A/N: This is Riley's POV of Impossible. Many of you wondered what he was thinking or why he didn't try harder to get Edward away. Now you can see what his side of the tale is. Thank-you so much for reading! I didn't win the contest, but you all made me feel like a winner. 3
I sat alone in the wood paneled room fiddling with the gray silk tie that hung around my neck. My breath felt strangled in my lungs, yet it was not from the neck wear, but the betrayal that would occur as soon as the door to my right opened.
Two years ago, I had been promoted to the Chicago office of the Bureau. I had done well for myself my first five years as an FBI agent. I had worked in L.A. busting the gangs that plagued the dark corners of the city, but now I was hitting the big time. My first morning in my new office, my director pulled me into his office. After greeting me and offering me the seat across from him, he pulled a thin folder onto his desk.
"Let me cut to the chase, Agent Anderson, about why you have been brought here," he said as he slid the folder to me. I picked it up, and my face fell as I found picture after picture of me coming out of my favorite clubs in L.A. Feeling the color drain from my face, I closed the folder on the pictures of me with various men over the last few years. The image of Frank Buttino* on the book on my shelf at home secured the panic within me.
"Just calm down there," my director said, recognizing the deer in headlights look in my eyes. "You are not being fired. We have a special assignment for you."
He then pulled out a much larger envelope from inside his desk. I took it and opened it up to stare at the face of Tony Cullen. He was suspected to be one of the top mob bosses in the Chicago area, despite his youth. The trickiest thing about him was that no one had ever gotten any proof of his involvement. The man was good at covering his tracks.
"We want you to go undercover, William," he declared, nodding to the folder.
"In the mob?" I asked as I continued to flip through the pages of surveillance on Tony Cullen.
Then I came to it. A red folder within the larger manilla folder I held in my hands. The photos I was looking at were eerily similar to the ones that were in my folder. Except this time it wasn't me with the boys in the pictures; it was Tony.
"He's gay? How has he survived this long?"
"We don't think they know. You know the rules in gang life, William. It isn't any different in mob life."
"So, what exactly is my assignment?"
He gave me a minute to register what it was we were asking. I gave a slow nod as it all sank in, and I looked once more at the face of the man in the photograph in front of me. It wouldn't be hard to seduce or want to be seduced by Tony Cullen. He was sex personified. In the past, the Bureau had used men and women to get information using their wiles. I guess they had become forward enough to find a use for the homosexuals as well, I added to myself with a humorless laugh. Still, this would be a huge catapult in my career if I was successful. The Bureau had been trying to get dirt on him for almost a decade.
"Do you accept?"
I looked down at the man on the page, and then up at my boss.
I spent the next few months studying everything they had on Anthony Edward Cullen and his "family". I knew his schedule and patterns inside and out. With the help of teams already in place, I knew who his main guys were, and what activity they suspected to be tied to him. Once I felt I was studied up enough, I began settling into my new life as Riley Scott. The Bureau got me enrolled at Columbia. I was studying for my law degree which I had always hoped to achieve. They also set me up in a shitty apartment near campus. One suitable for a poor college student. Then the real work began.
We knew which bars Tony was known to frequent, so I started spending my nights rotating through his usual haunts. I observed him from afar, watching which boys he rejected and which ones he took home. I admired the way his body would move with those lucky boys on the dance floor before he swept them out the door. It was his audition to see how they would kiss and move before he bothered taking them with him. Over the course of a month, I learned how he liked to be touched. That he liked subtle confidence. Most of all, I found myself lying in my twin bed after those nights of surveillance with my hand fisted around my cock and fantasizing about the day when it would be my turn to taste that mouth.
No one suspected how my job was becoming a fascination. Lucky for me, poring over images and routines of Tony Cullen just came off as being dedicated to my assignment. I would stare at the handsome face in the pictures scattered around my living room at home, while becoming ever curious about the man when he wasn't "on". The one who like quaint shops and quiet bookstores. That was the man I needed to seduce. This was the man I secretly wanted to be mine.
It was then that I got my orders to engage. That night at the club, I paid the twink to knock me into Tony who was sitting by the bar. The rest played out perfectly. The drink. The dance. The kiss that flipped my world upside down. When I begged him to take me that night, it was me in that moment and not the role I was playing. It was me that got filled and taken with such intensity, that my eyesight went black for a moment when, now Edward, sent my orgasm through me before freezing with his own.
After our meeting at the bookstore, I knew I was in, because it was Edward that called after me. He wanted more time with me. I should have been thrilled that I was off to a successful start to my assignment, but I was mostly thrilled at the thought of Edward's bed.
Everything was so easy for us. Lunch dates and walks along hidden paths in parks led to nights of bliss in his bed. It wasn't long before I was practically living at Edward's. My "class schedule" made it easy for me to be home before him to make him dinner. I loved taking care of him. He never made me feel unappreciated. He was kind and loving, smart and intriguing. I could get lost in my role at times and forget that I wasn't Riley and that he was Tony Cullen. I think the same was true for him. At home, we were ourselves masked in false names.
I still reported in weekly with my superior at the Bureau. It was as if, when I picked up the phone, or emailed, or walked through the field office door, I once again became William. William was an agent of this government agency. William had no loyalty to Tony Cullen. I flipped a switch, became robotic. In my mind, Riley and William were becoming separate people. Like my brain knew not to let my two worlds collide. The one of business, and the one of happiness, and God was Riley happy with Edward.
One cold, blustery day in January, Edward came home early to find me curled up in a throw on the couch in front of the fireplace. I had intermingled reading a book for class with watching the snow fall outside the picture window. Feeling nostalgic I had made myself a cup of hot chocolate, and was snuggled in the warmth of the home that surrounded me. And that is what this place had become to me, home. Before Christmas, I noticed that Edward had started using the word 'home' in reference to this space with me in it. My heart warmed, and as much as I fought to keep a distance from him emotionally, I was losing that war quickly.
It was then, that I heard a key jiggling in the lock of the front door, just as it swung open revealing Edward with snow glistening on the top of the black knit hat he was wearing.
"Hey, baby," I said smiling at him, setting down my book and padding over to him.
"Mmmm," he hummed as he pulled me close and kissed me. "I missed you today. It's miserable out there, and all I could think about was getting home and curling up with you."
"Why don't you get out of those wet clothes, and into something more comfortable while I make you a cup of hot chocolate."
"That sounds wonderful. I'll be right back."
I quickly made Edward a mug of hot chocolate, and brought it out to where I was sitting before in front of the fire. He came down the stairs a moment later, and walked over to where I was sitting on the couch. Grabbing the blanket I was curled up with before, he settled himself between my legs on the couch and covered himself with a little shiver. I laughed pulling him close to my chest and let him get comfortable before handing him the warm mug of chocolate. We just sat there for a while enjoying the silence of a snowy day, the warmth of the fire, and the beauty of the fat snowflakes floating down outside.
He laid his head back against my chest and I let him gather his thoughts.
"I...wait," he said, setting down his mug, and turning to face me taking my hands in his. "That's better."
"What is it, Edward? Is something wrong?"
"No. Not wrong. Everything is so right. YOU are so right. I...I love you."
He loves me.
He loves me.
I love him.
"I love you too, Edward."
We leaned into each other and sighed into a soft kiss. It wasn't rushed. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his soft, wet lips as they caressed mine. Gentle whispers of affection mingled with tastes and breaths.
"Come upstairs," he whispered. My smile against his lips was my answer.
He stood up, still holding my hands. I allowed myself to be pulled to my feet and took his mouth with mine once again, pulling his body flush to my own. We stood there, our kissing catching fire, both trying to hold the other one closer, to be closer.
"Riley, let me take you upstairs. Let me be inside of you. Let me be consumed by you physically, because the rest of me is already yours."
I gave him a kiss and a wink, and took off running up the stairs. I heard his laugh and his footsteps following close behind me. He caught up to me inside of our bedroom and he tackled me on the bed, both of us in a fit of laughter. Rolling me over and pinning my arms above my head by my wrists and straddling my lap, Edward held me until our laughter was able to subside. Then, as the echo of our laughter ebbed, a quiet, softness replaced it. We lay there just staring at each other listening to the sounds of the other's quickened breaths.
Still holding my wrists, Edward slowly lowered his face to mine, kissing me softly once again. I pulled my arms slowly from his grasp, and he let them slide from his manacles. As my arms wrapped around him and my hands slid down under the waist of his pants, his arms slid under my arms, and his hands dove into the hair at the back of my head.
"I love you, Riley. So goddamn much."
"I love you, too, baby."
No other words were spoken that evening. We lay there deep in slow passionate kisses, before pieces of clothing casually were removed from our bodies. Then we lay naked, pressed together, just relishing the feel of the other's skin against our own bare flesh. Reverent touches were shared as we expressed our love in whispers and ghosting fingers. Our touches morphed into the slow rocking of our hips relishing in the feeling of our smooth, sensitive heads dragging along the veins and ridges of the other's shaft.
"Riley, baby, let me love you."
"Please, Edward. I need you inside of me."
He rolled me to my back as he reached for the nightstand, his mouth never leaving mine. Soon, I gasped in pleasure as I felt his slick fingers enter me and begin a slow, torturous plunge and retreat. Twisting. Stretching.
"Edwardddd..." I moaned.
He bent his legs under him, while bringing my legs to his shoulders and leaning forward until our chests pressed firmly together; looking deeply into my eyes, so vulnerable.
"Say you love me."
"I love you."
"Say you'll be with me always," he voice choked with emotion.
In that moment, I had a new truth.
"There is no life without you in it. Not anymore."
And with that, he pushed into me, and we made love slowly. Our bodies and hearts connected in every
Our life continued on over the next nine months in a blissful cloud of love. Everything was perfect. We both had that other life. Only I secretly knew of Edward's, and he remained ignorant of mine. Fall was closing in all around us, and I was out cleaning up the rest of the fading plants from our garden when my cell phone rang. I looked down and saw it was a blocked number. I knew that meant one thing, my superior.
"We need you to come in today to discuss the case. Can you be here in an hour?"
"We'll see you then."
I went in and cleaned up from my gardening. I grabbed the train to my apartment and changed into a suit before heading towards the office. When I got there, I saw that a large constituency was set up around the table. I took a seat, and instantly was on edge when I took on the expressions of the people around me.
"Let's get started, shall we," my boss called to order. "For the past year, Agent Anderson has been undercover following Tony Cullen. With a new witness procured, we now have enough evidence against him to bring him in. Thank-you, ladies and gentlemen for all of your hard work on this. Agent Anderson, it is time to make your exit."
I sat there shocked, staring at him. Make my exit? The two sides which I had worked so hard to keep separate came crashing together, and I felt my body revolt as I jumped from my seat and rushed from the room and into the neighboring bathroom just in time to expel my lunch.
"Anderson?" I heard my boss' voice outside of the stall door.
"I'm fine, sir. Just surprised. It's been a year of my life."
"I assume I don't need to remind you how important this case is - that any tip to Mr. Cullen will make you an accessory."
"No reminder needed, sir," I said as I felt a few silent tears run down my face.
"Are you sure about that? I have heard the footage from that brownstone. You remember which side you are on, son."
I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a few calming breaths before I could answer.
"Good, we'll have our warrant to arrest soon."
I flushed the toilet before slumping to the floor and resting my forehead against the cool metal of the stall wall. Edward, no Tony, was going to be arrested soon. But with him he took my Edward. I had to come up with a plan and fast. We had to act fast, but I had to try not to say too much. I had to get him away from listening ears. So, when Edward got home that night, I was waiting for him, and I asked him to take a walk with me.
Edward could sense that something was weighing heavily on me right away. Of course he could, he could read me like no other ever had. My mind was racing for an explanation. An escape. So, I talked of stress. I asked him if he ever thought of getting away. When he thwarted my hints of leaving for a while, I was practically begging for us to leave when I heard the sounds of the sirens that marked the end. For both of us.
I watched as the love of my life screamed at the officers restraining me to let me go. That I was innocent. Even when he was being brought down, his only concern was for me, and my heart broke even further.
Once I was back at the office, I was thrown into my superior's office. He came in a moment later slamming his door.
"Damn it. How did I know you would betray us? Betray your country?"
I just sat there numb as he ranted and raved. Words like 'fired', 'prison', and 'testimony' broke through. I failed. I failed Edward. I failed myself. Now we both would be going to jail, but I knew when he saw me up on the stand, which they were forcing me to take, he would see the truth. That Agent Anderson was the lie now, and Riley was real.
And so here I was. Sitting in the holding room off the courtroom waiting. Waiting for the moment my betrayal was revealed. It was then that I heard the sound of my name being said and I stood and strode out into the courtroom. I walked stiffly to the witness stand. I raised my hand numbly and said 'Yes' to the judge, before taking my seat. I swallowed thickly and raised my eyes to meet Edward's. I expected anger, but all I saw, in this man I loved, was his heart breaking into a million pieces. I honestly expected to hear the sound of shattering as I took in the devastation in his eyes. I put that look there. I destroyed the only good thing to ever come into my life. I killed love, and created this beautiful suffering man now sitting across the courtroom from me.
After the prosecution was done with me, I was excused for the moment as court recessed for lunch. I sat alone back in my wooden holding room trying to choke down the cold turkey sandwich someone had put in there for me. I couldn't eat though. I was hollow. There was nothing left for me now.
I looked up after a while and realized that recess should have been over a half an hour ago. A moment later, my superior came into the room with a guard.
"Cullen has confessed to 9 of the 15 crimes he was being convicted of. This is over."
"Over? He confessed? Why?"
"I don't care. He is going behind bars where he belongs, and apparently, now, so do you."
Without thinking, and surprising those in the room, I jumped to my feet and busted through the door of the room that led out into the main hallway. I looked around in a panic, hoping I could get one chance with him before both of us were led away, and then there he was. His face registered surprise in seeing me at first, and then I saw a moment of his love and concern for me before I watched all emotion leave his face, to be replaced by unfeeling eyes.
"Edward," I pleaded.
He just looked right past me. The man who loved and cared for me for the past year. The man who was my everything was letting me know I was nothing now. Edward was dead.
I felt hard hands wrap around my arms as I watched Tony stride confidently from the building. Head held high, as he parted from my life forever.
In the days that followed, I heard that Tony Cullen was headed to Leavenworth. I was off to Oxford, Wisconsin. I didn't know if either of us would survive incarceration, but I knew in my heart that it didn't matter, we were both already dead.
A/N: SO much thanks to starfish422 and mycrookedsmile for beta'ing for me!
*Frank Buttino was an FBI agent who has sued the agency claiming he was fired because he was homosexual.
Inspiration for this story comes from Brandon Flowers' "Crossfire".