I've been concentrating on Halogate, which is an epic, serious crossover fic. The other day I had this idea, and decided to write it. Just a fun little fic; a nice break from Halogate. I also discovered that I write better while listening to music.
Sheppard brought his P90 up and fired a burst into the Wraith, dropping him. The high screech of a dart passed overhead. "Get back to the gate, move!" he yelled, killing another Wraith. Of course, the gate was a conveniently short distance away, but there were a lot of Wraith right on their tails. John thought he saw something big and grey pass as he jumped through.
Everyone seemed to be aiming their guns at him. As he started to become less disoriented, he realized that they weren't aimed at him but at the... thing next to him. It was slightly taller than a human, clearly some sort of robot with hoses on its body, what looked like artificial muscles, and plates labeled N7. The strangest part was its head, which looked like a flashlight with flaps around it, vaguely reminding him of an ally in some video game or other he kept hearing about over meals a few years back. "Sheppard commander," it said, staring him in the face.
"Uh, maybe. And you are?"
"We are Geth."
That was a bit creepy. "Okay, Geth, why does it matter who I am?"
"You are Shepard. Commander. Alliance. Human. Fought heretics. Killed by Collectors. Rediscovered on the Old Machine."
"Okay, this is getting a little weird. I don't know what this "Alliance" is. I'm not sure what you mean by heretics, collectors, or old machines. And though I've come close too many times, I've never quite died."
"Impossible. You were killed when Normandy was destroyed."
"You are Shepard. Commander. SSV Normandy, designation SR-1. Systems Alliance."
Up in the control room, one person was trying not to laugh. "What's so funny?" McKay asked him.
"Well, either Legion came from another universe, or someone's pranking Sheppard big-time."
"Why would you say that? Never seen a robot before? Are you really so unintelligent to not notice that Replicators are robots? And you've already given him a nickname?"
"No, it's not that. Legion is from Mass Effect- Mass Effect 2 actually. It's a computer game- my favorite actually. It's about a Shepard, saving the galaxy and all. Quite similar and quite different to our situation at the same time."
"I'm afraid you have the wrong Sheppard. I'm commander of this team- but my rank is Colonel. United States Air Force. I don't even know what the Systems Alliance is."
"What is the year?"
"Earth year or Lantean year?"
"Last time I checked, 2009. Oh, and get my name right. It has two 'P's in it."
The influx of confusing information began to confuse Legion's programs, causing them to glitch out and some to crash completely. In human terms, Legion couldn't handle it. Its eye turned HAL red and he began to smash his N7 arm into the Stargate, doing a lot more damage to its arm than the gate, which was unharmed.
"I CAME ACROSS THE GALAXY-" Smash. "LOOKING FOR SHEPARD COMMANDER-" Smash again, and bits flew off all over the place. "I CROSSED TWO GALAXIES AND TRAVELLED THROUGH TIME" Another smash, shrapnel almost removing Sheppard's eye. "I COMMITED GENOCIDE AND KILLED MILLIONS!" Smash, and the arm popped off. "I DIDN'T LIKE IT BUT DID IT FOR THE GOOD OF THE GALAXY!" The other arm this time. "I CREATED THE HERETIC GETH BY ACCIDENT AND GOT TALI ACCUSED OF TREASON!" Not much left of this arm either, but another smash. "AND THEN I STOLE THIS USED ARMOR, WHICH BY THE WAY ISN'T EVEN YOURS!" It smashed the gate again, then began stumble-lunging toward Sheppard. In an instant everyone in the gateroom opened fire, but Legion stumbled on. It was about to smash Sheppard's face in when it suddenly collapsed and folded up. The eye turned blue again and pointed toward the wall. On the wall, a blue rectangle was projected. In it was the following text.
A problem has been detected and Windows has been shut down to prevent damage to your computer Geth platform.
The problem seems to be caused by the following file:
If this is the first time you've seen this Stop error screen, restart your computer Geth platform. If this screen appears again, follow these steps:
Check to make sure any new hardware of software is properly installed. If this is a new installation, ask your hardware or software manufacturer for any Windows updates you might need.
If problems continue, disable or remove any newly installed hardware or software. Disable BIOS memory options such as caching or shadowing. If you need to use Safe Mode to remove or disable components, restart your computer Geth platform, press F8 to select Advanced Startup Options, and then select Safe Mode.
*** STOP: 0xF00FC7C8 (0x000000DD, 0x000002D2, 0x123456AB, 0x54AB12B1)
*** - Address F00FC7C8 base at FDFE0001, DateStamp 3d6fe23c
"A BSOD? I've seen crazier ways to survive, but the homicidal robot having a BSOD? That has to take the cake."
A few days later
Again they were under fire. Still, it was better than listening to that dork explain who Legion was and talk about Mass Effect, Mass Effect, Mass Effect. Sheppard still didn't understand how a robot from a game ended up in reality, despite what Rodney said about alternate realities and all fiction being equally real. But still, being shot at by Wraith was better than listening to him talk about how he was taking apart the robot. It would have been nice to have some N7 armor in this situation, though.
And again, they had to fall back, through the gate. Running backwards, and firing at the Wraith, Sheppard managed to trip and fall. "Go!" he yelled. Miraculously he managed to down the three that almost fed on him just after the others disappeared from sight, using just one nearly-empty magazine. He limped the rest of the way and made it through just before the gate closed.
This wasn't Atlantis at all. It looked like some sort of military installation. "Commander Shepard, you look different, sir. I must not be used to seeing you without you armor."
Damn it. That guy who wouldn't shut up about Mass Effect must be having a great time with his favorite character now.
That's it, just a short oneshot. I realize it has some errors, and it's not perfectly consistent, but I wasn't trying that hard. It's a humour oneshot- maybe some of the mistakes will make a good joke.