttons on Zoro's shirt. In simple one hand motions, he had the buttons falling off and bouncing onto the floor, making a soft tap, tap, tap sound till they then would roll to a stop.
A frown returned to Zoro's face. "What the hell do you think you're doing ero-cook?" he asked a bit breathlessly, and removed his hands, trying to regain his senses, and inwardly thankful this distraction came about before Zoro made a fool of himself. Damn blond's idiocy was contagious.
"Peeling you," smirked Sanji. The blond didn't even have the courtesy to look up as he said this, his blue visible eye now too busy admiring his handy work at slowly revealing Zoro's chest.
The swordsman glared at the cook. The way Sanji was looking at him was making his stomach do flip flops. It made him feel … well, vulnerable. The swordsman reached a hand up to take hold of his shirt to close it, or well tried, for as he went to do so, Sanji used the flat side of the knife and smacked his hand as if he was scolding a naughty child.
"Oi!" Zoro growled, as he tried not to shake his hand from the stinging slap that had left a bright red mark. He then tried once again to close his shirt, just to spite the cook, but this time found his arm trapped in the blink of an eye by the long sleeve of his shirt. Sanji had pinned his sleeve to the door with the knife. Franky would have a bitch fit when he saw this hole in the door, Zoro could not help but think.
Zoro's attention then returned to the cook as the blonde then got down on his knees before him. Once again the swordsman's eyes widened, as he now looked down to Sanji, and at the feel of those talented hands running up the backs of his strong muscled calves, it had Zoro drawing his mouth open in want.
The cook slowly leaned his head in, keeping that one visible blue eye locked on Zoro's face. As he opened his mouth, his bottom lip softly dragged over the ridges of Zoro's zipper, then at the small metal flap, Sanji's teeth bared, and he took hold of it between in his teeth.
At this point Zoro's heart was pounding in his chest like it would pop, and there was a soft tint to his cheeks while every fiber of his being scream yes do it to the blonde before him. As his hips leaded in towards the cook, he reached down with his one free hand, and cupped the side of Sanji's face letting his thumb rub stroke the blonde's jaw line.
They both had wanted something like this for so long now, and it finally seemed like both of their desires would be met. Yet fate was a funny thing, for just as Sanji was about to tug Zoro's zipper down with his teeth, the kitchen door came crashing open, which in turn sent Zoro, and Sanji flying across the room.
In a bit of a daze Zoro picked himself up off the floor from the rubble and looked over to the crowed in the doorway.
"Zoro! You tell these other idiots right now that you belong to me, or I will raise your debt fifty percent!" Nami ordered, pushing at the others to stay behind her.
"Whaaaa Zoooorroo! It's not true, you love me right!" whined Luffy.
"Shut up Strawhat! There is no way he can love you, because he loves me! Our love is supppuraaa, and knows no bounds!" Franky cried, then suddenly stopped pushing, causing everyone in the doorway to fall over by the sudden lack of balance. Franky however remained standing and whipped out his guitar, and started to sing ever so annoyingly as he strummed the cords to some made up song on the spot.
"Cause he loves me, loves me ya, ya, ya!"
Brook suddenly was up and out of the pile, and then whacked Franky with his cane. "That is an atrocity to music everywhere!"
While Zoro could not help but think Brook was right, he was too busy to voice such, as he was looking around the room for a way to escape. That was when he felt a hand running through his green short hair, and as he looked behind himself, he could just make out an arm sprung up from his back. There was no doubt it was Robin's doing. Zoro looked back over to the doorway and sure enough Robin was there with her arms crossed, and smiling that creepy little smile of hers at him.
"Robin-chwan you get your hands off my man right now!" said Sanji, now on his feet, and glaring hard at the others. "We were just about to make love, and I will not have you all ruining the moment! My Zoro has already made his pick, and that is me! So all of you get the hell out of my kitchen, because none of you got the spice that's needed to please my swordsman's pallet!" Sanji yelled with burning conviction.
Zoro's cheeks never burned so bright in all his life as he looked open mouthed, jaw nearly to the floor, at Sanji. The man was not swooning and acting like some fool as he did with women, but he was being his real, annoying, self, like he always was with him. Yet clearly Sanji too had been affected like the others.
"You lie!" cried out Usopp, with tears in his eyes. "The mighty Captain Usopp is the only one for Zoro-kun! His love bumps he gave in the med room were proof of that!"
Everyone paused and looked now at Usopp.
"Zoro gave you bumps?" Luffy asked blinking a few times.
"Idiot! Don't say it like that! People with think things!" snarled Zoro, as his cleanliness and dignity were put on the line.
Nami shook her head, "It does not matter what he gave you! Zoro owes me, so he belongs to me!"
"That is not the way it works Navigator-san …" but Robin was cut off.
"Zoro … Zo … ohhh…" groaned out Chopper, as he lay on the floor holding his nose looking so sick.
The swordsman wanted to help the little reindeer, but knew any contact would just make it worse, plus it would put him next to all those crazy people. Then the thought hit him. If it was the smell, he could just wash it off!
"Oh wow look!" Zoro shouted, and pointed to one side of the room, "A giant robot, made of gold from ancient times, that holds the secret to becoming a mighty warrior of the sea, who has in his hands a huge meaty steak, and who is surrounded by pretty girls who are all showing their panties!"
Everyone gasped and looked to where Zoro pointed, Zoro then took this moment to run past them all, and out onto the deck. "Got to get this smell off me!" Zoro cried, as he looked back over his shoulder to see his distraction already had worn off, and everyone was shouting their proclamations of love for him, and chasing after him.
So Zoro now did the only thing he could, he jumped off the ship, and into the ocean … to which everyone then did the same. It was a big fucking chaotic mess, but somehow no one had drowned because of it, and the smell on Zoro washed off in the ocean letting others return to normal, or as normal as they ever were.
Once everyone got back on ship, Chopper forced them all to have physicals, then hot baths and showers so colds would not be caught, and Sanji had made soup for lunch.
Nami and Chopper were just getting up from the table, being the last ones heading out after lunch, while Zoro and Sanji were at the sink finishing up the dishes.
"It's such a shame. I could have sold that perfume for a lot of money," pouted Nami, as she moved from the table with Chopper.
"It's best that it's gone. It could cause even worse problems then what we had to deal with." Chopper said, as the pair headed out the door.
"Tch," Sanji said, shaking his head as he held a cigarette tightly clenched between his teeth.
Zoro finished drying the last dish, but as he heard this sound from the cook, a change from the repeat of his name every damn dish, he looked over to the blonde. "What?" he asked.
"Nami-san is right. That was a waste of such a valuable treasure." The cook now seemed to almost be pouting.
Zoro frowned at the cook, not really sure he wanted to know what he was cooking up in that head of his. "Hardly," he muttered in reply, and put the dish away.
"Oh come on, Marimo, like you don't want everyone loving you?" scoffed Sanji in disbelief.
"Nope." Zoro answered, and tossed the dish towel down, and moved away from the sink.
"Oh, that is just load of crap. Everyone would want be wanted by lots of people, it's only natural, and for some such perfume to …" Sanji's bitching, and mindless chatter was then cut off as Zoro popped up to his side, and whispered in his ear.
"I don't need everybody to love me. Just you." Zoro then placed a kiss on the blond's cheek.
Sanji stood there shocked, with wide eyes. His mouth went slack, causing his cigarette to fall into the murky dishwater.
Zoro pulled back then with a wide grin and headed out of the kitchen.
A/N's: Hope you all enjoyed! Remember to show Lolly you care by reviewing! ^.~