OK, so I guess you could say this is super fluffy... in some places. I tried to make it a little humorous too, but I don't know how that went over (that's up to you. ^^). I hope it's good. xD Anyway, I put this in Izaya's POV because he's so epically awesome that it makes me want to scream (EEEEEEEEK!) and I wanted to see if I would succeed at his point of view because I'm planning a whole section from his POV later on. If I don't succeed at these oneshots, though, I don't think I'll be doing that section in his POV, and I'll just stick with Shiori. If you like it, though, let me know, and don't worry, more is coming. This one was rather fluffy though, and seeing as I'm not a huge fan of fluff that bothers me, but not too much, because it's between Izaya and Shiori. ^^
(PS: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING OF DURARARA)
THE "WHAT IF" SERIES...
I guess you could say that I accepted my feelings for that girl a long time ago. What I like about her, though, I'm not sure yet. She's a little annoying and hard to manage, and she does cute things without even knowing it, which is one of my pet peeves - people doing things without knowing what it is that they're doing. She reminds me of a high-maintenance doll that always has to be taken care of - hair brushed, teeth cleaned, face washed, clothed, protected from the people who are out for her life, kept secretly at my apartment for as long as this continues, and death to all society... well, that last one is my long-term goal, but I'm sure that she can sympathize. After all, she's been through a lot, mostly because of this society. So why wouldn't she sympathize? Maybe she would have some hesitation because of that little bratty friend of hers, who belongs in Ikebukuro's social order. Once the leader of the Yellow Scarves (a fact that she is completely oblivious to... I think), he is now a goody-two-shoes who goes to school and has childhood friends joining him from childhood towns, and is living a happy, lenient life.
Well, I could change that, if I really wanted to, but Shio-chan might get mad if I did... but I'm really starting to get annoyed with him.
I've been twirling a pencil between my fingers this whole time, a habit I have when I'm thinking, and sometimes waving it around in front of my face, staring at the eraser as it goes back and forth, back and forth, and now I take it between both my index fingers and thumbs, and press upward with my thumbs until it snaps in two, at which point I throw it in the garbage with all the other pencils I've snapped at the mention of his name.
Looking at them, I feel an odd sort of anxiety come over me, and I lean back in my chair as I spin around and look at the window behind me. I've been letting my emotions get the better of me lately, and that's not a good thing. At this rate, I'm going to end up letting Shiori's name slip, and when I do Namie will know exactly where she's been for the last month or so. The last thing I want to do is get Shio-chan bound and gagged by this heartless woman... but sometimes I think it might be necessary.
I hear my name from behind, and when I turn I see Namie standing over me with a pile of books in her arms, and I feel a little guilty when I let my eyes wander for only a moment as I find myself comparing her body to Shio-chan's. I'll admit that she is more mature than Shiori, both physically and mentally, but don't get me wrong - Shio-chan has her own attributes that Namie could never live up to, no matter how hard she tried. Of course, she'll probably never try, because she hates Shio-chan with a passion, mostly because she can't find her, and no matter how many people she sends out, they never bring her back. It's kind of fun to see her struggle so hard to find what's right under her nose. It's also kind of pathetic.
Namie is looking at the many snapped pencils in the garbage beside me, and somehow, through her unfathomable expressionless face, she raises an eyebrow.
"What's with this?" she demands, and I frown playfully at her, despite my current annoyance. She's interrupting my thoughts.
"What, I'm not allowed to have some fun?" I ask her as I lean back in my chair and put my feet up on the surface of my desk, mainly to annoy her. This is one of her many pet peeves. Again, she raises that same eyebrow. It's like a universal question mark for her. "It's not like you'll entertain me. You're so bland, the only man you were able to fall for was your bratty little brother - who isn't all that good-looking, by the way." I can't help but smile when that frown - though subtley - becomes a scowl and she just glares at me with green eyes. I smirk at her triumphantly, and then look back at my computer screen when I hear a little popping noise, notifying me that someone has replied to my previous comment in the Dollars' chat room.
"What fun is there in snapping pencils in half?" Namie demands as I lift my feet to remove them from the top of the desk.
"Not much," I answer distractedly as I lean forward, toward the computer screen. It looks like Setton was the one who replied to my most recent comment. Ironically enough, we've been talking about Shio-chan, and Tanaka Tarou apparently knows there's something strange going on with her, and thinks that maybe it has something to do with me. He's smart, I'll give him that much. Then again, it doesn't take much to unravel a thing like that. I was picking her up after school for a while, to make sure she didn't go to Kida's house again. That's the worst thing about Shio-chan: she thinks she knows me so well, but then she does something as stupid as that, and pretends not to know she did anything wrong. She can be a true dunce sometimes.
"Oi, Izaya!" Namie snaps at me, but I'm already absorbed in this conversation online, which I am very glad Namie can't see right now. She's not really interested in my online chat. That's a good thing. It seems, however, that she has completely given up on me at this point. I guess it's hard to get through to me while I'm in the Dollars' chat room. Oh well. These people are more fun to talk to than she is anyway. She sighs as she walks away from me, apparently waving my distraction off as temporary ADD. "Whatever," she grumbles, "I'm sick of you."
Then, to my relief, she finally walks away.
A few hours later I hear her leave, and I immediately rush out the door, knowing that she'll be gone for a few hours. She leaves a lot during the day, usually to check up on her socially-inept-in-love-with-a-Dullahan's-head boyfriend/brother, Seiji-kun. I know that now is my chance to go see Shio-chan, and maybe tease her a bit before Namie comes back and finds out I'm gone, thus becomes suspicious.
To be completely honest, I guess I could say that Namie is even more interesting than Shio-chan, but that would be rude of me, wouldn't it? I would rather say that, while I love Shio-chan with all my chaotic, and slightly twisted heart, I still don't understand why. Well, actually, that's an exaggeration. I do know why... at least, I think I know why. I have a few theories about why I am so intrigued by her, but those are still unclear.
Right now, I have to find out what's going to happen when I get home, because I know from experience that whenever I have this feeling of being happy to see Shio-chan, something goes wrong. That's not to say that I'm not usually excited to see her - I'm always happy to see Shiori - but whenever I'm this excited to see her, something always manages to ruin my mood. Last time, it was that I went home and found that she wasn't there at all, and the time before that... well, actually, she wasn't living with me the time before that, but that time it turned out she was drunk. I was irritated by this fact at first, but then quickly found it amusing. Somehow, she seems to have that effect on me more often than not.
Is that a bad thing? Maybe. It might mean that I'm losing my grip on reality somewhat, and only concentrating on her... but considering the fact that I recently discovered-slash-accepted that I am in fact in love with her, that might not be so bad. I've always hated the phrase 'in love' because it always sounded so light and feathery to me, and the only time I ever really hear it is when someone is talking about some lovey-dovey couple who only ever hang onto each other... but then I think of Namie, and her creepy, but pitiful love for her brother. It's obviously unrequited, but she still loves him anyway, and she's always treating him like there's something special about him. I guess that might be how I am with Shio-chan, then... always treating her like she's different from all the rest, even though she's just another human being... just like everyone else, and just because she's important to me, it doesn't mean that she's special to anyone else...
That could be why I've been referring to her as 'my' Shio-chan lately... hm. Interesting, isn't it? Human emotions are definitely the most interesting things that I know of.
"Tadaima!" I call out jokingly as I open the door to my apartment. I set my shoes to the side beside Shiori's, as always, and then go into the apartment, searching the rooms for her. She's not in the kitchen... or the living room... or on the balcony... she must be in my room. Don't tell me she went to bed already. It's only nine o'clock! That's just pathetic. "Shio-chan?" I call out again as I head toward my room. I'm almost at the door when it opens and she comes out, looking wide awake as she closes the door behind her.
Weird, I think to myself. She never closes the door... unless she has something to hide.
"O-Oh, Izaya," she says a little airily as she brushes her long black hair behind her ear. A nervous habit. Her eyes aren't looking in my direction - actually, they're completely avoiding me, looking everywhere but me. She's stammering, and I see that she's even shaking a little. "I thought you would be... at your, um, office... thing."
With that statement, my mind immediately goes to the worst possible conclusion, as I am reminded of cheesy American soap operas, in which a married woman is caught by her husband while cheating on him with a man she's been seeing for the past week or so. When this comes to mind, I feel my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach, and I glare at Shiori with cold eyes, which makes her shrink back and step away from the door, looking nervous. I really, really want to corner her right now, because my mood has suddenly shifted from light and fluffy to dark and deadly. What will I do if I find a man in this bedroom? Well, probably kill him right in front of Shiori, so that she sees what happens when someone tries to take her away from me. Then, I will comfort her, because there's no way I'll be able to stay mad at such an adorable face, traumatized or not.
I push past her and open the door, and when I see what's sitting on the bed, I realize that my worst fear doesn't even measure up to her ridiculous imagination. Does she expect me to keep this thing? I turn to Shio-chan slowly, trying to control my temper, and point at the disgusting creature on the bed.
"Please," I say to her, "Tell me this is a figment of my imagination."
She looks a little disappointed, and tilts her head to the side - a habit she has without even knowing she has it - and pouts slightly. "Why?" she asks, "He's cute. I found him in the street, and I couldn't resist. Besides," she adds as she goes past me to hug the little bugger tightly in her arms, resulting in a wave of jealousy springing up in my chest, and I'm suddenly furious at her and the beast as it pants and whines so happily in her arms. I swear at it in my mind, almost hoping that it will pick up on it somehow. "You took me in, didn't you? What's one more stray?" I stare at her in disbelief at this, and my face darkens a little further.
Oh, that's right; she still doesn't know I'm in love with her. How sad. Still, I'm not letting this go. She has no idea how much I hate these things.
"Shio-chan," I say as I tilt my head to the side while grinning dangerously. "I'm going to say this again - but only once. Please tell me that thing is a figment of my imagination."
She looks nervously at me, and then back at the beast on the bed, and then back up at me with large grey eyes that make me want to pop them to see if they're really balloons, like their size suggests. However, I refrain, and I look away from her, toward the wall. She always does this to me.
Then to my surprise she says, though she sounds defeated, "It's a figment of your imagination."
"Oh, good," I say enthusiastically, taking advantage of her momentary lapse in forethought. I pick the creature up and hold it above me in both my hands, so that I can see it clearly. Its hind legs hang down at eye level, and its tail wags happily behind it as its eyes look down on me with what appears to be excitement. I see that it's male, which I find kind of awkward, so I lower it so that its face is in front of me, but then raise it again because its breath stinks. I realize once again how much I hate it: almost as much as Shizu-chan. Those ears, those eyes, that tongue sticking so stupidly out of its mouth... I really hate it. Good thing she said it's a figment of my imagination. "Then I guess you won't care what I do with it. It's a figment of my imagination, so it might just come back after I throw it over the balcony."
I turn around and am about to carry it over to the balcony when I hear a horrified cry come from Shio-chan's mouth. I swear under my breath and stop as I hear her get up from the bed and she runs up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist, so that her head it resting against my back. I feel a tight feeling come into my chest, as if my heart is clenching behind my ribs.
"Izaya, are you crazy?" Her arms tighten around my waist, which makes my heart beat a little faster, but I force myself to calm down. I'm not really one to show what I feel in any moment, but like I mentioned before, with her I'm different. I show my emotions more than I usually do, and it usually ends up being my weakness against her. At least, it feels like I've been becoming more vulnerable lately. I really hate that. I feel sick just thinking about it.
"I just found him today! You can't kill him! I don't care how much you hate dogs!"
See what I mean? Her insight is amazing sometimes; I didn't even mention that I hate dogs, and here she is telling me I hate them.
I turn to face her, trying hard to keep my composure, and a smirk on my face as I look at the desperate gleam in her eyes. She's begging me - pleading with me - not to hurt this thing. I really wish she was someone else right now, so I could just cut her across the cheek and make her watch it die. That's probably what I would do to anyone else, but unfortunately, to me she is not anyone else. She is Shiori - my Shiori. So, though reluctantly, I lower the thing and put it into her waiting arms, at which point she glares at me and turns slightly to the side, so I can't reach it again before heading back to my room and putting it down on my bed. As much as it disgusts me, though, I can't do anything about it. I can't believe her.
"Shio-chan," I address her on her way out, and I receive a defensive glare from the girl.
"Why did you get that thing?"
"The puppy?" she corrects me, and I shudder inwardly at the word. I swear I hear it whine on the other side of the door.
"Yes," I answer her, "The puppy. Why did you get it?"
"Him," she corrects me again, and again I shudder inwardly. How can she refer to something so personally? That's just disgusting. "Well..." She blushes slightly in embarrassment and turns away from me, suddenly looking like getting the puppy wasn't such a good idea, mostly because she has to reveal this one thing to me... so, of course, I take advantage of this. "It's kind of..."
I decide to give her a little incentive. "If you don't tell me, it goes back on the streets."
"What?" she demands in anger, "Izaya, that's cruel! All for just a little response!" I take a step closer to the door, but she steps in front of me, blocking my way. "Fine! I'll tell you!" she snaps at me, and I smirk at her anger. It always seems to put me in a good mood somehow. "I picked it up because..." She hesitates again, looking around the apartment like it holds some kind of grudge against her, and I notice with a pang of slight pity when I notice the fear and sadness the come into her eyes. "It's really quiet here, when you're not around. I just..." She still avoids my eyes as she looks down at the floor, and brings her hand up to hold the elbow of her other arm, which she holds close to her body. When she speaks next, it seems that it's hard for her to get it out, like she's having difficulty talking. "I don't like... to be alone."
I have to admit that usually I'm not this kind, but at this moment all I feel for her is pity and an almost overwhelming urge to comfort her, and tell her that I can be here forever. Unfortunately, though, I don't think I can be here forever, for a few reasons, one being that it's not in my nature to stay in one place for a long time, no matter who it's for. I also find it unfortunate that it has to be a stray puppy to replace me. Am I so dispensable? That's not important right now,
"You really are pathetic," I tell her softly as I take a step closer to her and wrap my arms around her tightly. She seems a little surprised by this, but she allows it and even cooperates by wrapping her arms around my waist and holding me just as tightly, her head against my chest. I love it when she does this. It's comfortable, and it seems to make her feel better, which is good. Of course, I'm still annoyed with her because of the puppy, but I can get over that eventually. My hand comes up and presses her head against me, and my arm tightens around her waist. Her fingers clench around the material of my shirt in response, and I smile slightly as she pulls herself closer to me. It's almost as if me stroking her hair like this brings out her grief from everything that has happened to her in the past few years, let alone the last month, and she thinks I'm here to comfort her when really it's me I'm comforting by doing this. By making her feel more comfortable, I feel more comfortable when I'm around her, and I don't feel like running away because I'm so useless for anything except making her blush.
I can hear her breathing becoming laboured, and it's trembling slightly under her stress. It's clear that she's holding back tears which she doesn't want me to see for reasons of pride and embarrassment. What am I doing? It's risky for me to be here in the first place, but it's worth it. I know that. She's worth it.
I stayed with her last night, which is definitely really risky, but she wanted me to. She was begging me to stay, so what else was I going to do? It's not like we did anything, but I took her to my bed, where she slept easily in my arms, and I mostly just watched her and held her. I guess I could be called protective in that case, right? Maybe... Yeah, I guess. I would also call myself possessive when it comes to her. She's really the only thing I have that I really want to treasure... which is another reason she shouldn't find out about this feeling that I have for her. If she ever finds out, I'm not sure I'd be able to keep her as mine. She may wander, just to test me, and I'd have to kill any other man that I find her with out of jealousy and pride, with her as my possession - my favorite toy.
I'm at the office now, having left early in the morning before Shiori woke up, and when I returned I found that Namie still wasn't back. She is now, but it's been a few hours since then. I'm at my desk doing work that a sadistic informant usually does, like playing with bobble head toys and watching their heads go up and down, up and down, as they try to escape this torment. I, however, am far from merciful, so I push their heads down one more time and lift my finger, watching them as they continue to bob, silently screaming in pain. Yes. This is what I do in my spare time.
"Izaya," Namie complains from her second floor library, "Why don't you do something useful, like call people or earn money, or something like that?"
"I am earning money," I retort to her from my desk as I lean back in my seat and watch the bobble heads continue to bob. "I'm waiting for a mission. What are you doing?"
"What you should be doing," she answers coldly, and then turns away to continue her job, and I laugh darkly at her before I turn back to my toys, but I find that she annoys me slightly when she says this. Lately, it's been pretty easy for her to annoy me, probably because I'm growing so close to Shio-chan. After stewing for a few moments in my own irritation, I decide to go back to see her at home. She must be doing something interesting right about now, right? Does she have school today? No, it's Saturday.
I stand up and grab my coat from the back of my chair and head for the door.
"Oi, Namie?" I call to her, and the woman turns to look at me with her usual cold green eyes. "I'm going out for a walk. I'll be back in a few hours."
"Whatever," she says as she continues with her work.
I think it's her cold attitude that annoys me so much lately. I find it interesting, but I'll stop there. Interesting is all that woman is, with no sex appeal at all, except for her body. She really is bland - very bland.
I step into the apartment about half an hour later after walking all the way from my office, and I'm mildly disappointed to see that Shiori's shoes aren't there. That idiot girl, thinking she can go out alone again. She's being a complete idiot! I'm about to turn around and go back outside to look for her when I hear something from the kitchen. Something is scratching my floors, running on four legs toward me, and I feel sick when I see a little brown and white puppy galumphing toward me, tongue hanging out, tail high in the air, ears perked up. It's carrying a ball in its mouth, and slobbering all over it.
It barks loudly at me, letting the ball fall onto the carpet - my carpet - in front of me. It barks again, this time killing my ear drums, and I just stare at it for a few seconds before looking back down at the tennis ball, which has rolled to my feet and is now looking up at me with an eyeless yellow face. The dog is doing the same thing, looking as innocent and expectant as possible. This is why I hate these things, so I decide that I want to get it away from me, and with that thought I pick up the ball and throw it into the kitchen.
The dog barks in excitement and scrambles after it, tail waving in the air. Oh, I so want to just grab that tail and throw it out the window, but if I do that, I have no doubt that Shio-chan will be angry with me. I probably wouldn't survive her wrath - not because she's stronger than me, but just because she has an advantage over me by factors that neither of us can control.
As I'm stepping out the door, I hear this and turn back to see what the stupid puppy has done now. I walk into the kitchen and see the puppy starting to walk toward me, shaking its head after having slammed into the cupboard under the sink. I stare at it in its confused state, finding myself amused by its idiocy. When it brings the ball back to me, I smirk as I throw it into the cupboard again, and again the puppy slams right into the door under the sink, stumbling for a few seconds afterward. I laugh out loud now, though it might be a little maniacal, and I throw it again - and again - and again... until the dog can't walk anymore, and on its way back to me it flops down halfway there. Ah, that was amusing, I think as I walk away from it, leaving it alone and beaten up by kitchen cupboards.
I guess having this thing isn't so bad, as long as she doesn't name it. Names and nicknames are the things that signify closeness in a relationship, and I would hate for her to have a relationship with this beast. It would be annoying, but as long as it runs into more cupboards I think it's fine.
On my way out of the kitchen, though, I see something blue around its neck that I didn't notice before, and so I walk over to see what it is, and I realize halfway there that it's a collar. Crap, she already got it a collar! Does that mean it has tags too? Wait, she doesn't have the money to get it tags! No way. She must have used my money.
I bend down to examine the collar, and I take the neck of the dizzy dog in my hands, so I can grab onto the collar, turning it so that the tags that make an animal a legal pet are staring up at me. When I see what name she gave it, I swear I think my heart just dropped out of my butt, it sank so low. She named such a disgusting creature after someone so respected and loved by people around the world!
How could she?
I'm thinking of keeping the puppy for the rest of the oneshots, so don't worry if you like him. He will be coming back. If you don't like him... well... um... there's really nothing I can do about that.