With Regrets
Summary: She's sure this is a mistake, but damn if it doesn't feel like the best mistake she's ever made.
Category: Angst
Pairing: Castle/Beckett
Warnings/Spoilers: Set several months after the events of "A Deadly Game"
A/N: Thanks to ziparumpazoo for her beta work


She's sure this is a mistake, but damn if it doesn't feel like the best mistake she's ever made.

They'd gotten only two steps inside the door of Castle's place before she'd been backed against the wall and had grabbed his shirt, pulled him against her, and kissed him. Now the first 4 or 5 buttons of her blouse are undone, one of the cups of her bra has been shoved aside, and he is teasing her nipple with his tongue.

Oh hell yeah, this mistake feels fabulous.

He didn't say if he even missed her or explain why he hasn't called, and she certainly isn't going to tell him her solve rate has dropped in his absence. Turns out, they have little, if anything left to say to one another.

"Oh god," he mumbles against her skin.

Well, except that.

She wraps a leg around him and draws him closer. His hands have traveled up under her skirt and his fingers play at the lace edge of her panties. It's not enough; she wants more skin, more heat, and fast.

"Please," she says between kisses that are growing hotter and a lot more desperate. Because he left her standing there in that hallway, and if she thinks about this too carefully, she'll begin to wonder how much of this is about healing her pain, or punishing him for it.

"Bedroom," he says into her ear, and then nips at her earlobe to add emphasis.

"No." She wants it right here, in full view of his kitchen and living room and the front door. It'll make for a faster escape when this all inevitably crashes down around her. But he's right on one point, they won't remain upright much longer.

They stumble forward until they reach the couch, and it doesn't take much of a shove for him to fall back onto it. She climbs over him and starts undoing his pants.

"Beckett?" he asks, as if he isn't sure if this is all a dream. Or that she's some kind of fembot sent to him as a thank you gift from a very, very loyal fan.

"Shut up, Castle." She kisses him before he can protest or elaborate, or anything else.

It's fast and frenzied, and after she finds her release she hesitates for a moment and considers denying him his. In the end, she keeps moving until her name strangles from his lips as he comes. It's a sound she hadn't prepared herself for.

Now they lay on the couch, his arms are around her, and his breathing is becoming slow and even again beneath her cheek.

She wants to ask him why he didn't call even once, just to make sure she was still alive, or bother to let her know he was back in town. She wants to hear him say it was all a big mistake, especially the part that involves his ex-wife, and that his loyalties are back to being with her. She wants something from him that for once, doesn't sound like it came from the mouth of a horny 19-year-old.

But she knows better.

She gets up and bends down to pick up her shirt. He reaches out, his hand touches her thigh and tugs slightly.

"Stay," he says.

But she can't because this was a mistake. The thing she hasn't figured out yet is where the mistake began; it's possible it started all the way back when they first assigned him to her. Or maybe it was when she finally allowed herself to admit that underneath it all, he was a good man and she admired him, perhaps even liked him a little. But regardless, it's come to this.

"I have to go."

She turns to look at him and there's disappointment in his eyes. He was probably hoping for a second round. Or possibly, he does know her well enough to see that she's running and he's disappointed in that too, but she doubts it.

He's nothing more than an immature man who can't be counted on, she knows this, has known it all along. But it crushes her again and suddenly she needs to be far away from him. She won't allow him to see her like this.

"Beckett, wait. We should talk."

They haven't talked for months and it's too late now.

"There's nothing to say," she replies, while putting on her shoes.

"Are you sure?"

She pauses at the door, hand on the knob, and considers the question. She's sure of this much– she never should have fallen in love with him. She opens the door, and just before she closes it behind her, she replies, "It was a mistake, Castle. That's all it was."