A/N Season 3 officially started airing here two weeks ago (I watched it on the internet as I have no patience) and it got me thinking. There were so many heart wrenching Charah moments in the first half of this season that was really hard to watch, so I decided to try and make it a little better. This is from episode 2, so if you feel like taking a trip down memory lane so to speak, I hope you enjoy this. It was also inspired by Model Homes from In-flight Safety – you don't want to know how long it took me to find that song. Chuck belongs to NBC and I hope they keep him around for a while.
Chuck vs the fight
"You need to learn to ignore your emotions. Spies do not have feelings. Feelings get you killed. You need to learn to bury them in a place deep inside." Sarah swept at his head, slow enough to give Chuck time to duck. He grabbed the bow, shoving it aside.
"Sarah, stop." She went for his head again, faster this time. He ducked and then blocked the shot aimed at his body. And the next one aimed higher.
"Come on! Flash! Show me your attack skills!" Chuck bumped her bow of his and swept for the head, making sure it's high enough to miss. Hers stopped inches from his throat.
"Come on Chuck, flash! Show me!" Chuck just looked at her. He threw his bow down, taking a small step back.
"Why not?" Sarah was getting extremely frustrated.
"Because I don't want to hurt you." Defeated, he turned to walk away. Sarah was too quick for him. Spinning around, she swept his legs and he hit mat.
"Don't worry, Chuck," Sarah planted her bow firmly on the ground, "you can't."
Breathing hard, Chuck caught her eyes. It was all there. The anger. The frustration. The hurt.
He rolled over on his side, reached for her ankles and yanked her off balance. She hit the mat just like he did seconds before, lying flat on her back. He hoped it didn't hurt too much, but asking didn't seem to work. Chuck quickly crawled over her, pinning her hands above her head. He gripped her hips between his knees, mindful of keeping his groin out of the line of attack.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sarah tried to struggle free from his grip, but he was physically stronger. At least he got something out of spy school.
"You are going to listen to me." The determination in his eyes was unmistakable. Sarah closed hers. She needed to hang onto the anger. It wasn't hard, just thinking of him in Prague. Of being stuck here again. Having to see him every day. Anger was much easier to deal with.
"Look at me." Chuck spoke softly. Sarah shook her head, struggling again to get free.
"You're being childish. Just look at me. Please?" Spies don't say please. He's a terrible spy. He chose to be a terrible spy over being with her.
"Let go of me!"
"As soon as you hear me out." Chuck sighed. Why did she have to be so damn stubborn? It killed him to see her like this. Knowing it was his fault. But he can fix it, if she'll only listen. If she'll only look at him so she can see it's not just words. Sarah refused to open her eyes.
Chuck decided on the element of surprise. He lowered his head and kissed her. Caught off guard, Sarah stopped struggling from a moment. After two beats he felt her return the kiss. Chuck suddenly jerked his head up, catching his bottom lip in his mouth. She bit him. He was kind of expecting that. Sarah had her moves too. But at least she was looking at him.
"I'm sorry I didn't explain myself better in Prague."
"It doesn't matter." She needed to get out here and away from him. She needed time to bury her emotions before she turned into a terrible spy. Being a spy was all she had now.
"It does matter." Chuck was determined to make her understand. "I just couldn't run away with you, knowing what I'd turn my back on. Knowing that what I had in my head could help a lot of people. You're the one that taught me that being a spy is about choosing something bigger. It's about putting aside your own personal feelings for the greater good and that's what I chose. I chose to be a spy for my friends and my family and for you." Somewhere in the middle of his speech Sarah stopped struggling. Some of her anger dissipated. But he still had a lot of explaining to do.
"I'm so sorry that I hurt you. You have to know that I never meant to do that." Chuck was sounding very sincere, but Sarah wasn't ready to forgive him just yet. No one has ever broken her heart the way he did. She trusted him. She didn't only break the cardinal rule of spying, she broke her own rule as well. Never let anyone get too close. People just let you down in the end.
"Why are you telling me all of this now? What difference does it make?"
"Because I chose to be spy to be with you. That way we wouldn't have to run to be together. You wouldn't have to give up something you want...give up being a spy...to be with me. I did it for us." Sarah didn't respond. She didn't know how. Chuck sighed in defeat. That was it then. "I overheard your conversation with General Beckman. If you really want a reassignment, I'll speak to her."
That was the last thing Sarah expected. "You want me to leave?" He just apologised for hurting her, and then he goes and does it again.
"Of course not. I love you, Sarah. But if you'll be happier somewhere else...with someone else, I will let you go, hard as it will be. All I want is for you to be happy." Sarah took a shuddering breath. All the emotions she was determined to keep buried suddenly rose to the surface. She loved him too. There was no use denying it. If she could, she would. Things would be so much easier if she didn't love him. But she does and that limits her options. Before she made a decision, there was something else that needed to be cleared up.
Noticing that his grip had eased, she pushed him off balance and flipped him around. It was her turn to pin him to the ground. Chuck didn't attempt to break free.
"You said we could never have a future together." She always refused to believe that, even knowing that the situation they were in at the time made it impossible. But she always hoped that one day they would figure it out. What happened in Prague dashed that hope. Until now. Sarah never understood what prompted that conversation at the fountain. Given that it was probably a moot point after everything that happened after that, it still bugged her.
Chuck was taken aback. For two years now he felt guilty that he had to say all those things to her. That he was forced to lie to her, good intentions aside. "I lied and I'm sorry. But I had a good reason."
Sarah was getting frustrated again. "Not good enough, Chuck. Stop apologising and tell me the truth."
"I was afraid your feelings for me could get you killed. I couldn't take the chance that something bad could happen to you because of me. It was the only way I knew how to protect you."
"That never stopped you before." Sarah frowned. Something was off here.
"I never realised the seriousness of the situation before. I mean, I knew it was serious, but I always thought you could handle it. But when you didn't take the shot at the station...I realised that Bryce was right."
"Bryce put that idea in your head?" Sarah's eyes narrowed as the pieces started to fall into place. "And you listened to him?"
"Bryce was a good spy," Chuck tried to defend both himself and his diseased friend turned nemesis turned friend.
"Bryce was jealous." Damn Chuck, if he didn't insist to always see the good in people, he would know that. "I told him that we needed to keep the Andersons strictly a cover and his ego couldn't take it."
"I didn't know."
Sarah felt deflated. Sighing, she let go of Chuck. She sank to the ground, pulling her knees up and hugging them to her chest. Chuck followed suit, resting his elbows on his knees.
"You always assumed I would choose Bryce over you." It wasn't an accusation. It was a fact that never seemed to get through to Chuck. He was the one, not Bryce. She chose him three times over Bryce in the last three years. Twice over Cole Barker.
"Bryce always got the great girls." Chuck's statement brought up another sore point for Sarah.
"You didn't do too badly in that department yourself."
"Are you referring to the salami smuggler or the fulcrum agent?" Chuck tried to lighten the mood a little. Sarah wasn't that angry anymore and he was determined to keep it that way. "Lou was a mistake. She was a nice girl and I thought if I had a real relationship with someone else, I could keep things between us more professional. And Jill was a disaster five years in the making. We had some unfinished business from Stanford, but I should have dealt with it differently. Getting back together with her...it wasn't the same as before. Not just because of Bryce or her secret affiliations...but because I met you. What Jill and I had in the past could never compare to what I feel for you."
Sarah swallowed hard. She believed him, his eyes didn't lie. "This is quite a mess we made."
Chuck sighed. "I know. But I'm hoping we could clean it up." He was hopeful, but he didn't want to push her into something she didn't want.
"I have no idea where to start. They don't exactly teach this at the farm." If she let him in again, she needed to be better prepared.
"It's up to you, Sarah. You need to decide whether you are willing to stay and give this another shot. Or if we speak to Beckman about reassignment. I will support and respect whichever decision you make." Chuck took a deep breath. "But before you do, I need to be honest about one more thing."
Sarah held her breath, not sure where he was going with this.
"You know the kind of life I want. Marriage, kids, minivan, the whole package. I know that being a spy makes it difficult, but one day, when the spy life is over, that is what I want to fall back on. Nothing will make me happier if you decide to stay and share that with me. You're the one. But if you decide to leave, please understand that I will need to move on. I will need to find someone who is willing to share that dream with me. Someone who loves me and who I care about. As much as I love you, I intend to live my life the best I can. It may sound selfish, but I deserve to be happy. We both do. Promise me that if you leave, you would look for that too."
Sarah let out the breath she's been holding. That really put things into perspective for her. He deserved all of it. And if she couldn't give that to him, could she stand it if he found it with someone else who was willing? The past few months were hell, but it was all a really big, horrible misunderstanding. The choice was obvious.
"I don't want to leave you," she answered softly, "but I have a condition. Next time you make a life changing decision, discuss it with me first. Especially when it affects me directly. I love you too, but I can't go through this again."
"I promise. That's what real couples do, isn't it?" Chuck gave Sarah half a smile. She returned it.
"So where to from here?"
"Well," Chuck said as he got to his feet, "how about some sizzling shrimp and a movie?" He held out a hand to Sarah to help her up. "I think we can both use a little down time." Sarah didn't let go of his hand. Chuck noticed. This was more than he hoped for. He pulled her towards him, taking her other hand in his as well. "Thank you."
"For what?" Sarah found it difficult to follow his thinking sometimes.
"For forgiving me. And for saying you love me. I know how difficult that was for you."
Sarah didn't respond. Instead she reached up and gave him a soft kiss on his bottom lip. It was still slightly swollen. "I'm sorry I bit you."
Chuck grinned. "It's okay. I'm just glad you didn't take my head off with that bow."
"You still need to learn to use it."
Chuck let go of her hands and wrapped her in his arms. He bent his head down towards hers and whispered against her lips, "one mission at a time."
A/N Booth inspired this as well. Maybe a little OOC for Chuck, so let's just assume he's a Bones fan as well. And before I get in trouble, I don't own Bones either.